World Wide Web Fights presents

Cube... disk... cube... disk...

The Setting

A black shape looms over the dark side of the moon. Slowly, the Earth rises above the horizon. The mothership proceeds onward with one mission clearly in mind: Kill all inhabitants and then ransack the planet.

Suddenly, a warp in the Space-Time Continuum (tm) occurs. From this fissure in the 4th dimension emerges a ship as large as the first, but with a noticeably different shape. It too is headed towards Earth. Its goal: to assimilate the entire planet, its inhabitants and its technology.

Clearly, this planet ain't big enough for the both of them. And since they both come from the Dirty Harry (tm) school of shoot-first-and-don't-bother-with-the-questions-later (tm), the battle begins immediately.

So, Steve, which giant ship wins this semi-final match for Earth supremacy before moving on to the finals and certain destruction at the hands of a star-studded hollywood cast?

Borg Cube, Star Trek: The Next Generation ID4 Mothership, Independence Day



ID4 Mothership

The Commentary

STEVE: Well, it's gotta be the Borg on this one. There are several obvious reasons, and some not-so-obvious reasons. ID4 ships are designed by Acme Spacecraft, Inc. (TM), proud designers of other infamous creations such as the Death Star, featuring the exclusive "Destructo-Port (TM)" technology. With the death ray opening being such a glaring weakness, the Borg will have no trouble eliminating anything the ID4ers can throw at them. Meanwhile, any damage that the ID4ers impart on the Borg only leads further to their own destruction. The Borg will analyze and learn from their attack, and combined with their ability to repair, will make quick work of the Mother Ship.

These obvious points are only the beginning however. It's also important to look at the Mother Ship's history and see who previously defeated it. At the top of the list is the Fresh Prince. The Mother Ship was actually defeated by a guy who raps with someone named "DJ Jazzy Jeff" and sings "I don't know what made me think I could beat Mike Tyson". Also on the list is our old friend Cousin Eddie from the Vacation movies. The aliens in ID4 were defeated by a man who pisses his pants and forgets who he is for a week anytime a microwave oven is on nearby. If Cousin Eddie can take'em, then the Borg certainly can.

BRIAN: O.K., Steve. Let's discuss who lost to whom and compare. Since both of these combatants barely lost, it can be assumed that whoever lost to the stronger foe must be superior. Who has the Borg lost to? A bunch of second-rate actors from a glorified spin-off show with warmed over characters and wimpy plot lines. And a bald French guy! The Borg lost to people that never want to hurt ANYBODY! That's pretty weak. ID4, on the other hand, required much greater forces to be felled. First you had the "Fresh Prince". Second, you had Lone Star, another "honest-to-God" prince. Thus it took TWO members of royalty and with them their respective kingdoms. That's powerful. Add to that a world reknowned professor of chaos theory, a flaming homosexual, someone who had previously infiltrated their system, and Judd Hirsch, and you've got a force that could destroy the universe.

Besides this, there are two reasons that the Borg CANNOT win: 1.) If history has taught us anything, it's that communism does not work. What is the Borg? A collective. "The needs of the many..." yadda yadda yadda. Their socialism is doomed to failure. In the new movie the Borg appears to have shed its shackles of Marxism, only to become a monarchy. Well, I think Britain is an excellent example of what good a queen will do for you now-a-days. 2.) You can't defeat the ID4 Mothership without a PowerMac (tm)! Unfortunately for them, the Borg is strictly PC-based, as we have learned from a previous encounter with Bill Gates. While Windows(tm) 95(tm) chews up a horrendous amount of RAM trying to break through to the Mothership's computer, the Borg is rendered defenseless. We've seen how big of a Death Ray the ID4 sister-ships had... surely the first blow from the mothership's Freakin' Big Death Ray (tm) is too extensive for even the Borg to recover from.

STEVE: For all we know, the Mothership doesn't even have a death ray (that's why it needs the smaller ships), so your proposal is weak at best. And don't call me Shirley. I can't believe that you actually brought up the PowerMac issue, and made it a case for your side! If the aliens from ID4 can be defeated with a PowerMac, then they are truly pathetic. You also make mention of royalty and how Lone-Star and the Fresh Prince's entire kingdoms help in the downfall of ID4. Let's see, the last time I checked, the net sum of their two kingdoms combined consists of TWO PEOPLE? This time the new Borg Queen royalty will show the ID4 aliens what royalty is all about.

Finally, have you ever noticed the alarming trend that anytime you have a saucer shaped spacecraft it is doomed to lose? There are so many instances: The spaceships in V, the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica, the saucers from The Day the Earth Stood Still, the list goes on and on. Even the saucer-section for the Enterprise in the last Star Trek film crashed & burned. Thus the Mothership is doomed to failure before it even begins. The Borg ship, with its refreshing cube shape, will not fall victim to the curses associated with the saucer shape, and will easily move on to victory.

BRIAN: Now hold on a second. Are you trying to tell me that the kingdoms of Lone Star and the Fresh Prince only consist of two people? Well, first off, you got Barf. Then you've got Princess Vespa and her entire kingdom, Yogurt (tm), The Schwartz (tm), and Dot Matrix (tm). From the other side you've got DJ Jazzy Jeff (tm). 'Nuff said. And the Borg Queen is of little consequence. Anyone who has the same warped taste in men as Yar is destined to suffer the same fate.

Oh, and IF the Mothership doesn't have a Death Ray, then they wouldn't have the Destructo-Port (tm) weakness you discuss. Am I losing you, Steve? The sisterships are clearly designed for planetary assaults -- the Mothership would need to have the heavy artillery. I think it's safe to assume that the Mothership has a proportionally sized Death Ray. What does that mean? Bye-Bye Borg.

And let's assume that the Borg can overcome the weapons of the Mothership; let's assume that the Borg could in some unfeasible way break through the impenetrable ID4 shields; let's assume that the Borg finds a PowerMac (tm) lying around. Even with all that, the Borg stands no chance. Why? Telepathy. The ID4 aliens have interspecies telepathic powers which allow communication and some sort of Scanners (tm) effect with Excedrin (tm) written all over it. Imagine millions of these aliens telepathically tapping into the Borg's neural network. They could explode every Borg skull simultaneously. Or they could play with them for a while by sending over such messages as "The Queen would like to see you in her chambers now" or "Locutus says you fight like a girl." In-fighting, as we know, is in their circuitry. Either way, ID4 wins.

Visit Jim Albury's Borg Institute of Technology (tm).

Special thanks to Craig Jackson, Rod Jackson, and Karen Jackson for important technical support. Tito and Jermaine were not available. Thanks also to Greg Karahalis for last minute support.

Thanks to R. Scott Bailey and Scott Silverstein for suggesting this match-up. Thanks also to the scores of people that have suggested other Borg-based match-ups. Additional thanks to Grant Jacobs and Bret Wheadon who tipped us off that a Borg-based Star Trek movie was coming out in November.

The Results

The Borg (1905)


ID4 Mothership (755)

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Voter Comments


The Borg(tm) will win, of course, because of the one crucial factor which you guys overlooked: Network Support(tm)!

When the Borg Cube(tm) approaches the ID4(tm) Mothership(tm), doors will open on one side to release the Borg Sphere(tm), as seen in Star Trek(tm): First Contact(tm), and doors will open on the other side to reveal the never-seen-before Borg Pyramid(tm). These three ships together in outer space form a gigantic, cybernetic UPN(tm) logo and will proceed to blast the aliens with an endless supply of One- Dimensional Characters(tm), Trite Jokes(tm), Ghetto Humor(tm), and Rap Theme Songs(tm), powerful weapons of massive psychological and emotional destructive power culled from their vast library of Cloned African-American Sitcoms(tm).

As a last-ditch effort the Mothership(tm) will tap into its own limited Network Support(tm) and will send out its best defensive efforts along the airwaves, but they are doomed to fail. The Borg(tm) will simply respond with the following dismissals:

"Wakko(tm) is irrelevant. Yakko(tm) is irrelevant. Dot(tm) is irrelevant. Singing Frogs(tm) are irrelevant. You will surrender your ship or we will destroy you. Resistance Is Futile(tm)."

The Borg(tm) will then proceed to create a weapon which drains the Mothership Energy Shield(tm), secure the now-defenseless Mothership(tm) with a Tractor Beam(tm), engage the Borg Cutting Beam(tm), and finally, capture and Assimilate(tm) the alien crew and the Mothership(tm) itself.

All of this is a certainty because these tremendously powerful Borg Ships(tm), like UPN(tm) itself, rely on a truly unstoppable source of power for their growth and survival--the dreaded, all-powerful and ubiquitous Recycled Plot(tm)!

- T.G.

ROTW (tm) Silver Medal Winner (tm)

Score: ID4 15 Borg 0
Fifteen of the 15-mile-wide ID4 assault ships exit the Mothership, open their Destructo-Ports(tm) and whale away with their White-House- Eating, Empire-State-Building-Eliminating, Kremlin-Krushing, Big-Ben- Bending, Hague-Holocausting, LA-Lambasting, Versaille-Vandalizing, Quebec-Qruching, Sydney-Swallowing, Peking-Ducking, Big Momma Brand Ultra Kill-O-ZAP Richter-Scale 15 Whammo-Ram Beam (tm Roget Technology) and blow the ever-loving collectivist authoritarian waste product out of the tiny little 5-mile wide Borg cube. Due to the long time it takes to open the Destructo-Ports (tm), the Borg have enough time to beam a few thousand Borg over to the Mothership, where they are found, several weeks later, wandering aimlessly, looking for a You-Are-Here bulletin board in the estimated 10,000 miles of corridors.

- Cerberus

ROTW (tm) Bronze Medal Winner (tm)

Your Discussion is irrelevent. You will be assimilated. Next week Stevicus 1 and BrianBorg will sponser Borg protocol 11011101110110100101 vs protocol 10010011100101001011

- Borg@borg.borg.borg

Protocol 10010011100101001011 in a complete no-brainer, Stevicus...

ROTW (tm) Bad-music-reference Honorable Mention (tm)

First off, I'm no Star Trek fan. But i'm gonna have to go with the Borg thingy. Willy there's shootin some b-ball, outside of the airbase, when a couple of interstellar flagships were up to no good. They started causin trouble in his galactic neigborhood. So Will's thinkin "Great!! Another chance to boost my career with an action movie" and he goes to get DJ Jazzy Jeff, cause that wacky guy from ID4 killed himself. Ok, here's the situation, Will Smith's parents went on a weeks vacation, and they left the keys to the brand new spaceship, would they mind, hmmm, nah, of course not. He'll just take it for a little spin, and maybe help destroy the ID4 mothership. The Borg ship would obviously use the help from this washed up rap duo. They beam Jazzy onto the ID4 mothership (I'm assuming here that they have that capability simply because of the whole "Beam me up Scotty" thing), while Will attacks from the outside with his parents' spaceship, but he is distracted by a 14 year old girl who he thinks is older, so he picks her up and goes to McDonalds and gets 2 Big Macs and 2 large fries. Jazzy is wondering around, and in awe of all the expensive machinery, supposes he was at Mr. Banks house, and immediately starts running around looking for Hillary. But in the process he spills a load of grease from his bucket of fried chicken onto the controls of the ship, causing everything to malfunction. But Jazzy was ok, cause right before the ship exploded he was thrown out of the ship head first by a fat bald rich alien lawyer. So with the help of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, the Borg ship conquers and rewards the two with Beta tapes of all the William Shatner Star Trek episodes. So they go home happy. And then out of nowhere, LL Cool J shows up at the Borg ship, in an attempt to follow Will's footsteps, much like his feeble attempt at a sitcom starring a washed up rapper.

- your friendly pakistani

This is a battle which will be over without a shot being fired. Let's look at the past history:

ID4: a race of creatures utterly inhuman in their physiology. You are probably more closely related to the mould growing in your fridge than these guys. Who knows how their brains must be hard-wired? And yet the computer systems on their ships, designed by these utterly alien minds, are able to be infected by an Earth virus.

Borg: a "bitser" race (bitser this, bitser that) which obviously does have a high humanoid contingent, judging by their appearance. Their gestalt computer systems are a fusion of technolgies, and yet the Federation, studying the captive Hugh, were able to create a virus capable of wiping out the Borg collective.

While the ships are scanning the insignificant blue-green planet they will accidentally upload the "Happy Hacker's 1001 Favourite Viruses Home Page" and instantly become infected. The Borg will believe itself to be the largest Oxo (tm) cube in the universe and begin a quest for a primordial soup to assimliate. The ID4 ship will head to Hollywood to join the latest Power Rangers movie as the Fearfull Frisbee Monster.

A draw, but the Borg will last a few nanoseconds longer, coz they look cooler.

- John Hunter

The BORG don't use a lame-ass network like Apple Talk. It takes an android and an assimilated human to interface with the BORG, therefore their computers and shields are safe from the ID4 lamers. The BORG beam onto the ID4 ship and assimilate the whole mess. However it takes 4 centuries for the BORG to upgrade the ID4 ships to hardware and software that does not suck, and by the time they're done the Big-E arrives and Fed-Exes them a rush shipment of Quantum Torpedoes (TM).

- Locutus of Taco Bell

The Borg have better writers. If a PowerMac (tm) can take out the ID4 (tm) aliens, then they are a pathetic lot of space locusts. That type of writing begs credibility. Don't you think if a PowerMac (tm) could truly defeat insidious technologically advanced power hungry destroyers of culture, Apple (tm) would have already used the machine to defeat the alien Bill Gates and his mothership Microsoft (tm).


What this contest boils down to is network down time.

The ID4 bugs were beaten by a freakin' Powerbook 5300. Their network couldn't deal with that chatty AppleTalk. Come to think of it, they let Jeff Goldblum hack their system, what kind of self respecting network gurus would let him break in?

The Borg on the other hand can handle any OS, hellooo can you say assimilate? Yes they can assimilate anything and make it work, hell they could even make windoze run with some regularity. I mean look at them, they have that pasty-white complexion that only true techno- geeks possess: we are talking no unscheduled downtime whatsoever.

So while the ID4 bugs are waiting for their consultant to return their page, the Borg have taken over nearly the entire ID4 armada.

But not to worry, even though the Borg won, the Enterprise-E is on it's way.

- Rond Vidar

I can't see the Borg taking this. Several reasons:

- It has been proven, time and time again, that Star Trek cannot win Grudge Matches (tm). They got beaten in no less than *three* matches with the Star Wars universe (and by *Stormtroopers* once, I might add). Then they fought Babylon 5 and lost *again*, and that was a weenie space station that didn't even have shields. Now, Star Trek sends up their biggest and baddest: the Borg. Of course, this has been made simple by giving the Borg an opponent they cannot possibly hope to defeat. Perhaps the next Grudge Match involving Star Trek will be the Enterprise-E versus the Cabbage Patch Kids. They might be able to beat them.

- The Borg conquer by assimilating their enemies. However, they've never really gone up against really powerful telepaths before, have they? (Guinan's people don't count, as they were lame.) Sure, the Borg can teleport over, but what then? They're not gonna be shot; they'll just be mindzapped and turned into life-size TinkerToys (tm). And even if they get into close combat, the ID4 aliens can kick their ass. Just look at those tentacles.

