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G2: Grudgement Day

The Scenario

Two women enter the "Shear Ecstasy" hair salon. Both approach the receptionist, whose attention is momentarily drawn away from her ruby red nails to their ruby red glares.

"Welcome to Shear Ecstasy," begins the receptionist. "Omigod! That is so cool! You guys must be sisters or something, right? I mean, you have the same eye color and kinda nouveau Goth look, right? The dreadlocks are really something else..."

"Shut up bitch," growls the younger of the two women, her head spinning a full 360 degrees. "I have an appointment with Vidal at 3:30. The name is Regan MacNeil!"

"Uh, you have a little pea soup on the corner of your mouth, and you should really cut down on the smoking, you know," the receptionist replies. "'Cause that husky voice could be a major man magnet..."

The older of the two women, wearing a prom dress and covered in pig's blood, interjects. "Cut the crap already! Carrie White. 3:30," she says, stabbing at the appointment book.

"First of all," the receptionist retorts, "Youre dripping some kind of red goo all over the floor. Do you mind standing over there, on the linoleum?" The receptionist then turns her attention to both women. "Secondly, both of you seem to have this, like, totally uncool attitude and funny smell."

Both women screech simultaneously: "MY NAME HAS TO BE IN THERE!"

"Well, to tell you the truth," the receptionist snickers. "Both of your names are down for 3:30. Someone must have overbooked. One of you will have to come back tomorrow."

A deep, low rumble is heard in the distance. Shampoo and conditioner bottles vibrate in the display cases. The receptionist slowly realizes that she is not dealing with two women who are merely premenstrual. This is something infinitely more dangerous: two women experiencing bad hair days.

The receptionist's self-preservation instinct finally kicks in as she tells both women, "I have to go to the little girls room now. Why dont you two try to settle this yourselves?"

The low rumble grows louder as the two paranormal prima donnas turn their sinister stares upon one another. Mirrors crack, windows shatter, small vermin and cockroaches scuttle from their hiding places to escape the coming massacre.

So Jeff, which wicked wench wreaks the worst wreckage and visits with Vidal?

Regan MacNeil, Linda Blair from 'The Exorcist' Carrie White, Sissy Spacek from 'Carrie'

Regan MacNeil

(The Exorcist)


Carrie White


WE KNOW CBUB ALREADY DID THIS BATTLE! This match was originally scheduled to appear last year, at the same time as (but independent of) the CBUB Regan/Carrie match. Due to technical difficulties, we had to switch to Cujo/Disgruntled Postal Worker instead. Our Regan/Carrie match has been waiting a year to go live, so down in front and try to enjoy our version, willya?

The Commentary

JEFF: Well, look, when it comes to betting on someone possessed by the devil, or someone merely granted exceptional powers, the devil has really got to come out on top here. Look Satan is the wellspring of evil. Noone can stop him: not the Justice department, not Netscape, not Sun Microsystems -- noone. Think about it, Carrie was a 98 pound weakling, Regan projectile vomited a gallon of green goo at least 15 feet -- do you have any idea the kind of stomach muscles that takes? Sure, Carrie might have a few tricks, but when it comes to fighting in the trenches, Regan has done her body work. She must do sit-ups in her sleep! And the flexibility on this girl -- she must have an extra vertebrae. Basically Regan is in the same category as the woman possessed by the soul of an evil Ninja that wreaked havoc on Southern California. Carrie? She runs from the sight of her menstruation. Let me just tell you, no Grudge Match winner has ever had fear of the sight of blood as one of their assets.

To her credit, Carrie did attempt to kill John Travolta. Unfortunately he survived, somehow escaping the fiery explosion and going on to make a lot of pretty poor movies. She almost did the world a favor, but when it came down to the final moment, she just didn't have the stones. Look at her final confrontation with her mother. She sat cowering in the corner like a scared little rabbit. Up against a competitor with telekinetic powers of her own, i.e.: real competition, her technique of hiding her face and crying is going to fall just a little bit short. Sure, she can torment a few high school kids, but does she really have what it takes to beat the commodore of cruel, the M.C. of massacre, the umpire of atrocity, SATAN?

HOTBRANCH: Jeff, Jeff, Jeff... Clearly television and movies haven't taught you a damn thing. In fact, I doubt you even watched the Exorcist to the very end. If you had, you would be aware that the Devil JUST GAVE UP AND LEFT REGAN ALONE. Without the Devil, Regan is nothing more than a sweet and innocent 12-year old girl hanging onto Ellen Burstyn's apron strings.

Carrie on the other hand posses telekinetic powers that can't be exorcised by a few prayers. Carrie is aware of her gift, and, believe you me, it is a gift, just like a golden arm that can throw 95mph fastballs. She might still be a little awkward with her control, but even the best major league pitchers have the occasional wild pitch. The only reason the Devil stuck around as long as he did was because he was testing the priest. Just look at who was possessed in the Exorcist 3... Yep, the guy in the penguin suit. The Devil was using Regan as an advance scout.

Finally, what was the most important lesson learned from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut? The Devil is a softie! He's a compulsive gambler who'll bet against himself all while being stuck in an abusive relationship with Saddam Hussein. Today's modern Devil just wants to snuggle and talk. That makes him a 90s man, all sensitive and soft. Clearly, no match for a teenaged girl who reacts to peer pressure by killing her peers. If Reagan wants to live long enough to have her hair done, she'd better not make Carrie angry. She won't like Carrie when she's angry...

JEFF: A little fast on the abuse there, my pathetic little French Canadian, Montreal living, simply ignoring the intervening sequel (that, despite being too pathetic for words, still had valuable information) friend. In Exorcist II we learn that the demon has yet again set his sights on Regan, and repossesses her. I can hardly blame you for not sitting through the excruciatingly bad movie to gain this information, some simply do not have the required mental strength to deal with such horrors, but to misinform the public about Exorcist III is simply inexcusable. The priest was briefly possessed by the Devil at the end of the Exorcist, but was possessed by the soul of a serial killer (much like Chucky) in Exorcist III. The Devil was still comfortably situated in Regan, tormenting her soul by making her date Greg Brady, giving her pimples, and making her projectile vomit at the spring choir. Oh no, Regan is still the same lovable girl we always knew in the 70s, but now with a painful adolescence behind her, PMS and, maybe by now, hot flashes.

And before we start accusing the Devil of giving up, lets remember it was Carrie who didn't hunt down and kill that last high-school student. "Oh no, I have just killed my mother. How can I bear to finish my revenge and kill the student that actually instigated my madness? No, I'll just cry in the closet and burn to death rather than using my powers to save myself and giving that little preppy prostitute the bitch-slapping she truly deserves." The 5-year-old girl in "Fire Starter" had more balls than Carrie.

Oh, and despite their symptoms being suprisingly similar (laying a memorial wreath at a Nazi cemetery? Joking about launching an unprovoked nuclear attack on my beloved relatives in Soviet Russia? Can you say "Pure Evil?") It was, in fact, Regan, not Reagan, who was possessed by the Devil.

HOTBRANCH: Amazing! Just fricking amazing... My spellchecker hiccups once, and you use that as your closing argument? This is no different than Homer mooning for rebuttal, but far less intelligent.

