World Wide Web Fights presents

WWWF Logo by Dan Willis

The Setting

The sound of Tina Turner's voice fills the air as the hordes of cheering post-apocalyptic masses hover around the Thunderdome for tonight's special event. The Thunderdome has been specially outfitted tonight with flamethrowers, knives, chains, whips, and all manner of weapons (sorry, no firearms). The two contestants are escorted into the large geodesic dome amidst the bloodthirsty cries of the spectators. The two contestants look each other over, and make mental notes of the weapons scattered around the dome. The crowd goes silent as Tina Turner speaks:

"We have a great fight for you tonight! First, brought to you all the way from Los Angeles, "The Terminator Terminator," Sarah Connor! And her opponent, from the deepest reaches of space, the famous "Alien Killer," Ellen Ripley! Tonight, they will fight to the death!! (The crowd goes wild!) Let the fight begin!"

So Brian, who wins this brutal battle between these brawny babes?

Sarah Connor, Linda Hamilton Ellen Ripley, Sigourney Weaver

Sarah Connor


Ellen Ripley

The Commentary

BRIAN: First of all, let me clarify that this HAS to be the buff and tuff T2(tm) Sarah Connor and not the soft, girl-next-door, "Do you want fries with that?" T1(tm) Sarah Connor. If it's not, then you might as well put Alice out there 'cause it wouldn't change matters any. (Alice from the Brady household, Alice from Mel's Dinner, Alice in Wonderland, doesn't matter. The T1(tm) Sarah is in the same flabby class as any of 'em.)

With that being said, even the T2(tm) Sarah Connor doesn't stand a chance in hell. Let's look at their track records. Sarah Connor did lots of hiding: behind machinery, behind Ahh-nuld, etc. There is no hiding in the Thunderdome-dome-dome-dome (The preceding was an echo effect best listened to with Netscape 5.0). The only times she ever really came out and fought was: 1.) against a bunch of psychiatrists and lab technicians -- ooooh, impressive; 2.) in the final scene against the T1000. Yes, it was courageous, but all she really did was push him backwards and knock him into a molten pool. She never really killed him herself. And there are no molten pools in the Thunderdome-dome-dome-dome. Which, regardless of Connor's past experience, is a good thing for Ripley.

Ripley on the other hand just goes out and kicks tail. Yeah, she does some hiding in the beginning of her movies, but that's just for suspense and character development, which aren't factors here. When it comes time to pay the bills, Ripley gets the job done. Did you see her walk right into the heart of that nest and hold the entire Alien colony hostage with her rifle/flamethrower/grenade launcher/salad shooter? Sorry, but with balls like that, no bitch is gonna get in her way.

STEVE: First of all, let me clarify that this HAS to be the ruff and tuff Aliens(tm) Ellen Ripley and not the soft, "Where's my cat", let-me-strip-down-to-my-panties-and-go-hide-in-a-closet Alien(tm) Ellen Ripley. If it's not, then you might as well put Debbie Gibson or Tiffany out there.

With that being said, let me say that even the rough & tough Ripley still doesn't stand a chance. Even in Aliens(tm) she spent the early parts of the movie in a psycho ward, having nightmares and flashbacks to the previous movie. Kind of like those Vietnam flashbacks people are always having in really bad shoot-em-up movies. In the middle of the fight Ripley would lapse into a nightmare, and then Sarah would quickly move in for the kill.

Sarah Connor on the other hand has several things going for her. First, she is honed. Remember her doing chinups in T2? I'd like to see Ripley and her flabby physique try that one. Ripley might possibly have a chance in the physical category if she gets possessed by Zuul again, but with no Ghostbusters around to save her, she'd be dead meat anyway. Second, Sarah is extraordinarily crafty and vicious. Her escape from the psycho ward using paperclips, hypodermic needles, and hostages demonstrates this cleverness and ruthlessness. Third, Sarah was trained by ex-commandos living in Mexico (the best ones hide in Mexico from what I hear). With her superior training and strength, she'll be unbeatable. Finally, since the Terminators have essentially ruined her once peaceful life, she's basically all-around pissed off, which leads to the power of the RAGE (tm). All around, Sarah is going to kick some ass.

BRIAN: Oh, c'mon Steve. What's Rage (tm) got to do with it (got to do with it)? What's Rage (tm) but a second hand emotion? More meaningless blather. Second, your comments on Ripley's flashbacks and mental stability being a problem are just about to blow up in your face: 1.) She didn't really belong in a loony bin. She was put there illegally by the Evil Paul Reiser(tm). (I don't know who was responsible for the casting on that one, but I'm going to see to it personally that they never work in Hollywood again.) 2.) WWWF Precedence tells us that flashbacks do not prevent victory. 3.) While Ripley may have a flashback or two, Connor is prone to FLASHFORWARDS. And not just any flashforwards, but apocalyptic, cataclysmic, wailing-and-gnashing-of-teeth kinda flashforwards. Seconds into the match, Connor will get a vision of her own horribly mangled body hanging by one leg from a tattered bungy cord. She becomes paralyzed with fear and Ripley grabs the Thunderdome Axe (tm) and liberates Connor's head from the rest of her body.

Another major factor to consider here is adaptability. Neither of these participants have ever been in the Thunderdome before, so who is going to adjust to it's nuances quicker? The woman who has never really traveled far from her corner of the world and who looked uneasy in a paper hat? No. It will be the woman who has faced life-and-death adversity on three drastically different backdrops: space freighter, deserted colony, and prison planet. After adjusting to that rock from Alien3(tm) so easily, taking advantage of the subtleties of the Thunderdome will come second hand. Sarah Connor will come in trying to be a hero, but we don't need another hero, Steve. We need the experience and the guts which are Ellen Ripley.

STEVE: Let me correct you on a few issues. First of all, that was not officially the "Evil Paul Riser". As we all know, in order to qualify as "evil version" of anyone, one must have a goatee. Your so-called "Evil" Paul Riser was clean-shaven. At worst, he was simply an asshole, but definitely not Evil. Second, precendence has not shown us that flashbacks aren't always bad. Caine's flashbacks always teach him a lesson that is beneficial to the situation at hand. Ripley's flashbacks will only freak her out and disorient her, causing a quick loss at Sarah's trained hands. Sarah's "flashforwards" will actually help her. Since these mental lapses all occur in the apocalyptic future, and the Thunderdome is in the apocalytpic future, she will be well prepared. Even for Tina Turner's hair.

