Two women enter the "Shear Ecstasy" hair salon. Both approach the receptionist, whose attention is momentarily drawn away from her ruby red nails to their ruby red glares.
"Welcome to Shear Ecstasy," begins the receptionist. "Omigod! That is so cool! You guys must be sisters or something, right? I mean, you have the same eye color and kinda nouveau Goth look, right? The dreadlocks are really something else..."
"Shut up bitch," growls the younger of the two women, her head spinning a full 360 degrees. "I have an appointment with Vidal at 3:30. The name is Regan MacNeil!"
"Uh, you have a little pea soup on the corner of your mouth, and you should really cut down on the smoking, you know," the receptionist replies. "'Cause that husky voice could be a major man magnet..."
The older of the two women, wearing a prom dress and covered in pig's blood, interjects. "Cut the crap already! Carrie White. 3:30," she says, stabbing at the appointment book.
"First of all," the receptionist retorts, "Youre dripping some kind of red goo all over the floor. Do you mind standing over there, on the linoleum?" The receptionist then turns her attention to both women. "Secondly, both of you seem to have this, like, totally uncool attitude and funny smell."
Both women screech simultaneously: "MY NAME HAS TO BE IN THERE!"
"Well, to tell you the truth," the receptionist snickers. "Both of your names are down for 3:30. Someone must have overbooked. One of you will have to come back tomorrow."
A deep, low rumble is heard in the distance. Shampoo and conditioner bottles vibrate in the display cases. The receptionist slowly realizes that she is not dealing with two women who are merely premenstrual. This is something infinitely more dangerous: two women experiencing bad hair days.
The receptionist's self-preservation instinct finally kicks in as she tells both women, "I have to go to the little girls room now. Why dont you two try to settle this yourselves?"
The low rumble grows louder as the two paranormal prima donnas turn their sinister stares upon one another. Mirrors crack, windows shatter, small vermin and cockroaches scuttle from their hiding places to escape the coming massacre.
So Jeff, which wicked wench wreaks the worst wreckage and visits with Vidal?
WE KNOW CBUB ALREADY DID THIS BATTLE! This match was originally scheduled to appear last year, at the same time as (but independent of) the CBUB Regan/Carrie match. Due to technical difficulties, we had to switch to Cujo/Disgruntled Postal Worker instead. Our Regan/Carrie match has been waiting a year to go live, so down in front and try to enjoy our version, willya?
JEFF: Well, look, when it comes to betting on someone possessed by the devil, or someone merely granted exceptional powers, the devil has really got to come out on top here. Look Satan is the wellspring of evil. Noone can stop him: not the Justice department, not Netscape, not Sun Microsystems -- noone. Think about it, Carrie was a 98 pound weakling, Regan projectile vomited a gallon of green goo at least 15 feet -- do you have any idea the kind of stomach muscles that takes? Sure, Carrie might have a few tricks, but when it comes to fighting in the trenches, Regan has done her body work. She must do sit-ups in her sleep! And the flexibility on this girl -- she must have an extra vertebrae. Basically Regan is in the same category as the woman possessed by the soul of an evil Ninja that wreaked havoc on Southern California. Carrie? She runs from the sight of her menstruation. Let me just tell you, no Grudge Match winner has ever had fear of the sight of blood as one of their assets.
To her credit, Carrie did attempt to kill John Travolta. Unfortunately he survived, somehow escaping the fiery explosion and going on to make a lot of pretty poor movies. She almost did the world a favor, but when it came down to the final moment, she just didn't have the stones. Look at her final confrontation with her mother. She sat cowering in the corner like a scared little rabbit. Up against a competitor with telekinetic powers of her own, i.e.: real competition, her technique of hiding her face and crying is going to fall just a little bit short. Sure, she can torment a few high school kids, but does she really have what it takes to beat the commodore of cruel, the M.C. of massacre, the umpire of atrocity, SATAN?