Let's look at the cold, hard facts of this match, shall we? Regan has no control over her powers, she is at the mercy of the Devil, who, as I previously pointed out (and you didn't bother denying), has become a sensitive 90's kind of guy. Carrie controls her powers. Get her mad and you get dead; lots of her classmates found out the hard way. As would be expected, her mother's abuse and ridicule filled Carrie with the RAGE™, the most powerful element in the WWWF-verse, which only strengthens her resolve to eliminate that pre-teen with the deep raspy voice. Add a bad hair day to the mix and you're just asking for a bloodbath -- even disgruntled postal workers will be ducking for cover.

As for ignoring celluloid facts (I won't bring up the steaming pile of fecal matter that was Repossessed, and the damage it did to the franchise of demonic possession), you seem to have your own very convenient memory. Yes, it appeared that Carrie had burned to death, but we all know how the movie ends. Clearly, Carrie was too dangerous for hell, so the Devil decided that she was persona non grata. The Devil has been avoiding a confrontation with Carrie for a long time (like a good sensitive 90's wuss), but the time has come to face the music. You remember the episode where Wyle E. Coyote has the giant magnet and tries to pull Bugs Bunny into his cave with a metal carrot? Regan will discover that Carrie can do the same, without resorting to defective ACME products. End result: Carrie gets herself a fabulous makeover and is featured on Oprah (today's subject: Telekinetic Makeovers). Regan is squashed, stabbed, mutilated, and reduced to her component molecules, while the Devil ends up signing Céline Dion tunes in hell's karaoke bar.

Thanks to Ted & Chantel Krol for suggesting the matchup and Helen Kyne for the scenario.

The Results

Carrie White (422 - 62%)

levitates, chops, and mutilates

Regan MacNeil (257 - 38%)

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Voter Comments


Gold Grudgie

Hotbranch is right, we've got a Lame-Ass devil. I mean look at Halloween, the "devil's holiday." Its a joke! He probably started it like this:

"Well, lets see now...I own the souls of every politician on the planet... I have a controlling interest in most major corporations... I think I finally have enough power to Take Over The World!!!

...But, but I want candy! Especially those little candy can I get some?

...I know! I'll liquidate some stock and purchase--No no no! Save those stocks for a rainy day! For a rainy day...

...Ah, I can buy some greeting card companies and start hyping a new holiday. I'll call it..."Halloween." ...And I'll encourage little children to don strange costumes and wander the streets at night! Demanding candy and threatening acts of petty vandalism!

YES! Then I'll have all the candy I want!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

- The Animator, with special thanks to some nameless stand-up comic from Comedy Central

ROTW ™ Silver Medal Grudgie ™

Silver Grudgie

If you'll notice, Regan's head rotates in only one direction (it's been awhile since I've seen the movie, so I can't remember which way. Let's say clockwise, for argument's sake). Once Carrie realizes this, she can telekinetically spin it the other way. Once Regan's head pops off like a defective whirly-do (and lands in the trashcan, a la t.k. power), the hairdresser will have a simple decision to make.

Decision: Carrie with a twist.

- ElDave2000

ROTW ™ Bronze Medal Grudgie ™

Bronze Grudgie

When it comes to psycho bitches from hell, you know who's going to win this one:

She's performed at the World Series. She had a successful stand-up career before turning to a successful television career. She's left a few husbands in her wake...

Roseanne (Barr Arnold what-the-hell-ever) walks into the salon, and, in her normal bat-out-of-hell voice, screeches:


Needless to say, even pyrokinetic or possessed teenage girls couldn't stand up to the She-Devil...unless they're my sister...Oh hell. Okay, new answer:

My sister Erika would clean the floor with whatever the Grudgemeisters could throw at her. First of all they'd have to approach her room. If the smell of Seventeen and YM perfume samples couldn't deter them, they still have to wade through the 30,000 towel moat laid out around her bed. Even then, to get to the stereo to TURN THE DAMN THING DOWN would be tricky...

Then they'd have to put up with the incessant taping of Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync television specials over the LAST EPISODE OF SEINFELD!!

As my dad said, a seventeen-year-old daughter is the only reason he's going grey.

But I'll show her...And, oh yes, it'll be sweet...But that's a different Grudge Match...

- Vlad, Older Brother of Wonder

Okay... The kid everyone picks on in high school versus Evil Incarnate? Come on! That's like pitting Pee-Wee Herman against Adolf Hitler!

- Vermin Boy (who'd actually pay to see that match)

Carrie would be able to whoop Regan's butt for a nuber of reasons.

1. Look at how people Regan killed when she was possessed by the Devil. At least two (I think), that's weak compared to Carrie, who killed way more high school students than the Columbine kids. Plus, she has even killed her over-religious mother.

2. Unlike Regan, Carrie could be considered a hero. Who would you rather root for: mean high school kids and a mother who will probably believe Pokemon is a tool of the devil, or a high school kid who kills both those types? My point exactly. As for Regan, while she did kill a religious person, he wasn't as reliously insane as Carrie's mom.

3. Fact: The casting for Carrie took place the same time casting for Star Wars took place. Thus, I wouldn't be surprised if Carrie, along with the rage, uses the force to beat Linda Blair.

In the end, Carrie will be ready for her next prom/killing spree while Regan will star in crappy films.

- Joe Klemm

Predicted Number Of Responses with the phrase "CBUB alreasy did this fight you assholes: 97.2%....

- Peanuts"Where the hell is My Boo-berry Crunch"Pat

DAMN! Talk about deadly accurate! Actually, you were bang on in all respects except the use of the word "fight". - Eds

Oh, come on here! It's no contest. On one side, you have the Coal Miner's Daughter. On the other side, you have the pissed-off Lord of Evil (pissed off because of his portayal as a complete wuss in the South Park movie). While the ear-splitting catter-whauling of Carrie singing Loretta Lynn songs will torment Old Scratch for a while, he'll shake it off long enough to shoot a stream of pea soup down her throat to shut her up. And then it's all over but the crying. After that, he'll do the world a favor by taking out Vidal Sassoon (after getting his hair done, of course). He'll then hunt down everyone associated with the South Park humiliation and have them writhing in torment before they know what hits them.

- Eihort

The Devil is vastly over-rated. He is only in one (admittedly major) religion. We are not talking good global coverage people.

Posessed ranting teenage females however are a global phenonomon. Every culture fears them, more so after titanic (the sheer evil of promoting Dicaprio cannot be underestimated)

Vidal will just have to figure out what to do with that blood in the hair.

- D. merzel

You are all IDIOTS! You have broken one of the three classic Grudgematch Rules(tm):

The first is not to get involved in a land war with Asia.

The Second is never to challenge a Sicillian to a game involving death.


Yes, I know I messed the line up. So sue Brendan.

Anyways, what can Regan do? Puke? Ooooooooh, scary. A few other "minor" things.

Carrie's got some bad-ass telekinesis goin' on, my brothas. She can just take that shampoo bottle, shine it up niiiice and pretty, point that thing at Regan, it straight through her head. Ha ha, fooled ya!

But seriously, I see Carrie Win Numero Dos.

And Brendan, you told the WORLD you're going to be a LAWYER? DO you want ANYONE to back you up?

I'm Devin...Good Day?

- Devin The Most Suicidal, Homicidal, Genocidal, Full_Cycle, Bicycle, and Tricycle Mental Hospital Escapee

Gee, who wins? let's have a look at the factors that usually make up a match:


The panel"

Steve and Brian"

The Energiser Bunny"

the Babe factor"

Mentos" level coolness

Let's have a look at how this will affect the match.