As far as travelling experience, I assure you that some parts of L.A. are far more scary than any old deserted colony or space freighter. I don't think you give her the credit she deserves for being able to survive in that environment.

Most likely this battle will never come down to weapons. Sarah will just charge Ripley. With her superior stringth and training, she will just break Ripley's neck or spine. That will be it. Without a weapon such as a flamethrower, grenade launcher, or hydraulic walking forklift, Ripley simply doesn't have a chance. And Sarah isn't about to give her that chance.

Thanks to George DeMet at Northwestern University for the idea for this match. He has been "waiting for months, teeth clenched" for this match to appear.
For all you Ripley fans, check out the Sigourney Weaver page. For you Terminator (tm) fans, there's also a great Terminator Movies (tm) page.

The Results

Aunty Entity, Tina Turner

Sarah Connor (1046)


Ellen Ripley (786)

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Voter Comments


Connor and Ripley faced each other down, both ready for the bloodbath that was to inevitably follow. Suddenly, the expression on Connor's face changed from steely determination to confusion. "What the f*** are we fighting each other for, anyway?" Ripley looked stunned. "S***! You're right! We women shouldn't be killing each other! We should kill the guys who stuck us here in this dome! What are we supposed to be doing in here, anyway, fulfilling some pervert fantasy?"

Upon hearing this conversation below, Tina Turner, after a brief flashback about her life with Ike, releases the women. The first to die are George DeMet, Steve, and Brian [Sorry, guys, but it's your own fault!], but they are not the last. Connor and Ripley form a new militant feminist guerrilla army, the FoxForce FiveThousand [Hey Ma, I just threw in a gratuitous Tarantino reference!], with such members as Turner, Shelley Winters, and Senator Barbara Mikulski. The victims are many: womanizers such as Hugh Grant, dirty old men like Strom Thurmond, bimbos like Demi Moore, and sickeningly sensitive-new-age- guys such as Alan Alda. In the end, the only men in Hollywood whose lives are spared are Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ron Perlman. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the humanity!

- Geoduck

ROTW (tm) Silver Medal Winner (tm)

At the time I voted, Connor had about 180 million votes, and Ripley had over 1.3 billion. Together, that equals nearly half of the world's population. Either there are a lot of poor villagers in India and China who just got Internet access and are fans of "Aliens", or else something is wrong, and here's what it is:

The Aliens are voting for Ripley! As a measure of respect, because they really hate Edward Furlong, who knows? But can't you just picture an Alien sitting at a terminal, a smaller Alien coming out of it's mouth...and entering the URL for the Grudge Match?

So, to stand up to these favoritists, I voted for Connor. Man, if I were a security guard, and she were restrained and catatonic, I'd lick her too!

- David Nelson

Just for the record, there was a problem with the voting code which caused the vote totals to become abnormally large. The problems were almost immediately fixed. No more than 50 aliens voted in this match. -Eds

ROTW (tm) Bronze Medal Winners (tm)

The way I see it, this is all happening in the head of James Cameron, who wrote and directed BOTH the movie "Aliens" and the two Terminator movies. As everyone knows, Cameron left his wife for Linda Hamilton (aka: Sarah Connor), and therefore must have a special place in his heart for her. I mean, after all, he allowed some other director to come along, shave off Ripley's hair, put her in prison, and then kill her in the next movie...what kind of loyalty is that? Connor wins easily due to the age old axiom, "It's not what you know, it's who you sleep with."

- I.C.L.

This will be a long tough match, but in the end Ripley will win. Here's why: After a long tough fight, Ripley knocks Sarah down to the ground. Just when she is about to use her Atomic Ginsu(tm) to dissect her into a dozen camoflaugued pieces, a roar is heard in the background.

It's Vincent from beauty and the beast! Coming to save his transspecies girlfriend!!! Ripley backs away from our feline friend but suddenly, she begins to twitch. Ripley suddenly has a past life flashback...

She remembers New York, some nerd accountant, a big white sailor, some guy named Minkman, Tinkman.... Then, it hits her!!! "I AM THE GATEKEEPER!!!!!" Ripley tears off her mortal flesh (that's why they call her "Ripley" <-- official bad pun(tm)) to reveal she has once again become a hellhound for Zuul.

Dog chases cat. Dog catches cat. Dog eats cat. Dog eats Sarah Connor for dessert. Dog licks itself. Ripley wins.

- Budo

Neither of the grim and gritty gals makes a move to fight, they're just not motivated. The crowd is furious. What's the incentive?

Realizing that Sarah and Ripley need a reason to fight, a prize for the winner is announced: MadMax as the victor's personal loveslave.

The contest is over before you can say "I'll be bek."

Sarah has no desire for Max, she treasures her time with John's father. Ripley on the other hand has been lost in space, with only Bishop's torso to keep her company. The last time she was with anyone was in a previous life--and I don't think Bill Murray is exactly what you'd call choice beef. Ripley's Lust kicks in and not even a combined force of Aliens, Terminators, Predators, and the CancerMan could keep her from HER prize.

- Rond Vidar

Is this some kind of joke? If I remember correctly, the Thunderdome exists in a post-nuclear-holocaust Australia! You really think that the radiation-poisoned masses would bother climbing all the way up the Thunderdome walls, just to see two women fighting? This pales in comparison to their usual fare, a boxing kangaroo vs. an aborigine. The match goes on, even though no one shows (the deposit on the Thunderdome is non-refundable), and the TV networks are forced (due to their contracts) to blackout the match. Where's Don King when you need him...

- Brian Kutner

Hmmm...This is tougher than it looks, especially since I haven't seen any of the Alien trilogy...Because of this, I will be taking big leaps in my analysis...

The hair factor: Linda Hamilton (run of the mill locks) and Sigourney Weaver (the oh-so-hip bald look in Alien3). Since Ripley looks a lot like Sinead O'Connor, or the lead singer of Midnight Oil, I'd have to go with her.

Now going on to outside influences...Do you honestly think that the Gatekeeper will lose to one who acted alongside Toonces the Driving Cat? True, you will need nerves of steel with that kooky cat, but having demon-possessed sex with Rick Moranis, hoser extraordinaire, is scarier in my books (even if it was acting...).