HOTBRANCH: Jeff, Jeff, Jeff... Clearly television and movies haven't taught you a damn thing. In fact, I doubt you even watched the Exorcist to the very end. If you had, you would be aware that the Devil JUST GAVE UP AND LEFT REGAN ALONE. Without the Devil, Regan is nothing more than a sweet and innocent 12-year old girl hanging onto Ellen Burstyn's apron strings.
Carrie on the other hand posses telekinetic powers that can't be exorcised by a few prayers. Carrie is aware of her gift, and, believe you me, it is a gift, just like a golden arm that can throw 95mph fastballs. She might still be a little awkward with her control, but even the best major league pitchers have the occasional wild pitch. The only reason the Devil stuck around as long as he did was because he was testing the priest. Just look at who was possessed in the Exorcist 3... Yep, the guy in the penguin suit. The Devil was using Regan as an advance scout.
Finally, what was the most important lesson learned from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut? The Devil is a softie! He's a compulsive gambler who'll bet against himself all while being stuck in an abusive relationship with Saddam Hussein. Today's modern Devil just wants to snuggle and talk. That makes him a 90s man, all sensitive and soft. Clearly, no match for a teenaged girl who reacts to peer pressure by killing her peers. If Reagan wants to live long enough to have her hair done, she'd better not make Carrie angry. She won't like Carrie when she's angry...
JEFF: A little fast on the abuse there, my pathetic little French Canadian, Montreal living, simply ignoring the intervening sequel (that, despite being too pathetic for words, still had valuable information) friend. In Exorcist II we learn that the demon has yet again set his sights on Regan, and repossesses her. I can hardly blame you for not sitting through the excruciatingly bad movie to gain this information, some simply do not have the required mental strength to deal with such horrors, but to misinform the public about Exorcist III is simply inexcusable. The priest was briefly possessed by the Devil at the end of the Exorcist, but was possessed by the soul of a serial killer (much like Chucky) in Exorcist III. The Devil was still comfortably situated in Regan, tormenting her soul by making her date Greg Brady, giving her pimples, and making her projectile vomit at the spring choir. Oh no, Regan is still the same lovable girl we always knew in the 70s, but now with a painful adolescence behind her, PMS and, maybe by now, hot flashes.
And before we start accusing the Devil of giving up, lets remember it was Carrie who didn't hunt down and kill that last high-school student. "Oh no, I have just killed my mother. How can I bear to finish my revenge and kill the student that actually instigated my madness? No, I'll just cry in the closet and burn to death rather than using my powers to save myself and giving that little preppy prostitute the bitch-slapping she truly deserves." The 5-year-old girl in "Fire Starter" had more balls than Carrie.
Oh, and despite their symptoms being suprisingly similar (laying a memorial wreath at a Nazi cemetery? Joking about launching an unprovoked nuclear attack on my beloved relatives in Soviet Russia? Can you say "Pure Evil?") It was, in fact, Regan, not Reagan, who was possessed by the Devil.
HOTBRANCH: Amazing! Just fricking amazing... My spellchecker hiccups once, and you use that as your closing argument? This is no different than Homer mooning for rebuttal, but far less intelligent.
Let's look at the cold, hard facts of this match, shall we? Regan has no control over her powers, she is at the mercy of the Devil, who, as I previously pointed out (and you didn't bother denying), has become a sensitive 90's kind of guy. Carrie controls her powers. Get her mad and you get dead; lots of her classmates found out the hard way. As would be expected, her mother's abuse and ridicule filled Carrie with the RAGE™, the most powerful element in the WWWF-verse, which only strengthens her resolve to eliminate that pre-teen with the deep raspy voice. Add a bad hair day to the mix and you're just asking for a bloodbath -- even disgruntled postal workers will be ducking for cover.