The RAGE":Anyone can be proven to have RAGE", so it doesn't count.

The panel": don't care about much, and certainly won't get in between of women and their hairdresser(Women would walk thru blizzards and would walk thru HELL ITSELF( " the Microsoft corporation) to reach their hairderssers. It's a fact of nature.).

Steve and Brian": are gods, so they don't care for such petty things.

The Energiser Bunny": Will just keep going and going and going and going...

The Babe factor": Gee, if Carrie didn't have the blood on her in that pic, I'd say she looked better.

Mentos" level coolness: Neither of them have it.

So it looks like Carrie wins! Tho if you guys hadn't forced ME, A GREAT AND POWERFUL IRISH DRAGON, I would have roasted them both with wy fire breath (I SO need a mint!). Say your sorry, before I Mangle And Kill you all.

- Padraig the Irish Dragon (In case anyone's wondering, Padraig is the Irish version of Patrick.)

Three reasons why Carrie wil win:

1. Satan's power is vastly overrated. He's nothing more than God's P.R. guy, taking credit for all the bad in the world so the Big G looks good. Think about it. I mean, Satan is the source of all evil? please! Do you really think Satan could come up with something God didn't think of first?

2. Haven't you heard that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

3. Carrie, running around and destroying things while covered in blood, is obviously a mysoginistic metaphor for the horrors of PMS. Who do you think's gonna win in a fight? Satan or a gal with raging PMS? 'Nuff said.

- Don "King" Milliken

Both of these ladies have some telekinetic talent, but which is stronger? Regan's abilities seem limited to household items and the occasional priest whereas carrie seems more than capable of taking out an entire high school full of offenders. And as Stephen King's continued success of "picked-on-kid-gets-revenge-with-special-powers"-type stories proves, such wishes are rather popular. I don't know anyone who wishes to get revenge on sadistic priests, so I think Carrie will pull this one off.

- tuffy

I don't watch scarry movies. Thinking that I might as well vote anyway, I decided to go with Regan. Why, you ask? Her picture made her look like a possesed-demon-person, while Carrie just looks like someone who fell down a few flights of stairs (I did that once and it leaves you pretty bloody).

- Michael

Carrie II: The RAGE

Need i say more?

- ~the Stranger

This is a damn cakewalk for Carrie. Even the devil doesnt like to mess with whiney, angst ridden teens, and thats not even taking the telekenesis into account. And if Carrie does get a little trouble, so can easily drop something on his/her head and/or make their heart explode. Nothin like telekenesis to make life interesting.

- Virdilak, loyal follower of Hotbranch!

i was just about to not vote on this match when i saw theresults of last weeks...


ahem any way i vote for uh regan cause the coin came up heads

- d

The two combatants square off, gazing levelly at each other across the salon's reception area. Suddenly, they attack, each going for the most convenient weapon--Regan projectile-vomits pea soup at Carrie, and Carrie, having squeezed the excess blood out of her hair and clothes into a pail, tosses that at Regan. Both are quickly doused.
There is a moment of tension-filled silence. Then, the same complaint issues from both mouths:
"You skank! You've ruined my look!"
Yes, while each one may now be used to the previously-inflicted fluids staining their clothes, hair, bodies, etc., it's quite another thing to have it happen again. So they both make a mad dash to the sinks, trying to wash their clothes before they stain past all repair.
Now, according to a number of sources (Tide Stain Detective, FabricLink's Holiday and Party Stain Removal Guide, a few friends), blood stains are harder to remove than pea soup stains. So, while Regan is still soaking her clothes in an enzyme product, Carrie is pulling on her now pea-soup-free clothes. And, with a final parting shot--"Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"--Carrie heads off to see Vidal.

- Bookworm

Well, folks, as good ol' JR would say, we got us a slobberknocker here! Yes, indeed.

But all quoting aside, I'm going with Carrie. Why? she's got THE RAGE!!!! To paraphrase Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar: "The Rage, The rage, nothing can stop the rage!" Carrie made all those disgruntled postal workers of the world look like bastard stepchildren. That girl in the second movie? Please, she's not even an amateur. Carrie is one bad mother! You shut your mouth! (all right, I know, I know.)

So, in a nutshell, Carrie takes this one home and then she goes after the entire cast of Carrie 2: The Rage for an encore.

End of story.

- rock_lobster

The sequel to Carrie was called


Coincidence? I think not. Pea soup is hard to get out of stuff, but bloodstains are impossible. Carrie's got the Rage, and she needs the hairdresser way, WAY more. SO...

Carrie wins in the first round simply by calling up John Travolta in Grease and making Regan look at him til she actually manages to vomit AT HERSELF and disappears in a steaming puddle of green special- effects.

- I can't believe you didn't mention that, Hotbranch.

The Psychic Friends Network told me you'd be using that argument, so I decided to hold off. Just for you... - HB!

Theme music is the name of the game here. Much like you're more likely to speed if there's a great driving song like Radar Love on the radio (OK, maybe I'm alone here with Radar Love), these girls will administer the bitch slaps all the quicker if appropriate music is synced in.

Ragan's got the 'spooky' Tubular Bells going on her side. The hell kind of demonic music is that? It was on Pure Moods, for the lova Pete! This isn't battle roy-al music, it's a tampon commercial! Air Supply gets more knees quaking than that.

Carrie, having just come from the prom, has a prom song in her head. All these prom songs are the same, "I promise I'll remember and love all of you, but not love in that good way that you're hoping 'cause I ain't going to get knocked up on my prom night. But you're all my friends, at least until I forget you all in three weeks." So this is probably 10,000 Maniacs or Paula Cole or, Lord help us, All-4-One.

Having the creatively powers of both the Devil and Stephen King choreograph this catfight, both of them will be trapped hearing their own music despite their strenuous objections. (Which leads me to beleive one of the two is writing my life whenever I hear an Old Navy jingle.) Naturally, both of them rip their ears out, fish out scissors from that vat of 2000 Flushes Blue, and start scrambling their ear canals. Ragan finishes first, since she's got a mor

- Kilgore Trout

Hey, Jeff, watch the French Canadian remarks. After all, what do you think Regan/Reagan was spittin' up. Kind a makes you stop and think, don't it? A word of advice to our neighbors to the south.......

Anyhow, the most the little twit did was make a lot of wind, throw up, and do immitations. Sounds more like a gastro-intestinal attack to me. The 48 hour variety that hits every couple of years.

Carrie just about took a whole town with her after taking down a whole gymnasium . She had flames and stuff shooting all over the place. You gotta respect mass destruction of this calibre. And besides that, for those of you who missed it, (and I envy you) Carrie has a daughter. How she managed that I don't know. I thought she was buried. So even the grave couldn't stop her.

Have any of you ever gone against a pissed-off teenage girl? They have it all over an 11 or 12 year old with the tummy flew throwing a tantrum.

- Elbows

Lunch in the WWWF Towers™ cafeteria: Quebec Food Day - split-pea soup with ham served with a side of poutine with Mae West and Pepsi. $5 Beaver Dollars. - Lunchlady Doris

I don't know how many people have told you guys this, but the CBUB did this match already, ya puddin' heads! Carrie won over there, and I think she can, and will, win this one.

- AndyAnime

What both of you guys missed was that Carrie is a creation of Stephen King. And if we can learn anything from last Halloween's match, King's don't do very good.

Plus, the picture you have of Reagun looks like a mean girl from my street. And I do meen mean!

