Ok, now let's look at what the Enterprise can do. A) Shoot it with phasers or a photon torpedo. Oh no! You've ruined the new paint job on my Death Star! The Death Star is so huge, that the Enterprise could blast at it all day and still not do anything significant to it. B) Run away. Yes, they could do that. They better do that if they want to live.
BRIAN: Oh, sure, Steve, it's really that obvious. You're forgetting the one asset the Enterprise has that the Death Star does not: transporters. Once Kirk, Spock, Bones, Uhura, and that nameless guy with the red shirt beam aboard, the Death Star will have a major permanent power outage and the Enterprise crew will walk away with only one casualty. All they have to do is get into transporter range. That is, get past the mighty planet disintegrater gun and the swarms of tie-fighters and it's cake. O.K., say the disintegrater gun is mis-firing that day, and all they have to do is get past the tie-fighters. The Enterprise. The ship that almost loses to 3 klingon warships must get past 100 tie-fighters. The ship that whenever it gets in trouble tries to open a hailing frequency. O.K., maybe not.
HA! But what you're really forgetting is that the Death Star, as shown in Episode IV, has a weak spot: All the Enterprise has to do is get close enough to fire a photon torpedo down that hole the size of a whomp-rat and the Death Star goes kablooie. So once the Enterprise gets close enough-...oh, yeah, I've already been over this. I don't think the Enterprise would even fit in those canyons on the surface anyway. O.K.: Scotty and Spock equip the Galileo shuttle craft with shields and photon torpedos. Maybe not.
You're right, Steve. Death Star in 2.3 seconds.
STEVE: Indeed, things would have to be going bad for the Death Star to succumb to the Enterprise. Here's a possible scenario under which it might happen: 1) All the Tie fighters had to be recalled due to unsafe plasma coils. 2) The night before the attack, all the weapons officers were up late celebrating "Death Star Day" and are hung over. 3) The garbage monster found it's way into a maintenance shaft and shorted out the transformers which power the main gun. 4) The Enterprise sling-shots around the sun, goes forward in time, gets the Genesis device, sling-shots back, and fires it on the Death Star. I think if these 4 improbable events occurred simultaneously, the Enterprise might stand a chance. Otherwise, forget it!
BRIAN: O.K., with all those concessions, the Enterprise could get close enough and would have a weapon powerful enough to destroy the Death Star considering all the arguments we have raised. But there's one other thing we haven't considered. What about the Force, Steve?
STEVE: Aw, shit. I forgot about the Force. Before Kirk can give the order to fire, Vader will have him two feet off the ground and choking to death. Death Star in 2.3 seconds.
One last point. What's going to win: Something called "The Enterprise" or something called "The Death Star?" The name says it all.
BRIAN: You know, Steve, after the past two weeks, that Godzilla/Bambi
thing is looking more and more reasonable.
vaporizes
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i.e. NO SEQUEL!!!
-Jason
-David
Yep. Human ingenuity. Plus, Kirk doesn't breathe funny. They both
talk funny, but that's another story. Hmm. Oh, and it's a real fight,
so Kirk can't die. He has to die in some funky, pansy way, like
stubbing his toe while fighting in another dimension...
-Greg
The Enterprise transporters would not be able to go through
the Death Star's sheiding.
It seems like the Death Star would be at least 100x bigger than
the Borg cube; and that was quite a battle. Anyways, the Empire
had the resources an entire galaxy to build its abomination,
while the Federation only controlled one quarter of the
Sagittarius arm of our galaxy!
And if they don't speak in English on the Death Star, no one
in our galaxy will be able to understand them! (Universal
translator be dammed!)
The musical score for Star Wars is MUCH BETTER than Star
Trek!
Now if the Federation would implement their phased cloak
that Riker recovered on the Pheonix, the Federation could stand
up to the Borg or the Empire!
-David
Kirk: Uhura, what the heck is--
Voop.
Silence.
On the bridge of the Death Star:
Random underpaid flunkie with black helmet: Did you see anything just
now?
No reply.
-Massi
-Edward
By the time Scotty gets done rearranging the equipment, Lord Vader will already
have Kirk's head on his mantle.
-Wakely
Scenario 1:
The Enterprise warps into close proximity to the
Death Star (with pilfered Klingon cloaking device).
The Enterprise crew locates Vader's room and trans-
ports in groups. First group, Sulu and Chekov.