Plus, all the weapons in the Thunderdome are up at the top, where you need to use bungee cords to get them. It's as close to a zero-gravity environment as you can get on post-apocalypse Earth, and Ripley will use her experience in space as a definite advantage.

My prediction: Ellen Ripley in less time than it takes the crowd to sing a rousing rendition of "Beds Are Burning."

- Vlad the Wonder Hamster

Really, guys, you usually don't do undercards. Can't blame you, though, with so invincible a champ: TINA! Look at her. That hair. Those chainmail tights, for crying out loud! And when she's got Mel Gibson down in the desert dust, she turns and leaves him. Out of her league! Not worth killing!!! There is no doubt, she is the biggest, baddest mamma on Earth, post-apocalyptic or otherwise.

"Simply the best ... (thumping rock chords) ... better than all the rest ..."

- Call me Shane

It comes down to 1 tatic that Sarah has mastered. DECEPTION. "lick my face I'm a zombie" "Terminators? of course there are no terminators Dr".

Ellen Ripley's a sucker, "Oh I'm just on a cargo mission." "oh he's a normal human Dr." "Oh sure I'll go back and kill more aliens" "Oh sure I'll walk into a room full of Horny convits" "Oh the alien's dead, woops" "Oh the Alien's Dead WOOPS"

Sarah will let Ripley get one soild lick in then feign unconsiousness when Ripley moves closer to examine her victim Sarah slams her fist into Ripley's adams apple, woops, the end.

- Avery

Anyone willing to lock her own captain out of his ship to keep from being contaminated, take on psychotic androids, nuke her own transportation home and means of livelihood, blow away not just one, but a whole colony of Aliens(tm), and face down and solicit help from a group of deranged double-y chromosome criminals in order to survive can certainly (w/o hesitation) blow away some chick if that's what it takes to get out. Anyone who can't kill the person they know is responsible for creating the Strategic Defense computer that kicked off Doom'sDay just can't. This one goes to Ripley in about the time it'd take a face-hugger to cross an airlock.

- Eric C.

Get to work.

- Dad

Brian, Steve, where is your impeccable logic? Has it left you both? It's all too obvious how this match will decided, and it wont be by peck size. The whole ball of wax will boil down to COSMETICS! We all know how important make-up is to the female Psyche! How could it be overlooked! Using this clear, sane methodology makes the matchup a sinch to figure: even Tina will flinch at the things Sarah will do to poor, alien squasher Ripley. Let's compare them step by step. First, is the tan: Ripley may have that Marilyn Manson(tm) look going for her, but it's just a fad, and she damn well knows it. Sarah has that Deep Cocoa Butter California Tan(tm) that has always been a classic. The second catagory is hair. We all know how girls like to bitch about their hair. Again Ripley is outmatched. In space, no one cares what your hair looks like, hence Ripley's success in the Alien series. But as soon as she gets one glance at the Don King Special-do(tm) that Tina is sporting, she will become self concious. Her distraction will mean certain death in the Thunder Dome-ome-ome(tm)(sound effects courtesy of THX(tm)). Sarah's bangs may be a little long, but the pony tail is classic, she will suffer no such pangs of self-doubt. Although I didn't want to stoop, to be completly accurate, we must not overlook the final catergory: BREASTS! How could breasts not be mentioned in a battle to the death! It's true, Ripley may be bigger. But bigger is not ALWAYS better! Remember, the bigger they are, the harder they droop. When Connor shows up in the ring in that tight tank top, Ripley will take one look at those gozoogas and start screaming for Tina to let her out.

In the end Ripley will be beaten in a scene so grisley, Tina will start having Ike flashbacks.

- Your 'ol pal Ike (I still love you, Baby!)

This was a tough one to decide but in the end I think it just has to be sarah coming out of that dome alive. I think Ripley's main disadvantage is that the only actual one-on-one, hand-to-hand combat she's ever participated in she did while wearing a hydraulically powered exoskeleton, glancing around the dome she finds, to her horror, that there is no exoskeleton here, so she seizes upon the only other weapon in the ring she is familiar with, the flamethrower.

Sarah however is a woman who has had recurring nightmares about her flesh being melted away by a nuclear firestorm, a mere twenty foot tongue of flame is hardly going to phase her. Also, it being, as Steve mentioned, already the appocolyptic future, Sarah need no longer experience flashforwards.

Lastly, ever Since T1(tm) Sarah has spent her whole life buffing up and getting ready to continually have to fight for her life. Ripley on the other hand, after each film thinks her problems are over, spends a few years in suspended animation, and then spends her time feeling sorry for herself.

So in the end Sarah comes out alive. Slightly singed but Victorious.

- Steve "Do Unto Others" Johnson

Lt. Ellen Ripley will win this contest hands down, since she is a tough combatant to kill, even molten lava doen't seem to keep her dead.

- Kim Chr. Madsen

Perhaps emotion should not be so easily overlooked. Far greater than the patented Rage (TM) is the overpowering ferocity of...Mothering Instincts (TM). You basically have two savagely neurotic women who were only able to salvage a modicum of sanity and effectiveness through the phsychological pressure of needing to save a child. Sarah has her son and Ripley has Newt. With such protective instincts, mild mannered, closet hiding, snuffly/weepy individuals were transformed into the hard-bitten killers we know and love.

And in this match, it will play the decisive role. If you'll remember, John Conner is fully alive and will grow up to fight off robots from hell with the tactics and the Fire in the Belly (TM) taught to him by his protective mother. Ripley has ... nothing. Newt, if you will remember, is toast. Not only dead, but chopped up into little autopsy pieces at Ripley's request. What's her motivation? If I recall correctly, wasn't Aliens III largely a death wish fantasy for the exhausted Ripley? She was weak and ineffectual (she was easily overpowered by human prisoners) until she threw herself into molten metal (hmm...much like the terminator).

Sarah has everything to live for. Ripley has nothing. That about wraps it up for me.

- LtDan

All in all it was a good fight but I would like to have seen the fight take place in a Swedish massage parlour

- the big swede

Ripley, I'd say, has got the best chance of winning because she's just to manly. I'm attracted to Sarah O'Connor, but Ripley does absolutely nothing for me. She's probably butch anyway. Butch women fight better than straight women. Also, Ripley has been fighting Aliens*tm. They're a bit faster than the slow moving Arnold-type Terminator*tm and messier than the T-2000*tm. She goes looking for them, for God's*tm sake! O'Connor just kinda went millitant and waited around. If O'Connor had gone into the future and hunted the Terminators*tm, I'd be DAMN impressed. But she didn't, so she can't get my vote.

- Shatner Wins All!

Ok, I'll admit that Sarah Connor is buff and tuff and can do chinups, but what about the reach advantage?! Ellen has got to be at least 6 inches taller and with a correpondingly longer reach, she can stand back and poke Sarah in the face all day.

- WWWF Ultimate Fan

It is my belief that Connor would walk up and promptly break Ripley's neck. However the unborn alien in Ripleys stomach would then make an untimley appearance and kill the person tormenting its host body. After that the alien would be forced to make a new home in Tina Turners hair until it was full grown. Chances are she would not even notice.

- Marsh

Ripley has killed the Aliens using:
1st movie: Airlock
2nd movie: Flamethrower, whiny kid, big metal walker, Bill "I don't know if you're up on current events but we just got our ass kicked" Paxton, and Michael Biehn, who could possibly be the coolest person ever to grace the face of the Earth.
3rd movie: Bunch of celibate convicts and tunnels.

Sarah has taken out the Terminators using:
1st movie: Glorified trash compactor, Nitro-glycerine grenades and Michael Biehn, who at that point was still the coolest person to ever walk the planet.
2nd movie: Another Terminator, punk kid, shotgun, and 13+ years combat training from Mexicans.

Since the Thunderdome houses no firearms, no mechanical devices, and most importantly no Michael Biehn, the stronger and smarter woman is gonna emerge victorious.

We know for a fact that Ripley is not very bright. In the first movie she decided, "Well, everyone on the ship has just been shredded to pieces by a big ugly thing, I think I'll strip down to my panties and take a nap." Sarah Conner, on the other hand, used a paper clip to escape from a mental hospital. That takes cunning.

As for strength, Sarah Conner has her beat here also. Ripley is, in fact, a miner. A large number of Sci-Fi movies rest upon the fact that a large colony of miners have been wasted by a group of Aliens, a single unknown lifeform, the Energizer bunny, etc. Sarah, on the other hand, has spent upwards of thirteen years learning how to kick the living crap out of people. Looks to me like this is going to be an easy match.

Just on a side note, here, I don't see why you think Debbie Gibson is wimp. I personally think Debbie Gibson could waste Ripley, Connor, Madonna, Tina Turner, Master Blaster, and even stand her own against the champion, Mad Max, and still come out with only a few rips in her jeans...

- Some Dork

Could this be any easier? While I would of course pay to be the towel boy in either of these corners, the key to the matchup is, as usual, in the intangibles. The fatal flaw in this equation is that we are matching character against character, rather than actress against actress.

Sarah Connor had a child who went on to become so incredibly powerful that he could send a T2000(R) back in time to save himself, or his mother. This bad boy appears at any given point that the Connor family needs a boost.

Ellen Ripley, on the other hand, has an extraterrestrial killer popping up any time, any where she lands, with some seriously bad intentions. The acid spitter combined with the homicidally protective Terminator spell a quick dirtnap for Ripley, while Sarah moves on to the pose-down(tm) with the also pretty darned buff Tina Turner.

The only really difficult question here is: Which would serve to more totally captivate - A bead of sweat slowly running down from Sarah's neck, between her breasts and disappearing down her loosely hanging khaki tank top, or... - Shit. Nothing could captivate me more. I really hope it's warm in the Thunderdome.

- Brian Turner -

Ripley is infinitely more butch than Sarah. She's cold and calculating; a completely businesslike killer. On the other hand, Sarah has to rely on threats to her placid, banal, middle class existence before she gets that killer instinct. Ripley also hasn't had her body and mind polluted by noxious NYC sewer gases, and otherwordly dribble promulgated by mutant felines. Obviously Sarah has lost any edge she might have gained living in Lotusland.

- ice prince

This is a tough match, but the Alienator must win. Not only has she been up against INTERGALACTIC evil 3 times as opposed to Conner's 2-time earthbound warfare, but she doesn't have any pesky teenagers a)getting in her way or b) clouding her judgment. Jones the Cat, of course, is dead (eight lives used up on Nostromo, then starved to death when Ripley left him in Company storage). And as far as a psychotic edge ... Ripley all the way. She has absolutely nothing to lose and her stress levels are WAY higher than Conner's (the result of neverending strobelights in her face). Finally, and I must assert that this is PRIME: Ripley's got the guts to go BALD. Bad-ASS, my friends, and you can't deny it. And looks good doing it (though that underwear scene in Alien is still #1).

- bobafett bret

The deciding factor in this was something that neither Brian nor Steve discussed. Heart. Sarah connor has virtually no heart. she doesn't care about anyone except her futuristic husband and her son. Ripley cares about the families on lv640 or whatever, the cat, Newt, Hicks, The prison doctor, and the prison's token black guy. Ripley is simply not hardened enough to destroy another person just because she wants to.

- Troy McClure-You may remember me from such roles as...

Sarah was disqualified because she was a no-show: the Thunderdome is way too high profile. There could be dozens of Terminators lurking in the crowd. AND her name is on the ticket stub. BAD IDEA. As Ripley is waiting, Margaret (one of the nice little old ladies from "Arsenic and Old lace") sees that she all alone, and invites her over for tea, and a little nip of elderberry wine.

- Lucifer

Sarah Connor will win for one obvious reason: the Future Factor(tm).

You see, if Connor is destined to lose, then in the future her son will simply send back a few Terminators(tm) to turn the tide of battle. (Of course, then we get into the paradox that the Terminators(tm) will never need to be sent in the future, but who cares: Time-travel paradoxes never mess things up in the movies.)

