World Wide Web Fights presents

WWWF Logo by Dan Willis

The Setting

Captain's log, Stardate 2324.7. After travelling through an Unknown Energy Field (tm), we have found ourselves in a strange new locale. According to our computers, we have been transported over 1 billion light-years across the universe. The ship chronometers also indicate that we have travelled back in time approximately 10 million years. The general consensus among the crew is that the Enterprise is in a place a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Captain's log, Stardate 2325.2. We have encountered a great deal of trouble after beaming down to a desert Class M world, known to the inhabitants as "Tatooine." We were graciously invited to the home of a jovial fellow named Jabba. Upon our arrival, we were ambushed by Jabba's agents and imprisoned in his dungeons. I fear he plans to use us for entertainment this evening. He has selected the strongest of us, Worf, to fight in unarmed combat against a fearful opponent. We have not yet seen the opponent, but know only his name, "Chewbacca", and his situation. It seems if Chewbacca wins, the life of his friend "Han Solo" is spared. Worf must win if we are to regain our freedom. Chewbacca must win if he is to save the life of his friend. We can only wait for the outcome.

Chewbacca, Star Wars Worf, Star Trek: The Next Generation




The Commentary

BRIAN: Well, I'm going with Chewie on this one, Steve. Truly the Wookies and the Klingons are two of the strongest humanoid creatures known to this universe (along with Vulcans, of course), but I think the Wookie has the upper hand here. I hate to beat a horse to death, but it comes down to motiviation again. Chewbacca is always fired with emotion, even when nothing significant is happening. Now he's in a battle to save both his life AND the life of the one person he truly cares about: Han Solo. Everyone knows that an emotional wookie is a dangerous wookie. Plus, we have seen several examples about how Chewie HATES to lose.

What is Worf led by? While he occasionally shows anger, rage, etc., Worf is primarily led by an emotionless sense of duty. He will be fighting mainly to save his fellow crewmembers. Why this is noble, yes, his desire will fall well short of what is required to defeat the wookster. As the two competitors circle each other, sizing each other up, Worf is calculating the best possible approach. While he is busy evaluating the best strategy, Chewbacca steps up and literally knocks his head off.

(BTW, If this were Worf and the crew from TOS, Worf would undoubtedly win since Kirk would say f*** the Prime Directive (tm) and get everybody out of there. Picard's too much of a pansy to get involved.)

STEVE: That last point is definitely true. However, your earlier arguments show that you lack some basic insight into this duel. Let's start off with training. Worf practices his fighting daily in the Holodeck. Every day his skills are honed to that of an awesome fighting machine. What does Chewy do? He hangs out in strange alien bars with his buddy Han. When he's not doing that, he's sitting in a cockpit flying the Millenium Falcon. That's just not a healthy lifestyle! Although he is a big Wookie, under all that fur there is just a bunch of flab. Hans and Franz could do a whole show about him.

Another issue here is that Chewy just can't seem to do anything on his own. He always needs help from Han, Leia, or Luke. When was the last time he showed some initiative? He'll probably just mope around until the fight, and then Worf will come and easily defeat him. Worf in less than a minute.

BRIAN: I lack the basic insight into this duel??!! How is it then that the examples you give in favor of Worf actually work against him. Oooh, Worf trains in a holodeck. Big deal. The Holodeck (tm) may seem lifelike, but it's relevance to real violence is about as significant as that of Space Invaders (tm). And, yes, Chewie does hang around in bars alot...getting into fights! And winning! He's kicked alien ass all over this galaxy. A Klingon is nothing compared to some of the species he's come across. He's learned some dirty tricks in those bar room brawls, too.

And when he's "sitting around the cockpit" remember that he is also engaged in constant shoot outs due to their renegade lifestyle -- picking of galactic patrollers and Empirical TIE fighters (tm) will hone one's reflexes better than any holodeck. And, despite what you say, Chewie can handle it alone. Yes, he knows how to work on a team, but he can also be a one-wookie wrecking crew. Worf, on the other hand, is just a sycophant doing whatever Jean-Luc (tm) tells him. And, as I said before, Chewie HATES to lose. Chewbacca in one swipe.

STEVE: Gimme a break! How can you compare shooting down TIE fighters from a cockpit to hand-to-hand combat? I think you're stretching just a bit far on that one. In addition, holodeck training is far better than bar fighting. What takes more skill: A) Attacking a specially created opponent whose skill level is such that it pushes your limits, or B) knocking off some delirious drunk alien off a bar stool? I think the answer is obvious.

Finally, I'd like to point out an interesting similarity. Did you ever notice that both Worf and Chewbacca both wear those silver sashes? Coinicidence? I think not. There must be some intergalactic conspiracy going on! Either that or the K-Mart next to the movie studio had a sale on them.

Thanks to the many people (such as Gordon Buchan and Craig Silvey) who suggested either this or a similar match-up.
According to our records, however, we came up with it a long, long time ago.

The Results

Chewbacca (946)


Worf (578)

Current Match | Related & Similar Matches
History Section | Tell a friend about this match

Voter Comments

Note: We received a gajillion responses for this match. In order to keep this a reasonable length, we had to use an Iron Fist (tm) and be ruthless about cutting and editing responses. There were many good ones that didn't make it -- we apologize to those you you who obviously put in some effort into your repsonses.


NOTE: Because of forces beyond our control, the regular writer of this piece, Paul Golba, is unavailable. He was last seen leaving a computer lab cursing "Why don't they use the &%^%$%# transporters! I HATE STAR TREK PLOT HOLES! THIS IS WORSE THAN STAR TREK V!" Filling in this week is fellow Seton Hall alumnus Dick Vitale:

Worf vs. Chewbacca, BABY! IT'S SHOWTIME! And talk about a mismatch. Worf is WAY out of his league. We're talkin' St. Leo's at Georgetown, Baby! I mean, Worf does great in-conference against other Klingons and holodeck projections. BUT NOBODY LOSES TO KLINGONS AND HOLODECK CHARACTERS! IT MEANS NOTHING! Let's look at the non-confs. He was beat up by a couple of Ferengi in The Last Outpost. He lost to GUINAN on the firing range. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! FERENGI?! GUINAN?! You gotta beat those guys for me, baby! We're talkin' CUPCAKE CITY!

Meanwhile, Chewie is dominating all over. I LOVE THIS GUY! He beats up everybody! He's ripping the arms off droids! He's throwing people out of Scout Walkers with ONE HAND! He beats up stormtroppers IN HANDCUFFS! If he wore clothes, he would be one of my diaper dandies, BABY! DIPSY-DOO, DUNK-A-ROO! BLOWOUT CITY! Worf's headin' for the basketball court in the sky!

NOTE: For the college basketball impaired, we offer this alternative conmentary from 13-time WCW world champion, Ric Flair:


c/o Paul Golba

ROTW (TM) Silver Medal Winner (TM)

Chewbacca will win for a very simple reason. It is a matter of clear record that when Wookies lose, they pull people's arms out of their sockets. If Worf has lost his arms, he has clearly lost. Therefore, if Chewbacca loses, he will win. If he wins, then obviously he has won. Either way, Chewbacca wins.

- Jeffrey Kolb, Hamilton College

ROTW (TM) Bronze Medal Winner (TM)

Ah, Steve, Brian. You both forgot one VERY IMPORTANT factor...

[As Worf and Chewie circle each other, a flash of light bursts out]
Q: In a bit of trouble, Microbrain?
Worf: Q!  I should've known you were responsible for this!
Q: Why, Microbrain, I'm hurt.  Here I am, allowing you the chance to explore
those strange new worlds you're always blabbering about, giving you the
chance to do what you Klingons so love doing, bashing another living being's
brains out, and what thanks do I get?  None.
Picard (from sidelines): Q, I demand you stop this nonsense at once!
Q: Not quite yet.  I want to see the fight. (snaps fingers, and two men
appear on either side of him)
Steve: What the...?
Brian: This can't be!
Q: What cliched lines!  Where are those snappy remarks and witty rejoinders
I so love?  Come now, I brought you two here for color commentary and I'm 
going to get it!
[Steve and Brian look at each other nervously and launch into the commentary
we've already heard.]
Steve: So... Q, who do you think will win?
Q: Oh, I don't know, that's so difficult.  On one hand, Microbrain's 
diminished capacity and horrid table manners is, I suppose, made up
for by a bit of physical strength.  On the other hand, he put up with...
(snicker) Luxwanna Troi.  Not to mention the fact that he can't hit a
Ferengi five feet away from him.  He couldn't outshoot a BARTENDER, for
pity's sake!  And soon, he'll be shuttled off to a space station, where
he'll be ordered around by living Jell-O.  Pitiful, don't you think?
[Worf, enraged by Q's insults and Brian calling him a "sycophant", gets... 
upset.  Riker sees this.]
Riker: Worf! (grabs Troi and gives her a deep passionate kiss)
Worf: (enraged sounds that are vaguely recognizable as Klingon swear words
that would make Kahless faint.  He has the RAGE (tm).  In spades.)
[Worf immediately runs forward, grabs a surprised Chewie's head in his 
hands, and crushes it to a pulp.]
Q: Ah, well, he really didn't DO much anyway, did he?  No big loss.
[snaps fingers, and Steve, Brian, and the Enterprise crew all vanish.  Q
looks down at Chewie's body.]
Q: I suppose I should revive you. (snaps fingers, and Chewie is as good
as new.  Snaps again, and he and Han vanish.)  Ah, well, back to business.
(snaps fingers, and he becomes the spitting image of Yoda.)  So much fun
this is.  Love gullible students, I do.  Wonder do I when I should stop 
little joke.  Ohhh...  Not for long time.
[Q vanishes, but for several minutes afterwards the chamber still echoes
with his laughter...]