- Zaczilla

Anyone who has ever read a Stephen King novel knows that his main characters can't survive to the end. Only on very rare occasions do they live. That's what makes his stories so good, you can't count on the characters to make it. Thus the reason for Carrie dying at all. Let's face it, if this story were written by someone without the b*lls to kill of the main character, Carrie would have survived and adjusted to life and maybe even found the strength to forgive her mother. But I digress...

Carrie will win this one because she can do whatever she wants to whatever she wants to do it to. She can make Regan's head explode, (not a bad idea,) or lodge one of those shampoo bottles in her ear. The ways Carrie can kill Regan are limitless.

How is Regan going to kill Carrie? Levitate her to death? Up-chuck on her? Please, Carrie had pigs blood spilled on her, and that just insighted her to kill everyone in sight.

And if that wasn't enough, we have the Stephen King factor to think about. Anyone who's read the book and seen the movie knows that the movie sucked compared to the movie. As witnessed by his tinkering with the sucky movies based on his works, (The Shining anyone?) Stephen will revamp Carrie and make her the bas-a** killing machine whe was meant to be.

Carrie in a heartbeat 'cause that's as long as it would take.

PS: In the book she did kill John Travolta's character and the b*tch who started it all. Too bad Hollywood had to screw that up, huh?

- Q

Guys, guys, guys. The possession deal at Haloween again? Have you learned nothing? *sigh*. Well, better set you straight again.

Let's look at our fighters' assets (I'll admit it, I haven't seen either of these movies, so I'm just working on popular memory):

Carrie: Product of the sickest mind this side of hell(our old friend Stevie Boy), telekinesis, and has so much RAGE", they named the sequel after it.

Regan: Product of the sickest mind in Hell itself, the powers of the demon force of the netherworld, and projectile vomiting.

Fairly formidable foes when attacking alone. But let's put in how our contendors died, or were defeated.

Carrie: Burned in her own house. Came back as someone lays flowers on her grave. Still a badass after death.

Regan: Defeated by God. True, losing to God is like Yosemite Sam losing to Bugs Bunny, but how did they keep the Devil in place long enough? They tied Regan to the freakin' bed. What a kind of a lame-ass Devil is contained by rope?

By the Oscar's standards, The Exorcist is the better movie(it was nominated for ten of the little buggers, including Best Picture). However, since the Acadamy passed "As Good As It Gets" for "Titanic", I don't give a rat's ass.

Regan goes down quicker than you can give a Hail Mary.

- Tracer Malone

" pathetic little French Canadian, Montreal living, simply ignoring the intervening sequel (that, despite being too pathetic for words, still had valuable information) friend..." ???

Are you gonna take that, Hotbranch???

Montreal Rules!

- Bjmmn I got my revenge when I treated Jeff to lunch at the cafeteria. That sound you hear is his arteries hardening... - HB!

Lacking a familiarity with both films, I was trying to find some way to figure out who would win. Then, it hit me. After years of playing computer fantasy role playing games, this bout can be recognized as a confrontation between a magic user (Carrie) and a demon (Regan).

Now, let's look at our opponents in this light. Judging by the nature of her tricks, it appears that Carrie would be classed as a wizard. This is also supported by her frail appearance, since wizards and other magic users in RPGs tend to be very weak physically. Her lack of control over her powers and limited selection of tricks means that she is a very low level wizard.

Carrie, on the other hand, represents the demon. I don't think it's really Satan himself, since possessing a mere kid with no influence would seem to be a major waste of time. Rather, the entity in control is a subordinate. Considering the choice of person that was possesed and the very limited repertoire of spells (projectile vomiting, bed bouncing, telekinetics), it would seem that our demon is a fairly low level one.

In an RPG like one of the Ultima games, a wizard/demon confrontation usually has only one outcome: a dead wizard. In an RPG, you usually have a group of fighters and mages to use. Carrie does not. Her best hope would be to get off a fire spell real quick and pray that it burns Regan to death before the demon knows what happened. But, this isn't too likely. A more likely scenario would take advantage of the fact that demons (at least the ones in Ultima) have the ability to summon other beings. All the demon has to do is summon a few hellhounds. These spectral dogs will smell the pig blood on Carrie and attack in a feeding frenzy. Then while the prom queen is occupied, the demon can then get off a couple magic attacks and finish her off.

See what you can learn from an FRPG (fantasy role playing game)?

- The Demented Astronomer

Carrie has The RageTM while Satan *IS* The RageTM. No contest here.

- Whelk

I picked Regan because the name sounds like Reagan, the scariest of them all.

By the way, you picked this match just to use those blood graphics, right?

- "Boo" do

"carrie was raging, the girl from exorcist was just there to be a bother and to kill old priests. the little girl was tough, but carrie was pissed, my money goes on her."

these are the words of my friend, who is really smart. that is all.

- d.g.

Obviously, you've forgotten the precedence set by both the Gary Coleman V. Webster match and the Village People V. Spice Girls match!

And do I need to remind you that Linda Blair was in Up Your Alley with one Yakov Smirnoff? 'Nuff said!

I was going to vote for Regan MacNeil until Jeff claimed Reagan wasn't possessed by the devil. Then I was going to vote for Carrie White until Hotbranch! suggested Homer Simpson mooning for rebuttal wasn't intelligent.

Furthermore, this is the stupidest match I've ever seen. Where is the "all mangled and killed" button? Steve (TM) and Brian (TM) would never have done this match, and that's why the entire Save the Grudge Foundation (TM) will never amount to either one of them.

In conclusion, the WWWF is dead and this match is the tombstone!

P. S. Can I be a commentator?

- MARE (Most Annoying Response Ever)

Regan wins easily, She basically had the devil behind her, and everyone knows how much pull the devil has. How else can you explain the "success" of David Hasselhoff. Carrie basically had the same power that Scott Baio had in "Zapped". so it really boils down to the devil vs a scott baio apprentice. I rest my case

- Feldspar

Carrie is the clear winner in this match of the PMS-B!tches-From-Hell. Let me share with you exactly WHY she'll send Regan off to the dermatologist...

1) Past Victories
Carrie has successfully immolated, murdered, and otherwise savagely inconvenienced an entire building full of high school kids. ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL CAN TELL YOU THAT HIGH SCHOOLERS ARE EVIL. Simply surviving high school is a test of one's mettle...not only did she withstand endless torment by her peers, but she came back and kicked their sorry butts! Regan...or rather, the devil...succeeded against the former occupant of Regan's body. Oh, and her mom. But a priest managed to cast her out. A PRIEST. Anyone who would lose to the Pope is a bigtime wuss.

2) Movie Purity
Carrie has never truly been's the quintessential story of someone getting picked on in high school, only to come back and whup some serious butt when they finally get pushed a bit too far. The Exorcist has had sequels. Recent sequels. And as Jay Sherman of The Critic fame once said, "If it's a remake of a classic, RENT THE CLASSIC!"

3) Proven Powers
Carrie has pyrokinesis, large-scale telekinesis, and The Rage (tm) in abundance. High school carries with it a certain modicum of Rage, and it's only gotten worse for our little prom queen. Regan...can puke pea soup. And move furniture. Wow, that's almost useful. Oh, did I mention that she's vulnerable to Christian faith? Only a few HUNDRED MILLION people have that...