- Dominic

Chaos reigned on the infamous Thunderdome as bodies of ragged post- apocalypse waifs and urchins lay dead or maimed. Surrounded by this horrid carnage, the Woman with No First Name stands, teeth clenched, eyes burning with the fury of a thousand suns and one leg planted firmly and triumphantly upon the chest of the obviously dead and prostrate Sarah Connor. Ripley. The woman warrior. The destroyer of the Aliens. The woman who has cheated death several times. Somewhere in the distance, the high-pitched wailing of Edward Furlong can be heard, sounding not unlike Wesley Crusher if he ever cried. Despite the power of these two opponents, Ripley would prevail, because of the simple reason that she has nothing to lose! Sarah Connor (she always has to be referred to by her full name, that's an obvious minus!) would be ultimately merciful towards the opponent, as when we last saw her, she became (boo-hoo) more understanding of human life. This is just the same as the Worf vs. Chewbacca fight: it comes down to the fact that one has been softened her experience while the other has just been hardened. Can't you just imagine Sarah Connor holding a spear to Ripley's neck and then suddenly backing into a corner and start crying. Whereas Ripley would take that opportunity to grab Sarah Connor by the neck and shake her around like a rag-doll. God knows what kind of life Sarah Connor lead after that whole T2 thing. She probably got into the PTA and the local book club, baking cupcakes for John's fifth grade class on Valentine's Day, preparing him for whatever he's going to be instead of a (ohh, I'm shaking...) great military leader. Ripley, on the other hand, is pretty much immortal, and will continue being the hard, cold warrior forever. When Ripley actually finds ultimate peace and happiness in life is when James Cameron directs an adaption of a Danielle Steele novel.

- Colin

C'mon, get with it. They have each faced some pretty hairy scenes and neither of them going to stand for some ex pop-signer with bad hair do put them up to something like this. They will glare at each other with a litte wink. Then Ripley will use the Thunderdome Axe (TM) to break through the dome while Sarah smashes Tina wih her Sister Sledge Hammer (TM). After Tina becomes a blood puddle with bad hair, they will stare down the whole crowd of Mutants, Weirdos and Post-Apocalypse Scum, who will part like the red sea. The girls'l run past, jump onto their conveniently parked Hogs (TM) ("after a nuclear war everybody rides Harleys" -Penn Jilette). Then they'll ride off the edge of a cliff like T & L.

- Miguel "Philo" Valdespino

If the ThunderDome--dome--dome were stripped of weapons, with the combatants only able to rely on their acting ability, it'd be one lame-ass battle. But here in Reality(tm), the advantage goes to Ripley. Granted, she's no master of weapons. But she's definitely got the intelligence advantage. Go rent Spartacus, Escape from New York, or Rocky IV, and then you'll see that the less physically superior specimen always wins when they got brains. Definitely Ripley. Besides, I can't, with a clear conscience, vote for Connor because she sleeps around with her kid's buddies. Sick.

- Trash

Sarah Connor in a domeslide. You see from what I remember of the thunderdome there were lots of Mel Gibson sized nooks and crannys Ripley being a tall curvy hunka hunka burnin' woman will simply not fit and when she does try to fit she will leave a foot or an arm hanging and parts will be then cut off by the weapon of Sarah's choice most likely the chainsaw but thats just my best guess.

- Tony Jaramillo, Jr.

Sarah has trained with all manner of weapons, and is a skilled martial artists. Ripley on the other hand, knows how to use huge guns with the firearm equivalent of cruise control. How tough can it be to waste aliens with a balance-controlled/anti-recoil heavy assualt cannon?

- LoFi (Ken Adams, AiS, `98)

What's camo-fatigues or grey BVD's got to do with it? Ripley has met the acid salivating Alien face to face, mono a mano, etc., while Sarah has done nothing but run throughout both pictures. How do you compare a USA trained Astro-Nut to a chili eating, tequila belching Zapatista?

- M. Cavazos

Tough choice. Going by looks, Connor would win hands down. But that's only part of the story. Think about the past experiences of both women.

Connor has always fought against a single, very tough opponent, with help. In the first movie, her boyfriend pipebombed the terminator. In the second movie, she had a terminator to help with the job.

Ripley always fights against a *lot* of very tough opponents, and her help usually gets killed. She also has extensive experience with flamethrowers, which we know are available in thunderdome.

On this count, Ripley gets a slight edge. However, the real clincher comes when Ripley gets Connor down, but doesn't want to kill her "She's not an alien. This isn't part of the deal". After this, Conner is shot to shouts of "Bust a deal, face the wheel". This time, however, Turner knows enough to rig the wheel, so ripley is soon shot.

- Cory (Madman) Davis

Wow, good matchup.  I can't remember a more evenly-matched battle 
since Wonder Woman (TM) vs. the Bionic Woman (TM).  (Of course, I only 
found this site last week, but I digress.)

The only way to approach this is scientifically (TM).  Ergo:

	It's a no-brainer.  Sarah Connor?  Spent years working out, 
although I'm not really sure why because it's her son running his ass 
off fighting killer androids in the future and not her.  Ellen Ripley?  
Catching up on her beauty sleep in hibernation.  Shoves spacefood 
(Tang ((TM)) et al) down her mouth by the ton with swarthy-looking 
space types when she's not napping.

	Hamilton took off her clothes and looked great in the original 
"The Terminator."  Not so sure I want to see her naked in "T2."  
(Don't go for that brawny-but-beautiful look.)
	Weaver stripped down to eeny-meeny cotton panties in "Alien"(?) 
and looked strangely alluring.  (I'm a little disturbed by the 
eroticism of this scene, BTW.'s the suggestion of death by 
all the Aliens that makes me think of sex, even when it's Sigourney 
Weaver.  Never mind, I got it!  I got it!)  Close call, but gotta give 
it to our old friend, Ellen Ripley.

	Ellen Ripley?  Pissed off at robots ever since one went bananas 
and gave her a bad perm.  Lovable friend from "Millennium," Bishop, 
earned her trust, then torn to fiber-optic cables when Alien Queen 
sneaked aboard.  Would rather stage-dive into molten lava than face 
creator of Bishop.  Please.
	Sarah Connor?  Fought the original Terminator with nothing but 
small items in her purse and wicked pair of high heels.  Befriended 
lovable Terminator in second installment of series.  (This time, the 
robot takes a dive into molten lava rather than face her and scrappy 
tyke, Eddie Furlong ((TM)).  Can't really blame him.)  Her whole life 
is devoted to robots, robots, robots.  Advantage goes to Connor.

Advantage:		ELLEN RIPLEY
	Linda Hamilton exchanged bad poetry with an overgrown fireplace 
rug.  "Beauty and the Beast," my ass (TM).
	Sigourney Weaver did a film with Melanie Griffith.  In the fight 
with Connor, all actress Weaver has to do is summon up the memory of 
that voice to send her into a psychotic rampage not unlike the 
Tasmanian Devil's, destroying everything in her path.  Of course, all 
Hamilton has to do is think about acting with Edward Furlong (TM), and 
that might do the trick for her.

	Sarah Connor was a waitress making $3.25/hour (It's the mid-80's, 
remember.) in a greasy spoon.  Drawn into plot that sounds like bad 
"Twilight Zone" episode.
	Ellen Ripley: deep-space hibernation mission taking laser 
jackhammers to asteroids rich in aluminum (TM) or something.  There's 
really no contest.  (Although to her credit, Connor's job serving 
slobs in L.A. is pretty ball-busting, too.  Remember the kid who 
slipped a spoonful of ice cream into her apron pocket?)

	Sarah Connor attracted to Reese, a military man from the future 
devoted to wiping out Terminators for future generations.  Still gets 
weepy over him.  Let him "go all the way."  Reese goes on to better 
place (TM), but not before he fathers savior for the future when 
Microsoft Skynet (aka Windows '97) runs roughshod over everything.  
Bill Gates fiddles as L.A. burns.
	Ellen Ripley attracted to Hicks, a military man from the future 
devoted to wiping out Aliens for future generations.  Flirts with him.  
Doesn't let him get to first base.  Hicks bears uncanny resemblance to 
Reese.  Doesn't regret not doing "horizontal Macarena" (TM) with him 
until he's Alien brunch.
	Neither wins.

	Hangs out with abusive military types (TM) learning how to fight.  
Takes up primitive, 20th-Century technology to wipe out sophisticated 
machines.  Kicks some serious ass in the end.
	Hangs out with Charles Dutton aka "Roc" and prissy, tea-drinking 
English boys quoting Shakespeare (TM) in prison colony.  Takes up 
sophisticated machinery to battle primitive lifeforms.  Takes herself 
out in the end.

	It's a tough one, but it all comes down to that last one.  It's 
Sarah Connor by a pinky toe.

- Andy Ho

Hey, Sarah can improvise better. She's Macgyver with better muscles.

- Carb, DarkEvada

After much incendiary commotion within the shell of the Thunderdome-dome-dome, after all the flame-thrower fuel has been exhausted, all the knives blunted, bats broken and all the chainsaws have run dry of dramatic license, Conner and Ripley face off, mono a mono, for the final physical showdown. The crowd, anticipating limbs ripped useless, much blood, and a really good cat-fight goes wild! And they are not disappointed. Finally, as Conner manages to wrestle Ripley to the ground for the deathgrip everyone's been waiting for, Ripley shudders, spasms. Sarah Conner, believing this to be a trick, a feigned attempt of weakness, senses victory and pulls her closer. So when the alien queen that's been growing inside Ripley's chest for so long finally bursts out, it does so with such force that it punches _through_ Sarah Conner as well! The useless, blood-splattered husks of both women roll to the dusty floor of the Thunderdome-dome-dome, and a shocked silence hangs above the incredulous crowd, as it witnesses the birth of the angel of its ultimate demise.

The tally:
Conner - 0
Ripley - 0
Alien Chestburster - 1

And before anyone can say Aliens4, the little chestburster takes off for one of those nooks and crannies post-apocalyptic worlds are so famous for...

- S. Benoit

I recently ran across your page and I must express my disappointment.

The A-Team would have PUMMLED MacGyver. The fact that you are putting this anti A-Team propaganda on the internet for young children to read enrages me as an American citizen. What will this country come to when young children no longer believe that with creativity, a cabbage launching tractor, and a gold plated black man with a mohawk, you can do anything. These are the values, the very foundation of this country, the only country that a man like barry mannilow could get more girls than me in. Anyhow if you do not remove this blasphemy against the A-Team, I will be forced to dislike you. THIS HAS BEEN A WARNING!

- that guy who was pissed about the anti A-Team propaganda

During the battle the two valiant enemies will face off and prepare for a fight to the finish. Connor will crack her knuckles and flex her substantial musculature; Riply will stretch out her lithe frame and prepare to kick some puny human butt. And then, it will begin, not with a fight, but with a shout:

"Alien 3! Remember Alien 3!"

And with that, the OUTRAGED crowd of Alien fans will storm the arena. Connor won't have to raise a finger as the frothing, howling mob of death-dealing SF fanatics tear Ripley apart. The blood will fly, little bits and pieces of flesh and bone will pelt Connor and stain her clothes forever. And when it is over, the mutilated carpet of human remains will stand as a testament to terrifying ferocity of the human animal, a ferocity that no mere machine, no mindless alien, can ever hope to match.

RESULT: Sarah Connor 1, Ellen Ripley 65,000 (Pieces)

- Elladan

It's gotta be Ripley. Conner showed her total incompetence in battle. e.g..that even with a night vision scope and an automatic rifle (at 25 feet) she couldn't knock off the computer engineer geek in his home. Too bad it wasn't the broad side of a barn she wanted to snuff. Ripley showed her will to survive, e.g., after preserving the body parts of the droid fellow (and I'm sure they edited out her stuffing cotton balls around his heat seeking moisture missle before putting it erect into hypersleep) will realize that the dome is actually a place where women go to read Vogue magazine articles to guide their lives, and will see Conner for the real lezbo she is, get pissed, and toss some of the alien slime down Conner's blouse. Done deal. Ripley will then begin taking notes for her report back to home base. Probably go ape after that.

- M.C. Laughlin

Sarah Connor is Evander Holyfield to Ripley's Mike Tyson. Ripley is used to battling large, bulky creatures that come in fast and hard, with no style or finesse. In this case, she has met a well-trained, hard-bodied sex mach... I mean a well-trained warrior with years of experience behind her.

- Bryan Ball

Sarah will win. Why? Because she's a babe, of course. Besides, everyone knows that Aliens are not real. Mere fiction. Its a well know fact that what Ellen was doing was just "acting" with pretent monsters. Sarah, on the other hand, was putting up with real adversaries in the Terminator documentaries. Aliens - make believe. Time travel and cyborgs - very real. Plus, Sarah has a much nice butt!

- SarahFan

So it goes down to mental capacity -- and Ripley has the edge there. Her taste in men proves it. Sarah Connor actually HAD SEX with Michael Biehn's character -- we saw it -- while Ripley just stuffed his acid-soaked hide into a freeze unit. Connor actually carried his seed in her body and produced a useless brat that we have to trust to save the world from Ahh-nold and Jason Patrick. If that's our saviour, just put my skull under the treads of an HK RIGHT NOW!


Honestly, I've never seen any of the Alien movies. From what I've seen, Ellen Ripley can handle almost anything. But this time, she's going up against something greater than the BABE FACTOR (tm), the RAGE (tm) and the FORCE (tm) combined - power never seen before in any WWWF Grudge Match (tm). We're talking MATERNAL INSTINCTS! (TM).

Sarah Connor has only one motivation: John Connor. Her only child is going to save the world from the robot holocaust. He must be kept safe at all costs! For him, she's shacked up with every two-named drunk biker/mercenary she met so they could teach John necessary skills, fought the inept system that thought she was insane, helped defeat two terminators AND put herself in situations of certain doom to protect her son. Then combine that with being a single mother who alone endured potty training and piles of Mexican diapers, suffered through John's all-night fevers and accidental bullet wounds and rejoiced at John's first steps and first robbery of an ATM. We are talking serious dedication here!

But, as any mother could tell you, the job is far from over. John has so much left to learn! He must be protected! Who else is there to do that? Foster parents? Will they make sure he brushes and flosses three times a day? Will they get the blood stains out of his camouflage after a long day on the job? Will they break John out of prison in a daring daytime helicopter raid? Can they teach him how to kill a man instantly with the two scoops of Kellogg's Raisin Bran, part of a full balanced breakfast? Not likely! And we all know what happened the last time a terminator showed up! So, who will be there for him in his time of need? MOM, THAT'S WHO! She must stay alive, dammit, and protect her baby, the fruit of her womb, the child she carried for nine months, the infant she nursed in her arms. And if she has to kill "baldy" to do it, so be it.

I give Sarah thirty seconds before she rips out Ellen's intestines and strangles her to death with them. DON'T MESS WITH MOM!

- Paul Golba

These two ladys are well matched, but eventually one will come out on top. As we saw in T2 Sarah won't hesitate to lie to get out of a jam. Sarah would convince Ripley and everyone else that there's no need to continue with this useless death and destruction. Ripley agrees and decides the they should go see a movie, perhaps something starring Paul Reiser.

A solid freindship is made during "Mad About You : The Movie", and the two ladies share all of thier free time together. Three years later, after a long day of shopping for tank tops, the two ladies enjoy a nice coffee break. After all this time of leading Ripley on it was time for Sarah to make her move. Sarah shouts " Hey isn't that Bishop?" As Ripley turns to look, Sarah stabs her in the neck with a plastic spoon. Sarah then returns to the the arena to exchange Ripley's lifeless corpse for her 2000 credits, plaque and ham.

- Army Ant

Just as they are about to rip one another to shreds, they notice the evil and crafty Ike Turner in the corner, and realize that they have been tricked into fighting one another. They each say "I Don't Really Want To Fight Anymore--It's Time For Letting Go." But before they leave, they pull Ike inside out for his insouciance.

- El Guapo

When the adrenaline is pumping, and the classic "fight or flight" response kicks in, Ripley takes it to her adversaries; Conner heads for the exit. Conner talks a good game, but is incapable of developing a plan to defeat (as opposed to avoid) her opponent; Ripley focuses on what it takes to get the job done. And Ripley is not likely to be tricked into crawling through a drill press or balancing on the edge of a cauldron of molten metal.

- The Lone Gunmen

Sarah's got Ripley beat hands down. Her physical structure alone is enough to tear Ripley apart. Not to mention, Linda Hamilton has a twin sister. So if the tough got going, they could tag-team that skinny stick-woman, Ripley.

Even if Sarah Conner weren't all buff and tough muscle, she has the drive and initiative it takes to take down a mean momma like Ripley. Let's face it...Sarah goes looking for trouble...After meeting the first Terminator she devotes the rest of her life to blowing the crap out of them. Ripley just seems to keep reluctantly falling into her role as Alien killer. Also, I think it takes more cajones to face a T1000 with a shotgun than a few Aliens with a major "definite-kill-cannon".

- Mike

Sarah Connor, all the way here. Althought the arguments have gone back and forth, lets be serious. First off we must be assured that this is the the rough and tumble, duct tape a pulse rifle and flamethrower together Aliens Ripley and not the "I'm doing the Nestea(tm) plunge into molten lead" Alien 3 Ripley, or else you may as well toss a bag of Kingston Match-Ready(tm) into the ring against Sarah.

Marks agianst Ripley:
-- No cute, endearing child to instill mother reflex and save.
-- No cute, endearing cat to instill owner reflex and save.
-- No pack of whacked out sanitarium inmates to save.
-- No android involved in anyway (either on Ripley's side or not)
-- No corporate asshole sellout to inspire Ripley's Rage (tm)

Marks for Connor:
-- Full blown all-out psycho (pen to the kneecap, syringe of Draino)

The crowning defeat for Ripley will come when she realizes that there is no airlock in the Thuderdome,dome,dome. Without an airlock, we know that Ripley is doomed, so Hasta la Vista, Ripley...

- shane

It's a pretty one sided match for awhile. Ripley's kickin' Ms. Conner's butt all over the place with her awesome Caterpiller(TM) Power Loader(TM). Just then, in a bright ball of light, Sarah's reinforcements arrive: Terminator, T-1000 (he's been reprogrammed-he's good now), John and Reese. Things are looking bad for Ripley, when all of a sudden, her reinforcements crash through the roof of the Thunder- Dome-dome-dome (TM, Brian) in a USCMC(TM) Dropship. When it lands, out steps Bishop, Hicks, Rebecca "Newt" Jorden, and five dozen alien warriors lead by a Queen who all stowed aboard the ship. Both competitors' alies start duking it out in the following matchups:

Terminator vs. Bishop

Although it looks pretty obvious who would win this one, the upper hand goes to Bishop. Since he was played by Lance Henrikson(TM), and since Henrikson is on Millenium(TM), and since Millenium(TM) is produced by Chris Carter(TM), who also produces X-Files(TM), Bishop is backed by about a million Beasties(TM), Mutants(TM) and Government conspiricies(TM, but I don't know whos), who all are just too much for Terminator. (Besides, Termie was running on Weland-Yutani's [The ****ing Company] Windows 2030[TM])

Reese vs. Hicks

Actually, Mike Biehn's(TM) shock of seeing himself trying to kill himself is too great, and they both go running away screaming into the night.

