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Crazy Al's Album Emporium, Saturday morning: "Oh, good! You must be the DJ they sent over to do our promo. I'm Al." "Yeah, hi! I'm Dr. Fever." [Door crashes open. Maniac storms in.] "Wow! Look at all of these CDs. I haven't seen so much plastic since Cher tried to buy Michael Jackson dinner with MC Hammer's credit cards." [Turns to Al] "Hello, I'm Adrian Cronauer. I'm here for the radio promo!" "Hit the road Cronauer. This is my promo and I need the money! I've got like, I don't know, five ex-wives to support." "Yeah, well, I haven't had a decent job since I left Vietnam. C'mon, man, let me have the gig!" "No way, baby. Over my dead body." With that, Cronauer dives behind the oldies rack and throws a James Brown CD at Dr. Johnny Fever. Fever retaliates by taking cover in the rock section and whips Foghat CDs at Cronauer. So, John, which DJ will beat the other like a desk lamp in a Led Zeppelin hotel room?
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Adrian Cronauer vs. Dr. Johnny Fever |
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JOHN: Well, Mark, in a match like this, you have to look at the supporting players. And on that basis, Cronauer loses out, because Robert Wuhl < cocaine & booze. Let's face it, there's no way Cronauer can defeat a man to whom rest has been rendered chemically irrelevant, who talks directly to God and who single-handedly uncovered the most sinister illuminati in the whole US government: the phone police. Perhaps even more impressively, he stood up to Mama Carlson when she was thinking of turning 'KRP into an all-news station under Les Nessman's stern watch. So he's stared down the apocalypse. So while Johnny's close friends at the Olympic medal and Silver Sow-winning radio station can be counted on to back him up to the hilt, on the other side Cronauer has no one to turn to based on his entire career of pissing off the US Military command structure. You know, the folks with weapons? What with the rash of "friendly fire" incidents in the US military these days, Cronauer had better be more worried about his nominal allies than his sworn enemies. As Fever said to Travis: "When everybody's out to get you, paranoid is just good thinking." Fever caught the guy who defrauded the station of their entire annual prize budget, kept broadcasting while sitting directly on top of a bomb, and got Big Guy to rub cocaine into his feet thinking it was foot powder. How can Cronauer compete with this kind of steel-minded opponent (assuming he survives the initial round of turkey bombing)? And besides all that, WKRP was pretty much the only station in the world playing decent music in the early 80s. You have to give Fever some credit for never playing The Captain and Tennille. MARK: Supporting players? Johnny Fever has Les "Always Injured" Nessman, Herb "Loud but Clueless" Tarlek, and Arthur "Rather be Fishing" Carlson and you bring up supporting players? Fine! Dandy! Any more ammunition you want to send over? Oh, you do have some more. "Friendly fire" – when you're hit by your own troops. But even that didn't kill Cronauer. Sergeant Major Dickerson sent Cronauer into enemy territory. Not only did Cronauer survive a land mine, some snipers, and time spent in a jungle, but he also helped Private Garlick turn away from becoming a disk jockey. Now THAT'S a morale raiser. Cronauer survived a bar fight, lost love, oppressive heat, and Vietnamese food. Fever survived, barely, a fight with Scum of the Earth -- a wimpy band made up of spoiled English brats. Heck, one of them even had a degree in Cello. Not much of a pugilist pedigree there. The only way the US Military command structure was able to get rid of Cronauer was to send him home with an honorable discharge. Take that, Adrian! (If only Max Klinger from M*A*S*H had thought of being a deejay.) Cronauer withstood attack from both sides in the Vietnam conflict. Fever had to make up opponents (the phone police). I think the toughness scale leans a bit to Cronauer. Adrian Cronauer can handle anything Johnny Fever can spin his way. JOHN: Well, Mark, I have to agree with you about the Vietnamese food. I don't know what the Vietnamese people have done that was so tremendously offensive to God to have cursed them with the smelliest, most inedible cuisine on earth. Hell, I'd have purposefully thrown the war with the US just to get some frickin' Arby's in there. As for the rest of your arguments, well they stink worse than day-old Thit Bo Vien. Your woeful underestimation of the WKRP staff puts you in the same league as the cocky-but-ultimately-defeated