4) You Gotta Want It
Carrie has blood in her hair. And guts. And it's soaked with water. Oh yeah, probably some body parts too. And she probably smells like cheap punch (you really think she didn't stop for a drink after she torched her classmates?) A hair appointment will do her a world of good. Satan doesn't give a rat's ass about his vessel. Good hair? Bad hair? All he cares about is World Domination. And as anyone can tell you, people who get fixated on that tend to forget about other things. I'm surprised Regan even showed up.

Carrie sends Satan packing in less than ten seconds, and makes Regan run home crying by asking, "When's the baby due?"

- Istanbul

Carrie has to win, remember the cardinal rule of movies. The Devil always looses.

- Aspen

While the fight breaks out, the owner and premiere beautician of the "Shear Ecstacy" salon comes out to investigate the commotion.
"mmm--hmmmm!" he moans and murmers as he steps out into the waiting room, clad in leather belts and clicking his scissors-for-hands together. (Yes, that's right, the owner of this salon is Edward Scissorhands!)
"What's... going... on?" he manages to say in a faltering voice, before slipping on a huge puddle of blood and green goo. Reflexively putting his scissorhands out in front of his face, Edward flies across the floor right into Regan and Carrie, splattering them all over the room like sushi.

The receptionist, then, looks down at the blood covering her spandex tiger-print leotard, looks back up, and screams, "It begins again!!*"

- MonkeyDog (*Considering this year's sequel to Carrie was called "The Rage," she's gotta be a shoe-in.)

I noticed something in Jeff's opening argument (don't I sound like a lawyer): "Look Satan is the wellspring of evil. No one can stop him: not the Justice Department,not Netscape,not Sun Microsystems-no one." My question is:"What about Bill Gates?" Oh...wait.....he IS Satan.

BTW,just a little NEWSFLASH (TM) for you: Does the phrase "Fire Starter" ring any Mike Judgian bells for you guys????

- CaptSheridan

Let's put this into some context and perspective. Both Carrie and The Exorcist came out in the Seventies, at the height of the "liberated woman's" movement (characterized by the National Organization for Women or as Rush Limbaugh calls them, the "National Association of Gals" or N.A.G. for short). I think that both Regan and Carrie are metaphors for this 70's-era "empowered femininity" while at the same time, there's the psychological acknowledgement that they are the weaker sex. I mean, let's face it... without Satan helping them out, they're nothing! The sad side-effect of this "I am woman"-hood is that the traditional male role as provider and guardian has been torn asunder in a flood of "inner childhood", "feminine side" and every other bit of nonsense. I don't know what to make of this... I mean, I thought Iron John was about a die-cast metal toilet seat.

But now the tide is turning, thanks to a renaissance of earlier movies like Shaft and Clockwork Orange and now the release of Fight Club, not to mention that George Lucas has seen fit to bring back the "damsel in distress" motif in Star Wars Episode I.

This re-discovery of primal manhood, although not perfect, will be both Regan and Carrie's downfall. Without warning a mirror falls off the wall and slices off Carrie's head. A nail file flies off the counter and jabs poor Regan in the jugular.

It's Both Mangled and Killed for Carrie and Regan, as Damien Horne shows up for his 3:30 facial and pedicure.

- Chris 'Jedi' Knight I am Man... hear me snore!!

Date: October 31, 1999
Time: 3:25

ReganTM glares at CarrieTM with her Blood Red EyesTM. CarrieTM glares at ReganTM with her Blood Red EyesTM. CarrieTM notices all the SharpTM and PointyTM cutting tools. ReganTM notices that Carrie'sTM attention has drifted away from her, and takes advantage of the situation. CarrieTM lifts up two pairs of scissors. ReganTM lifts up twenty cubic meters of the fire of Damned Soul'sTM RageTM in the exact place that CarrieTM is standing. CarrieTM loses hold of the scissors and screams in agonizing pain. ReganTM raises fifteen Damned SoulsTM that immediatly begin tearing CarrieTM Limb from LimbTM. CarrieTM tries to save herself from Eternal DamnationTM, as she had before. ReganTM sees CarrieTM trying to do so, and sets up a Soul BarrierTM around CarrieTM which doesn't let her escape her FateTM this time. CarrieTM tries unsuccessfully to escape from th Soul BarrierTM. ReganTM opens up a PortalTM to HellTM underneath CarrieTM. CarrieTM falls through, and is never heard from again. ReganTM turns to the receptionist and says, "Now, about that apointment.

- Bubba says, "Damn that's a lot of TM's!"

Okay, let's wash off the pea soup and coloured corn syrup off these two battlin' bitches and take a closer look, huh?

Carrie is the girl next door. She's no Victoria Secrets catalog model, but she has a nice rack and I have a thing for red hair and freckles. So the T&A factor needs to be factored into this bout. She's used to abuse and can take it as well as dish it out. But her mom is a one-woman Moral Majority and when that woman isn't thumping the bible, she's kneecapping her daughter's self-esteem. So Carrie's number one problem is that she's a human punching bag.

Regan is an uptown girl. She's has the best of everything and her mother is a helluva nice lady. But compared to Carrie's mom, Eva Braun was Princess Di. And while working at the Lake Arrowhead Hilton Lodge in the mid-80's, I got to see Regan's alter ego, Linda Blair in a black string bikini trying to get a tan for a couple weeks. The T&A factor is starting to generate heat waves now.

Now as the two opponents close upon each other, forget about all that telekinetic crap. That's the only place where they're both even. Carrie's got a slight weight advantage and a wicked backhanded slap she got from her mom, but with Regan's friend Cap'n Howdy coaching her from the sidelines and her alter ego's experience doing prison films, Regan is going to spend the next 15 minutes giving Carrie the first and last makeover of her life, finally finishing her off with a killer bikini wax.

- Ogre

My boss is named White.

I hate my boss.

Regan must win.

- The Brain of Dan Quayle

Carrie is scary and Stephen King. It also has the power of being an as un yet SEQUALISED (R) movie. WE all know the rules abou the law of diminishing returns for sequels. ALien-->Aliens -->Alien 3 ---> Alien four.

Ranked in order:
Alien 4
Alien 3.

The law goes: the first movie is best, the second movie is worse. The third movie is diabolic. The fourth movie will be better than the third, but not normally better than the second. the pattern then repeats, the fifth is worse than the third etc. Check out the Star trek movies (yes there all crap, but just follow them relative to the second movie)

Now, Carrie is a one off movie (they are making a seqel, but it hasn't been released), but there was never an Exorcist IV, so Regan or rather the Demon, is stuck on it's lowest potential. So we just have to ask ourselves not "Is the Exorcist a better movie than Carrie" answer yes!, but is Exorcist 3 better than Carrie?


Carrie wins, unitll the sequal is released.

- Seb Rabit

The real question here is not who is stronger but who would you rather see do a nude scene--- Sissy Spacik or Linda Blair. I'm sure Linda Blair is starting to sag by now but Sissy was never much to look at even in her prime. Also Linda Blair has done a lot of nude scenes while Kevin Spacek has done more than Sissy. So winner by babe factor is Regan.

- Claymore

Payon from The Hand that Rocks the Cradle can take them both out!! Sure, they have demonic/psycotic powress, but she has the RAGE(TM)! Yes, I know that the RAGE(TM) is used too much, but......

- How DO you sedate Vlad anyway?