As for ignoring celluloid facts (I won't bring up the steaming pile of fecal matter that was Repossessed, and the damage it did to the franchise of demonic possession), you seem to have your own very convenient memory. Yes, it appeared that Carrie had burned to death, but we all know how the movie ends. Clearly, Carrie was too dangerous for hell, so the Devil decided that she was persona non grata. The Devil has been avoiding a confrontation with Carrie for a long time (like a good sensitive 90's wuss), but the time has come to face the music. You remember the episode where Wyle E. Coyote has the giant magnet and tries to pull Bugs Bunny into his cave with a metal carrot? Regan will discover that Carrie can do the same, without resorting to defective ACME products. End result: Carrie gets herself a fabulous makeover and is featured on Oprah (today's subject: Telekinetic Makeovers). Regan is squashed, stabbed, mutilated, and reduced to her component molecules, while the Devil ends up signing Céline Dion tunes in hell's karaoke bar.
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Hotbranch is right, we've got a Lame-Ass devil. I mean look at Halloween, the "devil's holiday." Its a joke! He probably started it like this:
"Well, lets see now...I own the souls of every politician on the planet... I have a controlling interest in most major corporations... I think I finally have enough power to Take Over The World!!!
...But, but I want candy! Especially those little candy corns...how can I get some?
...I know! I'll liquidate some stock and purchase--No no no! Save those stocks for a rainy day! For a rainy day...
...Ah, I can buy some greeting card companies and start hyping a new holiday. I'll call it..."Halloween." ...And I'll encourage little children to don strange costumes and wander the streets at night! Demanding candy and threatening acts of petty vandalism!
YES! Then I'll have all the candy I want!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
- The Animator, with special thanks to some nameless stand-up comic from Comedy Central
If you'll notice, Regan's head rotates in only one direction (it's been awhile since I've seen the movie, so I can't remember which way. Let's say clockwise, for argument's sake). Once Carrie realizes this, she can telekinetically spin it the other way. Once Regan's head pops off like a defective whirly-do (and lands in the trashcan, a la t.k. power), the hairdresser will have a simple decision to make.
Decision: Carrie with a twist.
- ElDave2000
When it comes to psycho bitches from hell, you know who's going to win this one:
She's performed at the World Series. She had a successful stand-up career before turning to a successful television career. She's left a few husbands in her wake...
Roseanne (Barr Arnold what-the-hell-ever) walks into the salon, and, in her normal bat-out-of-hell voice, screeches:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? THAT'S MY APPOINTMENT!!!
Needless to say, even pyrokinetic or possessed teenage girls couldn't stand up to the She-Devil...unless they're my sister...Oh hell. Okay, new answer:
My sister Erika would clean the floor with whatever the Grudgemeisters could throw at her. First of all they'd have to approach her room. If the smell of Seventeen and YM perfume samples couldn't deter them, they still have to wade through the 30,000 towel moat laid out around her bed. Even then, to get to the stereo to TURN THE DAMN THING DOWN would be tricky...
Then they'd have to put up with the incessant taping of Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync television specials over the LAST EPISODE OF SEINFELD!!
As my dad said, a seventeen-year-old daughter is the only reason he's going grey.
But I'll show her...And, oh yes, it'll be sweet...But that's a different Grudge Match...
- Vlad, Older Brother of Wonder
- Vermin Boy (who'd actually pay to see that match)
1. Look at how people Regan killed when she was possessed by the Devil. At least two (I think), that's weak compared to Carrie, who killed way more high school students than the Columbine kids. Plus, she has even killed her over-religious mother.
2. Unlike Regan, Carrie could be considered a hero. Who would you rather root for: mean high school kids and a mother who will probably believe Pokemon is a tool of the devil, or a high school kid who kills both those types? My point exactly. As for Regan, while she did kill a religious person, he wasn't as reliously insane as Carrie's mom.
3. Fact: The casting for Carrie took place the same time casting for Star Wars took place. Thus, I wouldn't be surprised if Carrie, along with the rage, uses the force to beat Linda Blair.
In the end, Carrie will be ready for her next prom/killing spree while Regan will star in crappy films.