- Rei "Leaper" Nakazawa (With Special Guest Star Corbin Bernsen as Q2/Obi-Wan Kenobi... :))

Good points raised on both sides, and it's a pretty even matchup. Still, there's one factor you've overlooked--ridicule.

Everyone knows all good fights involve some amount of namecalling, alluding to sexual preferences, and so on. A well-made insult can be just a damaging as a crescent kick to the face. (I'm pretty sure Lex Luthor was making fun of Khan's chest implants all through that game of Stratego, for example.)

Now, consider both combatants abilities in this area. Worf, aside from having a large vocabulary of Klingon profanity, has got a lot to work with here. The number of jokes you could tell about Chewie's mom and dogs alone is startling.

Chewie, though, despite what I'm sure is a tremendous wit, can't relay his biting insults, because he can only speak Wookie, which Worf wouldn't know (since the Klingons don't watch Scooby-Doo). Of course, as luck would have it, Federation Standard Language and the Official Non-Disgusting Aliens Language of Star Wars are both exactly the same, and Chewie understands it well enough (Han: Get down here! She's hurt! Chewie: Rgh Ruuuuh! Han: Wait! Chewie: Rrorhkay!). More points for Worf, because while Chewie is just growling to him, he's letting some real snappy zingers fly.

Now, in this case, Chewie's lack of restraint is gonna hurt him. The Wookie is so easily-pissed _anything_ will anger him. This means that not only will Worf have the verbal advantage, he'll barely have to _use it_. (Worf: I heard you had an idea, but it died of lonliness! Chewie: Rrrrrrggggghhh! Worf: Oh, nice comeback! Chewie: Waaaaahhh!)

Taking all of this into account, I'd say Worf will have Chewie a gibbering mass in about thirty minutes. Of course, I still don't know why Jabba decided the "strongest on the Enterprise" is _Worf_, unless R2-D2 kicked Data's ass the week before...

- Jim Smith

Chewbacca and Worf slowly circle each other, sizing each other up. Meanwhile, Luke arrives, and using his Jedi powers, he gets past the guards and walks toward Jabba's main hall.

Cut to the prison cell where the rest of the Trek crew are sitting. Suddenly, Deanna Troi (Counselor Cleavage) is startled by a very strong, very strange empathic presence, unlike any she has felt before. She calls out empathically to this strange being (Luke). The silent conversation goes something like this:

Troi: Who's that?
Luke: I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight.
Troi: My, what a big brain you must have.
Luke: You know it, babe.  What's going on here?
Troi: The crew of the starship I arrived on is trapped here, and our chief
      of security is being forced to fight a big hairy thing for our lives.
Luke: Don't worry babe, I've got everything under control.  I'll save
      everyone, and then maybe you and I can get together...
Troi: I thought you'd never ask.

Luke walks into the main hall, uses the force to whup Jabba's butt, and saves everyone. Troi is overcome with desire for Luke, and they end up spending a bunch of time together on the holodeck, if you know what I mean. Chewbacca and Worf play a game of Holochess, which is still going on today.

- Russ Arcuri

Well, frankly, I found Steve's comments more well thought-out...

We've had people write in saying that aliens told them the result of the Grudge Match. We've had people write write in saying that the results could be fortold by "the nachos". But surely, this is the most insane person we've ever had respond. -B

CHEWBACCA WINS! Why? Simple. Chewbacca is a creation of originality and splendor while Worf is just a cop from Chips with a deep voice and some latex gunk glued to his forehead. Chewbacca has to wear a big load a fur! Plus, in recent Star Trek developments, it has been revealed that no other race save for the Wookies has as much adeptness (adeptability...i dunno) for using the FORCE (tm). Worf? First of all, he uses a little phaser. Aww...cute. CHEWBACCA (I realize all caps is like screaming, but I must scream! CHEWBACCA!) has that kick ass laser cross bolt!

Plus, I fall back to this old adage. How many of us have a Worf toy? A few. How many of us have a Chewbacca toy? All of us.

Also, Chewbacca has a cooler voice. Let me illustrate:WOOOORRWEER! (TRANSLATION:I'm kicking Worf's ass as we speak, thank you very much, kind sir.) He hangs out with Han...the MAN. Worf hands out with Jean-Luc. Ahem. (I need not say that Han would kick Jean-Luc's ass. I mean, Han is twice the man of even Kirk! Now wouldn't that be a grudge match? They could battle for the right to deflower some blue girl with nine arms!)

- Marcadv

Chewbacca is a Wookie who hangs around in spacer bars, getting into scraps with tough opponents, and occasionally bending people's bodies into new and interesting shapes when they beat him at that 3-d chess thingy. Not only is he physically strong, he's smarter than Worf, a Klingon who lives a solitary life as the only member of his species in Starfleet and hangs around with wimpy humans. Sure, he practices in the Holodeck, but it's not the same thing as going up against a real opponent. Deep down, Worf knows there's no way that the Holodeck would actually hurt him, since it's programmed not to kill (not withstanding the times it goes crazy, usually once a week) and so he's not used to fearing his opponents. And other Klingons think he's a wimp. Chewbacca's gone up against the Death Star. He fears no wrinkly-headed dork in a pair of pajamas.

Chewie is also a lot smarter than Worf, whose main battle strategy seems to be to run towards the danger. Chewie put C-3PO together with his BARE HANDS. That implies a lot of dexterity as well as intelligence. Worf can barely manage the buttons on his console, and his martial arts consist of that silly elbow chop thing. He's at a disadvantage in experience, reach, strength, and fear.

Chewie will no doubt toy with Worf before disemboweling him like a Tauntuan on a snowy night.

- Douglas Hanke, University of Iowa

Any one with any marshal arts sense know that a fight to the finish will not go to the naked fighter. Worf is also motivated to save his true love Counselor Cleavage. Worf in round 2

- Parental Unit #1

Worf? Worf? Wait, I think I know that guy. He's the weapons officer on that ship that always gets its ass kicked when anything more dangerous than an abandoned freighter lumbers into view. In hand-to-hand combat? Hmmmm...

Oh yeah, I think I saw him fight a real-life enemy[TM] once or twice. He got beaten like a red-headed stepchild. That's right, he's gotten thrown around by pretty-boy android Data several times. On any occasion where the writers have stopped making Geordi spew big made-up words and let the scene degenerate into hand-to-hand combat, he almost always is the first one down. In fact, I seem to recall him being devolved into a super-savage proto-Klingon once and still getting pummeled by AARP spokesman and French weenie Jean-Luc Picard. In fact, every time we see klingons on the show they're getting their collective racial butt whooped by everyone from sacrificial security officers to Julian Bashir, prototypical arch-wimp.

Now, Chewbacca on the other hand. He's the one who drives the burnt-out, obsolete space hulk that still singlehandedly outmanuevered the entire Imperial fleet. He's been known to rip apart Storm Troopers by the score. As I recall, the only person in the three movies who singlehandedly took on a Wookie and won was Boba Fett (he wears several scalps of 'em as a bold fashion statement). Folks, if you need Boba Fett, the coolest being in the known universe, to take out one of these specimens, then the race of extraterrestrial red-shirted ensigns that are the Klingons don't stand a snowball's chance in hell. Looks like Mr. Worf will be relegated to doing Romulan camioes with good ol' Lt. Yar.

- Rosencrantz

Okay, folks: a simple play-by-play of this fight will spell out the winner.

1) Chewie and Worf charge each other, a 'la a pair of sumo wrestlers, each one howling a battle cry in their native tounge; the resulting cacophny of grunts and growls can be heard as far as Mos Eisly.

2) They collide with a klang! They try to back away from each other, but find their nifty metal sashes have linked together (much like metal braces in the mouths of two lovers).

3) Worf, the shorter of the two, panics and begins to pummel at Chewie's sides. Chewie, on the other hand, reaches down nonchalantly, digs in his claws, and pops Worf's head from its shoulders.

The battle is over in less than a minute, and the victor (Chewie) is dropped into the Rancor pit.

- Brian

The battle is close for a while, but then Worf suddenly remembers it's time to perform another one of those strange Klingon ceremonies that you hear about on every other Star Trek episode. We'll call this one.....uh.....Du-Kanafra. That sounds cool.

Anyway, Worf is now performing Du-Kanafra, in order to prevent eternal disgrace for his family's name. This involves bashing his head on the wall, or in this case, sharp, jagged stone (this is a dungeon). His head gets all bloody from the first hit to his head, and he faints. Chewy, who has had quite a good laugh from all of this, simply walks up to an unconscious Worf and tears his head off. Han Solo is released, and Jabba has Picard stew that evening. It's very good.

- L. Wilkes

chewbacca kills worf, just to get him out of my life. he had every central plot line in the last season of star trek: the next generation, he's currently taking over deep space nine, and i'm still waiting for michael dorn to guest star on voyager (they got jonathan frakes pretty easily).

to put it simply, if chewbacca doesn't do it, i will.