There are, perhaps, more indirect reasons than I'd like to get into, such as better sequels, parody value (Exorcist - none. Carrie - Katy Kaboom, from Animaniacs.), and the wide swing of pure Rage(tm), that Miss White gets the hairdo. (Just in time for the prom, too.) But, since the CBUB match last year, one new development has occured that, while perhaps a tragic event, makes for a proper analysis of Carrie's fighting abilities: the Columbine High School Massacre.

The students there were fond of ostracization, making fun of the "Trenchcoat Mafia" just as Carrie's peers did to her. Those students making fun of them were killed in a similar manner. Two deciding factors are derived from this. The first, simply, is that Carrie is all too realistic (and, so saying, I make perhaps the most serious comment of anything you'll see for a grudge match: As flowery, New Age, and utterly stupid as it might sound, don't make fun of others; and, if someone accuses you of doing so, don't act dumb and say you aren't, but try shutting up, apologizing, figuring out where you went wrong, and CORRECT YOURSELF), meaning Carrie can be recreated, all over the barbershop, and all over Regan. More importantly, however, is the education factor.

In the Columbine shootings, it was shown that guns were rather effective for releasing tension in estranged students, especially when aimed at the stress factor. Other students have noticed this, and, in some cases such as a recent foiled plot in Cleveland City Schools, tried to either copy or threaten to copy the carnage. Carrie, having watched with interest, is packing lead to go along with spoon-bending, and it's over faster than the shootout in Matrix.

While Vidal is initially discouraged, he decides to do a full dye job to cover the red streaks, and Carrie turns out looking ravishing in red.

- Nicholas Eckert, a.k.a. the Vidstudent

I almost voted for Carrie, but upon further review (and cheesy halloween specials) I remembered that Regan also played a possessed girl in Repossessed, starring none other than Leslie Nielson....
"And woe to those who shall stand up against Leslie, for he is a power of great silliness. And those who challenge his power, shall be, and is not limited to, being smacked around with various utensils of silliness, being stretched in a cartoon-like manner, and being derided with words of incoherency" -Nielsonian Phrophesy(tm)
You see, Carrie was doomed from the start. Besides, have you heard his rendition of "Devil with a Blue Dress"?
Bottom line: When you mess with two people who can spit pea soup in volume, you're better off going somewhere else to get your hair done.

- Shaft

The unending Secret Truths of Life[TM] bestowed upon us by those pottymouthed little bastards in Colorado never ends. In South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut we learned that Satan is actually a rear-ending fruitcake with dibs on egomaniac Sadam (Sodom?) Hussein, the most evil man in Arabia. What is Regan MacNeil? Satan in a chick body. What is Carrie White? A pyromaniac and the most evil girl in California.

The pyro bitch is gonna be lighting Peashooter's fire from here to the Tower of Babel, if you know what I mean.

- Chris "Bless me father, for I have sinned" Mullane

C'mon people! We all know the Power O' Puke, but Carie has every cent of my bet. Her opposition: You've got a young a girl who, alebit possesed, has a normal temprament of a member of the brady bunch. So she's got a great spewing prowes and has been banned from the Louve Museum for life? Is that anything compared to a girl with such an attitude that, when confronted with a suck-ass prom, livens it up with a flame thrower a la telekenetic, kills her mother for some family entertainment, and barbacues the cheerleaders for a Viking Roast afterwards? No! Carie would get that glazed over look in her eyes. The spewing wonder would begin to tremble, frantically wondering where the hell she left the pigs blood she usually carries in her purse. The devil will rush to her side, trying desprately to help his favorite minnion. He spots Carrie, and is overcome with love. Any girl that can survive that many bitchy cheerleaders and still be up for a telekenitic romp has won his heart. Plus, Sadamhas been wanting to try a threesome, and Carrie is perfect. In the devil's lapse in conctration, Carie siezes a blowdrier, industrial strength. She heats hair gel to the temprature of hot oil and pours it on her opponents head. Drinking in the scream., she takes out the curlers and hurls them at lightening speed, leaving dents. A few combs and bobby pins stick the youngster to a wall, where she is promply strangeled by killer toupes, hurled curtosy of Ms. White. Satan yowls happily, and escorts the winner to an active house party with him and Sadam in Hades. All are happy, except our poor hair piece strangled twelve year old Brady wanna be. As it should be.

- Erin Horak

Let's see, I voted for Carrie because she's "a natural witch. Her power comes from inside." But I don't suppose it really matters because Abigail Wiliams is bound to show up any minute and accuse them both.

- Master Ariadne, Mara Jade, Endaira, Jezabel, and all the rest of us trapped in this demented excuse for a mind

You know what? No matter how many times these two meet Ms. White will always have Ms. Regans' number. The hair sallon will be a lot differant then a house; all the sharp objects and flamable liqids for Carries telekinesis to play with. I don't think little miss possesed will be identifiable as a human being when this fight is over. Maybe Satan should look els where when looking for host bodies to posses.

- Sailor Xena

I voted for Carrie only because I fell a kinship toward her given the chance I would have liked to kill most of the people at my prom too.

- John

What exactly can a possessed kid do to Carrie that's gonna phase her? Puke on her? Puke pales in comparison to a bucket of pig blood. Talk smack about Carrie's mother? Let's just say that Carrie and her mom aren't exactly on the best terms. Hell, Carrie even hates stepmoms, as she wasted Betty Buckley in the gym (Abby on Eight is Enough) without thinking twice.

Eventually, the possessed Regan would make snide comments and laugh at Carrie, which we all know would be Regan's downfall. NOBODY laughs at Carrie.

And lastly, take a gander at the pop culture figures throughout American history that have battled the devil on earth and won.

* Johnny the Fiddler (from the Charlie Daniels' hit "The Devil Went Down to Georgia")
* Benson (fought a possessed baby on "Soap" and won)
* The Fonz (defeated Beelzebub who tried to abscond with the souls of Potsie and Ralph Malph)
* Mr. Roark (defeated the Devil [Roddy McDowell] and uttered the phrase "Your rules do not apply on my island, Saaaaatan")

All worthy adversaries, but none of which are even in the same league as the telekenetic coal miner's daughter.

- ring-a-ding kid

For this special Halloween edition, I present to you, the first ever 'Burma-Shave advertisement'-inspired response:

Drenched in blood

On her special night

Now she's crazy

So vote Carrie White!

- 1/2 Nelson

The OutcomeTM of this fight all depends on which CarrieTM it is. If it's the wimpy little CarrieTM from The MovieTM, then it's going to be a tie. However, the CarrieTM from The BookTM destroyed half the town before even leaving the PromTM. All Regan can do is puke on people.

- Me Okay

OK, finally a match that I just can't decide on. So in keeping with the Halloween spirit, let's just mangle and kill 'em both (assuming they haven't done the dirty deeds themselves already). I tried pitting them against each other with and without their powers and still came up roughly even.

Without their powers, Carrie is just the most hated kid in school. Having lived with that dubious distinction myself all through elementary, junior high, and senior high school, I know the advantage having that kind of pent-up RAGE(tm) can give you. Add to that the unholiest curse ever put upon every woman on planet Earth since Eve -- that's right: PMS(tm). Forget the pig's blood -- she oozes it once a month, and she will see to it that the rest of the world suffers with her, one way or another.

OTOH, Regan is your basic Ritalin-case run amok. Having worked with Ritalin-ridden rugrats while in college, I know what kind of advantage THAT can give you. Add to that the depths of pure, unadulterated brutality today's children have degenerated into -- Regan doesn't need Pazuzu's help offing the other little punks, she'll do it all by herself, then claim childhood ritual abuse and walk away scot-free!