- Joe Klemm
- Peanuts"Where the hell is My Boo-berry Crunch"Pat
DAMN! Talk about deadly accurate! Actually, you were bang on in all respects except the use of the word "fight". - Eds
- Eihort
Posessed ranting teenage females however are a global phenonomon. Every culture fears them, more so after titanic (the sheer evil of promoting Dicaprio cannot be underestimated)
Vidal will just have to figure out what to do with that blood in the hair.
- D. merzel
The first is not to get involved in a land war with Asia.
The Second is never to challenge a Sicillian to a game involving death.
And the THIRD rule is NEVER TO RE-DO A CBUB FIGHT!!!
Yes, I know I messed the line up. So sue Brendan.
Anyways, what can Regan do? Puke? Ooooooooh, scary. A few other "minor" things.
Carrie's got some bad-ass telekinesis goin' on, my brothas. She can just take that shampoo bottle, shine it up niiiice and pretty, point that thing at Regan, and...drive it straight through her head. Ha ha, fooled ya!
But seriously, I see Carrie Win Numero Dos.
And Brendan, you told the WORLD you're going to be a LAWYER? DO you want ANYONE to back you up?
I'm Devin...Good Day?
- Devin The Most Suicidal, Homicidal, Genocidal, Full_Cycle, Bicycle, and Tricycle Mental Hospital Escapee
The RAGE"
The panel"
Steve and Brian"
The Energiser Bunny"
the Babe factor"
Mentos" level coolness
Let's have a look at how this will affect the match.
The RAGE":Anyone can be proven to have RAGE", so it doesn't count.
The panel": don't care about much, and certainly won't get in between of women and their hairdresser(Women would walk thru blizzards and would walk thru HELL ITSELF( " the Microsoft corporation) to reach their hairderssers. It's a fact of nature.).
Steve and Brian": are gods, so they don't care for such petty things.
The Energiser Bunny": Will just keep going and going and going and going...
The Babe factor": Gee, if Carrie didn't have the blood on her in that pic, I'd say she looked better.
Mentos" level coolness: Neither of them have it.
So it looks like Carrie wins! Tho if you guys hadn't forced ME, A GREAT AND POWERFUL IRISH DRAGON, I would have roasted them both with wy fire breath (I SO need a mint!). Say your sorry, before I Mangle And Kill you all.
- Padraig the Irish Dragon (In case anyone's wondering, Padraig is the Irish version of Patrick.)
1. Satan's power is vastly overrated. He's nothing more than God's P.R. guy, taking credit for all the bad in the world so the Big G looks good. Think about it. I mean, Satan is the source of all evil? please! Do you really think Satan could come up with something God didn't think of first?
2. Haven't you heard that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?
3. Carrie, running around and destroying things while covered in blood, is obviously a mysoginistic metaphor for the horrors of PMS. Who do you think's gonna win in a fight? Satan or a gal with raging PMS? 'Nuff said.
- Don "King" Milliken
- tuffy
- Michael
Need i say more?
- ~the Stranger
- Virdilak, loyal follower of Hotbranch!
A TIE!!!!!!!!!! I COULD HAVE VOTED!!!!! I COULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!
ahem any way i vote for uh regan cause the coin came up heads
- d
- Bookworm
But all quoting aside, I'm going with Carrie.
Why? she's got THE RAGE!!!! To paraphrase
Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar: "The Rage, The rage, nothing can
stop the rage!" Carrie made all those disgruntled postal workers of
the world look like bastard stepchildren. That girl in the second
movie? Please, she's not even an amateur. Carrie is one bad
mother! You shut your mouth! (all right, I know, I know.) So, in
a nutshell, Carrie takes this one home and then she goes after the
entire cast of Carrie 2: The Rage for an encore. End of
story.
- rock_lobster
THE RAGE
Coincidence? I think not. Pea soup is hard to get out of stuff, but
bloodstains are impossible. Carrie's got the Rage, and she needs the
hairdresser way, WAY more. SO...