- eugene

Now, we've all seen "Empire Strikes Back", and we know that Chewbacca went beserk when he saw what was going to happen to his best friend. He would have torn the whole Cloud City apart with his bare paws if Han hadn't stopped him. Being a Trekkie of some magnitude, I'll have to say it'll be a good fight. But considering the factors, all in all, Chewbacca would eventually pick up Worf and break him over his knees.

Wookies are known for pulling arms out of sockets after all, and despite the infamous strength of the Klingon race, Worf has been considerably softened by the easy life. Even if weapons were allowed (I assume they're not) Chewbacca would still win. What good is a phaser set on a most-likely wimpy setting (going for the humane angle like a good Starfleet officer) against a Wookie who has done greater deeds, and is taller, and wields a crossbow?! Not to mention that Han is at stake, and we know that Chewie is indebted to Han for life (however long that is).

- Colin Ryono

The walking carpet pile has this one hands-down. I grant you Worf is fierce and all that. But he is a Klingon, which makes him relatively stupid. And he's been among humans - which has raised his wuss factor at least a hundred-fold. And these aren't just humans - but humans on a PEACEFUL mission; to go and convert the unwashed heathen into drones of the Federation. Chewie is an outlaw; the Millenium Falcon his "hog". He and Han are doing their "Wild Ones" routine throughout the galaxy; robbing, running blockades; enjoying wild women - generally kicking ass and not bothering to take the names. In other words, his skills are well-honed. Besides, he's bigger; he's stronger; he's better motivated -and he's backed by LucasFilms, Ltd. (tm). Chewie in five minutes will make Worf look like a Cardassian's backside. Afterwards, Jabba can enjoy Troi's "charms" and Picard and Number 1 will stand alongside him, waving fans and plotting their escapes - Han and Chewie will take the Enterprise out into space, humiliate what's left of the Empire, drill Leila until she can't stand up, and generally have a good old time - at Warp 9.

- Pizen

Geez, guys- this is an easy one. The crew of the Enterprise beams down to the planet. As Dr. Crusher and Cheerleader Troi are being measured and fitted for their slave-girl uniforms, Worf will be cursing his own dishonor at allowing himself and his crewmen to be captured. He'll have no backup; and here's why:

Aside from the aforementioned Troi and Crusher dance antics, the rest of the crew will have already been assigned tasks by the Hutt. Riker, he's sliding that old trombone of his with Max Rebo and the band, while Data's serving drinks on the sail barge with a restraining bolt stuck on his forehead. Geordi's dead already- he made some comment about the metallurgy of Boba Fett's helmet and got shot through the visor. Captain Picard, cool headed and rational; realizes he'd make an excellent snobbish Imperial officer and is allowed to leave. Who doth remain to back the Klingon? Nobody. Maybe Data's cat spot- that's about it.

So we now have Worf, all alone save for the cat, moaning and wailing, preparing himself for ritual suicide or some other clever warrior-esque convention. Chewbacca, all 60 pounds of him (the rest is fur) will wax the floor of the Rancor pit with Worf's bony head. By the time Worf snaps out of his malaise (in noticing to the shapely fit of Troi's costume), a plurality of his limbs will be lying around the room.

Picture, if you will, this huge walking carpet laughing it up whilst checking out his new sash in the mirror. Chewie, from the start, knew he had this one locked up. It's not wise to upset a Wookie, regardless of how deep your voice is. (Oh yeah- you don't think that cat got away, do you? Jabba has a thing for post-fight snacks:-)

"In the end, there can be only Wookie"

- Tengu:<>

Personally, I believe that Chewbacca would wipe the floor with Worf. Why I beleive this is a little hard to qualify, but I believe it has something to do with believability. I find Star Wars a much more believeable concept than Star Trek because Star Wars doesn't pretend to have solved all of humanity's problems in a mere 250 yrs, the aliens were not all "seeded" from some progenitor race, Princess Leia in the second half of the third movie (Rrroooww). The list goes on. But you asked for comments on why the Chew-miester would make Klingon soup out of Worf...well, it comes down to personality. As stated earlier, Chewbaccca is fighting for Han's life; this is VERY important as the Chewinator owes Han a Life Debt, and would literally die for Han whereas Worf only has a tragically misplaced sense of duty to the Federation to fall back on. True, Worf will fight like wet weasel, but Chewie will fight like wet, rabid daschund that was recently castrated and looking for payback. Pity about Picard and Co., but if it wasn't for them, Babylon 5 would not be constantly ragged on for copying Trek (sorry, it just slipped out).

- Frederick L. Swetland, IV Chewy wil crush worf, not because he is supremely bad, but because Worf NEVER wins ANY fights. Worf is just like Tonto in the old Lone Ranger, sent in to get his ass kicked so that someone else more important can save theday...

- Timothy Ritty, Washington University

Worf in a second.

The reason why is obscenely simple; KLINGONS HAVE THE BETTER NAME. Yes, the "Klingon" warriors, with cool Star-Trekkie weapons like the "Bat'leth" and stuff, will trounce the "Wookie." My god, rhymes with "cookie." Jeez.

- Michael Farahbakhshian

Simply put, Lt. Worf has a lot more discipline than the wookie. While Chewbacca may have the sheer brutality required to win a fight, Worf will simply wait for the perfect moment to strike and then rip the Wookie's heart out. Chewbacca will then cry out in pain to his friends who will not come, because Jabba the Hut has already executed them because he knew Chewie was in a hopeless battle in the first place...

- Mangler

First off, The prime directive is not at issue here, since the species involved are already in contact with alien life forms, and posses interstellar travel. (Legalistic Geek clarification.)

While the feirce hand to hand battle rages, Worf using his superior skill to offset the greater reach and physical strenth of the Wookie, a stalemate is reached for a time.

What will be the deciding factor? The onlookers, of course, the Humour factor is the key, the thing you have both overlooked is that the Star Wars movies were made with a greater sense of humour than the annoyingly pretentious Star Trek series. At the Crucial moment, when a tired Chewbacca has stumbled and the heartless Klingon is poised to strike the killing blow, hovering over the battered and bloodied Wookie, Princess leia will quickly open her shirt, revealing herself to Worf, who as a humaniod will be temporarily distracted, Chewbacca will then rip of his arm and beat him to death with it, messily ending Worfs' illustrious career.

(Or is that the Babe Factor(TM)?)

- Don.

Worf will not be able to believe that he is allowed to settle this conflict through force. Every time Worf suggests that something be resolved through violence Picard overrules him, opting to send a probe or getting Troy to sense their intentions or just general prime directive can't be doing that reasoning. So, when Worf is told to fight it out he will just stand there in slack jawed amazement unable to comprehend what is happening.

"You mean I get to hit him... But we didn't send a probe... I can really hit him... Troy doesn't get to do the pseudo mind reading gig... I can actually hit him... What about the Prime Directive and all those starfleet regulations... Your serious, we are going to settle this through violence, I get to hit him..."

At which point it is too late as it is settled through violence, namely Chewie knocking Worf's head off with one blow.

- Allan

Everything is just peachy with Chewie and Worf exchanging blows until Q shows up and insults Jabba, Worf, Chewie, and Bobba Fett simultaneously. Chaos reigns for five minutes as Q ponders which party to support and Jabba's minions attempt to capture him ineffectually. Just as Q is about to decide, the Borg assault the Q continuum and he informs both parties that he must withdraw. What follows surprises everybody, as all sides campaign for him to stay and take their side. Chewie's minions promise to capture the Death Star and blow the Borg into tiny pieces, Jabba's party says he could be the tenth most despicable person in the organization, and the Starfleet end says that they've done it before and can volunteer somebody to be Borged to learn their secrets. Q is intrigued only by Jabba's offer, and decides to become a criminal in more than theory. He further decides to replace the rancor, sarlacc, and various other creatures as the organization warrants. Jabba, pleased, chuckles and kills both contestants so that Q can imitate them for a much better battle.

- King

This is a tough match-up, because both guys are very tough, very skilled, and I'm sure that a battle between them would be longer and fiercer than that Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Superfly Snuka match back in '83. I don't think that the outcome can be readily determined by simply matching up size and strength.

So let's look at it from this perspective: Chewbacca and Worf are both major players in their respective sci-fi franchises. Neither franchise has experienced a particularly high mortality rate among their stars:

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Killed by Vader, but didn't really die in spirit, as 
demonstrated by visits in later films.
Anakin Skywalker and Yoda: Same as above.
Biggs: Blown out of the Sky by Vader in Star Wars.

That's all I can think of, so basically one dead, and he was only kind of a major player.

Tasha Yar: Killed by a big black blob.
Spock: Killed in Star Trek II, but brought back to life in III, so he 
doesn't really count.
Kirk: Killed in VII by Soran.

So going by this information, we have to ask, which franchise is more willing to give up one of their big stars? A pretty obvious solution - Star Trek is willing to wax One HUGE star (Kirk) and one minor star (Yar) while Star Wars hesitantly surrenders only one very minor star (Biggs).

Using this data, I would have to go with Chewbacca, scoring a late tenth-round TKO.

- Jeff W.

To Brian and whomever else it may concern:

We, the Wookie high council, are very angered at your flippant alteration of our race's name. We are a proud and noble people, and refering to any Wookie as "the wookster" is exceedingly insulting. Clan Chewbac has insisted that you be tortured to death in accordance with our laws. We will offer you a choice: fight Chewbacca in a Duel To The Pain to restore his wounded honor, or turn yourself over for execution. Expect a visit from our honor guard very soon.

- The Wookie High Council

My sincerest apologies to insulting you and all other Wooksters. In my attempt to relay that Wook-a-ramas were far superior to Klingons, I inadvertently called them such things as Wookereenies. BTW, is the phrase Wook-a-lam-a-ding-dong acceptable? (If I'm going out, I'm going out in style) -B

P.S. You misspelled "Wookiee" just like we did. - Eds.

It's a long drawn-out battle to be sure but in the end it's gotta go to to Worf, folks. Don't get me wrong, I like Chewie as much as the next guy but the Klingon Kid (tm) has three important advantages.

1) An opponent literally covered with hair. Yes, it looks cool as all get out, but if there's one thing I know about hand to hand combat it's that lots of hair spells doom. Grab it, it hurts. Muss it up, you can't see to fight. Run around with no clothes because you think your hair provides adequate coverage, your opponent has a clear shot at the Family Jewels. Of course Chewie might be prepared for these problems, but Worf doesn't have to deal with them _at all_.

2) Biological redundancy. As pointed out in the TNG episode where Worf gets his back broken and surgically replced, Klingons have several "back-up" organs in case others fail to work. This means that if you give Worf a kidney punch, he'll be relatively all right. The same goes for several other organs including the brain. Translation: Worf can take more punishment.

3) Foreign objects. Yeah, it's dishonorable, but for the sake of his crewmates and when push comes to shove, Worf may start brandishing one of them nifty Klingon knives. Heck, maybe Chewbacca'll draw one from his sash first... if he has one there. See, Klingons conceal as many weapons as possible on their persons, and while Worf has a tighter uniform than the standrd Klingon fare, he's bound to have knives anywhere he can fit one. Now maybe there's a similar custom for Wookies but hey-- _he's not wearing any clothes_. Well, there's the sash, but Worf's got one of his own. Sorry, Han, but in this case pockets are gonna make the difference.

- Mike Smith - figures Star Wars fans can take satisfaction in knowing the Far Far Away Galaxy has better weaponry than the Milky Way of 2371.

It was a tough decision, but I've decided that the characters in syndication have to come out on top. If Worf lost, that would create a problem for the future Star Trek: TNG movies and the current DS9 series. If Chewie lost, sure, Hans would die...but he'd live forever as we remembered him in the Star Wars Trilogy or the Indiana Jones Trilogy or the latest Tom Clancy flick. When's the last time you saw Star Wars action figures in the store vs. all the current Star Trek paraphenalia? Besides, WORF IS A MINORITY. Sure, Chewie doesn't look Caucasian either, but this is Black History Month! After the bout, Chewie could guest star on (Roseanne's) New Hollywood Squares as all washed up stars past their prime have done in the past or start some infomercials for his hair care products.

Now if John Candy's Mawg from the Mel Brook's movie "Spaceballs" were participating in the fight, we'd know he would win, but only after injecting some sophomoric humor into the entire battle. Something like "Chewie, your shoe is untied..." and of course, Chewie, not even wearing shoes, would bend over to tie his shoe...and BLAM, right over the head with some heavy item, probably a serving tray from one of Jabba's appetizers, Daphne Zuniga's hair dryer, or C3POs leg.

- LisMookie

I have to go with the Wookie on this one for one major reason. Odor. Think about it. Chewbacca is covered with hair. He must sweat rivers, and I don't remember seeing any Speed Stick (tm) in the trilogy. Han Solo must make him bathe constantly so he can handle the stench. I doubt Jabba's cells have such amenities as showers. If Worf isn't knocked flat by the smell instantly, he'll be stunned long enough for Chewie to lay in on him with his big ol' meathooks. Chewbacca in anywhere from 0.1 to 5.0 seconds.

- cnixon

In a match between Chewie and Worf, there can be only one loser...Jabba. First, I agree that Chewie will be a fighting furball of rage in this match and come out swinging with full Wookie fury. Worf will assume a cool-looking Klingon martial-arts stance and begin circling Chewie. A few swipes and jabs later, Chewie will connect with what seems to be a roundhouse punch and put Worf down for the count. Jabba will let out a gurgly laugh, tell the guards to remove Worf's body and give it to the Rancor, while refusing to let Han go (he doesn't want to give up "his favorite decoration", remember?) Suddenly, phaser/blaster fire will flash everywhere as the command crew of the Enterprise joined with Luke, Leia, and Londo Calrissian (armed with a blaster and Colt45 malt liquor) storm Jabba's audience chamber. (1. Luke and Leia used the Force to escape. 2. The command crew of the Enterprise had LaForge connect his visor to the holding cells' light source and the slimy water in the pit- causing a fluctuation in the particle field of the week and somehow allowing them to escape.) Anyway, Worf, who was only playing dead, jumps up, uses his weapon to kill the guards dragging him off while Chewie gets the honor of giving Jabba the Big Hurt.

End Result- Evil Smugglers/Bounty Hunters dead/fled, 2 security officers dead (hey, the Bounty Hunters aren't Stormtroopers- they hit occasionally). Also, Jabba's little pet and Wesley Crusher end up strangling each other to death (I'm assuming this is how the Star Trek guys ended up in the Star Wars universe in the first place- Wes "Son of Sam" Crusher is taking a break from Traveler school and decided to twist time n' reality when drunk.)

After hearing of Wesley's death, cast and crew of ST and SW teams meet in the Mos Eisley cantina to get stinking party drunk on the finest booze available on Tatoonie. Yahoo(tm)!

- Rob Kazmierczak

Why Chewbacca will win:

1)Worf trains all the red shirts. Red shirts always die. Worf must not be training them well. Worf must not be a good fighter, or they would be better trained.

2)Worf's uniform has a much higher wedgie potential than Chewie's stylish silver bandolier. This weakness may prove to be the downfall of Worf, especially if Chewie is trained in the dreaded Wookie 'butt clamp' manouever.

3)Second knock against Worf's uniform - its snug fit will restrict his ability to perform Fighter Hayabusa's fearsome Back Brain Kick, while Chewbacca is under no such restraint. This was the coolest move in Nintendo's Championship Wrestling, and will be equally useful in this melee.

4)The unknown 'x-factor' which may play an unforseen role in this fight is the funky ridge thingy on Worf's forehead. It is an enigma that bears further investigation that is far beyond my own capabilities.

Barring any bizarre emissions of cosmic radiation from Worf's skull ridge formation, Chewbacca wins.

- Michael D. Mearls, Dartmouth College

Woo, this was a tough call. My initial reaction was to got for Chewbacca, based on the simple premise that Worf is routinely beat up on TNG just to show us how darned tough the Bad Guy du Jour really is. Upon further reflection, however, it becomes apparent that Worf is going to take this match, and for one simple reason: Chewbacca is rather stupid.

Oh sure, he's got the brawn, and maybe even the desire to win, but this is the being who couldn't figure out the old "let's pretend Chewie's our prisoner" routine, and who actually went for the bait left out by Ewoks. EWOKS. Worf, on the other hand, has proved be pretty darned cunning in the past, and has shown a remarkably proficiency in hand to hand fighting, whereas Chewbacca has never actually been seen killing anyone (he just seems to kind of push them over). Han's threat that Wookies "tend to pull people's arms out of their sockets" was likely just a bluff (the guy's a pirate and a smuggler ... he gets to lie every so often; it's in his union handbook). Plus Worf has all those swell redundant systems built in (plus a shiny new spine).

No, I'm afraid that while Chewbacca was puzzling over which end of the stick was the Good End and which was the Bad End, Worf, resplendant in his Ewok-fur slippers, would glide up silently behind him and snap his neck like a twig. Then he'd show the Jedi a few new tricks they could do with a sword.

- Murray

lets look at it logically,.,,shall we? what is worf? Hes the security chief oif the flagship of the federation.Is he any good? The answer is a resounding NO.He has let captain picard get kidnapped a few times.Let innumerable security breaches take place.He also cant shoot for his life..he cant even hit from point blank range.I think the only reason he is in the federation is because of affirmative action.

- hecubus

Hairball vs. Butt-ugly? I expected more of you guys...maybe a wrestling match between Leia and the good doctor...but here's my analysis. It doesn't matter who wins this fictional fight - what matters are which fans are more fanatical. Both Star Trek and Star Wars fans are a exclusive member of the "get a life" club. You guys will get deluged with analyses from these losers (admittedly, I am one of them), and what I suggest is that you guys set up a field day somewhere where the Trekkies and Wars' fans can duke it out, mano-a-mano. Now thats' something I'd pay to see!

- f(x)b44m

Based on my extensive childhood investigations into the fighting ability of various action figures I would have to go with Kenner's classic stiff-legged, jointless, no-necked Chewbacca over the current Lt. Whorf action figure. Though I have not seen the Lt. Whorf action figure I feel safe in saying that Chewbacca could take him on the grounds that today's action figures all suck in comparison to the stuff I had as a kid.

- ElPicaro

I'm sure you've been told this a million times, but you misspelled Wookiee. Here we thought you were just as geekiee as the rest of us.

O.K., you caught us. We're not as geekiee (sic) as you -Eds.

I think that there are ideological factors operating: racism vs. environmentalism. Whorf is O.J. Simpson with a lumpy forehead. Chewy is all of the endangered animals of the world. If you could have a pre-jury decision vote vs. a post-jury decision vote, or if you could separate Black from non-Black voters, or identify racists vs eco-fascists, then you would find some voting patterns.

- frudmin

What neither of you seems to have taken into account is that, while Chewbacca has decapitateded more than his share of Stormtroopers (and Ewocks[TM] when Jim Henson[TM] wasn't looking) without Han all he really is is a large maladjusted semi-retarded furry child who can't do anything for himself and throws violent tantrums when he doesn't get his way.(observe the holochess incident with C-3PO in episode IV) While these tantrums always led to bloodeshed in the past, without Han Chewy is reduced to curling up in the corner of the pit sucking his furry thumb and bellowing "UUUNNNNNNNGGGHHH!!" at the top of his lungs.

Worf, vastly overrated as a warrior (the schmuck never killed anything) once again proves himself to be a kinder gentler Klingon and puts his arm around Chewy and tells him that it'll all be allright and they'll find a way out of this where everybody wins,and the Prime Directive is preserved, just like every Star[TM] Trek[TM] ending. Chewbacca, already forgetting Han, the stupid Wookie, puts his head on Worf's shoulder and has a good cry. Picard smiles with satisfaction, Troi weeps and says she senses "Great feelings of Love!" Data is unable to say anything as he has been scrapped for parts by Jawas[TM] and sold for the next WWWF [TM] Gudge Match, Data v. R2-D2. Jabba, sick of this crap, orders the Rancor[TM] released. The great beast from Episode VI stomps in and masticates the pair, who have since started trading memories about their childhoods, with a gut-wrenching **CRUNCH[TM]** Allmighty Jabba chortles evilly and orders the crew of the Enterprise cast into the Sarlacc pit and Carbonite frozen Solo broken up into individual cubes for the cocktails. As princess Leia dances in front of him, Jabba reliezes that STAR WARS[TM] will always lord over Star Trek[TM] and has a good laugh.

"Remember, Evil will always triumph over Good because Good is dumb"

- Gecko9

I'd say Chewbacca wins, and you know why?

Chewbacca doesn't have a wuss-boy Norelco-Razor-no-it's-a-phaser-really to fall back on. When his bowcaster runs out of shots, he *has* to go hand-to-hand and rip the stormtrooper out of that armor, and bite his head off!

- Michael J. Suzio

While Picard is pontificating and Geordi's spewing more BS techie talk than a Macintosh salesman, Solo, Leia and Billy Dee Williams[TM] are gonna rig the fight. Solo sneaks a blaster in, while Leia uses her good looks to distract the guards. Billy, using his new connections on the Psychic Friends Network, will predict anything that might go wrong and compensate for it, creating enough space-time annomolies to give ST-Voyager a year of bad plotlines.

Final Analyssis: Worf is Wookie food.

- Billy Jo JimBob C. Riley Jr.

Certainly, Worf is one of those well-honed, machine-like creations that at first seem unstoppable, but I think that a cursorary look at most space fights shows that the bad guy invariably has all kinds of "scientific" training (i.e Dolph Lundgren and the chrome work-out Equip in Rocky) but its always the scruffy homegrown training (Rocky lifting small peasants) that win out in the end. Added to that, chew has so much hair figuring out where to punch is going to be a nightmare for Worf.

- Nick

Chewbaca has the clear advantage simply because he has the homefield advantage. Chewy enjoys far more fans than Worf. Think about it: was Worf digitally remasted in THX, released, then released AGAIN in the widescreen format? NO! Plus, Harrison Ford is a much better looking screen-mate than Jean-Luc "chrome dome" Picard. Further, let's look at the backers. The Wookie has Oscar-winning George Lucas on his side - the Klingon has Gene Roddenbery (Roddenbery, schmoddenbery). Any man who would willingly cast William Shatner for the lead is a born loser. Chewbacca is the undesputed champion of the universe.

- Drew "Leadpants" Hubbard

Worf wins solely for the long term interests of every computer nerd who regularly accesses the WWWF (as well as the gazillion chat groups delving into the oh-so interesting comparisons and merits of Star Trek (versions 0 and 1), Star Wars, etc...).

A brief check of the WWWF history shows that the Enterprise has been destroyed by the Death Star. This should forevermore banish anyone from the Star Trek (version 0) crew from ever doing battle on pages of the WWWF. As a side note, I mention that the red shirted ensigns were kicked around by the storm troopers just for good measure. The fact that the Enterprise was destroyed implies that the red shirted weenies can never again rear their pointy heads in the WWWF.

This gets us quickly to the crux of the issue. If Worf is defeated, Jabba will make a meal of the Star Trek (version 1) crew. This would be the end of Star Trek on the pages of the WWWF. We would only be left with the Star Wars cast of characters, modulo Darth Vader. This cannot be! We can't confine our imagination to the Empire vs the Rebel Alliance scenarios. Besides, we all know a good internet site must beat the dead Star Trek horse with a vengeance.

All who voted for Chewbacca are belatedly regretting the choice.

- Dr. Joe

As the contestants enter the Rancor Pit, one is thinking "I only have to incapacitate him to win. If I kill him, that would be a big Prime Directive no-no.", while the other is thinking, "If the pansy in yellow dies, Han lives. Thus, the pansy in yellow dies... right now!" Worf is still trying to size his opponent up when Chewbacca charges. Worf, who is practically against the wall of the pit, ducks and rolls from the attack. He manages to grab a furry left leg as he does so, however, and thus sends Chewie slamming into the wall hard enough to almost daze him for a second. Worf was a shade slow, however, and gets a nasty gash on his shoulder from a stray claw.

This is when Worf decides that it's time to forget all the Federation rules, and take out this PetaQ jay' (I could translate, but this is a PG-rated site) like a Klingon. He reaches for one of the 14 concealed weapons on his person*, a small blade worn like a brass knuckle, and waits for the Wookie to make his move.

Now we have a more even match. Worf is at full readiness, and will use his superior training to satisfy his lust for real blood that has been so repressed all this time. Chewie still has the edge in sheer size and power, however, and gives his opponent a thourough workout. There are 2 ways the match can turn out from here:

1) the training works, and Worf, battered and bloodied, disembowels Chewbacca, who becomes Jabbas new shag rug.

2) Worf seems to be losing when Data, deciding that leaving the Enterprise in orbit without a command crew (and thus ripe for capture) would be a worse violation of the Prime Directive than killing some overgrown furball, busts his way out of his cell (which is just down the hall from the Rancor Pit and within easy earshot of the fight) to help Worf. Chewbacca dies within a minute, but Worf, who is really ticked off because he had his honor compromised by Datas intervention, proceeds to rip the androids head off while Data has his back turned.

Either way, Worf wins.

- Brian Blovett

*If you don't think that Worf would have 14 concealed weapons on him, I remember reading a TNG novel (I think it was "Strike Zone", but I'm really not sure) in which some Klingons come aboard, and their leader tells Picard that each of his men have at least 11 concealed weapons on them. Picard then immediately asks Worf, "Leiutenant, do you have 11 concealed weapons on you?" Worf replies "Most certainly not, sir.", and Picard is relieved for a moment before he asks, "Umm... How many concealed weapons do you have on you?", to which Worf replies "Fourteen."

Chewbacca wins, and there won't be a sequel. [One] reason Chewbacca will win is the fact that he has his own themesong, as heard on the "Clerks" soundtrack. Many have witnessed the awesome foreshadowing power of the themesong, with the soon-to-be winner of any movie conflict always carrying the best one (see "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka!"). Worf has no themesong of his own, and thus is foreshadowed to lose by default. The most important point is the Figurine Factor(tm), better known as The Force(tm)! Yes, it is true, what Star Wars characters and fans call The Force is actually the collective cosmic energy released by all the plastic likenesses of movie and television characters. The more figurines that exist of any given character, the more that The Force will be on their side. I am fully prepared to offer proof of this astounding fact, using the example at hand, Star Wars. Everyone knows that the good guys won in the Star Wars movies, but how many know why? It couldn't have been their own hard work and good luck, because the Empire certainly had the military capability to crush even the best luck and hardest work of such a small band of rebels(tm). But how many Luke Skywalker and friends figures were sold compared to Darth Vader and his evil cohorts? I don't have the exact numbers, but suffice to say that many more "good guys" were sold than "bad guys". This provided The Force for the rebels to prevail. As further evidence, I turn to the yet to be released episode of the Star Wars movies, and the recent proliferation of Star Wars figures. The makers of the Star Wars movies knew that a sufficient amount of The Force would be required to write, film, and release a new Star Wars movie. They also knew that as time went on, many Star Wars figures had been destroyed or thrown away, and The Force had dwindled accordingly. This is why they have rereleased the figures - in order to build up enough Force to make the new movie. Cheap marketing ploy to sell even more Star Wars merchandise? I think not. Sly ploy to bring The Force back and make a new movie? Yes! Back to the point, Worf is walking into this battle having no idea that his fate has already been decided by the Figurine Factor, er, The Force. Worf's puny figurine sales will create but a tiny "force" in his favor, and so Chewy's Force (with a capital F!) has already predicted the winner of this battle. Chewy will Crush Worf (with a captial C). If the rest of the Star Trek: The Next Generation crew is lucky, Jabba will be merciful and only send them to the Rankor, or that underground sand worm thing, rather than send them to Chewy...

-Chris Foster/Sherry Womack

In most definately Chewie is gonna kick klingon ass!!! For one Worf is an outcast of his people so he cant be as bad as his people. Chewie will see what looks like a hairless Ewok and decide that he should end this poor animals suffering. So as Worf shows respect by bowing to his opponent chewie figures this stupid creature is begging to be put out of his misery. So he rears back exposes his giant claws and in one swipe he lops off the head of poor worf. Then he celebrates by doing his wookie growl and walks off with Han. Then the crew of the Enterprise beam down a bunch of red shirts and they all end up being blown up into pieces. In all the confusion the big guns of the Enterprise figure out a way to cross a phaser and a telecomunicator and the metal sash of warf to beam them back onto the Enterprise...then they fly back before warf died and keep there other selves from going to the planet and worf never dies and then the Enterprise gets blown up by a planet destorying laser that the drunk captian of the Death Star fired in the wrong direction.

the end.....or is it???

- Conrad Campbell

You guys forgot one important factor, RAGE, just like previous matches the wookies rage puts him over the top. Think about it when was the last time you remember Chewie gettin' any Wookie Nookie(tm). Worf has been with Lt. Troy for what 3 years now, yea, yea loyalty to the crew, blah, blah, blah.... the Wokkie wins it in 10 seconds one swipe of his hairy paw and off comes Worf's head.

- E

I have to vote for Chewie not because he's a better fighter but because of basic odds. How many things or persons (or maybe sophonts is the right word) has Worf EVER beat up? There was even the nanny of that little princess girlie who fell in love with Pansy-boy Wesley. SHE beat up a terrible Klingon! (Okay, so the nanny had morphed into a big hairy thing with teeth, but ALL nannies do that!) It would take one hand and an IQ the same number as Wesley's chances of getting laid to count the number beings Worf has whupped-up on.

On the other hand almost everytime Chewie has picked up a blaster, or beer bottle or balled a fist or even snarled something mean, someone has died. Unless, if Pansy-boy starts feeling sorry for his poor freind Worf for getting him beat up that one time... maybe he could figure out how to remodulate the main deflector shield of the Enterprise to produce the 'Wookie-Be-Gone' tone that the Stormtroopers were tourturing Chewie with after Lando turned them over to Darth.... Hmmmm.... I might have to re-cast my vote. (Is that a new record for run-on sentences?)

- Lee Allison

Worf in 2.3 seconds.

Where should I begin.?..OK, lets recall any instance where Chewbacca was engaged in hand to hand combat with anything.

Example 1. The Trash Monster: A worthy opponent such as the Trash Monster, Chewbacca starts crying at the door. What would Worf do about the Trash Monster? He would likely eat it live because of its similarity to the Klingon delicacy "Gahh".

Example 2. The Ewoks: Chewbacca was actually captured by a bunch of snuggle(tm) bears. If Worf were on the forest moon of Endor, he would immediatly domesticate the Ewoks to be used as a food source for the Klingon Home world. Ewoks would be bred and slaughtered...

Example 3. Lando: Chewbacca applied his best death grip on Lando for a full 20 seconds before the Princess pryed him away, yet Lando is alive to play a significant role in the following movie. If Worf attacks Lando, he's history.

[Plus,] if Han has not kept Chewbacca properly groomed, then he will be completely useless in the fight. In fact, I suspect due to his captivity by Jabba, he has not been curry combed for quite some time. Chewbacca will be as blind as a sheep dog.

The only thing that might save Chewie, is that there is no honor in killing a giant teddy bear, especially one that is crying at the door. However, if Worf decides that Troi would fancy a warm fur coat, Chewie is history...

- David Mihelcic

If Chewie couldn't get past those pig-like creatures in JEDI, how the hell is he supposed to kill Worf. If anybody can kill Worf or even contend w/him, it gotta be BILLY DEE ! I mean Billy got his own malt liquor and he can control any woman (refer to Diana Ross in Lady Sings the Blues, not to his recent arrest on the charge of wife beating). First Billy would spray Afro-schene in Worf's eye and then he would brake a bottle of COLT-45 and slice Worf's Klingon throat.

Billy Dee would then proceed to Councelor Troi and they both would strut into the sunset and Billy Dee would mutter "Colt-45, works everytime." with Fab Five Freddy grinning to the left of him.

- Tim Getschow

Quite elementary, actually. "Chewbaca" sounds like a creature ready for some serious eating, while "Worf" sounds like a dessert topping. Chewie will be chewing on whipped Worf in two time units.

- Steven R. Van Hook

Worf is a disciplined martial artist while Chewie fights in the Butterbean style, all power and a one punch KO. No contest, Chewbacca all the way!!!!!!

- charlie

Chewbacca would destroy Worf in any battle. First of all, let's compare their battle cries. I'm afraid that the Klignon Battle Cry pales in comparison to the Wookie Wail. The Klignon Battle Cry sounds like a hungry baby crying for food. The Wookie Wail however, makes your blood run cold. There is nothing in this world that it can be compared to. Secondly, let's compare their lifestyles. Worf works (more like lounges) on a luxury star ship, and if he ever has a problem, he just turns to Counsellor Troy. Chewie, on the other hand, works on a battered (yet still awesome) ship which has no carpeting, and no counsellors to help him through the low points in his life. Worf has learned to rely on others for his well-being, but Chewie realizes that most of the time, he has to fend for himself. Worf's pampered existence on the Enterprise has made him soft, while Chewie's hard experience on the Falcon has strengthened him both physically and mentally. Finally, if Chewie wants to do something, he does it. He doesn't have to ask Captain Solo if it would be okay if he went to the bathroom. He goes, and God help whoever gets in his way. Worf, however, has to ask Captain Picard before he can even think. It is my opinion that this match would be relatively short. Worf would begin with his Klignon Battle Cry, and when Chewbacca stopped laughing, he would reply with his Wookie Wail. At this point, Worf would request Captain Picard's permission to go to the bathroom, and have his request denied. Then, a dark stain would slowly spread on the front of Worf's uniform. Next, Chewie would pounce on Worf and rip open his chest, spilling his Klignon entrails onto the ground (assuming Klignon's have entrails).

- Potato Ears (tm)

I gotta go with the Wookie in this one guys. Worf's got the training, Worf's got the brow ridge, and Worf's got the strength. But there's one more thing Worf's got, and that's angst. This guy acts like a wussy most of the time. Aside from his Righteous Anger (tm), I always expected to see him cry like a little girl in virtually every episode where they met some _real_ Klingons. Hell, he didn't even put the moves on the hot Duras sisters. Maybe if this was a fight between Chewie and one of the real Klingons (Kahless, even Kurn) then I would vote differently.

Worf had to go on _Deep Space Nine_ because he couldn't get another job. Chewbacca is probably living in the lap of furry luxury in a palatial mansion somewhere, surrounded by hairy chicks in bikinis, and has Alf as a butler or something.

Chewie didn't learn galactic. The reasonable man adapts to the world around him. the unreasonable man expects the world to adapt to him."* Whereas Worf always tries to conform to Starfleet regulations, and generally be a sissy. Chewbacca is more of the Kirk "Fuck the Prime Directive" School of Philosophy. Chewie's like Shaft, except bigger and hairier. And better teeth.

Chewie don't care about his family honor. He cares about cracking skulls. Worf always tries to be a good father-figure to his son Alexander. I'm sure Chewie's got kids on lots of planets, and he'd deny everyone one. Worf is like a whiney accountant. Chewie is an intergalactic pimp. Anyways.

- Jack Dracula, Univeristy of Maryland

* - From _Pump Up The Volume." Had this contest been Chewbacca vs. Christian Slater**, I'd at least have to think twice about it.

** - Did I mention both Worf and Christian SLater were in Star Trek 6? Coincidence?

Gentlemen, you have forgotten something horribly important in your wagering: holes in the space-time continuum, such as that which let the Enterprise-D visit Tatooine, *ALWAYS EXPAND*. It is completely impossible for them *not* to do so. Come on. When was the last time a hole in space stayed perfectly still? Nah. They *grow*.

Furthermore, when a hole in space-time grows, *MORE* realities gain access to it. (Remember that episode of TNG where there were, like, a million Enterprises? My point exactly.)

So, the fight will be complicated by these factors. It goes like this:

As Chewbacca slams Worf upside the head, the Klingon goes flying into a very-surprised looking Lieutenant Apollo, having just entered the bar after the BattleStar Galactica entered orbit around Tatooine. Apollo, obviously confused, shoots wildly, and is stunned by Data. (Troi manages to get out "I'm sensing...hostility.") Daggit, being the cheap special effect that he is, communicates this info back to the Galactica. The Galactica opens fire on the Enterprise. (Naturally, this being the Star Trek ship, some of the consoles explode. Maybe the Enterprise-E won't be built with those consoles that have the ship's store of dynamite just below, huh?)

Meanwhile, Worf, now enraged, pulls out his curvy-Klingon-battle-thingy and slashes madly at Chewie, who leaps aside only to knock into Maximillian, fresh out of that crappy Black Hole movie. Chewie picks up Maximillian and tosses him at Worf. Worf ducks (barely), and Maximillian plows into some confused-looking cadets from The Last Starfighter. One manages to stay conscious, and radios to his home base where *ALL* the Starfighters are stored (in a fit of bad planning, I might add). The Starfighters zoom into the fight between the Galactica and the Enterprise, appearing behind the Galactica (which is taking quite the pounding, being so cheesy). The Enterprise, being commanded by Riker (who just *loves* a fight) shoots at one and blows it up, figuring that they just launched out of the Galactica. The Starfighters then attack the Enterprise. Of course, the three Star Destroyers stationed just outside the Tatooine system are now just arriving, and they shoot at *everything*.

However, one of the Star Destroyers is hamstrung, for Madmartigan, fresh from "Willow", has appeared on board the ship, at the same time that Conan appears in the other end. They start killing everyone in sight, because, after all, the toughest guys on those ships are Stormtroopers, goddamit.

Down in the bar, Chewie and Worf are laying mighty blows on one another when Picard gets the signal from Riker. The captain, realizing that he's missing a *bigger* chance to wimp out of a fight, beams up to the ship, along with everyone but Worf, too busy strangling Chewie.

Meanwhile, another three Star Destroyers have arrived, but they too have trouble: the Colonial Marines from "Aliens" beamed in one, and this time, their pulse-rifles were loaded. Of course, they wipe out the bad guys even *faster* (hey, they have guns, not swords).

Chewie kicks mightily between Worf's legs. Fortunately, Worf is wearing a cup, so it doesn't really hurt. Unfortunately, Chewie knows that a ponytail is easy to grab. He does so, and flips Worh, using only his ponytail.

Of course, by this time all hell has broken loose up in the stars. Nine Star Destroyers are actively attacking everything and everybody. (Another one isn't doing anything, as Madmartigan and Conan are involved in a duel to the death. The last one switched sides when the Marines figured out how the guns worked.) Swarms of TIE fighters are attacking as well. On the other side, we have the Enterprise-D, the Galactica (now having patched up their relations, kinda, although they *do* take the occasional potshot at one another), some StarFighters, lots of Babylon 5 ships (looking as stupid as always), some of those cruisers from Space: Above And Beyond, and that sucky escape pod that carried Superman to Earth. (It's not fighting. However, as Tatooine has *two* yellow suns, Superbaby is in *no* trouble even if the thing *does* blow up.)

By now, Worf and Chewie are breathing heavily. Both have taken it to the limit. Finally, Worf swings mightily with his fist. Chewie jumps back, raises his arm, and....BOOOM! Worf gets knocked back into the wall, where his shoulders slump, unconscious.

(Oh, and the crazed interstellar conflict was resolved when they realized that Wesley Crusher was the one responsible. So they killed him, and everything went back to normal.)

- Christopher Bird

Two words "No Contest!" I mean Chewbacca has claws a foot long and Worf nothing.If they were allowed weapons Chewbacca would still triumph over the over-rated Worf. Chewbacca's bowcaster(TM) and his aim could finish the battle in less than a minute where as Worf would have his crappy Klingon battle weapon. Worf will run out of rage and get blasted to a withering corpse. Later Jabba the Hutt(TM) will feed the body to his Rancor(TM).

Ahhh the Rancor(TM) now there is a scenario....Chewbacca and Worf are battling it out in hand-to-hand combat and the battle moved in front of Jabba(TM). Jabba getting so sick and bored of the fight that he just pushes the switch to sends Chewbacca and Worf sliding down to meet their doom. Worf looked around for someway to escape,but found the place sqeaky clean (the cage hadn't been cleaned for years and Jabba(TM) was getting annoyed by the foul odor and the rotten corpse). Suddenly, Worf felt a warm,smelly air on his back,but before he could turn around CHOMP!! One quick head move by the Rancor(TM) and chopped Worf's whole body in half.Next, the Rancor (TM) turned to Chewbacca and deja vu al over.

So in conclusion Chewbacca wins in less than a minute.

-Elihn,the One

A Klingon warrior vs. some Wookie sidekick??? Centuries of martial tradition dictate the outcome: Wookieburgers.

- Kootenai

This was a tough one. There are action figures with kung-fu grip of both of them. There are Halloween costumes of both. They both are aliens. The both have the sash. The both have pronounced canines. ...

- Richard W

"Rohn ta ho, bah na ma toh tcha"
           --Jabba the Hutt

- Kurt

I think you guys are overlooking a big part of why Chewie would whip Warf. While primal rage is indeed essential to the wookie's game, you cannot discount his staying power and consistent badassness. Let's take a look at the Trilogy. Of all the major players in Star Wars, who was the only one who emerged unscathed? That's right, the Furry Warrior. Han got frozen in carbonite, Luke (sissy bot that he was) got his hand chopped off, Obi Wan bites it an hour and change into the first movie, Vader gets shocked with all the volts of the Dark Side and then dies of Asthma, Leia perhaps suffers the worst fate by being made Jabba's love slave, Boba Fet, the supposed best headhunter in the universe is eaten for lunch, The Emperor goes on a one way bungee jump, R2 is used for target practice in the back of Luke's Y-wing and C3P0 is utterly dismantled (Please remember who kindly puts him back together.) Is it coincidence that the worst the Wookie gets is handcuffed? I think not. George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg are clearly trying to send us a message - Wookies are the most superior form of life in the Universe. You can argue specific character traits all you want, but in the end, it all comes back to genetics and Darwin's theory of Natural Selection. The Wookie would whip anyone, much less the lowly Klingons who seemed to get creamed pretty much every week.

- GRD72

I'd say this is a close one, and although Chewie's got more motivation, Worf's just plain TOUGHER. Round 1: Worf mistakes Chewie for cousin It and the Wookie gets in first cuts. Round 2: Worf takes his sword thingy and cuts off all of Chewie's hair, enabling everyone to see how skinny the guy really is. Chewie whimpers in embarassment, takes out his bowcaster, and fires. Worf takes a hit full in the chest, badly wounded. Round 3: Worf, now with a real reason to attack, snaps Chewie in two. Worf in three rounds. Of course, he will somehow feel that the fight was dishonorable, and gut himself afterwards.


You can talk holodecks all you want. Anytime a "real" fight has ever come out Worf has gotten his butt kicked by almost every alien, and he's supposed to be the most fierce - bull. Chewie would wipe the floor with Worf and then take Troi as his trophy.

-M. Drury

Well, I voted for Chewie and here is why: he is ONE LONELY WOOKIE(tm)!!! I mean, during the whole Star Wars movie saga, how many Wookie women has he found? None, right? So, he sees Worf, who looks like a deformed Conehead on crack anyway, and goes ballistic. Because, besides Han, what does Chewie like more than anything else in the whole universe...DEFORMED CONEHEADS ON CRACK(tm)!!!

So, the love stricken Wook-meister sees the Klingon turncoat, and he decides to bestow on him some WOOKIE-LOVE(tm). He sprays in some WOMP-RAT NO MORE(tm) breath spray and puts the moves on Worf. Before the Worf-man knows what is going on, Chewie has taken him to a hotel, checked in under the false name of Bob Palpantine, and put on some mood-music. And, because this is a family web site, I will not elaborate on what happens next. All I know is that Chewie needed a few drinks in Worf before, but in the end, we all know how the story finishes. I say the Wookie in one night.

- Pulpdoggie

Worf will win. Why? Simple. Support. Chewie and Worf square off in the arena. Meanwhile, Picard, Data, Riker, Barclay and the usual extra are in a cage on one side of the room. On the other side of the room, in an identical cage, you have C3PO, R2D2, Princess Leia, Han Solo, and Lando.

Picard: Number one, any plans?

Riker: What? Oh, sorry. I was watching the dancers.

Data: Captain, I can bend the bars of this cage, jump down the 5 meters, and steal the weapon held by that bounty hunter, and kill everything in the room except us in 10 microseconds.

Extra: I could jump down, break my leg, and take the blaster shot meant for Data, and die in 2 microseconds.

Barclay: (In a residual moment of brilliance) Captain, I can throw my communicator at a 1.25 degree angle in this direction, have it bounce off the bounty hunter's blaster, off the dancer's top, off that annoying thing living on the tub of lard, and lodge it in Jabba's brain, thus disabling the blaster, dropping the top, knocking the little thing out, and kiling Jabba instantly.

Meanwhile, in the other cage,

Solo: Anybody got a plan? I still can't see anything.

C3P0: Mr. Solo, I can translate all the foul comments everone out there is saying into any of six million forms of communication. Oh dear.

R2D2: bleep blurp deeeep chirp blop.

C3P0: He said he can shoot out electric sparks, cut through the bars in five minutes, get hit by a blaster shot and short out.

Lando: I know, we could sell Jabba out to the empire!

Leia: I'm not a committee!

Solo: Go chewie!

As you can see, Worf will have all kinds of help, while Chewie will be fighting on his own, waiting for Luke to rescue them, but Luke is stuck on Dagobah, since his crash landing has critically injured an annoying little green alien.

- Cory Davis

The trekkies got stomped two times now (Death Star vs. Enterprise and Redshirts vs Stormtroopers), but I guess it's three for a strike out :) Give it up !


Ok, so Worf projects this Klingon kick-butt attitude. He's got the fancy knives, he's got his Holodeck training, basically he's got the whole package when it comes to looking like a real killing machine. But.. have we really ever seen him cut loose? Has Worf ever really taken names? Let's face it, we've all seen enough of Klingons to expect serious kickass when they're around. Heck, if TOS Klingons had landed on Tattoine they would have already doublecrossed Jabba six ways to Sunday and started bumping off moisture farmers who didn't pay for their protective services. Then they'd put Han, Luke, and Chewie in their Klingon mind sifters and turn their brains to scrambled eggs.

