GrudgeLine

Dear Grudgeline,
I've recently become addicted to reading webcomics.
Mind you, not webcomics themselves, I have plenty of webcomics at my disposal already. But the actual act of searching out new ones just so that I can hit the "next" button and progress through lengthy archives is become a strenuous burden on my time. What can I do to keep myself from losing my valuable relationships with friends and family?
-Anonymous

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Do you think that just because it's seven months between GrudgeLines that I've got a social life? Huh? Do you think I ain't addicted to the computer, too? Do you think I spend my day passing around pretty napkins and having tea wit the who's who of America? What the hell do I know about relationships? Who do you think you're talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok.
-Travis Bickle

Dear Grudgeline,
my grandmother gave me a cell phone for Christmas. Should I embrace the new technology, or tell her that I prefer my non-cell phone in the kitchen with the wire sticking out of the wall and all that stuff?
Sincerely,
- Affy Person

Dear Affy Person,
Technology? I hate it. I would just as soon live in a shack in the middle of nowhere in some remote region of some vast Northern state. They can't find me here. I can type up my philosophies on an old typewriter and send them via a post carrier to all reaches across this land we don't need computers or even calculators all we need are the basics and the rest will take care of itself inasmuch as it can take care of itself and I have a beard but that's okay because beards help hide a guy from being caught as the guy with the hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses because people with beards don't wear hooded sunglasses when the moon is full but seen at 7:39 in the morning of my discontentedness because my feet ache and my rear hasn't been near a massaging recliner and that can cause some painful sores but that is better than being taken by aliens because that's what chairs are coming to get us in the middle of the night even if we use the shiny side of the aluminum foil as a reflective meditation. Bill Gates eats boogers!
-Ted K. N. Montana