Carrie wins in the first round simply by calling up John Travolta in
Grease and making Regan look at him til she actually manages to vomit
AT HERSELF and disappears in a steaming puddle of green special-
effects.
- I can't believe you didn't mention that, Hotbranch.
The Psychic Friends Network told me you'd be using that argument, so I decided to hold off. Just for you... - HB!
Ragan's got the 'spooky' Tubular Bells going on her side. The
hell kind of demonic music is that? It was on Pure Moods, for the
lova Pete! This isn't battle roy-al music, it's a tampon commercial!
Air Supply gets more knees quaking than that.
Carrie, having just come from the prom, has a prom song in her
head. All these prom songs are the same, "I promise I'll remember and
love all of you, but not love in that good way that you're hoping
'cause I ain't going to get knocked up on my prom night. But you're
all my friends, at least until I forget you all in three weeks." So
this is probably 10,000 Maniacs or Paula Cole or, Lord help us,
All-4-One.
Having the creatively powers of both the Devil and Stephen King
choreograph this catfight, both of them will be trapped hearing their
own music despite their strenuous objections. (Which leads me to
beleive one of the two is writing my life whenever I hear an Old Navy
jingle.) Naturally, both of them rip their ears out, fish out
scissors from that vat of 2000 Flushes Blue, and start scrambling
their ear canals. Ragan finishes first, since she's got a mor
- Kilgore Trout
Anyhow, the most the little twit did was make a lot of wind, throw
up, and do immitations. Sounds more like a gastro-intestinal attack
to me. The 48 hour variety that hits every couple of years.
Carrie just about took a whole town with her after taking down a
whole gymnasium . She had flames and stuff shooting all over the
place. You gotta respect mass destruction of this calibre. And
besides that, for those of you who missed it, (and I envy you) Carrie
has a daughter. How she managed that I don't know. I thought she
was buried. So even the grave couldn't stop her.
Have any of you ever gone against a pissed-off teenage girl? They
have it all over an 11 or 12 year old with the tummy flew throwing a
tantrum.
- Elbows
Lunch in the WWWF Towers™ cafeteria: Quebec Food Day - split-pea soup with ham served with a side of poutine with Mae West and Pepsi. $5 Beaver Dollars. - Lunchlady Doris
- AndyAnime
Plus, the picture you have of Reagun looks like a mean girl from my
street. And I do meen mean!
- Zaczilla
Carrie will win this one because she can do whatever she wants to
whatever she wants to do it to. She can make Regan's head explode,
(not a bad idea,) or lodge one of those shampoo bottles in her ear.
The ways Carrie can kill Regan are limitless.
How is Regan going to kill Carrie? Levitate her to death? Up-chuck on
her? Please, Carrie had pigs blood spilled on her, and that just
insighted her to kill everyone in sight.
And if that wasn't enough, we have the Stephen King factor to think
about. Anyone who's read the book and seen the movie knows that the
movie sucked compared to the movie. As witnessed by his tinkering with
the sucky movies based on his works, (The Shining anyone?) Stephen
will revamp Carrie and make her the bas-a** killing machine whe was
meant to be.
Carrie in a heartbeat 'cause that's as long as it would take.
PS: In the book she did kill John Travolta's character and the b*tch
who started it all. Too bad Hollywood had to screw that up, huh?
- Q
Let's look at our fighters' assets (I'll admit it, I haven't seen
either of these movies, so I'm just working on popular memory):
Carrie: Product of the sickest mind this side of hell(our old friend
Stevie Boy), telekinesis, and has so much RAGE", they named the sequel
after it.
Regan: Product of the sickest mind in Hell itself, the powers
of the demon force of the netherworld, and projectile vomiting.
Fairly formidable foes when attacking alone. But let's put in how our
contendors died, or were defeated.
Carrie: Burned in her own house. Came back as someone lays flowers on
her grave. Still a badass after death.
Regan: Defeated by God. True, losing to God is like Yosemite Sam
losing to Bugs Bunny, but how did they keep the Devil in place long
enough? They tied Regan to the freakin' bed. What a kind of a
lame-ass Devil is contained by rope?
By the Oscar's standards, The Exorcist is the better movie(it was
nominated for ten of the little buggers, including Best Picture).
However, since the Acadamy passed "As Good As It Gets" for "Titanic",
I don't give a rat's ass.
Regan goes down quicker than you can give a Hail Mary.
- Tracer Malone
Are you gonna take that, Hotbranch???
Montreal Rules!
- Bjmmn
I got my revenge when I treated Jeff to lunch at the cafeteria. That sound you hear is his arteries hardening... - HB!
Now, let's look at our opponents in this light. Judging by the nature of her tricks, it appears that Carrie would be classed as a wizard. This is also supported by her frail appearance, since wizards and other magic users in RPGs tend to be very weak physically. Her lack of control over her powers and limited selection of tricks means that she is a very low level wizard.
Carrie, on the other hand, represents the demon. I don't think it's really Satan himself, since possessing a mere kid with no influence would seem to be a major waste of time. Rather, the entity in control is a subordinate. Considering the choice of person that was possesed and the very limited repertoire of spells (projectile vomiting, bed bouncing, telekinetics), it would seem that our demon is a fairly low level one.
In an RPG like one of the Ultima games, a wizard/demon confrontation usually has only one outcome: a dead wizard. In an RPG, you usually have a group of fighters and mages to use. Carrie does not. Her best hope would be to get off a fire spell real quick and pray that it burns Regan to death before the demon knows what happened. But, this isn't too likely. A more likely scenario would take advantage of the fact that demons (at least the ones in Ultima) have the ability to summon other beings. All the demon has to do is summon a few hellhounds. These spectral dogs will smell the pig blood on Carrie and attack in a feeding frenzy. Then while the prom queen is occupied, the demon can then get off a couple magic attacks and finish her off.
See what you can learn from an FRPG (fantasy role playing game)?
- The Demented Astronomer
- Whelk
By the way, you picked this match just to use those blood graphics,
right?
- "Boo" do
these are the words of my friend, who is really smart. that is all.
- d.g.
And do I need to remind you that Linda Blair was in Up Your Alley with
one Yakov Smirnoff? 'Nuff said!
I was going to vote for Regan MacNeil until Jeff claimed Reagan wasn't
possessed by the devil. Then I was going to vote for Carrie White
until Hotbranch! suggested Homer Simpson mooning for rebuttal wasn't
intelligent.
Furthermore, this is the stupidest match I've ever seen. Where is the
"all mangled and killed" button? Steve (TM) and Brian (TM) would
never have done this match, and that's why the entire Save the Grudge
Foundation (TM) will never amount to either one of them.
In conclusion, the WWWF is dead and this match is the tombstone!
P. S. Can I be a commentator?
- MARE (Most Annoying Response Ever)
- Feldspar
1) Past Victories
2) Movie Purity
3) Proven Powers
4) You Gotta Want It
Carrie sends Satan packing in less than ten seconds, and makes Regan
run home crying by asking, "When's the baby due?"
- Istanbul
- Aspen
The receptionist, then, looks down at the blood covering her spandex
tiger-print leotard, looks back up, and screams, "It begins again!!*"
- MonkeyDog (*Considering this year's sequel to Carrie was called "The Rage," she's gotta be a shoe-in.)
BTW,just a little NEWSFLASH (TM) for you: Does the phrase "Fire
Starter" ring any Mike Judgian bells for you guys????
- CaptSheridan
But now the tide is turning, thanks to a renaissance of
earlier movies like Shaft and Clockwork Orange and now
the release of Fight Club, not to mention that George Lucas
has seen fit to bring back the "damsel in distress" motif in Star
Wars Episode I.
This re-discovery of primal manhood, although not perfect,
will be both Regan and Carrie's downfall. Without warning a mirror
falls off the wall and slices off Carrie's head. A nail file flies
off the counter and jabs poor Regan in the jugular.
It's Both Mangled and Killed for Carrie and
Regan, as Damien Horne shows up for his 3:30 facial and pedicure.
- Chris 'Jedi' Knight I am Man... hear me snore!!
ReganTM glares at CarrieTM with her Blood Red
EyesTM. CarrieTM glares at ReganTM
with her Blood Red EyesTM. CarrieTM notices all
the SharpTM and PointyTM cutting tools.
ReganTM notices that Carrie'sTM attention has
drifted away from her, and takes advantage of the situation.
CarrieTM lifts up two pairs of scissors. ReganTM
lifts up twenty cubic meters of the fire of Damned Soul'sTM
RageTM in the exact place that CarrieTM is
standing. CarrieTM loses hold of the scissors and screams
in agonizing pain. ReganTM raises fifteen Damned
SoulsTM that immediatly begin tearing CarrieTM
Limb from LimbTM. CarrieTM tries to save herself
from Eternal DamnationTM, as she had before.
ReganTM sees CarrieTM trying to do so, and sets
up a Soul BarrierTM around CarrieTM which
doesn't let her escape her FateTM this time.
CarrieTM tries unsuccessfully to escape from th Soul
BarrierTM. ReganTM opens up a
PortalTM to HellTM underneath
CarrieTM. CarrieTM falls through, and is never
heard from again. ReganTM turns to the receptionist and
says, "Now, about that apointment.
- Bubba says, "Damn that's a lot of TM's!"
Carrie is the girl next door. She's no Victoria Secrets catalog model, but she has a nice rack and I have a thing for red hair and freckles. So the T&A factor needs to be factored into this bout. She's used to abuse and can take it as well as dish it out. But her mom is a one-woman Moral Majority and when that woman isn't thumping the bible, she's kneecapping her daughter's self-esteem. So Carrie's number one problem is that she's a human punching bag.
Regan is an uptown girl. She's has the best of everything and her mother is a helluva nice lady. But compared to Carrie's mom, Eva Braun was Princess Di. And while working at the Lake Arrowhead Hilton Lodge in the mid-80's, I got to see Regan's alter ego, Linda Blair in a black string bikini trying to get a tan for a couple weeks. The T&A factor is starting to generate heat waves now.
Now as the two opponents close upon each other, forget about all that telekinetic crap. That's the only place where they're both even. Carrie's got a slight weight advantage and a wicked backhanded slap she got from her mom, but with Regan's friend Cap'n Howdy coaching her from the sidelines and her alter ego's experience doing prison films, Regan is going to spend the next 15 minutes giving Carrie the first and last makeover of her life, finally finishing her off with a killer bikini wax.
- Ogre
I hate my boss.
Regan must win.
- The Brain of Dan Quayle
Ranked in order:
The law goes: the first movie is best, the second movie is worse. The
third movie is diabolic. The fourth movie will be better than the
third, but not normally better than the second. the pattern then
repeats, the fifth is worse than the third etc. Check out the Star
trek movies (yes there all crap, but just follow them relative to the
second movie)
Now, Carrie is a one off movie (they are making a seqel, but it
hasn't been released), but there was never an Exorcist IV, so Regan
or rather the Demon, is stuck on it's lowest potential. So we just
have to ask ourselves not "Is the Exorcist a better movie than
Carrie" answer yes!, but is Exorcist 3 better than Carrie?
NO!
Carrie wins, unitll the sequal is released.
- Seb Rabit
- Claymore
- How DO you sedate Vlad anyway?
There are, perhaps, more indirect reasons than I'd like to get
into, such as better sequels, parody value (Exorcist - none. Carrie -
Katy Kaboom, from Animaniacs.), and the wide swing of pure Rage(tm),
that Miss White gets the hairdo. (Just in time for the prom, too.)