- Although being beaten by the Fresh Prince is pretty bad, getting beaten by the Enterprise is worse. Consider that Brent Spiner whipped the Borg up big time, but was killed in a second by one lousy ID4 alien. Surely this says something about the combat effiency of the Borg.

In a nutshell, the following happens: the ID4 aliens blow up the Borg ship like so many bad special effects, then promptly get their butts whipped by Willis from "Diff'rent Strokes", flying an Apache helicopter right into the ship. Boom.

- Chris Bird

Much as I do like the Borg, I had to vote for the Mothership. In terms of combat ability I think the aliens and the Collective are dead even. So, this fight would have to be resolved by the most unexpected means anyone could ever think of...Diplomacy!

If the Borg and the pesky ID4'ers ever decided to suspend fighting and hammer out an agreement diplomatically:
1) Earth would be in SERIOUS trouble
2) The ID4's would have a distinct advantage

It's been proven that the Borg aren't exactly great conversationalists. When PicarD was taken aboard their ship, he protested, only to be met with "(X) is irrelevant". For example:

Picard: Impossible. Our society is based on freedom and self-determination.
Borg: Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant.
Picard: We would rather die.
Borg: Death is irrelevant.

Get the idea? In fact, Picard could have prevented his assimilation by stalling the Borg with stupid, mundane things. For example:

Picard: You can't assimilate me! I was in the middle of a bagel with cream cheese.
Borg: Bagel is irrelevant. Cream cheese is irrelevant. You must comply.

SO, the ID4 aliens outtalk the Borg, although barely. Maybe if Will Smith is allowed to sneak in a couple of wisecracks on ID4's behalf...

- David "Half" Nelson

Upon the arrival of the Borg cube, the jellyfish aliens from ID4 will probably stare at it for awhile, awed by the Mentos(TM) level coolness of the BORG. This will last approximately .7 seconds until they receive a radio message from the cube.

"We are Borg, lower your shields and prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

The jellyfish leader will respond with, and I quote, "We're Fucked" Of course, they are not gonna stand for some neat-o looking spaceship trying to conquer them, so they send out all their fighters, as well as detaching the smaller ships with the Death Rays from Hell. The BORG, of course, unloads on them. All of the little fighters are cut down one by one by the cube's weapons just like sweaty camper swatting flies on a boggy summer day next to the river. Any damage that the little ones could possibly do is repaired instantly. The Death Ray from Hell-toting ships give a little more of a fight, though. The Borg fry a couple of them on the way in, but they manage to get above it and start firing up the Death Ray from Hell.

The Borg (all of them) look up at the Death Ray from Hell and say,
"Cool Technology, we gotta steal that."
"Yeah, that will totally help us wipe out the stupid Federation."

The thought process takes all of .77 and a half seconds which, coincidentally, is how long it takes the ID4 ships to blow them out of the sky. A really cool explosion stolen directly from the last movie ensues and the Borg cube is thrashed.

But wait! It's not over. Since the Borg have assimilated all of Frenchie's (a.k.a. Picard's) knowledge, they know about Picards patented, "Picard Move" and they use it. Just before the beam hits the cube, they travel back in time about two seconds and to a different position. So, as soon as the cube gets blown out of the water, it appears above the ID4 ships and blows the crap out of them.

Then, after all the little ones are taken care of, the Borg go after the mother ship, all alone and helpless. The realize that even if the mother ship had a Super Death Ray from Hell, all they have to do is not get under the ship and it can't hurt them. Hooray for Borg! They fly over to the ID4 momma and take it's shields out, which is easily done because they assimilated PowerCrap (excuse me, PowerMac) technology about 373847 centuries ago. Then after the shields are down, a couple transport over to the mother ship and assimilate it.

This, of course, spells deep shit for humanity because now the Borg have the Death Ray from Hell, and they know how to use weapons, instead of just pointing them downward. Yes, thanks to the Borg, a new era of coolness (Mentos(TM) level, in fact) is ushered in.

- Some Dork

Every ID4 ship fell the same way, how long does it take to realise not to expose your one vulnerable point to attacking primatives, hell they even got shot down over Africa. The Borg can occasionaly be outsmarted, but they don't fall for the same trick twice, and they never get shot down by Libyans. Anyway, it is one thing to lose to the main characters, but the ID4ers lost to nameless humans all over the planet, hell the red shirts could beat these guys. The Borg on the other hand have never lost to anyone but the main characters, even in the most recent movie, the Borg were steamrolling Earth until the main characters arrived. The ID4ers don't stand a chance, they might damage the Borg with their first shot, but after that the Borg will adapt and the battle will last only slightly longer than the Enterprise vs the Death Star. The ID4ers are getting assimilated.

- Brendan W. Guy

First of all, let's get some points straightened out: England is a constitutional monarchy, where democracy reigns, and the crown is a figurehead position. The Borg use true Monarchy, there feudalism is everything...There's nothing fiercer than patriotic vassals duking it out for their queen...

- Vlad the Wonder Hamster

Of course, my reasons for voting Borg are more pragmatic. For one thing, the ID4 aliens don't even have a name. We keep having to call them "ID4 aliens," which is stupid. (Where did "ID4" come from anyway? Who calls the holiday "Independence Day Four?")

Anyway, the ID4 folks are even more doomed, because of the way they lost the last time. If these super-tough aliens are dumb enough to send scout ships to possible targets, then the Borg have to have found one by now, and they're much better at finding weaknesses than Jeff Golblum, Ian Malcom, Lone Starr, Mawg, Fresh Prince, Uncle Phil, Michael Jordan and a crack team of cartoon characters, and the entire cast of the Muppet Show put together. Assuming the ID4 ships have discovered dead Borgs in their own "Area 51s," they've already vaporized, leaving only the fresh scent of pine, and nothing to study.

I'll assume the Borg can't assimilate ID4 guys, since the Borg are all WASE (White Anglo-Saxon Earthlings), but they've already got the tentacled ones licked. On top of that, so what if they lose? That's just one Borg ship. The ID4 dudes take their entire population with them on one cramped mothership (how's that for Communism) and if they lose once, there's no rematch later. If the Borg lose, no biggie...they'll just conquer a part of space further down the ID4 schmucks' path and beat 'em then. The line must be drawn here, consarn it!

- Jim Smith

O.K., my first vote was for the Borg, because good science fiction beats bad space opera any day----until Steve went and opened his Big ol' Mouth (Pat. Pend.), and said Nearly Libelous things about the PowerMac. I use a PowerMac, and I think I could take on the Borg and the Mothership, not to mention a puny 586 or 686. Faster, Cooler, More Fun to Blow Things Up With---This Ain't Your Father's Macintosh!

- zombyboy

Steve, in your analysis of who has defeated these combatants in the past, you conveniently omitted the major player in the defeat of the mothership. The man behind the Powerbook was none other than New Jersey, newest member of the Hong Kong Cavaliers. If it took a member of Buckaroo Banzai's crack team of musicians/inter-dimensional world-crisis trouble-shooters to take out that saucer, do the Borg really stand a chance? Underneath those high-tech implants they're just monkey-boys with bad fashion sense who need to get a little more fresh air and sunshine. Those ID4 aliens are evil, pure and simple from the eighth dimension: no match for New Jersey and company, but certainly up to the task of blasting that Cube into so many little pieces (wherever you go, there they are!) even Rubik himself couldn't put it back together again.

- Mark Kolb

The Borg: The size of Lower Manhattan.

ID4 Mothership: The size of New York City (including Staten Island, Westchester, and Jersey City).

The ID4 mothership will not waste time shooting off any of its destructo rays. It will ram the Borg ship. If a truck collides with a crouton, I think I'll put my money on the truck. The ID4 mothership wins by simple Newtonian Physics.

- Budo

The ID4 aliens would win because they are much uglier than the Borg. There is an inverse ratio of uglyness to great movie monsterness in films and usually, the uglier the alien, the better the fighter. The Borg, while not beautiful, are actually no uglier than your average household appliance (only with panache). The ID4 aliens have chutzpah and chutzpah beats panache hands down (unless it's some sort of an inside straight.)

- Terri Buchman

Working on a mainframe computer that required every air conditioning unit from the local hardware store, I was able to play out your scenario using my star-trek shareware game from the late 70's. After working on this and my Duke Nukem(tm) projects, I was able to conclude that ID4 would be able to sit by as Computer Associates(tm), the 20th century equivalent to the Borg (motto: "Resistance is futile, we will assimilate your software company so we don't have to design any new products ourselves."), would take on the Borg in a protracted takeover attempt. The Borg, weakened by the hostile takeover attempt, would then succumb easily to the vertical-only, destro-ray of the mothership.

- Steve b.

Steve has to be right since he used the "and don't call me Shirly." line. History has proven that anyone who says that is right.

- Archanjl

The Borg have 400 years of extra tech up their sleeves, and have the advantage of the naturally superior two-arms-two-legs-one-head and all in the right proportions body shape. Imagine Rommel's tank squadrons against a bunch of deformed medieval knights.

The Borg hands (and not slimy appendages) down.

- David Morgan-Mar

Borg vs. ID4 ships

This is actually an easy case if you stop to think about it: The Borg win hands down. The exceedingly simple reason is that the ID4 ships are so much bigger (1/4 of Moon's mass?).

Why is this an asset for the Borg? This secret x-file transcript from a first contact situation between Major Bubblegum and an alien ship explains it all.

... (cut cut) ...
A: We meen ya no hurm.
MB: I just wanna ask you something. Why are your spaceships so big?
A: To be able to carry all the kerosene.
MB: Huh? I thought your spaceships operate on nucular power or something more advanced.
A: That is true.
MB: Then why carry millions of tons of volatile kerosene with you?
A: We do that in order to let out ships explode spectacularly.

Now you understand why ID4 ships are destined to lose: if you even cough to the direction of them, they'll blow like big torches (as you have seen).

- Henrik 'Leopold' Herranen,

Everyone forgets that the Borg do not attack until they deem the person or persons as a threat. At the most extreme, the borg will begin figuring out a way to transport through the ID4 aliens' Invinco-Shields(tm). Meanwhile, the aliens will do their patented Detach And Move Into Attack Position(tm), and once they're set up, it's all over for the Borg.

- S|GmA

Somewhere in the North Atlantic, on board the aircraft carrier the USS Enterprise...
"Captain's log: July 3, 1996. Jim Kirk commanding. We're tracking the two..huge alien objects that have appeared from out of our solar system in the past day or far we have no indication of their intent...good...or evil.
Kirk: Your report, Ensign.
Witless Ensign: Sir, we've lost all satellite communications.
Kirk: Any idea what happened?
Witless Ensign: Well, sir, as far as we can determine, the aliens in the saucer ship knocked out all our satellites just as the aliens in the cube started accessing our global radio and television networks.
Suddenly, a bright light appears in the daytime sky
Kirk: What was that?
Witless Ensign: Sir, it appears that the cube has been completely destroyed by a single blast from the saucer. Our high altitude spy plane is bringing the picture in now:
An image of destruction fades in to view. The Borg cube has indeed succumbed to the ID4 aliens' mothership, but not before releasing a Borg sphere towards earth.
Witless Ensign: Sir, it looks as if the action is headed our way...(falls dead)
Ship's Doctor: He's dead, Jim.
Back in space, the ID4 mothership fires at the sphere, but by now the Borg shields have adapted to the alien weapon. A flickering blue light begins to envelop the sphere as starts its journey back in time,

A lone astronaut appears on the surface of the moon.
And plants a flag with the MTV logo on it
The image is replaced by Martha Quinn
Martha Quinn: Hey everybody, AIIIIEEEEEEEE!
Borg-Assimilated-Will Smith: Yo! This is the Fresh Prince of Borg. Resistance is futile, y'all.

Simply put, after assimilating the information that Hollywood actors and Apple computers are the best way to take down the ID4 aliens, the Borg travel back to the early 80's to assimilate the entertainment industry and also to make sure the Macintosh gets invented, lest the ID4 aliens try any time-travellin' tomfoolery themselves. As a result of this strategy, the ID4 aliens have to pit themselves not just against the Fresh Prince of Borg, but also Bo and Luke Duke of Borg, David Hasselhof of Borg in the Borg-enhanced KITT, and of course the Borg formerly known as Prince, just to name a few.

Borg in -14 years.

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resistance is futile

- Dave

This will be a cakewalk for the Borg. Main reason: speed. It takes the ID4 mothership _years_ to move from place to place, while the Borg waltz from one side of the Federation to another in weeks. Add the Borg's facility with technology, and you have the potential for an amusing battle.

Picture this: the Borg come upon the ID4 mothership en route to some poor godforsaken place. Now, while the Borg may seem a little stiff, they can actually be fun guys when given the chance. The ID4 aliens are obviously not worth assimilating, so the Borg decide that they're going to have a little fun.

The Borg ship keeps just outside of the firing arc of the ID4 main gun, as the ID4 ship spins frantically on its axis, trying to open up on the Borg. Meanwhile, the Borg ship easily picks off the little ID4 fighters, taking out a few every few seconds, in almost a sneering fashion.

While this is occuring, Borg commandos use the Borg's beam-through-shields technology to beam into the ID4 mothership with personal shields on, smack around a few tentacled aliens, then patch into the ID4 computer. After commenting on how similar the operating system is to Apple's System 7.5 from 20th century Earth, the Borg reprogram the ID4 main computer to blast Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" at mind shattering volumes, while simultaneously overflowing all of the toilets and locking all monitors into "infomercial" mode.

Leaving the ID4 aliens in their collective misery, the Borg beam back to their ship, then proceed to see how much of the ID4 mothership they can slice off before the atmosphere escapes in a whoosh.

The Borg then leaves the ID4 mothership in tatters, warping away with its single mind chuckling.

- Reverend

If the ID4 ship relies on a Mac to run it, then the Borg will just have to wait for it to freeze up (most likely at a crucial moment).
Who would win? The Borg have an advantage by being efficient on the basketball court, due to their collective nature and ability to quickly adapt. But could they take on Michael Jordan? The answer is still a resounding no. Despite their high tech shoes and and bright pink jerseys, their collective interdepence would also be their weakness. They will quickly perceive only Jordan to be a threat and quintuple team him, thus leaving the other players free. Jordan will make an easy no-look behind the back pass to a wide open Taz, who will easily bring it in for a dunk. Another weakness is the fact that the Borg would be coached by a female queen (I will get reamed for my chauvanism) and we know what a failure that will be (the movie Eddie was a complete bomb).

The ID4 aliens have many tentacles, thus their ball handling skills are superior to that of the average human. We all know, however, that Jordan is no average human, and thus their ball handling skills will be negated. The refs are bound to call some double-dribble with that many tentacles on the ball at once. The aliens might also have telepathically gleaned what little basketball information they have from the Fresh Prince. Fresh Prince compared to MJ? Must we even ask? Once again, the aliens are smart enough to know the Jordan is the main threat. This leaves the other players wide open. Bugs, being a bunny, has a tremendous vertical, and will easily be able to post up on any of those aliens. Phil Jackson, Bull's coach, uses OS/2, and if a PowerMac can screw them up, surely the useless OS/2 can.

Oh wait... the Borg versus the ID4 aliens in head to head competition? Which ship is better? Honestly, I do not think that either one of those ships would be able to fit into the stadium, so the point is moot.

- Soft Hand Derfman

Sorry, guys - ID4 all the way. The crew of the Enterprise planned to defeat the Borg by showing them a shape that could not exist, thereby frying all their circuitry or something. The sad fact is, the ID4 aliens could simply use that telepathy to send a single M.C. Escher print to the Borg ship, and what have you got? Locutus, fighting like a girl.

- Justin

The Borg : "You will be assimilated."
ID4 : "lkjdshlkjhglihskjhglkjhlkdjhglk"
The Borg : "Resistance is futile."(Borgese for "Eat #$*% and be assimilated")
ID4 sends fighter craft. These are immediately assimilated and sent back. After 30 seconds ID4 shields are rendered useless. Full assimilation in 28 minutes 15 seconds.

The Earth with no Enterprise around is assimilated in 2 hours 13 minutes and 42 seconds.

- LudFritter of Borg

The Borg have an amazing ability to adapt. The first time they were on ST:TNG, a Borg would get shot, then another Borg would beam to the Enterprise. When they tried to shoot that one, it could block the shots with small shields. In ID4, the ship that crashed at Roswell is taken back to the mothership. This ship is almost 50 years old, yet the aliens don't seem to notice anything odd about it; they treat it as if it were one of their normal current ships. This means they haven't gained any new technology in half a century. They've become too content with what they have now, since it obviously has been enough to destroy a whole bunch of planets.

Because of this, the Borg will prevail.

- L. Wilkes

the borg, because the borg is so much more fun to say. borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg borg.

- ken-ichi

The ID4 aliens will win because the Borg have no crazy, previously kidnapped, sexually abused, suicidal crop dusters on their side. Not to mention the Borg have surely used up their WD-40 supply by now and will corrode one by one into pitiful piles of rust before the fight even starts. If you're going to be fashion conscious, at least make it maintenance-free!

- Meghan

Both ships are so powerful that their weapons will be rendered utterly useless against one another. In the end, they will resort to a totally primative butting of heads. The Borg ship will be the clear winner here. I ask you to recall two events that most children should have experienced at some point.
1) Being hit on the head with a baseball/street hockeyball/fist/ basketball/rubber mallot/other head/whatever.
2) Hitting one's head upon a table corner/door frame/brass knuckles/desk edge/whatever.

Which of these types of things hurt more? Group two, of course. What, then, do they have in common? All the things in group one are round (just like the ID4 ship) while the things in group two have sharp corners and nasty edges (like a Borg cube).

- Michael Stuart Donnelly (

Assume the ID4 ship gets a shot out and destroys the Borg ship. It takes a LONG LONG time for them to even get a single shot out, giving the Borg plenty of time to beam right through their little shields and enter the ship. Having done so, the Borg will then easily overpower the inhabitants of the vessel and assimilate its crew. They'll have a hubcap shaped Borg vessel in no time. The only problem there will be drones with way big heads... but they're Borg. They'll figure out how to widen the hallways.

- da phunky JD

I'm sorry, but I can't ignore 500 Km of pure, human-bashing evil with several dozen 15 Km-size, city-demolishing saucers each with several hundred little fighters packing DestructoPlasma(tm).
Borg: 1 5Km cube with NiftyBeams.
ID4 : 1 500 Km Mothership + ~24 UrbanDestructomatics + ~1000 Fighters.

We know both species can be defeated by rogue computer instructions inserted through a remote exploit. We can assume they've Gotten Better and have installed McAfee VirusScan by now.

It's a simple battle of attrition. ID4 aliens, hands down.

- John Aedo

The ID4 aliens could taunt the Borg into submission. "Bjorn Borg. SmorgesBorg. Chairman of the Borg. " The senseless teasing of such a silly name just would not stop.

- Best Buy (tm)

What wasn't covered that both aliens were suppressed by Brent Spiner - in ST as Data, and in ID4 as the scientist who held the captive alien in Roswell for so long. This scientist in ID4 was obviously Data in disguise (to avoid disturbing the timelines). As Data found it more important to play a major role in the 21st century as opposed to the 20th, it must mean that the Borg are a greater threat. The ID4 aliens might be a match for the cylons, but not borg!

- Sean Vanderfluit

The Borg use Windows, and the Mothership runs off of a Mac. Result: long-term standoff. The ID4 aliens refuse to "downgrade" to Windows, and the Borg run into configuration problems setting up their new software. They find a common communications platform in the Internet and exchange nude pictures of Lucy Lawless.

Winner: the black-slime in the eyeball parasitic aliens from Mars by default.

- golem

After the Borg Cube makes short work of the ID4ers by giving them a test copy of the "new" Mac OS, the so-called Copland, those "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" throwbacks will get nothin' but "unhappy Mac" messages and "bombs." Then what are they going to do?

But the Borg shouldn't pop those STP Gas Treatment corks just yet, or have we forgotten the Earth defense forces led by Voltron II and the spaceship _Yamato_? And Michael Knight and the Duke Boys have the ground situation well in hand, believe you me.

- Andy Ho (aka Secret Asian Man)

The borg are getting their collected asses handed to them. Let's look at the facts, shall we:

1) ID4 aliens managed to actually decimate a large part of the planet, our military, and Disneyland. Then they had their asses handed to them by Lonestar, but they went down swinging. The borg can make no such claim. They were blown out of the water in the first scene of the film in some half-cocked scheme to remake the earth in their image. In the end, they came away with nothing. Advantage: ID4

2) One ID4 alien killed Data. A ship full of borgs couldn't take a landing party, although they would assimilate the red shirted ensign. Still, the killing of Data by a party of one says volumes about the ID4 aliens prowess. Advantage: ID4

3) The ships' marketability. No kid wants to play with a black plastic cube. But the ID4 mothership, now there's a toy! Plus, you can buy the "Nuke L.A." playset! It's a kids' dream, I tell ya! You'll never see anything like that from Star Trek. Advantage: ID4

4) Main character dying by flying into a huge laser blast, thus saving the remnants of America: Cool (sickeningly patriotic, but cool). Main character dying by falling off a cliff after the universe has already been saved: Uncool (Yeah, wrong film, but some things stay with you). Advantage: ID4

5) Counselor Troi. Advantage: Star Trek (gotta give credit where it's due).

6) We the audience won't have to wait until the even numbered films for the second movie until we see a decent film (an overblown one, but decent).

I could go on, but it's easy to see the 4 to one advantage is merely the beginnings of how hard the Borg'll be spanked by the mothership.

- Sven

It's a draw with zero casualties. Both races are far too dumb to inflict any harm on the other.

First, the Borg will only kill to protect themselves. They won't harm anyone they don't consider a threat. The ID4 aliens will kill to gain access to a fresh planet which is a resource that the Borg just do not have.

Second, the ID4 aliens are, as is well known, not exactly geniuses. Their entire computer network is apparently protected by that password system that came with WordPerfect 4.0. On the other hand, the Borg have shown themselves (in the recent movie "First Contact") to be utterly and completely inept at breaking into computer systems.

Many people will point out that the ID4 aliens did manage to kill Data while the Borg were killed by Data, but this is actually not true. The last time we saw Data in Independence Day, that Colonel was checking his pulse to see if he was dead. Of course, Data WOULD NOT HAVE a pulse. Most likely, he was faking so as to help 20th Century humanity back on the right course. Data, and this is pure unfounded conjecture of the weakest sort, won both battles.

Probable outcome - the ID4 aliens accidentally blow up their ship by smoking in bed. The Borg suffer a massive malfunction, shut-down, and self-destruct when one of them gets ahold of a copy of Ayn Rand's "Anthem."

- Loss Leader

Too close to call, until you actually look at the contestants. ID4 have a tremendous punch, but they're not very mobile, much like George Foreman. The Borg have warp drive, and can thus dance around the Mothership like Muhammad Ali. The Borg will stick and move, and won't be dumb enough to fly into the sights of the Death Rays(tm). ID4 will throw fighters and secondary weapons at them, but it'll be like gnats on the windshield. The Borg will wear them down, taunt them into blunders, toy with them, then put them on the deck. The Borg win in a 14th round knockout, but are thwarted in their invasion of Earth by Leon Spinks. Maybe they would have done better with a tennis metaphor.

- Call me Shane

It should be a draw. The Borg are overwrought zombies. "Ohhhhhh......!! Let us assimilate you!" How weak is that?!?! What?!?! They can't just admit to themselves that they want to trash other species? As a culture they are in severe denial. This is what makes them co-dependant and causes that hive mentality, which renders them ponderous and ineffective. And besides, you don't know who they have assimilated before you. Could be any society. Do they practice safe assimilation? I think not! And the aliens from ID4 are just poor ripoffs from one of H.R. Geiger's bad acid trips. And talk about dense! Would you let the Will Smith near you with a nuclear weapon? How stupid is that? THEREFORE, my scenario is this: The two ships spot each other. While the Borg try to make a decision as to how to assimilate this new species, the ID4'ers are trying to figure out what this new ship is. Both are rendered unable to act due to their respective weaknesses. The ships collide and explode. A draw.

- cynic

It is obvious from the design of the ID4 mothership that their race has evolved under a restrictive linear thought process. This should be immediately evident from the deathray location and the need for a vertical assault against any foe. Now the Borg, on the other hand have evolved to design a cubic vessel with all six planes in mind. There is no up/down/front/back/side restrictions to their capabilities. This is showing evidence of an advanced thought process, however not conclusive proof of superiority. After all they allowed Locutus to roam around in their vessel, flipping switches and creating chaos, and yet they did not consider him a threat. ID4 had no doubts that even Fresh Prince would be a threat.

To sum it up conclusively, the Borg would be a winner, but not for an obvious reason - the Borg would dominate because they have overcome the slime factor, ID4 has not. Others alien races have suffered from the same limitations, Sogurney Weaver and her Alien Fiend, Michael Landon and the Blob, Jabba the Hut, Cujo (oops - not alien - even if Stephen King looks Vulcan). How much credence can be placed on the dominant capabilities of a race that must enslave a planet in what appears to be a need to replenish their supply of tissues.

The Borg wants to assimilate, ID4 wants to expectorate.

- Ric Bridges

This is an easy one. Let's compare:

ID4 took out the White House with one blast.

This Borg character couldn't even muster enough strength to defeat 51 senators to get appointed to the Supreme Court.

- Kane for President

It's easy to see why the ID4 aliens will win over the borg. First of all, the borg live in the same universe that Wesley Crusher does. His "Mass-quantum universality" (TM) inflicts such a taint on all aspects of the space-time continuum (come on, bring the lawsuits) that the borg must surely lose. They were tainted from the beginning, and the Wesley cancer is not easily removed, even by an entire collective; it spreads too fast. All the ID4 aliens need to do is keep their patented "Nuko-tuff" energy sheilds up and active, and the borg won't be able to start assimilating anything.

- Mark "Gandalf" Thorne

I'm siding with the Borg completely on this one. Let's face it, they've just got more overall smarts and experience in the take-over-the-world racket.

Look at the incompetent ID4 aliens... Do they blow anything that would seriously cripple Earth's defenses? Maybe they thought that pulverizing Hollywood would cripple the average American who'd be lost without "Beverly Hills 90210," and perhaps they were on to something there. But basically they aim for tourist attractions. Maybe they aimed for New York and D.C. because those cities attitudes about being the center of everything are pretty universal. What a costly error.

So imagine them against the Borg! They'd be dumbfounded, looking at a cube with no obviously interesting points to aim lasers at, giving the Borg the perfect opportunity to beam onto their ship and begin assimilation. Or blow them into space dust scattered across half a parsec.

And technology? Let's be serious. ID4 aliens need our satellite system to carry their countdown timer because the earth is so big it blocks their transmissions otherwise. The Borg can pinpoint one of their fallen bretheren from light-years away.

The outcome is clear. First the Borg will assimilate the ID4 fleet, and then Picard will have to call in reinforcements from the other two Star Trek series to wipe them all out.

- Cyber Cowboy

Let us not forget the Borg Queen who could give a dog a bone. Do you think that the beelions and beelions of aliens packed on those ships get it very often? A sultry glance, a wiggle of that luscious titanium spinal column, a few square cm of SuperSens(tm) skin, and every one of those prom dateless, neuron-shaped, butt fugly cretins would be crawling through one another to get to the cube for a little action.

- The Colonel

This is outragous. How in the galaxy can anyone believe that the Borg could defeat ID4. The Borg are the galactic equivilant communistic monarchy. All ID4 would have to do, is to go to earth and carjack a Jeep Grand Cherokee and let the Borg queen attemp to seduce it. We all know her fondness for machines. And while she is attempting to mate, the ID4 aliens could easily disorient the Borg by simply turning the ignition on. This would send the queen into an interstellar orgasm that would cause the entire Borg collective to explode at warp speed. Nuf said.

- Tigger

Please keep my email address anonymous, because I am a guy, and my name is Zeba, which in Pakistani is a female name, so Pakistani guys keep sending me email trying to get a date. Yes, really. In fact, I would like to publicly announce here and now that I AM NOT A PAKISTANI FEMALE.

- Zeba (not from Pakistan)

It's known that all of the sisterships possess [a massive energy canon] and unknown if the Mothership has one as well. Let's assume the Mothership does indeed have a BFG (tm). It takes several minutes to warm- up just the smaller weapons. The checklist for a longer weapon would be longer than Brent Spiner's hair when he plays Mad Scientist. Furthermore, it's locked into a single firing position. This is fine for immobile targets, such as say... Brooklyn. But a Borg cube is far from immobile. So the Mothership maneuvers for position, right?. It maneuvers for position at about the same speed as a starship leaving spacedock. The Mothership has about as much maneuverability as a small moon. And the Borg cube? Can you say warp 9.975? I knew you could. The Borg ship simply stays out of the way, which is probably something so simple as staying on the ship's entire dorsal side, rendering the weapon as useless as the safeties on the Holodeck (tm).

The sisterships would have had the same fare. It would take several minutes to prep and launch each ship, and in battles like this, seconds count. Let's suppose that a sizable number of the sisterships were launched before the Borg had completely wasted the Mothership. How fast do they travel? How long does it take them to charge their main weapon? Suppose the Borg do allow themselves to be swarmed before they started annihilating them. Whenever the sisterships arm their main weapon they expose themselves like a man getting a prostate exam. I think we can credit the Borg with enough collective intelligence to take advantage of the opening.

- Rignad Kcin

The ID4 saucer heads towards Earth, but arrives too late. For the Borg have already assimilated their human spokesperson/strategist, none other then BILL GATES!

Yes, with Bill Gates as part of the collective, the Borg experience a quantum leap in ruthlessness. With the Borg infused with the power of Pure Evil(tm), they become unstoppable!

(Pure Evil(tm) is a registered trademark of Microsoft, used without permission)

- Nicholas Weaver

How can you take seriously a security system that would allow a fighter with a nuke welded onto the outside to just drop on by for a visit? 7-11 has tighter security than the ID4 mothership.

- Jason Spicer

A good matchup. But I think the fact that ID4 can withstand a nuclear blast puts it over the top by default. The Borg have shown that they have no offensive power remotely as powerfull. Look how many times they can shoot the Enterprise with no effect. The question whether the Enterprises sheilds are capable of withstanding nuclear attack was answered in the original Star Trek series. The Enterprise went back in time and was being intercepted by a 20th century F-14 fighter that carried a nuclear payload. Spock said a nuclear blast would both lower their shields and destroy the ship. I can't imagine the NCC-1701 D's shields are that much more powerfull. If the Borg can't penetrate the motherships sheilds, they're doomed. Even if they could they have shown a consistant lack of good offensive weapons. The ID4 group seems to have all their ducks in a row when it comes to weaponry. Outcome: One cube, over easy, comin' up!

- a really boring guy who never gets laid. the deciding factor. Clearly, the Borg are more technically advanced than the ID4 aliens. The borg is a highly detailed, computer-animated, texture mapped cube. The cube is perhaps the easiest three-dimensional image for a computer to render. Factor in a very speedy texture-mapping routine, and we can see that the simplicity of the Borg combined with a high speed computer results in very fast refresh rates.

The ID4 aliens use very old animated-plastic-model effects. This has been around since the time of Buck Rogers. Although it is a well developed and proven technique, it lacks the cutting-edge, wave-of-the-future appeal of computer-generated FX. Besides that, the aliens will be locked in at the speed of film, 24 frames per second. The Borg will have no problem exceeding that.

- Slepyhed

I ascribe to the Baywatch theory of conflict resolution (tm). The ugliest one always loses. And let's face it, none of us wants to see Data score with the mushroom headed ID4 aliens.

- Aaron Buckley

The annoying sidekick factor: In both of these, the characters had to fight another problem: the plague of the bad sidekick. In Star Trek, there was Wesley Crusher, the most annoying jackass this side of Liberace's character in the Original Star Trek. ID4's Will Smith had another problem to deal with before: Cousin Carlton. We know that Carlton is a pompous arrogant twit with taste in bad music (ie Tom Jones) but I'll take him any day of the millennia over Wesley Crusher. The ID4 cast wins this one.

Now for the most important factor of all, the Alliance Factor: In ID4, the US gets all of the countries to rally behind them, even the Iraqis. In Star Trek, if they really needed it, they could get all of their worlds to rally behind the Federation, inclu ding the dreaded Gorn! Now, let's be realistic here, if there was really a fight between ID4 and Star Trek, who do you think would win, a puny Iraqi soldier who'll probably get blown away anyway or the sheer brutal strength of a man in a rubber suit that went toe to toe against Captain Kirk! Now there's the deciding factor.

- the Iceman

I think both of your arguments are exceptionally well planned and stated for a couple of guys who have completely missed the point of this contest. Sure, we could debate the respective combat abilities and strategy of the Borg and the ID4 aliens, but why bother. Everybody knows that the real reason such a massive production would take place could be summed up in one word. Merchandising.

Let's take a look at the figures, with which I have taken great care in slanting to my viewpoint.

First, according to my most recent information, "Independence Day" was released on video on November 22nd, 1996, while still in the top 15 of the US box office charts. This alone proves my point about merchandising. The current totals for its worldwide gross are (according to the Nov. 25-Dec. 1 issue of Weekly Variety) $695,956,735 and change. That's at least enough to build a new White House.

That's about as technical as I'd like to get. I mean, when you figure in the fact that each ID$ video is runnin 15 bucks, each rental is running between 2 and 4 bucks, along with all the T-shirts, pencils, coffee mugs, action figures, laserdiscs, cd-roms, books, comics, commemorative coins, commemorative plates, capidamonte aliens on QVC, AND the inevitable PowerMAC endorsements, it makes "Space Jam" look like grape jelly. So, at a comfortable estimate, lets give the ID4 mothership a combined score of 1 billion dollars.

As far as the Borg are concerned, I don't think it's really fair to judge their side only on the strength of their few appearances in the "Star Trek" universe, as most trekkies would watch the show regardless of their existence. I think the Borg carry with them the fate of the franchise. So let's first take a look at the "Star Trek" films.

From the information I could gather, the films alone have grossed more than 600 million dollars, and the final tally isn't in yet for "First Contact", which made 47 million in two weekends. Also in "Trek's" favor are 4, count 'em, FOUR, past and present television shows, two of which are still ranking high in the ratings even after several seasons, one of which, for all intents and purposes, jump-started the entire syndicated television market (and is still shown in reruns across the country), and the very first of which still has a massive fan following after 30 years, is still widely viewed in syndication, and pretty much started the ball rolling. And there's also a short-lived animated series. Not to mention the fact that the numerous comic books, novels (four of which are produced bi-monthly, not including hardcover novels), toys, games, and the aforementioned assortment of t-shirts, pens, mugs, etc. When you try to add all of this together, you find that you can't because the numbers are so astronomically huge that some "Scanners"-like incident is the best fate one could hope for after taking on such a task. At my most educated and biased guess, I find the "Trek" total score so high as to be incalculable.

All that said, I really do have to go with the Borg because, dammit, nobody else had the audacity to go with a cube for a spaceship. The ID4 aliens proved themselves unimaginative and creatively stagnant with their choice of the traditional "flying saucer" design, even if the damn ships were 15 miles long. Frank Lloyd Wright would be darn proud of you boys!

- Matt (who thinks Shatner could whip Reeves' piddly ass) Lynch

Hey, welcome back to 2010 AM, WSCI, the only station playing the best science fiction music this arm of the Milky Way. That was "Bajoran Blues" from the soundtrack to the most recent Deep Space Nine / Babylon 5 movie: Deep Space Shadows. Just a thought for all you wanna be Vulcans out there: why name the "Last, Best Hope for Peace" after the ruins of the Earth's first great military empire? Doesn't sound to peaceful to me. But before I "babble-on" [drum: bad-da bump], here's REM's hit remake of "It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)" for the newest edition of the ID4 series, Borg Day: BD4:

That's great, it starts out in deep space, home and base, the mother ship, the borg cube is not afraid. You are irrelevant, resistance is futile - you serve our own needs, we ignore all the pleas. Heed it as a bluff, please, speak no, fight yes. Mother structure shutters with such a sight, beam light. Fire through the wires, devastate the cyber frame in a collective on fire and in repair plight. Left her, reached Earth moving in a hurry with no worries breathing down their necks. We and we regenerated, fixed, heading, Earth. Look at that big ship! Oh crap. Uh oh, where to go?, saucer ships, fighter groups, but no hope. Save yourself, save yourself. World quakes on its knees, cube arrives at high speed. The Borg are back riled and emotional in the night - right. You idiotic, parasotic, damn, fright, blight, snipes, promise to end're life.

It's the end of the Borg as we know it.
It's the end of ID4 as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Al-i-ens - use their power. Catch the Borg in laser shower. Borg not burn, they learn, listen to stomachs churn. Lock it in tractor beam and ship boarding, transporting. Every system integrate. All bio info accumulate. Fight a locust, fight a mantis. Use Raid (tm), Kill Dead (tm). Watch the ship boom, boom. Uh oh, this means new fear - Borg are here. Runaway as appear. Assimilate, assimilate, assimilate their lives. Gather we the leaders, gather we all the heroes and humans die.


All the night, assimilate celebrities far and wide: Charles Princess Di, OJ Homicide. Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Courtney Love. Wild sex party, use drugs, lose control, boom! High communistic, course erratic, sun, the end, right? - goodnight.

CHORUS (3X and fade) far are we to that 42nd caller for the Dune II tickets? Two wrong numbers and a crank call, eh? What's that? We're on the air?!... welcome back. We have to pay some bills but afterwards, we have the title track to the long awaited Snake saga sequel, an audience participation thriller appropriately named, considering the reviews, Escape from the Theater.

["Do you suffer from Hyperkalitosis?..."]

- Paul Golba

P.S. I would like to apologize to REM. Everyone else deserves it.

Clearly, the Borg would win. First of all, let us compare the strategies employed by each species. The Roswellers kill everything in their path. When they're done fighting, there is nothing left. The Borg on the other hand, assimilate instead of kill whenever possible.

Therefore, each ID4 alien captured alive only adds tothe power of the Borg. But any captured Borg would soon be dead. With such a weak understanding of the benefits of recycling, it is no surprise that the ID4 aliens must go from planet to planet just to suck up resources. The telepathy issue is not a problem either. Remember that the Borg mind is the sum of EVERYONE ever assimilated. That amount of information would blow the neurons out of anyone foolish enough to mind-link with the Borg.

In examining the ships themselves, the Borg advantage grows even more. The Borg ship heals itself, for God's sake! The ID4 ship is wrecked by only 1 nuke, while the Borg sustain hit after hit of anti-matter rich Photon and Quantum torpedoes. While nukes are strong, they pale in comparison to the power of antimatter weapons.

One last point: Data was in charge of area 51. He knows more about the ID4 ships than anyone. Doubtless, he would be more than willing to help out the Borg, because they are the "home team". Resistence is futile.

- Crazy Dave Hogan

The answer is easy....the ID4 Mothership...just out of sheer size and firepower. The Mothership has all kinds of sophisticated death rays (tm), while Borg only has a Prince tennis racket (tm). Also, Borg's been retired for years, and hasn't won squat since the Wimbledon in 1980. Borg is strictly serve-and-volley, while the Mothership would simply unleash blasts from the baseline, which would result in Borg being fried to a crisp the size of a slice of bacon (tm), in addition to the entire west side of the stadium.

The only shot that Borg has is to play the corners. The Mothership is immense, but doesn't quite have the range of Borg. Borg may score a few points off some drop volleys and possibly break the Mothership's serve in the first set, but Mothership will just fry Borg alive (along with the entire continent) on returns off the serve. Now if it was the Mothership vs. McEnroe...hmmmm....

Mothership      6  4
Borg 3 1
Borg retires in second set due to incineration.

- Mike Trozzo

ID4?? The Borg?? neither will win!! The biggest winner will be Bill Gates! somehow, he always wins. he will release Xenophobe95 for free while Netscape will be charging $49.95 for their mothership navigator gold. Next thing there will be 100's of 3-D Doom Clones where you will be storming a mothership full of cyborgs and aliens.

- UHAar

Hey, it's obvious who would win this fight, I mean come on! You just have to look at the facial expressions! Like, for instance, when a Borg is pissed off, what does it look like? Like a borg! Not even body language!

One of those aliens from ID4? Hey, just hit fast forward and watch the part where they launch the nuke. The alien displays an obvious emotion: cluelessness! He has no fucking idea what's gonig on!

So what? You ask. I'll tell you. Say two borgs and two ID4 aliens walk into a bar, right? One borg gets pissed (drunk-like) and loses it on the other borg. So the other borg gets really pissed off. Suddenly you have two borgs bashing the shit out of eachother with beer bottles!

However, if the ID4 alien gtes pissed, he'll look like he's pissed and his buddy will know not to stand in front of him. See?

- Zero (El zippido!)

because my wife made me, I think she has the hots for the fresh prince

- poor browbeet bastard

Regardless of who or why I voted the way I did, I just wanted to say that for two people in the notoriously difficult Cheme program at Cornell, you guys have WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!!! (Though the Grudge Match rules! Please don't stop!)

- Jeff

The ID4 mothership has one advantage the borg will never have. It's real. Star Trek is a SCIENCE FICTIONAL SERIES. The ID4 mothership, on the other hand, is speeding toward our planet at close to the speed of light. Instead of spending your time discussing these 'make believe' fights, maybe you should be enjoying your last year here on earth. Go out and throw a frisbee for God's sake!

- John Chism

Actually, I'd have to go with neither the Borg nor ID$ (no, that's not a typo), since, let's face it, they're both wuss-bag punks who can get their butts clobbered by goody-two-shoes Federation types and aging crop-duster alcoholic Vietnam vets (also cf. "Things I Learned from Watching ID4"--I forget who it's by). The fact is, you're totally ignoring a third force which will enter the fray, seeing their disciples (the Earthers) endangered by these pathetic newcomers on the galactic scene.

I'm referring, of course, to the Vorlons. Detecting the dimensional rift, the Vorlons will fire up the Giant Death Squid (TM), with its very own Planet-Destructo (TM) ray. The Vorlons will jump in from hyperspace, and, with the advantage of surprise, the GDS will toast the ID$ mothership with one might blow, conceivably wiping out the Borg Cube as well, possibly the Earth, too (not to be confused with Earth 2, which has already been wiped out by bad writing, lame plots, and worthless fx, but I digress). If, by chance the Borg survive, the jillion Vorlon BattleSquids (TM) will zip in to finish them off, and, since each Squid is significantly larger and more maneuverable, not to mention more heavily armed and just plain cooler-appearing, the Borg will be vaporized before you can say "Shrimp Toast."

Then the Vorlons will fly through the debris, just cause it looks cool.

- Aiee! No es bueno!

The Borg were Bjorn to win. As well, their Borgasm weapon can immobolize the ID4 ship.

- benj e.

DUH! Of *course* the Borg are going to win. And forget about this whole "cube vs. saucer" argument, *forget* the whole death ray issue, *forget* that whole "I broke into the ID4 Mothership With My Power Mac and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" thing. I can give you one *big* reason the Borg will win over the ID4 aliens: They have cool clothes! I mean, look at those Borg. That skintight yet padded PVC that looks like a Dune suit redesigned by Giger. Black latex tastefully accented by brushed steel. They'd have no problem picking up in a club. Those ID4s don't even *have* clothes. Borg win on style points.

- rednikki

The thing is, the Borg will want to assimilate the ID4 aliens. They don't just want to blow them away. The ID4 aliens, on the other hand, just consider the Borg to be in the way of their destructive schemes. While the Borg are still matching frequencies to announce that "resistance is futile", the ID4 aliens open up with, like, 30 city-destroying beams all at once. Something vital gets hit, and the cube pops like a poorly made Jack-in-the-box. As Borg-bits burn up in the atmosphere, the Mothership continues on its way down to Earth.

Though what would be cool about the Borg succeeding is the idea of Borgified ID4 aliens rampaging through the streets of Earth's cities, techno-dreadlocks swinging around and busting stuff up.

- Denis Moskowitz

Okay, here's why the ID4 mothership will win. They have previously abducted Cousin Eddie, so they know about the plate in his head. They also know about his extreme dislike of aliens. So, they abduct him again, sneak him onto the Borg mothership. (Eddie's head plate fools the Borg into thinking he's one of them. Plus, he's not perceived as a threat to anyone other than himself.) Eddie tried to sober up by drinking lots of coffee immediately before his abduction, so he really needs to take a leak. As soon Eddie gets on the giant bullion cube, he relieves himself on the nearest piece of machinery he finds. He electrocutes himself, but is also completing a circuit with the Borg ship. So it gets fried, too. Eddie's children look upon him as a hero, when all he did was act as servant to his bladder. They celebrate madly, and Eddie is slated for the Congressional Medal of Honor, for about ten minutes. Then the ID4 ships blow them up.

- Sean Ryan

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Death Star v. Enterprise
Men in Black v. Mork
Other Star Trek & Sci-Fi themed matches

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