This is the primer group, their mission is to break
down Vader's concentration so that he can not use
the force. Sulu without shirt and sweaty, dances
around Vader with sword in hand, taunting Vader,
while Chekov runs around saying "Nuclear Wessel,
Nuclear Wessel," pissing the hell out of Vader.
Second group, Uhura, Spock, Kirk and Bones. With
Vader's concentration down, he turns in disgust to
Uhura and says "How can you keep putting that thing
in your ear?" While he does this, Spock puts the
nerve pinch on him. Kirk then mercilessly pummels
the unconscious Vader, until Bones tells him that
"he's dead Jim." The Death Star without leader
falls in 10 minutes.
Scenario 2:
The Enterprise transports a group of Tribbles
(Those things that multiply a lot) to the Death
Star. The Death Star explodes in a shower of
Tribble/Storm Trooper debris.
Scenario 3:
The Enterprise whips around the sun to the year
1994 and finds the Energizer Bunny, game over in
1 minute.
-Kendrick
1 - The Kirk advanatage is nullified when James get close to the Death
Star. Vader: "I feel the presence of an ego, the size of the Empire.
Could it be my old master? No! Damn it, it's that Earthing scum Kirk.
Hurry, prep the writers to shield all dialogue channels. Don't let him
ask the computers any stupid, circular questions! LOCK UP THE WOMEN!
Yes, even the fuzzy and inhuman ones!"
2 - Scotty - Face it. If Scotty saw that hunk of tech looming over him,
he would turn to the dark side just to see its drive systems.
Scotty : "Aye, Lord Vader, I think I may be able to squeeze a little
more intimidation out of your voice unit. It will take some time,
but you'll have it in time to meet the Emperor."
3 - The Prime Directive and other crap - This is the capper. Star Fleet
can't blow its collective nose without analyzing its moral implications
until inaction is the only available option.
4 - Imperial technology - Also a strike against the good guys. The TIE
fighter can fly in ways that would make Newton spin in his grave fast enough
to supplement the power generators onboard. Also, they are plenty and
expendable.
5 - Imperial Stupidity - Ok, so they have a slight chance. They can
pretend the ship is abandoned and sneak on the Base after it pulls it in.
Kirk and Scotty would have wet dreams over a Star Destroyer that they could steal.
McCoy would be happy (for once!) at having a Bacta tank and a medical
droid. Imperial troops fall for all kinds of stupid gags. Spock could
mind meld with Vader and learn a Logical (emotionally neutral) version
of the Force. HMMM! Maybe if the crew had top billing...
6 - Dark Force tricks - Warp Core breeches are so easy to cause if you
can move matter with a thought. Just a little motion here and there -
BOOM! And you thought the little vent hole was a vunerability.
7 - The Death Star has sheilds! - No transporters. Yep. remember how
they had to lower the shields and the tractor beam to escape?
8 - Photon Torps are too wide to hit the vunerable point on the Death
Star. They are just too wide.
In short, the best defence the Enterprise has is the fact that the Death
Star was destroyed "A long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away".
Thank heaven for small favors.
-Judd M. Goswick
-David.
-Mike
- Randall
Sure, the Enterprise could send a team to the Death Star to disable it, but
that wouldn't work:
Too many Storm Troopers, even though they are lousy shots, and Darth Vader.
The entire Enterprise would have to beam over to wipe them out.
I doubt that would work anyway, the phaser's wouldn't last that long, and when
was the last time you saw the Star Trek gang in a shoot 'em up situation? Kirk
was always hitting; Spock was always grabbing necks; and McCoy was always
giving someone a shot. The Emperials wear armor guys! Ya wanna get close to
one and pinch him? "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a can opener!"
The Enterprise was more of an exploration ship than a war machine. They were
to "Boldly go where no man has gone before," and not violate the prime
directive. When faced with the Death Star they'd want to check it out, and
would probably send a message to Star Fleet and wait for orders on what to do.
The Death Star was a war machine that was exploring. They were "Boldly going
where ever they wanted to go," and didn't bother with a prime directive.
They had one mission, conquer and/or destroy. They wouldn't bother the Emperor
with a request for orders.
Joellyn C.
With the information gained from Princess Leia, the crew beams over to
the Death Star and Kirk, using the P.A. system give a great speech about
freedom, liberty, and justice that convinces all the Imperial
stormtroopers to join the Federation. After beaming them all back, Kirk
alone attempts to activate the Death Star's auto-destruct sequence. He
successfully does so, and signals to beam back, only to find out the
transporters are malfunctioning.
The countdown begins, and it looks like all is lost. Then we see a
ship in the distance. Han Solo in the Millenium Falcon swoops down and
snags Kirk off the antenna he's hanging from (don't ask me how he got
there). He returns him to the Enterprise, the Death Star blows up, and
all is well. Q appears, mumbles something about surving the test of
humanity once again, and disappears in a blinding flash of light. The End.
- George
PS - A colleague of mine reading this just now remarks that what it all
comes down to is that the E & crew are the "good guys" and therefore
must win. Which is a little sideways to what I'm trying to say, but
pretty close.
-Jody
For those of you who think the Enterprise would win simply because
they are the 'good guys', please refer to my excellent and
inciteful commentary on why Darth Vader would defeat Obi-wan
(under WWWF History) before making your final decision - B
- Robert C.
-Hanspeter N.
- Gavin, DJ, Rick, Jen.
As we all know, protective headgear is essential to any risk-intensive
endeavors (rock climbing, race car driving, space exploration, technological
terrorizing, etc.). Once this fact is recognized, it becomes clear who would
win.
First, we can count out the Enterprise, a ship manned by humans with woefully
unprotected noggins. There they sit, hurtling through the vastness of space,
with nary helmet amoung them! In fact, one nasty slip on the bridge could
kill any of the ships officers! The Death Star could sit back and watch as
Kirk and Co. tubled and fell into comas concussions, and the like.
On the opposite end of the "helmet spectrum", we find the Death Star, a ship
jam-packed with helmet ensconed bad dudes! First, we have the storm troopers,
with white helmets buffed to a high glossy shine. Second, we have Darth
Vader-and his protective mask/life support system. Third, and most
importantly, we have the special technical officers who gear up and fire the
Death Star's destructive ray. These guys have the best helmets I've ever seen.
Obviously, these troopers needed to be protected from the harsh rays of the
Death Star Cannon. All in all, you have helmets in every direction. Death
Star wins-no contest. These guys are ready for action.
I have another theory about footwear, but I won't delve into that now.
- Derek Y.
Consider the following analogy...
Death Star : Enterprise :: Chewbacca : Alf
Jared C.
Death Star in 2.01 seconds
- Peter K.
- Eric V.
- Rob S.
Stephen S.
My money's on the Death Star! Against The Good Ship 1701? The Galactica
would stand a better chance.
Kirk to Crew: "In honor of our forcoming battle Starfleet has issued us
all new uniforms."
McCoy to Kirk: "But they're _red_ Jim!"
Kirk to Crew: "Oh Bug...."
Menachem P.
- David B.
-B. Maguire
Never underestimate the captain's sexual prowess. I mean, any man who
can score with green female aliens has got to have the goods. Remember,
Tiberius is Latin for "tripod."
- Kevin F.
FACT: 2 Death Stars have been destroyed in as many movies. 2/2 = loses
100% of the time.
Who has a better resume?
- Shuman G.
- Ivan I.
TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DEATH STAR'S VICTORY OVER THE ENTERPRISE
10. Impact from the Death Star's planet-crushing laser rips the
Enterprise's hull, breaks bulkheads, and knocks off Bill Shatner's hairpiece.
9. In the confusion of the battle, Scotty and Chekov swap accents
8. Sulu stands up, crabs his crotch, and screams, "Hey Captain! Plot a
course for THIS!"
7. Spock attempts a mind meld with Darth Vader. Is overcome with the
urge to narrate television programs and write bad poetry.
6. Kirk panics when he realizes that there won't be any gorgeous alien
babes in this episode.
5. Famous McCoy quote: "Dammit Jim, if you mention how you're responsible
for the lives of 430 crewmen one more time I'm going to deck you!"
4. Dozens of nameless red-shirted security officers realize that their
only hope for survival is to become part of the bridge crew. They storm
the bridge and are about to commit mutiny when they are all horribly
killed in a bizarre turbolift accident.
3. Lt. Uhura destroys a fleet of incoming Tie fighters by singing into
the subspace radio.
2. Majel Barret begins looking for a part on the next spinoff series.
1. The battle ends abruptly and an intergalactic holiday is declared
when it is announced that the O.J. Simpson trial is finally over.
- David G.
- Mark S.
- Wasted
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Voter Comments
[We received a gajillion responses this week, and it was hard to narrow it
down to the few "best" ones. Unfortunately, some responses that would normally
make it had to be eliminated in the interest of keeping this reasonably short.
Many people wrote in, and gave
technical or analytical reasons why one or the other would win. For the most
part, we have not included that type of response here, and have instead chose
the ones which gave us a laugh. - Ed.]
Well, let's just say that the Enterprise
*does* get within range to try to fire a photon (not proton, which we *know* will do
the job) torpedo at the exhaust shaft... we also know that Kirk and Co. are going to
go onto the Death Star (TM) and try to short out its chances somehow... but during
this trip, the Force will befuddle Chekhov, and he will wander off some chasm mumbling
about 'nuclear wessels' and be lost... sulu and spock will debate about how far
chekhov will fall, and at that time, they will be shot by storm troopers and kirk will
be taken in front of Darth Vader (TM)... Vader will offer Kirk a lightsaber to duel
with, but Kirk won't hear him because he'll be taking Captain's log notes on his
tricorder... Then Kirk will hear Vader's saber fire up, and he'll draw his dinky
captain's phaser and try to square off with the man in black (no, not the Dread Pirate
Roberts, but Darth, he of the Dark Side of the Force (TM) ) and will look like he's
gonna give it a good fight... suddenly, Darth will use the force to flop Kirk's toupee
over his eyes, and take the opening to cut off Kirk's head... at this time, the
Empire's engineers will have the big gun working, and with only Uhura, Scotty and
Ensign Expendable (TM) on the ship, it will be toast... space dust... history...
I can already hear all those damn trekkies start
complaining about how their precious Enterprise was
unjustly defeated. Pulease! Spare us and get a life.
Anyone with any knowledge of the Death Star knows only
studs like Luke can challenge the mighty Empire war
machine. Next thing you know, those trekkies are going
to start saying Kirk could whip someone with the power
of the Force. Death Star in a landslide.
Oh, Enterprise, by a mile.
You see, the Force wouldn't matter. Uhura would know better than to
put Vader on the viewscreen, so no choke holds would be applied. Then,
Spock and Bones could specially rig a homing torpedo, with astronomical
supplies they just HAPPENED to have on board.
The Death Star is an all out combat machine. With a contingent
of AT LEAST 60 Tie fighters AND the death ray that can pulverise
a planet, and magnetic and ray shedding; the Enterprise would
not stand a chance. Remember in Jedi how the Death Star
destroyed a whole Rebel ships with the death ray in one shot?
Grudge match? Does the Death Star even notice objects as tiny and
underpopulated as the Enterprise? Any way, it would run like this on the
bridge of the Fed ship:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force . . . as if millions of Star
Trek lovers suddenly cried out in terror and Kirk was somehow silenced.
I fear something terribly good has happened."
One might think that because the Deathstars keep getting destroyed that they are
weak and puny. Perhaps. The point here is that the Enterprise is about the lamest
ship in the fleet! Its True! Just think about it... every time the crew requires
something from it, it takes hours of reengineering. "I need 8 hours to re-align the
phase modulators, Captain!" "You have 3!" Sound familiar?
Man, what are you guys smoking? There's no way the
Death Star can beat the Enterprise. It's not so
much the technology, as the crew, here's the
breakdown:
COME ON NOW! If anyone needs to think longer than about a nanosecond on this
one, they need their head examined. This battle will be over before Kirk
realizes that it's begun. There are so many pluses going for the Death Star and
so many negatives going for the Enterprise; let's compare the two:
Death Star: Enterprise:
Darth Vader (calm, controlled voice) James T. Kirk (e... nough... said...)
The Force James T. Kirk...
Thousands of expendable stormtroopers Never more than one sacrificial ensign
Own gravitational force Artificial gravity within the ship
Main gun (destroys entire planets) Photon torpedoes (aka laser-SCUD)
Infinitely small weak point James T. Kirk... (don't get much bigger)
Hundreds of attack craft (Tie fighters) Not even a lifeboat
Huge support craft (Imperial Cruiser) Scotty's ever-expanding waist
Shiny plastic suits and headgear Polyester as far as the eye can see
Let's face facts: even IF (and it's a mighty huge IF) the Enterprise could
somehow get past all of the Death Star's primary and secondary defences, all of
Kirk's efforts up to that point would be wasted because the Enterprise would
get jammed up tighter than a Winnebago(tm) in the LaBrea tarpits. The corridor
leading the "whomp-rat" hole just barely allows passage of an X-wing fighter, a
single pilot vehicle; the Enterprise would have as much success getting into
the corridor as Milli-Vanilli have of winning another Grammy. Let the
Enterprise try; it'll smash itself into a gajillion microscopic pieces on the
Death Star's surface.
Death Star in the blink of an eye.
-HotBranch!
This whole question had me rolling for a bit. I mean the Enterprise vs
the Death Star cries out for some blow-by-blow (not there would be many)
comments.
I mean really, you got something the size of a planet with the ability to
blast planets out of the sky, and it's up against something that probably
the amount of metal in all of the Death Star's bathrooms?! Please...
Besides Darth Vader has a sword, that makes him cool. No stun for that
motherfucker.
One question before I go on. Will the Enterprise be lead by the young,
I'm-so-cool-I-can't-stand-it Kirk, or the big old fat one? If it's the
old and fat Kirk, the Enterprise would enter the scene, and get blown
away before Kirk could mutter, "Oh my." If it's the young Kirk, he'd
beam aboard the Death Star, teach Darth Vader about love, and then watch
the Enterprise get blown away from the viewscreen a la Princess Leia.
Then he and Darth would get buddy-buddy and then everyone would be happy.
You forgot one MAJOR asset of the Death Star... Vader's daughter Princess
Leia!!! Put her in that slave girl outfit and Kirk will be so distracted
that he'll forget all about the Enterprise. 2.2 seconds so there!!!
Subject: WWWF Grudge Match - Why did I vote Death Star? I'm not stupid!
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and a nameless ensign beam down to Endor to turn
off the force field. In the process, they also end up rescuing Princess
Leia, who immediately falls in love with Kirk. Spock then reprograms the
computers to also simultaneously set off a self-destruct command in the
entire TIE squadron. After fighting their way out past many Ewoks and
tragically losing the ensign, they transport back to the ship. Scotty
finds some parts lying around engineering and they rig themselves up a
cloaking device to avoid the giant gun.
Vader tricks Kirk & a couple of redshirts into coming over for a parley.
Anyway, while Spock & Vader duke it out, Kirk tricks the DS's computers into
figuring the square root of two or something, thus weakening the DS just
enough for the Enterprise to strike the killer blow. Of course the redshirts
die, but K & S beam back aboard in the nick of time. A little bruised,
but not too much for some humorous banter between K, S, and McCoy.
Of course, there is absolutely no contest here. Force will always win
out against ordinary people. Now the real question is, would the Death
Star hold out against Kit from Knight Rider? Remember -- Kit has
microjam... Kit could microjam the death star, rendering it useless,
and turbo boost right through it..
The Death Star by a million. The only way to destroy the Death Star is
to shoot proton torpedoes into the exhaust port. And what does the Enterprise
have? _Photon_ torpedoes. Sorry, no contest. The most the Enterprise can do
is follow King Arthur's advice, and "Run away, run away." Hmmm. Idea!
Maybe if Spock, Bones, and Kirk built a large wooden rabbit and snuck it
into the Death Star...
What kind of a stupid comparison was this anyhow? I know you guys must be
receiveing all sorts of messages like this but get serious. The stormtroopers
aka: "the best of the best" may be felled by only one blaster shot but I don't
think Kirk's "hands together hit the stomach & back combo" will work on them.
With moves like that Kirk should be able to take out Royce Gracie (dripping
sarcasm here). Any ship that can be taken out by little furry fuzzballs
can't stand a chance against the fuzzballs that Chewie could cough up.
The way I see it, the battle would be decided based on protective headgear.
Destruction of Death Star
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free recipe. Distribute freely.
Ingredients: 1 Federation Starship, preferable U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701
("no bloody A, B, C, or D" --Scotty, TNG "Relics")
1 Working Transporter
1 Well-fed Tribble
1 Romulan cloaking device
(stolen in "The Enterprise Incident")
Directions: Install cloaking device on starship. Activate cloaking device.
Pilot starship to Death Star and move within transporter range. Scan for food
storage bays and feed coordinates into transporter. Place tribble on
transporter pad. Energize. Wait for six hours. (May wish to have crew
exchange humorous anecdotes concerning Kobayashi Maru test.) After tribbles
have infested Death Star, de-cloak starship, lock on to exhaust port, and
fire one photon torpedo. Move away at half-impulse and watch fireworks.
Serves several million (if satellite feeds are used).
- Curtis C.
The Death Star is the single most powerful weapon in the Universe. There's
no way that any Star Trek pinheads could even scratch it.
What's up next week, Ferrari vs. Matchbox?
Hmmm...this situation would put the pointy eared Vulcan's calculation of
odds into numbers soo large that SPOCK would say to the captain
"Fascinating, Captain, I put our chances with this "Death Star" as NO way
in f*@!-ing hell to 1. I advise we rent the movie and see how the human,
Luke Skywalker destroyed it."
I like both Sci-Fi series, but it's like comparing a pea with a watermelon.
Try to throw the pea at the watermelon and the pea won't make a dent, but set
the watermelon on top of the pea and ewww! Squish! Except that the watermelon
can also shoot a massive laser beam at the pea as well. :)
Let's go straight to the commanding officers.. Darth vs. Kirk. Now at
first glance, it looks as if Kirk has the edge. William Shatner seems to
have the ego of TWO actors! There is none who can stand before him!
EXCEPT.. Darth Vader! Yes, it not only SEEMS like he has the ego of two
actors.. he IS two actors! Add to that his superior strength, his offensive
use of the force, and the fact that Kirk's girdle is no match for his really
nifty black costume, and you have an easy victory!
Death Vader has the necessary skill at Force to flip switches at long
distance and transfer all power to life support or that little light that
bleeps or begin a level 1 diagnostic. Also the Force can manipulate
computers like a person's mind/there goes flight control.
Gee....Lets see....
Vote for something that has been called a "Technological Terror" or vote
for something whose purpose is "To seek out and contact new civilizations...."
In our esteemed opinion, the honorable people in favor of the death Star
have forgotten to take into account the fact that Kirk and Co always
win. The death Star was blown up twice, once by an illiterate, whining
school boy, and the next time by a drunken smuggler and some weird guy
gurgling at him. track record. Hmmmm. And the only time the
enterprise was ever blown up was by kirk in a brilliant maneuver that
effectively places him among the greatest military minds of the
world--like Pickets charge, or the battle of breeds hill on the part of
the British (Gee, lets just let those american dig in good and tight, so
when we go to attack them we can get shot repeatedly). The death Star
is the size of a planet, however, remember the Stay Puff marshmallow
man? What did those little guys with flashlights did to him, just by
crossing the streams. What if there were four enterprises (maybe, one
named venkmann) and the crossed the streams and called for Squire of
Gothos, and he just turned the Death Star into george and gracie from
Star Trek IV--whales in outer space--i don't think so. And, in
conclusion, we don't remember who we voted for--oh, by the way, if it
was a real movie, frankly, the good guys have to always win--so, even if
the death star blew up the enterpise, a large contigent of ewoks would
appear to dismantle the death star, and build a giant temple to Yogurt,
may the Schwartz be with you--
Yes, the Death Star would eventually smash the Enterprise so badly that
no amount of cheesy, unintelligible sequels could bring it back. But it
wouldn't be quite the domination most would expect.
I had to give this battle to the Enterprise for one simple reason,
Captain James Tiberius Kirk. I think everyone has forgotten Captain
Kirk's incredible charm and charisma. Kirk would just transport over to
the old Death Star and seduce Vader, Admiral Tarkoff, and any other
imperial fool enough to get in his way. Kirk would be in Darth's
knickers faster than you could say "Tatooine."
FACT: An enterprise has been featured in over 200 different television
episodes, and seven feature movies. It has been destroyed four times.
4/200 = loses 2% of the time.
The enterprise will be caught in the tractor beam of the Death Star about to
get blown to where ever things that have been utterly destroyed go. When
all of a sudden a giant flock of space goats will come out of nowhere, like
space goats tend to do. Every one knows that goats eat anything, naturally
when they see the death star they will eat it. You would think the space
goats would eat the enterprise too. Look at it from the space goat's point of
view, Would you eat a biscuit if you could have the works?
And now, from the home office in Auburn, Alabama, it's ....
The Enterprise could attack at night...
If Kirk all of a sudden gets a mechanical arm, Scotty mutates into a lean-mean
flyin' dude and Spock puts his ears up in buns... they might have a chance. Oh
yeah, Uhura would have to get pretty damn hairy too.
John McClane v. Death Star
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