John Connor vs Newt

Frankly, John's just a brat who can hack with a computer. This isn't going to help him here against Newt, a real survivor. She can crawl around in the airducks under his feet, and maybe scream or bite his ankle, or something. Anyway, she could take him.

T-1000 vs. the aliens

T-1000 sees the aliens as the biggest threat, and, since he's programmed to be good this time, fights them to protect Sarah. But, there's a Predator(TM) hunting the aliens, with Dutch Schafer(TM) hunting him. Dutch sees Terminator(TM) and thinking it's another Predator(TM) trick, goes over and opens up a can of Buttkick(TM) all over Termie's sorry case. The Predator sees Terminator too and decides to beat him up, because, in his own words, "you killed my brother in a previous Grudge(TM) match." So, Termie's got real problems! anyway, T-1000 has morphed into another Queen in an attempt to confuse the aliens. But the Predator(TM) sees the two alien Queens and decides that both their skulls would go great with his newly aquired Terminator mellon. Before T-1K knows what's happening, he gets a plasma burst right between the eyes. All this time, everybody has forgotten about Ripley and Connors, who have settled their differences and decided to team-up to fight the real enemy: The Company. They're the ones responsible for screwing everything up (i.e, this post-apocalyptic state). They had gotten ahold of an alien specimen, and Terminator's(TM) arm (stuck in the gears at the leadworks in T2) at the same time, and totally screwed up the world. So Ripley and Sarah connors went out to hunt down Bill Gates(TM), the president of Weland-Yutani-Microsoft-Mcdonalds(TM). But that's a story for another day.

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                 \\ \//\\/ //  || \\   // ||
                  \\//||\\//   ||  \\ //  ||
                   \V || V/    ||   \V/   ||
          Building better worlds, software and fast-food 

- Monkeydog!(TM)

Considering that both the contestants have spent time in a mental institution, I think five minutes into the fight, some very white men in very white coats, armed with possibly white guns containing possibly white bear tranquilizer (they'd ran out of the regular stuff) will render both Sarah and Ellen comatose and throw them into the back of a very white van.

- ken-ichi

I voted for Conner for a very simple reason. I wanted to punish Brian for excessive references to Tina Turner songs.

- Morgan

Seeing as how I am a man enthralled with both Sarah Conner and Ellen Ripley, this decision was a rather difficult one. However, when one looks at the facts and forgets speculation, one can easily see that Ripley would, without a doubt, kick some serious butt. Although physically she is much weaker than Connor, her instincts and cunning are quite superior. Connor spent weeks--perhaps even months--in a mental institute before even coming up with a plan of escape (and most people forget that if Arnold hadn't shown up, she would not have actually escaped at all). Ripley, on the other hand, formulates plans on a whim because she realizes ahead of time that there's a job to be done and she's the one who has to do it. While Connor is daydreaming about what the future will be if she fails in her mission, Ripley shuts out what could happen if the aliens get to Earth and just starts annihilating the hell out of them. Truly, her mental skills would, by far, outweigh Connor's brute strength in any given situation. Mind over matter equals stone dead Sarah Connor plus victorious Ellen Ripley.

- CG

I really think Sarah Connor would whip Ripley's ass. First of all, Ripley really isn't that scary unless she's got a 10mm pulse rifle (armor piercing high-explosive caseless ammo or not!), a grenade launcher, a super-Zippo flame thrower, or big bannana-colored hydraulic walking forklift! Did she ever have to hand-to-hand the Hive-Mother without power-assist?

On the other hand, Sarah Connor demonstrates excellent hand-to-hand techniques, as she quickly and efficiently beats up both psychiatrists, turnkeys, and rent-a-cops. And plus, long before she reincarnated for T2 (tm), she spent a lot of time hanging out with a big lion-faced guy called Beast who could rip people up like nobody's business. Surely she picked up a few tips on fighting dirty from the Beast himself!

- Dan.

I almost gave this one to Ripley (believe it or not), but let's face it. She's only tough when she's got some heavy duty firepower backing her up. Connor is much more skilled at fighting with small, close range weapons and unusual tatics. She'll grab a big knife off the ground, jump up, and slice one of Ripley's bungie cords, leaving her dangling and out of control. Connor then just swoops down for the kill from above.

Besides, when it's announced that Ripley's pregnant with the Terminator's child, she'll just kill herself for the good of humankind.

- MacGuyver

First of all, Sarah Connor is the only woman I've ever seen do pull-ups. Second, Sarah's got more cranial protection. One shot to Ripley's bald head, and she's knocked out. And that damn droid ain't around to save Ripley's ass.

- You Friendly Pakistani

Sarah and Ellen will NOT kill each other. They aren't into killing humans for the sake of someone else's enjoyment. They're going to collaborate on using that arsenal to make dogmeat of anyone who tries to keep them in there. They'll probably have a great bonding experience in the process, relating to each other on a deeply spiritual soulmate level, with lines like "No one has ever understood me the way you do." After the spectators have either been brutually crushed or deeply moved by the caring shown by two such intensely butch women, Sarah & Ellen will walk off into the sunset together, reappearing in a few years for "Alien Terminator: Your Worst Nightmare."

- Melissa Schofield

I way I see it Ripley is just a gun slinging wild woman. I'm sure that even if you give Alice (from Alice in wonderland) the right fire arms even she would look like a tuff gal in the mist of alien attack. But, when you look at the Ripley from Alien3 she was really no different then the the scared one found in Alien. So, when it comes to thunder dome battle (without firearms) Ripley will be running around that dome in terror tring to strip down to her underwear just to be more aerodynamic and attempt to escape the ass kicking that will come from the hand to hand combat trained Connor...

- innertemple

Let's face it, guys: there is no way that Ripley would take out Connor in single combat. It boils down to a simple matter of military training; Connor has it, Ripley doesn't. All Ripley has been trained to do is work on a starship, while Connor has spent years studying how to kick ass. Let's also remember that Connor succesfully protected her charge by herself at the end (if she hadn't run out of ammo, T2 was toast), where Ripley needed Bishop to save hers.

Besides, there isn't an airlock in the Thunderdome.

A handicap against both of them is that neither have a dirty/smart-assed kid to protect. This will make the fight less fun, because a) the ferocious mother instinct doesn't turn them into raging wildcats b) there's no possibility that the dirty/smart-assed kid will buy it.

- Reverend

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Raptors v. Aliens
Bionic Woman v. Wonder Woman
Mad Max v. Snake Plissken

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