So as I said, both will probably mangle and kill each other...with old Blondie tunes like "Rip Her to Shreds", "One Way or Another (I'm Gonna Getcha Getcha Getcha)" and "Heart of Glass" (that is, if Carrie has her way with Regan and all those arena lights hovering above) blaring out all the speakers at about...and the audience -- well, those few that manage to crawl out of the arena with one or two shreds of life left in 'em -- coming out looking like they just attended the Official Gallagher Millennium Bash (if you get my drift)!

- The Genius Formerly (and Still) Known as Eddie

Don't be silly. The only woman who could possibly win is Linda from "Army of Darkness."

Linda: You loved me once, Ash.
Ash: yeah, but you got REAAAAL ugly.

- Al B Tross

I was going to ask why there wasn't a "Both Mutilated and Killed" button but I realised that further mutilation would only improve their looks, and they both look pretty dead to me.

However, the salon owner has the perfect weapon at hand - hair spray! Trust me folks, that stuff is more lethal than fly spray. One whiff of spray and the Terrible Two will be heading back to their schlocky films where they belong.

- Nicky Lewer

Carrie wins the gore... err, gold on this one for two reasons. First off, as the shy nerd type she is required by movie convention to undergo a radical makeover after which she catches the man of her dreams and lives happily ever after (granted, one wonders what man a homicidal telekinetic dreams of, but that's another issue). Therefore she has the full weight of Hollywood Cliche on her side, which has alas proven to be far more powerful than the Exorcist's Classic Cinema power judging by the general crap that dominates in movie theatres. Second, Regan's powers depend completely on the Devil's support. Now I don't know about you, but I'd be hesistant to trust my fate in the hands of someone slippery enough that he's called the Father of Lies. Besides, the upcoming "End of Days" indicates he's A. already dumped Regan for another woman and B. is going to have his hands full dealing with Arnold Schwarzenegger anyway, so I think it's a safe bet Regan's "ally" isn't going to be around to help her. Look for Carrie to levitate the little demon brat into orbit to give her a valuable lesson in just how hard hard vacuum can be...

- "Mad Dog" Mike

Pea soup is green. Pigs' blood is red. Green and red make brown. So Charlie Brown's sister Sally wins.

- Wubbie

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...

Firstly, vomiting green stuff fifteen feet is not impressive. At six months, my little cousin could do it. Projectile vomiting will not secure any sort of victory.

And secondly, sitting through a movie as bad as The Exorcist II is not a sign of mental fortitude. Such self-destructive behavior is a sign of deeply rooted emotional problems. Get help, Jeff.

- Emar, the Socially Maladjusted

I don't watch scary movies, so I don't know who Carrie & Regan are. Since I don't know who they are, I don't care who wins. I decided that I might as well vote (I don't have anything better to do in my dull life). I went with Regan because her picture makes her look like an evil-possesed-demon-person. That picture is gonna give me nightmares. Carrie just looks like someone who fell down a few flights of stairs.

- Toon Leader

What the f*ck did Regan actually DO? She stuffed a cross in her box, puked, and gave an old guy a heart attack. Big deal! My sister does that every Saturday night, and I could kick her ass with one hand tied behind my back. Besides, anyone who can obliterate an entire prom deserves to have FABULOUS hair. You go, Vidal! Tease it! Make me beautiful!

- -- Whit

Okay, guys? One thing is all important here....Regan was not possessed by Satan, but by Legion. A few someones sent by Satan to carry out his work.

However, this doesn't give the edge to Carrie. In fact it gives the definite edge to Regan.

Satan can load Regan up with demons like she's a Pez dispenser and they will eventually tire Carrie out. The big guy (little guy?) may even make an appearance himself to finish Carrie off.

This win has to go to Regan.

- Dac

I never actually saw either movie, but I did read 'Carrie'. Anyone who can make it hail actual rocks before she was old enough to read gets my vote. I mean, what's the other one know for? Spitting and doing funny things with body angles? I mean, that's what toddlers do. And while I won't underestimate the destructive power of the terrible twos, she's outgrown by now any possible advantage that could have given her.

ANyway, Carrie got a higher body count.

- Fade the Cat who doesn't watch that stuff

Hmmm - a teen outcast with "special powers" vs. Satan. Why does this sound familiar? Oh, yes - this is a high school munchkin D&D game. Heck, I knew one guy in my school who claimed to have killed Satan playing D&D; 43 times. He seemed to think I should have heard of him. Maybe the previous record was 42 or something.

43-0 against NerdJerk from my high school is not an impressive record.

I'm gonna have to go with Carrie on this one.

- martinl

In the CBUB, Carrie won this fight. So I voted for Regan. Not because I want things to be even, but because I have some serious problems with certain CBUB results--If the X-men can beat the JLA, the Avengers should be able to do it with thier eyes closed!


- Atreyu

Last year I predicted that Regan would be bagged, tagged and buried face down (Stephen King will not allow a loss to the cheesy Exorcist franchise), and it's only gotten worse. This year Carrie has gained not only The Rage(TM), but multiple Rage Factors(TM). Observe:

1. This year saw the release of The Rage: Carrie II. That's THE RAGE. Any questions?

2. This year saw the release of The Rage: Carrie II. No, I'm not repeating myself needlessly. If somebody hasn't gotten some Rage(TM) from all these inept King ripoff flicks, there's something wrong with the Universe.

3. Stephen King's got Rage(TM) from being sent halfway to the Bestseller List in the Sky by some idiot in a minivan, plus he's going blind! Despite his impaired vision, he will say "I came, I saw, I sledged her to death."

4. Pennywise will develop a major case of Rage(TM) when he experiences a traumatic flashback to the horrifying salon accident that sent him on the course of Evil. After they did that to his hair (and turned his eyes yellow with a couple of errant drops of shampoo), what choice did he have besides becoming an evil clown?

5. Christine's got Rage(TM) because she didn't get into the WWWF Road Rally.

6. King just released a book of short stories dealing with the Viet Nam War. That brings in a lot of characters with Rage(TM) . And belt-fed weapons, don't forget the belt-fed weapons.

I could go on, but I think you have the idea. Mr. Vidal's 3:30 appointment will have a Downeast accent.

- Mr. Silverback- I will give up my Rage(TM) when you pry it from my cold, dead, rotting hands.

the exorcist girl was taken down by a wimpy priest. did anyone ever beat carrie?? point proven.

- the king, rob

This is a very easy win for Carrie. The devil can do all the possessing he wants, but it cant equal Carries secret weapon.

Three words: "Carrie: The Musical"

That stuff makes me puke up green pea soup, so you know what itll do to her. The second Carrie starts singing anything from that POS, Regans head will start spinning so fast, itll fly off like a top.

Score one more for the American musical theatre.

- Dope on a Rope

Okay, let's look back a couple of minutes, and see how the two girls showed up for the match.

Carrie came just like any ordinary girl; in a car, with a little girl in the front, and a dog sticking his head out the back window. Of course, the girl's name is Charlie, the dog is a big St Bernard, which looks like its been to Hell and back (or at least just had a grudge match), and the car is a red and white '58 Plymouth Fury...

Regan showed up strapped to a bed. A flying bed. Who do we know who flies a bed? Angela Lansbury (Bedknobs and Broomsticks) is the only one I can think of - yes, Disney is a sub-contractor of Hell! (Okay, we already knew that. So this is more proof.)

So, Carrie has Cujo, Christine, and Firestarter on her side. They're too far from the Overlook to get any help there, its daylight so her people in Salem's Lot won't be much help.

Regan has Disney, Microsoft, the overt and covert US governments, not to mention all the good tunes on her side. Sorry, it's Regan.

- Mick

Well, well. Almost the end of voting, and only around 600 votes in. Compare that to the day of "Turtles v Power Rangers" or "Willy v William Wallace".

What does that tell you?

It tells you that people like Turtles and Scotsmen, and dislike horror movies. Either that, or Scream's "12-17 female" demographic doesn't come to this site.

Maybe next year you could try "Simpsons' Halloween Specials" vs "Brady Bunch Halloween Specials". It might get more interest.

- O.P.

sigh Sometimes, you have to vote against your favourites.

There is no way Carrie could beat Regan MacNeil. Carrie's angry, yes, but she's also scared, and essentially good.

Regan is evil.

And evil cheats.

- Danny Sichel

Satan couldn't even beat South Park! The sequel to Carrie was titled: THE RAGE!!!!!!!!

What more needs to be said?

Though if it was the Satan from the Omen(Tm) Carrie would go down fast. Besides she is not to dangerous for Hell. I'll tell you who is though the forgetton one himself:LOBO! They dared to cancel him! Damn them! For such a sin the army of man-eating couches I descibed in the last Grudge devours most of DC Comics before Superman finally puts all of them down with his heat vision(applified with a giant maginfing glass that fortiuously appeared).

But this match goes deeper than that. The CBUB will not be happy with us for re-doing their match! This will cause the greatest class of all time:Grudge Match VS CBUB!!!!

And we will throw all of them helluva far! Viva la Grudge Match!!!

- Captain Demento Throw them Throw them good!

No, the most important lesson learned from South Park is, "Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

Carrie had more blood in her movie.

Blood is funny! Carrie is the winner!

- Telperion

There's a little-known trivia item involving the film "Carrie". The title role originally belonged to Carrie Fisher, in one of those casting stunts Hollywood so dearly loves. Sissy Spacek was attached to a less promising film -- titled "Star Wars". In a decision whose effects still ring through history, they switched roles. Now, what would you rather be: one of the lasting cultural icons of the 20th century, or a scrawny actress covered in fake pig's blood? (In general, that is: what you do for fun in your own home is not within the scope of this response.) Now, if you got the short end of that stick, how mad would you be? Mad enough to shred anyone in your path like billing records at the Rose Law Firm? Darn straight you would be. Carrie won't even need telekinesis to win this one, but the beauty parlor will have to break out the wet-vac to clean up the mess she leaves behind.

- Call me Shane

Regan will win because she has an unstoppable force on her side. No- not Satan, Leslie Nielsen! Betcha weren't expecting that. In '90 they made a movie called Reposessed(tm), a spoof/sequel to the Exorsist(tm), starring Leslie Nielsen, and Linda Blair. No Teleketic Prom Queen(tm) can hold out against the King of Sight Gags(tm). All Carrie could do is hit herself in the face with a pie while Nielsen plugs her up with the Big Gun out of Nowhere(tm) and Regan mixes pig's blood, pea soup, and shampoo to create Super-Boom(tm) resulting in Carrie flying out of the building to land on Bill Clinton's desk.

- McLdo(tm)

Dear Boys,

When all the blood and vomit is finally mopped up it's going to be Carrie settling down under the hair dryer. Why? It's simple, while theology teaches us that God may be a woman, the Devil is almost certainly a man, and being a man he knows a couple of rules of dating you guys have apparently forgotten.

1.) Redheads = Trouble.

2.) Don't Screw With The Psycho Bitch!

Carrie wins in a bloodbath 'Natch.

- Mike Jones

I predict that this conflict ends peacefully. Otherwise, where else could they get the infinite supply of pea soup and pig blood necessary to make the McDonald's(tm) secret sauce?

- Paul G. (what do you think is in the burgers?)

the rock says this jabroni:

it doesn't matter who's more deadly, it doesn't matter who's more scary, and it doesn't matter what your candy asses think. what does matter is that... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO WINS THIS MATCH. the rock says know your damn role before the rock will layeth, the smacketh down on your candy ass through the squared circle with the people's elbow, the most electrifying move in the wwf. the rock's gonna take this boot, buff it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and shove it straight up your rudey poo ass.

you better stop this trailer park trash, "oh no! who's more scary mommy?" THE ROCK'S MORE SCARY, if you SMELLLLLLLLLALALALA what the rock.... *eyebrow up* is cookin!


I haven't seen Carrie or Regan in any of their books or movies, so the best prediction I can make is to extropolate from similar characters. From my limited understanding, we are looking at a Demon-Who- Possesses-People vs. a Gifted-but-Abused-Attractive-Female-Seeking- Revenge. Let's look at these categories one at a time:

I. Demon-Who-Possesses-People:

Appearances: Gospel of Luke, "Fallen," "People of the Lie," others.

Historical Powers: Superhuman strength, body manipulation, body-to- body transfering, temptation.

Objective: Spite God by ruining good people.

Mode of Operation: Occupies bodies and makes victims do awful things, scares people, pulls strings to corrupt people.

II. Gifted-but-Abused-Attractive-Female-Seeking-Revenge

Appearances: "The Crush," "Superman II," "Bubblegum Crisis," "Thelma & Louise," Demi Moore's "Disclosure" character, Lorena Bobbitt, Lyta Alexander, Scarlett O'Hara, Morgana le Fay, and others too numerous to mention, especially if one considers soap operas, talk-shows, and network made-for-t.v.-movies ("based on a true story").

Historical Powers: varies. May include handgun/knife proficiency, computer hacking, subtle social manipulation, telepathic abilities, sorcery.

Motivation: retribution, either directed upon a specific person, society in general, or anyone who gets in her way.

Mode of Operation: varies between frontal assaults (e.g. Bobbitt) and Evil Plots(tm).

III. Hypothesis: This one's a battle of wills, and it's all Carrie's. As a G.b.A.A.F.S.R., she gets all the advantages of that archetype: a one-track mind, moral superiority, and fan support from the millions of women who live vicariously by watching all those cookie-cutter chick-flicks.

Regan's "guest," on the other hand, can't touch Carrie physically (due to telekinetic defenses) or mentally (Carrie is already corrupted, not virtuous).

Demons are defeated not by killing the host ("for our battle is not against flesh and blood" -- St. Paul) but by faith, and the determination of an adolescent psychotic is close enough here. Against someone exhausted from trying to contaminate all creation, expect Carrie to easily expel her foe into a suicidal herd of pigs (or, in a pinch, telemarketers).

- Matt Bricker


No witty repartee from the Toddster this time.

Try to hide your disappointment, my loyal legion of Evilophiles.

I know, it's unfair.

But asking me to choose between my secret crush and my prom date is just too much.

Do I ask you to choose between Samantha from Bewitched and that cute girl-next-door? DO I?


- Todd Evil


The Final Word

Stephen King once wrote:

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy - in a jar on my desk."

Gotta go with Carrie.

- Daddy Doma

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Jason v. Freddy
Chucky v. Toy Story
Martha Stewart v. Kathie Lee Gifford

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Next match: Holy multiplicity!
ETA: Wednesday, November 10th.

© 1999, WWWF Ground Zero; © 2000, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC