GrudgeLine

Dear Grudgeline,
HEY! I'd like to talk to a honest guy. Does the suggestion for a match page even send anything? I haven't even gotten something saying mine was received. So please, can someone honestly tell me!
-(PS: Hide my screenname)

Dear PS,
Thank you for e-mailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very important to him. Because of the large volume of e-mail received, the President cannot personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns. In addition to President@WhiteHouse.gov, we have developed White House Web Mail, an automated e-mail response system. Please access http://www.whitehouse.gov/webmail to submit comments on a specific issue. Additionally, we welcome you to visit our website for the most up-to-date information on current events and topics of interest to you.
-Autoresponder@WhiteHouse.GOV

Dear Grudgeline,
I work at a mental asylum, and there's this one guy who is really driving me up the wall. He annoys me in little ways (what's with that stupid beanie?) and in large ways as well (taking all the other inmates away for a bus tour). This guy has me on the end of my rope. Please give me some tips for keeping this guy under control!
-Mildred Ratched
P.S. Your recent column entitled "How to Handle Large Indian Men Who Could Easily Rip You to Shreds" was a great help.

Dear Mildred,
Whoa! It's like you're reading my mind! I've got this beanie-wearing weirdo who kepts pestering me. And he keeps taking everyone on bus trips, too, even though he's a little bit lacking in the arms and hands department. That's not so bad, but he keeps bringing them back. He must be a bad driver because, somethetimes, they come back with soiled underdrawers. Problematic! But The Cheat says next time he's going to sabatoge the bus so that they don't come back. The Cheat, my kind of guy! So, anyways, Mildratch, I don't know the answer to your question. In fact, you don't really even have a question. No the wonders I can't answer it. Oh, about that Large Indian Men thing, I just sent my autobiography and wheres it said "Strong Mad" I wrote in "Large Indian Men."
Crapfully crapfilled,
-Strong Bad