Enough speculation. Here are the facts: I cannot recall Worf ever, in any of the Worfisodes or other TNG episodes, ever personally just plain wreck house. I could have in fact missed some episode where he really engaged in grade-A kickass, but all I can recall is him shooting a couple of Borg once and mostly just complaining that as a child all the other Klingons got to do Klingon stuff while he had to stay in the Federation and learn to play violin or something. Now, he always was around to say what a real Klingon might do in a given sutation, or scare visitors and aliens with his forehead, or advise the Captain to fire photon torpedoes(as a wise friend once said "You've got them damn photon torpedoes, fire them damn photon torpedoes!"). But one of my first memories of TNG is of Worf getting roughed up by a Ferengi. Ok, so Quark can take Worf. I recall Lor smacking Worf across the Enterprise's Wonkavator and knocking him out cold. Indeed, most recently Worf almost got killed by the coat-check boy on some Klingon ship before his brother saved the day. And as for the Holo-fighting, the I believe Riker didn't have too much trouble with Worf's little Holo-program. In fact, Riker could probably give Chewie a little trouble with his tricky Aiki-bo-jitsu moves, and he's got that one punch that never fails to knock out whatever security guard he's having trouble with at the time(and I believe he used it successfully on both Klingons and Ferengi). So I think we can safely conclude that Worf, though we all admire him for who he is, is at best unproven as a fighter.

Now Chewie, we know he's got the skills - head crackin', arm tearin', bowcaster firin' skills. And he's got the rage-serious rage. Whenever he is captured, or even in a socially unfcomfortable situation, his hosts tend to prefer putting like fifteen guards on him and super strong handcuffs. Now, he is a bit of a softy, and wouldn't neccessarily want to fight Worf unless Worf was like endangering his friends or something. But for the sake of argument let's say he's ready to rumble. All I can say is: look out.

Chewie, 30 seconds.

- Dave C

...Sy Spirling of the hair club for men suddenly drops into Jaba's palace with an elite group of Hair Club Comandos(tm), to rescue this duo. It seems that Jaba had been broadcasting the fight live on Pay-Per-View, and Sy in a moment of dubious insight realised what a great comercial he could make with Worf as the before picture and Chewbacca as the after.

Realising that neither one of them usually gets the girls or the glory, and tired of playing second fiddle to their respective leaders, they join Sy, steal the Millenium Falcon, and take off for a life of babes and wealth, all thanks to Mr. Sperling's intervention.

As they make the jump to light-speed Chewbacca slaps Worf on the back knocking him into the bulkhead and out cold, thus settling the question of who would have actually won the fight had it happened.

Meanwhile back on Tatooine...

Jaba, furious over loss of his contestants (and the complaints from his Pay-Per-View customers) decides to throw the ST:Next Gen crew into the Great Pit of Carkoon, while using Han Solo (frozen in Carbonite) as a back-scratcher.

The first crew member to be thrown from the skiff is Wesley Crusher, who promptly gives the creature indigestion, creating for the first time in known history "The Great Acid Geyser of Carkoon".

Durring the commotion, Riker manages to overpower the gaurd on the skiff as Data uses some of his own circuits and Geordie's VISOR to build a homming beacon, thus allowing the Enterprise-D to beam them aboard.

With Wesley finally gone, and without the Federation watching his every move, Picard makes Jaba an offer he can't refuse and finally puts the moves on Doctor Crusher, thus cutting himself and the Enterprise-D in on the smugling trade and relieving those nervous twitches he always seems to have.

Setting a course for Corescant, he decides to show the Emperor what a Galaxy Class starship can do to a planet and incidently places a bounty on the heads of Chewbacca and Worf.

- M.Pastreich

CHEWY in 1.2 seconds, the fastest K.O. in Grudge Match history. Worf lie dead in a pool of blood and pee with a suspiciously crossbow shaped buldge in his posterior regions. Chewy plays his cool theme song (see the movie "Clerks") and downs a couple of brews with Han.

Reason 1) Worf? A trained fighting machine? The guy who misses phaser shots at backwater planet terrorists on THE BRIDGE from 12 FEET AWAY? The guy who routinely gets his fur boned butt kicked by men, women, child mutants, and all other manner of alien creatures on a weekly basis. SH*T!!! He can even beat Whoopie Goldberg at a game of Virtua Cop (TM).

He apparently can execute fast recon against Napoleonic infantry only to practically DIVE into a spear wielded by some other kinda furball with the reflexes of a frozen Walt Disney (TM?). And ANYTIME someone gets possessed by some spirit or alien life force, the first thing they do is go out and kick Worf's ASS! He can't even beat up Riker who smokes cigars and often walks like a girl.

Routinely he get knocked out when his fellow crewmembers are depending on him. And what about those "lightning reflexes" when a slow moving plastic barrel filled with packing peanuts crushes his spine in a cargo bay? In fact the only fights worf EVER wins are those against holodeck dudes (which he simply programs to lose but "make it look good" and other Klingons, who as we see all the time, may look quite fearsome and smelly but suck at actual combat. Which by the way, brings me to an interesting point. How the hell do Klingons actually build ships. You figure the scientists and engineers, not to mention the blue collar assembly types, would be drinkin' brews an fightin' each other all the time in pitiful tests of klingonhood.

The only way Woof would even have a chance is if the loser did not in fact die, but was force to "satisfy" the needs of Lursa and Bator afterwards. A fate much worse than even beings kissed by your sister, with tongue.

Reason 2) I don't know where Chewbacca hails from but its gotta sound cooler than some dorky planet with a name like "Kling."

Reason 3) The Baccameister's got the cool theme song (see above).

Reason 4) Worf sounds like a guy that just sat down on a corn cobb the "hard way" but is trying to stay cool. OTOH, Chewys klingon-blood curdling scream is an amalagam of several hundred of the most ferocious beasts on the planet and sounds a lot like the sound a TIE Fighter makes just before it blasts some rookie into the memorial section of the Rebel Yearbook.

Reason 5) Chewy has the crossbow that shoots laser blasts. Gorp has an incredibly oversized shoe horn with pointy ends.

Reason 6) Woofie's in love with some 24th century granola peace and love chick with large you know whats and makes her living as a therapist! He will spend all his time wrestling with his anxiety, thinking about how pissed she'll be at catching him "fighting" again, and his mind will inevitable wander south to muse about what he ain't gonna be getting for a while. This will trigger memories the humiliation he has suffered from all the barbs and off color jokes made by fellow crewmen with internet access who downloaded nekkid pictures of his girlfriend. The short: he will be too distracted to see the killing blow coming until it is too late, and by that time, he will welcome death.

Chewtobacco, on the other paw, has chosen to forgo relationships in order to cultivate the James Dean / Ghengis Khan image that more suits his rebellious lifestyle. (He does however, have a cute French Poodle in every spaceport.)

Reason 7) While not himself a Jedi, Chewy has experienced the Force enough times to at least possess some unconscious control to be used in a pinch. At the start of the battle, Woof will feel an uncontrollable urge to pee, and that split second when he locks his knees, WHAMMO (tm?), a crossbow where the sun don't shine.

Reason 8) Klingons just don't care a whole damned lot about dying. Hell, they seem to like it. In fact, their lack of actual fighting ability could be seen as some sort of evolutionary "suicide mechanism."

LAST BUT NOT LEAST- As bad as an actor Worf is, he has a much better chance at getting another job than the voiceless, faceless chump stuffed into the Chewy suit. He loses this gig and his acting days are over. NO more Hollywood parties, no more cocaine, no more Heidi Fleiss hookers, and no more free runs at Drew Barrymore. Pretty serious motivations not to lose.

But the real losers, as usual, will be the fans. More specifically, the fans noses. Worf, Chewy, and Jabba in the same room. Ugggh. The Janitor will not have a good day.

- Ghostwheel

I have to go with Worf on this one, for a couple of reasons. First, Chewbacca is not a natural killer - OK, he can get really angry and pull people's arms out, but that's not his instinct. Worf is a warrior, he likes nothing more than killing (Romulans, Humans, Wookies, whatever). And he is trained in martial arts and hand-to-hand combat. Moreover, have you ever seen Chewbacca fight anything his own size? No, he just rips apart droids. Chewy was also constantly being captured and put in shackles, have you ever seen Worf in handcuffs?

Second, Worf is indestructable. He has all those redundant organs and bones (two livers, two hearts, a skull way thicker than it needs to be). Without a phaser, or an axe, Chewbacca won't even be able to dent him. Finally, there is the biggest issue: motivation. If Chewy wins, what does he get? A sloppy hug from Han. Great, that's certainly worth fighting for. If Worf wins he gets to sleep with Deanna. Who do you think wants to win more? Hell, for a night with Deanna, Chekov from TOS (TM) would have a reasonable chance to beat Chewbacca.

It'll be a good fight, but Worf will defeat Chewbacca in about 8 minutes.

- M. Lorenz

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Red-Shirted Ensigns v. Stormtroopers
Other Star Trek related Grudge Matches
Other Star Wars related Grudge Matches

Home | History | Suggestions | FAQ | Stats | Links
Awards | Commentators | Real Life | Fun Stuff | Studio Store

© 1996, WWWF Grudge Match; © 2000, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC