GrudgeLine

Dear Grudgeline,
Check out the new Bikini Touch hair trimmer. No shaving! No waxing! No pain! Only $14.95 plus S&H. Free bonus! Order now and you'll get our Deluxe 10 piece manicure kit complete with everything you need to keep your hands and feet looking salon perfect. $30 value!
-As Seen on TV

Dear As,
Ugh! What on Earth? Why would I want a bikini hair trimmer? I don't even like to acknowledge that area much less trim it. Now ya see, I only use this computer contraption to see if Aunt Gladys sent me her prize-winning recipe for guacamole. If I had wanted to trim my nether region, I would have ... well ... I WOULDN'T want to trim my nether region. If I wanted to get rid of the hair God put there, I'd probably use propane or propane accessories. Good, honest, American products! And I don't need a manicure kit, either. If I want my finger nails and toe nails cut (and I'm not saying I do), I'll use a hunting knife. Or propane and propane accessories.
-Hank Hill

Dear Grudgeline,
Want more cleavage? NaturalBra is the amazing bra that gives you the look of a natural added cup size. How It Works! The NaturalBra is made from two silicone breast forms that look and feel real. The secret is the new adhesive strip system that securely holds each form in place. Once the adhesive strips are in place, you simply place the forms over your skin and press down lightly. In just minutes, you're ready to look your best for hours at a time! learn more Buy 1 Get 1 Free... Limited Time Offer! Order your NaturalBra now for only $29.99 plus s&h and we'll send you a second NaturalBra FREE, sold in the same color and size as your order, all you pay is the additional shipping and handling.
- Before and After

Dear Before,
DAMMIT! Why would I, a grown man, want breast enhancements? In fact, no one in this house would want them. I'm a man and don't need large ones. Peggy's got just the right amount. Luann, well, I don't know if she needs them or not because I never look at her. Bobby? He's got enough already. (That boy ain't right.) If you send me another offer like this, I find you and I'll kick your ass, I tell you what! Bikini trimmers and silicone breast forms! It's like I woke up in universe where they send you offers for crap over the internet! *sigh*
- Hank Hill