WPIG mascot. Plus there's the amazing physical similarity. Hell, the moment Herb Tarlek steps into the room, Cronauer won't be able to resist going on a riffing tangent about Herb's wardrobe: "Ooh, look, hmmm... it's like the Yves St. Laurent design of a test pattern! Aah, ooh... 100% polyester! (gay hairdresser voice) Nothing comes between me and my Calvin Klein petrochemicals! Mmm! Err! Nobody strike a match! (Tattoo voice) Look Boss, the flame! The flame! (Ethel Merman voice, for no reason whatsoever) If Youuuu like Ukulele Laaaady, Ukulele Lady Like-a Yooooouuu..." Meanwhile, during the distraction, Johnny Fever has come up behind Cronauer and clubbed him to death with Sparky Anderson. Face it, Mark. There's no way Cronauer can last against the man who started the protest that allowed Les Nessman to proclaim "Garbage holocaust brings city to its knees!" The man whose reaction time gets better after nine vodka martinis. The only man at KRP who had successful romantic relations with Jennifer Marlowe and Bailey Quarters. Fever will win this contest going away. Speaking of going away, that's what you'll be doing, Mark, if you keep on denying the reality of the phone police. MARK: Wow! Even I'd vote for Fever if I thought he'd win by using Sparky Anderson as a lethal weapon. That'd be cool! Unfortunately, Sparky is rather slight. You'd have to swing him at a really high velocity to do any significant damage. And we are talking about an aging Johnny Fever here. But thanks for the humorous image. Whether or not the phone police exist, they were not after Johnny Fever. He made them up when he heard sirens. Besides, I would only "go away" if I BELIEVED in the phone police. If I don't believe they exist, they'll leave me alone. The safest thing for me to do would be to keep publicly denying the reality of the phone police. The safest thing for Fever to do would be to hide. First, in a continuation of his impersonations, Cronauer would do his ninja shtick and throw albums like throwing stars at Fever. Brain-fried as he is, Fever would never be able to counter the firepower. Furthermore, hiding would enable Johnny Fever to do what he does best: sleep. Fever could hide, nap, and wake up in time for the store closing -- long after Cronauer has left with his paycheck. Yes, you mention all the marvelous things Fever has done. You forgot to mention that he masterfully lost his paycheck in a battle of wits with Herb Tarlek. Not everyone can be outsmarted by Herb Tarlek! Johnny should be very proud. Let's be real here. Fever isn't big on detail, action, or athleticism. Cronauer fought the government and was the most popular deejay in military history (based on the fact he actually received fan mail). Heck, Cronauer was able to organize a baseball game while he was being escorted out of Vietnam. Adrian Cronauer tops the charts in this match.
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Johnny Fever should this one by a country mile, but Adrian Cronauer has his points as well. First of all, Robin Williams has never been in a movie where he doesn't become a pathetic crying little girly man at the end, which is usually so filled with more pathos inducing sweetness than a sweet n' low casserole. "Boo hoo, you're my best buddy, even though you are a Victor Charlie" "Boo Hoo, one of my students killed himself over Shakespeare" "Boo Hoo, the product of my Alien/human coupling with Pam Dauber resulted in Jonathan Winters". The only way Cronauer can win this is by making Fever ill from the sweetness. On the other hand, Johnny Fever is only one drug fix away from The Rage(tm), and, since he is a Police Academy Alumnus, he is armed, and has Bubba Smith for a best friend. Firepower is Fever's game. So here is how I see it turning out. Johnny Fever will come out swinging, augmented The Rage(tm) induced by coke/hash/acid/pcp/heroin/scotch/crack/crystal meth withdrawal. At that point, a Viet Cong Prep School student will stand on the console in the booth and say "I'm a VC, I love shakespeare, and I salute you. Nanu Nanu," while sickening drippingly sweet music will start playing over the airwaves. Fever, driven to retching by the equivalent of 1 metric ton of aspartame, starts barfing up a Rottweiler's weight in donuts and coffee, courtesy of "Police Academy XXXVI: Movie Careers in the Sh*tter". The machinegun like firepower of a two hundred projectile vomited donuts hits Adrian Cronauer, and faster than you can say "Jumanji: The Return", Cronauer is dead, Fever's got the job, and Officer Moses Hightower is Fever's sidekick on drivetime mornings on WKRP. - Les Nessman is God!
When people tell me how cool Johnny Fever is, I scratch my head -- or would, if Emily Post hadn't banned head-scratching in public. Look, Johnny Fever is funny. But cool? We're talking about a man whose sitcom CV includes the following:
- First wife divorced him and married Hamilton Camp. This is not Mentos™ level coolness. Johnny's coolness, if any, is about on the level of that growly-voiced guy who used to tell us that Clorets would help you "get tough with your breath." And Clorets™ level coolness isn't good for anything except turning your teeth green. (Come to think of it, considering what he smokes, Johnny's teeth are probably already green.) I'm not saying Cronauer is any cooler; Robin Williams couldn't even look cool by comparison with the emasculated, post-shark-jump Fonz. But at least Cronauer is from an R-rated movie, giving him the ability to engage in off-color trash talk. Johnny, on the other hand, comes from MTM Productions™, home of the nicest, cleanest "quality television" of the '70s, sort of PBS for normal people. The raunchiest content you'd get on an MTM show is another double entendre from Sue Ann Nivens (OFF TOPIC: Martha Stewart is a complete ripoff of Sue Ann. Betty White should sue) or a Very Special White Shadow about the problem of jock itch. Do you think a man who comes from a universe that produced two Bob Newhart shows can stand up under a barrage of words that would have caused heart attacks in the CBS standards and practices department? But here's the kicker: Music! As has been well-documented, much of the cool music Johnny played has now been replaced by generic dreck, because of exorbitant music license fees. If this were Dr. Fever from the original CBS run, he'd be able to throw some really nasty records at Cronauer: Little Richard, Foreigner, Ted Nugent. Let me tell you, if you're hit with a Ted Nugent record, you do not get up again. But now? Even grabbing that Foghat CD has probably put him way over his allotted budget. All he can afford to throw now are recordings of tuneless guitar riffs from some bargain-basement music library. They cannot do serious damage; these recordings are so cheap they'll just shatter harmlessly if they hit Cronauer. Meanwhile, Cronauer decapitates Johnny, Oddjob-style, with one flick of a Doors album. Johnny might have a better chance if he turns into his disco- loving alter ego, Rip Tide, the only living creature who is phonier than Robin Williams. But as we all know that Rip likes "really young girls," Cronauer will just distract him with that Vietnamese Waif™ from the movie, giving him time to smother Rip in his own jumpsuit. I like Fever better than Cronauer, but Fever's screwed unless Venus Flytrap calls in the Pros, the Elected Ones, and the New Boys to give Cronauer an atomic wedgie™.
Basically, this fight will be even, since Fever has to sleep 16 hours a day just to function, and Cronauer was in the Air Force, the whipping boys of the Armed Forces, since the Coast Guard isn't considered as a real branch of our military. I just have two things that I will bring out here: 1. I have a brother who was in the Air Force. I have seen what happens when a person leaves the service just to fall on his face. He has been living in my mom's house for over two years. This has resulted in the RAGE(tm), which has resulted in constant arguing with my mother. Cronauer will be the same way. Over 10 years without a job means instant rage pointed to the person who wants to take his meal ticket away. Fever will have James Brown's, Aretha Franklin's, and the Temptations' 45s sticking out of his body. 2. Yes, Fever's brain is fried. Yes, he is paranoid. Yes, he is different from his former coworkers. Which only proves my theory of people in the 60s: you know a person has lived through the 60s by how whacked out they are. This means only one thing: Fever must have preached about free love and stopping the Vietnam War. In short, he was trying to go up against THE MAN(TM)! I ask you, who is in control now? THE MAN(TM)! Where are all the flower children now? They are now all puppets for the one thing they tried to destroy: THE MAN(tm)! Cronauer obeyed THE MAN by his support in the war. Fever tried to stop THE MAN(TM)! THE MAN(tm) will do everything in his power to screw over those who opposed him. Cronauer will get the job, Fever will land on his feet. Then his knees. Then his face, as we can see a CCR album sticking out of the back of his head. - Dark Brolitz
"Gooooooooooooooooooood Morning, Vietnam!!!" And now, the weather report from weather central in Washington, DC "The weather for today's fight will be hot and shitty, with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Later, we'll have a pissy weather front coming in from the North, with a chance of continued crappy through tomorrow." Cronauer has this one in the bag. - Mr. Floppy - the critically-acclaimed bunny from Unhappliy Ever After The real question isn't who will win, but rather which will be the seventh caller and win tickets to the ramatch. - Spooner Foghat & James Brown have Cd's?, I thought their whole collection and career encompassed 8-tracks & Lp's. - Shaun The Other White Meat I've got to give this one to Cronauer. He might be the wacky, anit-establishment rebel of his military outfit, but he's still military. Against a trained killer (even one played by the ultra-wacky early Robin Williams) Dr. Fever doesn't stand a chance. Now if Cronauer was played by the Williams that though Bicentennial Man was a good idea, it might be another story... - They Might Be Matt Does anyone remember Robin Williams's movie career before Good Morning, Vietnam? The Survivors? The Best of Times? Club Paradise? If Adrian Cronauer could save Robin Williams from hosting Family Fued, he is truly formidable. That, and he's teamed up with Forest Whitaker, who hustled Paul Newman at pool in The Color of Money. As Ghost Dog, he can just pick up Cronauer, and club Johnny Fever to death. - Mike Leung When the promo is recorded, it will be Cronauer in the studio. Look at how the combatants stack up and see why. Allies: Dr. Johnny Fever has the gang from the station. The only advantage they would give him is the Babe Factor(tm) which would be provided by Jennifer Marlowe and Bailey Quarters. While these two women were nice to look at, they would not be too helpful in a scrap. Adrian Cronauer on the other hand has very powerful allies. True, quite a few of the officer corps were against Cronauer, but he was well regarded by the enlisted men. And the enlisted men were the ones who fired the guns, shot the artillery, etc. in the Army. As anyone who has seen "We Were Soldiers" knows, the Army of the Vietnam War era could administer serious buttkicking. And let's not forget the air support they could call in. Team WKRP would be reduced to a pile of napalmed ash against such an onslaught. Actors: Another way to look at the match is to simply consider the acting talents in each role. Adrian Cronauer was played by Robin Williams, an Academy Award-winning actor who gets millions of dollars per film and has a wide acting range. Dr. Johnny Fever was played by Howard Hesseman. Hesseman's work after "WKRP" consisted of starring in forgettable TV movies and films as well as being in "Head of the Class". Here's another thing to consider. "Good Morning Vietnam" grossed $123 million. Not too shabby. On the other hand, "WKRP in Cincinnati" got it's butt kicked in by "Real People". You do the math. In short, Dr. Johnny Fever will be boosting his reaction time at a local bar while Adrian Cronauer will be in the recording studio. - The Demented Astronomer Knowing that the teaser for this match was "Booger!", these two would be very busy sneezing their asses down to actually throw a punch. Besides does someone FROM THE'90S actually know this guys? NO. They do know Robin Williams, but they know nothing about Adrian Cronauer. And Mark, if you do beleive in the Phone Police, do you also beleive in the Haunted Typewriter? Or the Bookworm Nanny? Hmmmmm... too much Nickelodeon(TM) (WARNING:I lost part of my brain scratching my ear while looking for wax tonight,so don't blame if this comment sucks and/or is unispired) - Tyler Durden(GOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD MOOOOOOORRRRRRRNNNNNNNIIIIIIIINGGGGGGG VIIIIIIIEEEEEETTTTTNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") The thing to remember about Dr. Johnny Fever is, no matter how badly outmatched by reality he may be, the universe always throws him a bone, and he ultimately prevails. In the case of the phone cops, it doesn't matter whether Ma Bell actually plays hard ball; the point is, Johnny failed to place a bet with Wing, thus failing to win a big pile of money, thus causing him to destroy the only phone by which he could be warned of a time bomb, and yet he still found a pressing reason to run for his life. Shall I further observe that he actually smashed the shit out of the phone with the bomb itself? And lived? The point is, we don't know whether Dr. Fever will win the gig. But whatever happens, it will work out to his best advantage, that he may one day fulfill his destiny as a golf pro. - Lou the Inscrutable I don't know a damned thing about "WKRP" and have seen "Good Morning Vietnam" all of once, but this match is all a moot point anyway. This is obviously an underworld set-up. Whoever makes it into the booth will find themselves electrocuted and melted to the soundboard by noon the next day, thereby forcing Andrew Dice Clay on the case. If only Gilbert Godfried were alive to warn them... But, if you want a winner, I'll take Dr. Johnny based on fear factor (tried and failed to get the TM from the FOX network) alone. True, Vietnam had napalm, death and destruction, but Cincy has...the Bengals. (And anyone who has seen them play in the last 12 years or so knows that the experience is akin to dental surgery with a pair of heated garden shears.) - RoboGoober98 (hoping against hope that he's not the only one who remembers that old "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" reference If there's one thing we've learned from Grudge Match(tm), it's never tick off a Vietnam vet. - Rainwoman The warzones of Vietnam are nothing compared to the warzones of Jerry Springer-commissioned Cincinnati. - Charge Man from looking at the stats for these two crazy coked up contestant, I beleive that the whimsical winner of this wacked out WWWF match will be Mr. Good Morning Vietnam, Robin Williams, here are those stats in particular so you can see why: Actor Likeability meter: a) Robin Williams: True, he may be to some people the most irritating and annoying person this side o Hollywood, but the one thing Robin has going for him is this: "The Disney Factor". For those of you under a rock people, he did the voice of Aladdin back in 1992. It's a known fact that 90 percent of the time, if you do a disney movie, people will love you, say your a more kinder and gentler person, that sort of stuff. b) Howard Hessemen: well....I checked out this guy's stats on the Internet Movie Data Base, and to be honest, he only did two noteworthy preformances, as the Chief in "Clue" and a good preformance in "This is Spinal Tap". other than that...let's just say he's dropped off that big radar of life we call "Don't you remember that guy?" Advantage: Robin Good Morning Vietnam Vs WKRP In Cincinatti: a) Good Morning Vietnam: I did alittle bit of checking at a very nice website called Boxofficemojo.com (tm) and I saw something very very intresting. In the first week it was out, Good Morning Vietnam only grossed $194,308. It went on to gross more then 100 million dollars by the end of it's run. What does that show? Determination, that's what. Robin and the makers of this film did not panic at such a dismal opening, no, instead they patiently waited out the next few weeks, which gave them 10 times better results. b) WKRP In Cincinatti: the show aired from 1978-1982. Not very impressive as far as Sitcom's go. And the fact that it spawned the godawful "The New WKRP In Cincinatti" doesn't help it out either. Advantage: Robin. DJ Ability a) Robin: spoke out to millions of people during the Vietnam War. Probably one of the most dangerous and important jobs to have during that time. b) Howard: spoke out to dozens of people in Cincinatti...and did pretty badly at it too. Advantage: Robin. I would write some more posts, But I must go write a very persuasive letter to every movie studio in America to ask if they will possibly want to film "Good Morning Vietnam 2: Electric Bugaloo". - former Silver Grudge medal winner: Dane "The New Prodigy",. I had to vote for Dr. Fever, because I can't bear to support Patch Adams, Jakob the Liar, Jack and that stupid "I care so deeply about these people" face Williams drapes on every time we get to the "Full- House-sappy-music-as-Uncle-Jesse-apologizes-to-Michelle" phase of his damn feel-good movies. - robbb Ever hear the closing credits song to WKRP in Cincinnati? Notice that you can't discern the lyrics? And that no name is given? Who the hell sings that song? It's the greatest mystery of all time. - Hurricane Andrew WKRP was in Cincinatti,a much rougher place than Vietnam in almost every way. Fever would have had to have some serious self- preservation skills to have survived in the town where THE BENGALS attempt football. For him, Adrian and his soft Vietnam ways would have been a cakewalk. - Black Francis I've never seen WKRP, but I saw "Bicentennial Man." I'm voting 15,000 times for Dr. Fever. - Ho Cheesed Min Simple match here, guys. As one of the commentators pointed out, Our Man in Vietnam(tm), has dedicated his career to pissing off the command structure of the US military. What this man completely fails to realize is that the real power of the military, despite all the toadying in peacetime, and depersonalization through techno-crap, is still the front-line grunt. And anyone who knows jackshit about the military knows that whatever pisses off the command structure is the very same thing that brings those outside of it (i.e. the frontline grunt) extreme joyful bliss. Most of the military LOVES this guy. And I wouldn't be surprised if because of this, Cronauer has some six-degreesish connection to the phone police, who will arrive shortly. - 007Bistromath I read an interview with the real Adrian Cronauer he did not have friends who were VC and he left Vietnam because his tour was up and he had the sense not to sign up for another. So which Adrian Cronauer is fighting Johnny Fever the real one or Robin Williams? Sorry to bring reality into a grudge match but movies that try to pass off fanatsy as history piss me of almost as much as granola. By the way how could you have failed to mention Venus Flytrap factor after all he was a Nam Vet? - Claymore I think Robin Williams said, "God gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to use one at a time." As Robin was smart enough to make this observation, he's obviously using his brain. Like most men, the other guy isn't. - ChaosWEAPON Since I haven't seen Dr. Fever in over ten years, I have to assume he's an expert in covert ops. Fever wins from the shadows in under 30 seconds. - Formel D. Hyde If I recall correctly, contestants have access to powers and/or knowlege of characters the actor has played. That means Adrian has Peter Pan, Popeye, An MD, a Shoe Company CEO, an android, etc... Fever has: a school teacher for Gifted children. So this is how it will go down: After dodging several copyies of Tiffany's single "I Think We're Alone Now" thrown from the One Hit Wonders Of The 80's section, Adrian flies in to the air, and using his android strength, whips an old Bee Gees B-side straight into Fevers brain. Fever falls to the ground dead, and two copies of "Come on Eileen" fall from his limp hand. - Kyron the Insane Between Dr. Johnny Fever and a Robin Williams character, I'd say that this match has the most controlled substances in a competition since the last Olympics. - Oxymoron (for the lack of a good DJ joke) Adrian's got taste. James Brown beats down Foghat any day of the week. Johnny Fever, after lobbing his second-class vinyl at the former Vietnam vet, is suddenly hit with the full force of the creation of popular music. He suddenly absorbs the James Brown scream directly through his skull, and experiences a massive cranial protection error as his head explodes. Don't mess with Robin Williams. - The Mad Josher If Adrian can undress and use his body hair to hide in the carpet, Dr. Fever had better hope he can reach a CD stand to climb up in time. "Where is he? Wait, is that him over there? No, that's ju... MY LEG! ARRRG!!" Adrian gets the gig. Unless Crazy Al does some vacuuming. - Mixmaster Flibble Jhonny's going to win for one reason, and one reason only: He's F***ed up! He's always on something, and, as the TV watching public saw in the episode where he and Venus were tested by a state trooper in studio, His reaction time improves with substance use. Before heading to the gig, Jhonny mixed a concoction that would kill most healthy african elephants, so he's more than ready to take on Robin (pipsqueak) Williams. - Laviticus Hale Dr. Fever has a name I can remember after only hearing once. I still can't remember the other guy's full name and I read it a couple times in the commentary. Names are all-important in the radio business, so Dr. Fever must be the more worthy, and therefore best fighter. - -The Voice of Reason Let me reveal something that not too many folks know about me. When I was in college, I spent 4 hours of every week in a tiny, hot, cramped little studio honing my skills to become a great radio DJ. It was really great fun, and I learned some things about the radio "bizz" as a result. The two most important things I've learned as a DJ is that a) it pays to be funny (see Stern, Opie & Anthony), and b) having a great radio name is cool and all, but it won't really get you anywhere in life. So why did I vote for the cool-named Dr. Fever over the comical stylings of Cronauer? Simple: Robin Williams sucks. - Adam B. As I see it, this match comes down to two factors: 1. According to the Internet Movie Database, Good Moring, Vietnam is 119 minutes long. Meanwhile, WKRP in Cincinnati had 90 episodes (if you split the hour-long episodes "Filthy Pictures" and "Dr. Fever and Mr. Tide" into two half-hour shows each). At 22 minutes per episode (not counting commercials), that gives The Doctor over 16 times as much on-air experience as Cronauer. That edge in air time will be decisive in giving Dr. Fever the win. 2. Not only does Johnny Fever have more overall air time than Adrian Cronauer, the folks at WKRP actually had to deal with an armed out-of-work DJ trying to hijack a promo appearance at Del's Stereo and Sound ("Holdup," first broadcast 16 October 1978). They should have no problem dealing with Cronauer. In the long run, Fever and Cronauer team up and start a syndicated morning-drive radio program.... As The Doctor would say: "Oh, I almost forgot, fellow babies... BOOGER!" - Fission Chips Yeah yeah yeah Cronauer survived Viet Nam. It's tropical and I hear the surfing is good. Whatever. Dr. Johnny Fever made it through a tour of duty in CINCINNATI!!! This is a place that is so unspeakably devoid of any trace of civilized human behavior that they elected Jerry Springer mayor for Christ's sake. Dr. Johnny Fever takes the Marconi Awarwd home with him before the In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida drum solo ends. - the flying lizard First of all, this fight is barely needed to tell who the real victor is. Adrian Cronauer, duh. Johnny Fever probably had trouble reminding himself that he invented the "phone police", and therefore is in a sad mental state, and couldnt fight Barney right now. Also, Cronauer has survived 'Nam, remember? Now there's a fighter. Cronauer: Good morning Vietnaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmm! Fever: The phone cops...oh, the horror... Cronauer gives Fever a swift and liberal smacking about the face and neck, just because he's disgraced d-jaying, and the real fight hasnt even begun! Cronauer: Where's your station buddies now, Johnny?!?!? This comment is followed by a bash to John-John's head with a microphone. Unfortunatly, this knock was hard enough to put the sense back into Fevers head. Forgetting all about those evil "Phone cops", he grabs his records. Fever: I'll show you what war is all about! Fever decides to spin "War, What is it good for?" And briefly forgetting himself, gets down in funky breakdance style moves. Cronauer has trouble avoiding him, and gets a swift smack on the jaw. Then, while still recovering, Fever throws a load of records at him, ninja-star fasion. Cronauer takes more plastic to the face than Cher. But even so, he manages to get back up. Cronauer: That hurt! But I can still breakdance better than you! Fever: No you cant! Both get in a breakdance fight. Then, while Fever is still desperatly trying to show him up, Adrian grabs him by the feet, and tosses him Mr. T fashion. Fever has had enough. He goes back to his station, mumbling incoherently. How sad. We all knew it would turn out this way, so no surprise. Adrain, being the thoughtful soul that he is, sends a muffin basket in the morning. - Fitz Seeing as I've never seen either "WKRP" or "Good Morning Vietnam," I'll have to analyze this match on the basis of the only thing I know for sure about the two competitors: their names. Our first combatant is named "Fever." This suggests an abnormally high temperature, possibly accompanied by headaches and nausea (as was the last illness I had.) Obviously this guy is in no condition to fight. Hell, if he exerts himself too greatly, he may spontaneously combust right there next to the Red Hot Chili Peppers rack. Our second competitor is named "Adrian." We all know what that means: once he manages to maneuver himself close to the window he will let loose a cry of "Rocky!!!" to the streets below. Within minutes the Italian Stallion will come charging up the stairs and deliver the beating of a lifetime to the already semi-concious Fever. - Canus Shamus As a person of actual Vietnamese descent, I would like to take this opportunity to defend Vietnamese cuisine against the slanderous remarks against it on this website. But I can't, because Vietnamese food is godawful. I seriously wonder how any of my relatives can eat that garbage. If any of you have suffered through the horror that is dried shrimp, you know what I'm talking about. And Cronauer somehow survived it! I mean, I grew up around this stuff and I can barely even stand it. Cronauer had a mostly sheltered American life of Big Macs; if he can get thrust into Vietnam and survive the dreaded nuoc mam fish sauce, there is not a thing in the world he can't handle. - Infraggable Krunk Fever played softball sitting in a lawnchair in centerfield, drinking beer. Cronaur played using cabbage against a bunch of Vietnamese.
Fever had many different names. But the ultimate deciding factor is that Herb Tarlec set up all the promotional appearences for WKRP, and do you seriously think a salesman will let someone steal a commission? Heck no! Fever does the broadcast and Cronaur gets fitted for a bodycast. - G-Man Vietnam veteran... coke head deejay... Gee that was hard. Dr Johny Fever makes some slurred, yet stereotypical (he is a professional deejay) remark about the vietnam war, vietnamese, and/or Cronauer's hair. Really, being a deejay with no other background (like uh...war!) leaves him a slave to the people and the people are STUPID! Cronauer briefly flashes back the Vietnamese guy he hung out with, becomes enraged, and kicks in with that US Military-PreDemoncratic- Cutback-Training(tm) and slaughters this man called fever. On a side note. Cronauer actually made it out of Vietnam. Do you know what one of the major problems for our boys at the time was? Fever! Strange-foreign-killer-Godzilla fever at that! The match was over before it began. Cronauer in 4.5 sec - Holy Roller As proven by MASH vs. ER, those with military training (even if its several decades old) will seriously kick the ass of those without it. Not to mention, Fever's older, and thus has less strength or stamina. This will be a cakewalk for Cronauer. - Red Herring Both of you have obviously missed out on the decisive Loni Anderson (tm) factor. Fie on both your houses! Either Cronauer is a healthy heterosexual male and is struck instantly by her magnificent pulchritude and Fever beats him to a pulp with his own microphone, or Cronauer turns out to a be gay, liberal idealist--which means he'd be meat even against a paraplegic drug-addled Fever. Another factor not mentioned is that Fever's reaction actually increases under the influence of alcohol to near-prescient levels. Have a couple of cases of hooch delivered to both rooms before the match (just to be fair), and Fever pulls it off in three rounds or less. - John "Cincinnati" Karakash Guys, guys, guys. There's no need for this fussin' an' fightin'! Cronauer gets the job and then immediately signs over his paycheques to Dr Fever to get his "foot powder" prescriptions filled. Everybody's happy until Crocodile Dundee gets invited to the staff party and demonstrates the "correct" way to clear a stuffed head, thereby wasting approximately $5000 (USD) worth of cocaine. - Helen Jones Cronauer's chances are not good, because he's a Robin Williams film character. Consider this short list of the travails Robin's characters have gone through:
In The World According To Garp his wife's adultery caused the
death of one of his sons. Needless to say, there is some big-time tragedy in store for Adrian and/or one of his loved ones. Since neither Johnny Fever or Crazy Al qualify as loved ones, I envision the fight with Fever ending very badly. Traumatic amputation of three limbs by some falling shelving? Simultaneous blinding, castration and broken voice-box dealt by three of Fevers' deadly flying CD's? The possibilities are endless, but this guy's so doomed he makes MacBeth and Captain Ahab look like they should release a duet of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive - Mr. Silverback- Oh yeah, and Fever gets a 4 CD boxed set in the crotch for that Who Concert "Very Special Episode" Blecch! I voted for Fever, but it was really more of an vote against Cronauer. And here's why: I went to Princess Anne High School (Home of the Mighty Princess Anne Cavaliers!). And every morning, the jackass who did the morning announcements would start them off with a parody of Cronauer by going "Goooooooooood morning, Princess Anne!" That isn't something you want to hear when you've just stumbled into class half- conscious. And then, after Jackass MacMoron has done his oh-so- clever bit like he has every other day of the year, you get to hear all the important announcements of the day, like how the football team got its ass kicked AGAIN, or awards being given to people you don't know and people you hate, and of course, at the very end you get a worthless inspirational quote of the day and Mr. Turd-eating Brownnoser wishing all us Cavaliers a Wonderful Wednesday, or Terrific Tuesday, or whatever day it was. No, Adrian Cronauer is not even partially responsible for most of that. But the tiny association he does have is enough to make me vote against him. - My name is Kenny Location is a crucial factor for each location, so let's see what sort of combatants are bred from the DJs' home turfs. Johnny Fever's from Cincinnati, which has shown up twice in past Grudge Matches. The entire WKRP gang got beaten by the Sweathogs, but their esteemable mayor Jerry Springer beat the mustache off of Geraldo. 1-1 for Johnny. Adrian Cronauer was broadcasting out of Vietnam. Vietnam vets have also shown up twice on Grudge Matches. Forrest Gump narrowly beat Rain Man in the math test/foot race. The other match involved the A-Team. I know this isn't a subject that the Grudge community likes to bring up, but I feel it necessary. The A-Team lost their fight, against MayGyver. Check your history books, it's true. Mr. T is not an unblemished champion in these halls. That puts Cronauer at 1-1 as well, but some battles must be weighed more heavily than others. Vietnam was a war that we lost, and the Grudge Match represents this. Not to dishonor our veterans, but if Mr. T can't beat a mulleted pacifist, there ain't much hope for Adrian.
- Kilgore Trout Adrian doesn't stand a chance! Sure he was in The 'Nam, but c'mon, he's in the Air Force... And he was only stationed in 'Nam for a brief period of his career and then was cancelled and sent home with a discharge. Johnny on the other hand, is a DJ in the worst Hell mankind has ever imagined... one that makes even Cleveland seem interesting... Cinncinnati, Ohio. As far as the world knows, Johnny Fever is still on the air and broadcasting. Why you say, because he's on AM, and people on AM never go away. (For proof, tune in Paul Harvey on any station) Johnny was still broadcasting when the TV show wrapped up, but for crying out loud, they brought it back 20 years later and it ran another 5 or so seasons... That's staying power baby. Johnny Fever, pHD. hands down. - Mork@Calling.Orson.Net Cronauer can't win for 2 reasons: He got called up for the 'War on Terrorism'. (I can hear it now: "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOOOORNing, AfghaniSTAAAAN!") and Having one's best friend be the enemy doesn't look good on a resume! - NavyTwig Im going for the nam vet here. Hes someone who clearly had mental problems before going through the same trauma that shaped the man who would become the Punisher(tm) The other guy is a somewhat normal if not slightly paraniod man whos spent the last several years just waiting for a fist fight to break out. As one of these men myself I can safely say that in actual trouble my sorry ass would go down within seconds. Just faceing reality, thank you and goodnight. - ex agent if we can call in the allies here, Adrian Cronauer can call in heavy arterily from full metal jacket, platoon, and operation dumbo drop!!! who can Dr. Johnny Fever call in?? like must-see-tv before they came up with the catchy catch phrase??? after cronauer is done with fever, he's going to be begging for the phone police to come and take him away. exspecially after he reseives an anal cavity search from the elephant after cronauer plants them in there and tells dumbo where to find them!! - BIGMRG74 *rainbow wig, and hotbranch 3:16 shirt standing outside the Joe Louis Arena, with a sign saying "I need tickets!!!" Well, this match leaves me in an odd predicament. I never really liked WKRP, and I never watched Good Morning, Vietnam. The average Grudgie would, at this point, not respond. But not I. Rather, let's take what little knowledge I have and make a response, shall we? Dr. Fever, obviously, hails to us from Cincinnati, known for.....uh, I guess being a town with no real notability. They had the Cincinatti Kid, but the Toronto Kid sure put him in his place(You didn't see that? Go watch Kids in the Hall.). Now, Robin Williams, however, hails from the armed forces...during Vietnam. Vietnam. Ever see Full Metal Jacket? The armed forces back then were jolly green giants, marching through the battlefields annihilating the running Vietnamese (who were NVC) and the standing Vietnamese (who were WELL TRAINED NVC). Even a lowly reporter like Joker had to face the horrors of war. Williams's character may be the Army's DJ, but I'm sure he's helped celebrate "Charlie's" birthday a few times. Expect a massacere in the DJ booth tonight. In an unrelated note, I'm graduating (or "escaping," as the papers say) today. How about Devin v. Brendan as a parting gift? - Devin the Mental Hospital Escapee (WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS? DIDN'T MOMMY AND DADDY-*blam*) This fight is going to be a stretch for both men, since they are deprived of their natural weapons. They're holdovers from the bygone Era of Vinyl, when a well-thrown record could take someone's head off, unless adroitly deflected by the sturdy album cover used as a shield. These days, the aptly named compact discs are hard-pressed to fell someone in a single blow, and their jewel cases have little defensive use, shattering on the first impact and spraying their wielder with shrapnel. Who will adapt better? There's no advantage of temperament, since both Cronauer and Fever are anti-establishment, anti-military kinds of guys. Dr. Fever, though, has probably had to survive format changes at radio stations in his past, something you rarely see at Armed Forces Radio, so he should have an edge in adaptibility. He's also kinda emaciated from his, ahem, fast lifestyle, making him less of a target than the filled-out Cronauer. Fever's only weakness is his poor coordination when not, double ahem, chemically enhanced. Then again, do you think he would have come to a rinky-dink event like an album store promo without bringing along something to make the time pass more quickly? Cronauer will be lucky if he doesn't get a Stoli-brand Molotov cocktail in the kisser, but at least the end would come sooner that way than with the Death of a Thousand Flying CD Cuts. Dr. Johnny Fever, in the time it takes to play a Steppenwolf single. - Call me Shane Venus Flytrap earned an honorary degree from me from an afternoon rerun many years ago. An education-disdaining punk bet him that Flytrap couldn't explain the atom in two minutes, and that lesson remains the cornerstone of my understanding of particle physics. If some ordinary WKRP faculty member (who presumably majored in botany) can instruct so effectively, think what one with a doctorate could do! Private-enterprise runs more efficiently than public-service (if you don't believe me, please visit your local Dept. of Motor Vehicles branch), and methinks Dr. Fever will be teaching this government- subsidized honcho a thing or two about his own anatomy. - Matt Bricker
Now when are we gonna see Les Nessman against his weight in cheye-hoo-ya-hoo-yas(tm)?
- WYUN in Cincinatti
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