But, since the CBUB match last year, one new development has occured
that, while perhaps a tragic event, makes for a proper analysis of
Carrie's fighting abilities: the Columbine High School Massacre. The students there were fond of ostracization, making fun of the
"Trenchcoat Mafia" just as Carrie's peers did to her. Those students
making fun of them were killed in a similar manner. Two deciding
factors are derived from this. The first, simply, is that Carrie is
all too realistic (and, so saying, I make perhaps the most serious
comment of anything you'll see for a grudge match: As flowery, New
Age, and utterly stupid as it might sound, don't make fun of others;
and, if someone accuses you of doing so, don't act dumb and say you
aren't, but try shutting up, apologizing, figuring out where you went
wrong, and CORRECT YOURSELF), meaning Carrie can be recreated, all
over the barbershop, and all over Regan. More importantly, however,
is the education factor. In the Columbine shootings, it was shown that guns were rather
effective for releasing tension in estranged students, especially when
aimed at the stress factor. Other students have noticed this, and, in
some cases such as a recent foiled plot in Cleveland City Schools, tried to either
copy or threaten to copy the carnage. Carrie, having watched with
interest, is packing lead to go along with spoon-bending, and it's
over faster than the shootout in Matrix. While Vidal is initially discouraged, he decides to do a full dye
job to cover the red streaks, and Carrie turns out looking ravishing
in red.
- Nicholas Eckert, a.k.a. the Vidstudent
- Shaft
The pyro bitch is gonna be lighting Peashooter's fire from here to the
Tower of Babel, if you know what I mean.
- Chris "Bless me father, for I have sinned" Mullane
- Erin Horak
- Master Ariadne, Mara Jade, Endaira, Jezabel, and all the rest of us trapped in this demented excuse for a mind
- Sailor Xena
- John
Eventually, the possessed Regan would make snide comments and laugh at
Carrie, which we all know would be Regan's downfall. NOBODY laughs at
Carrie.
And lastly, take a gander at the pop culture figures throughout
American history that have battled the devil on earth and won.
* Johnny the Fiddler (from the Charlie Daniels' hit "The Devil Went
Down to Georgia")
All worthy adversaries, but none of which are even in the same
league as the telekenetic coal miner's daughter.
- ring-a-ding kid
--------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------
- 1/2 Nelson
- Me Okay
Without their powers, Carrie is just the most hated kid in school.
Having lived with that dubious distinction myself all through
elementary, junior high, and senior high school, I know the advantage
having that kind of pent-up RAGE(tm) can give you. Add to that the
unholiest curse ever put upon every woman on planet Earth since Eve
-- that's right: PMS(tm). Forget the pig's blood -- she oozes it once
a month, and she will see to it that the rest of the world suffers
with her, one way or another.
OTOH, Regan is your basic Ritalin-case run amok. Having worked with
Ritalin-ridden rugrats while in college, I know what kind of
advantage THAT can give you. Add to that the depths of pure,
unadulterated brutality today's children have degenerated into --
Regan doesn't need Pazuzu's help offing the other little punks,
she'll do it all by herself, then claim childhood ritual abuse and
walk away scot-free!
So as I said, both will probably mangle and kill each other...with
old Blondie tunes like "Rip Her to Shreds", "One Way or Another (I'm
Gonna Getcha Getcha Getcha)" and "Heart of Glass" (that is, if Carrie
has her way with Regan and all those arena lights hovering above)
blaring out all the speakers at about...and the audience -- well,
those few that manage to crawl out of the arena with one or two
shreds of life left in 'em -- coming out looking like they just
attended the Official Gallagher Millennium Bash (if you get my drift)!
- The Genius Formerly (and Still) Known as Eddie
Linda: You loved me once, Ash.
- Al B Tross
However, the salon owner has the perfect weapon at hand - hair spray!
Trust me folks, that stuff is more lethal than fly spray. One whiff of spray and the Terrible Two will be heading back to their schlocky films where they belong.
- Nicky Lewer
- "Mad Dog" Mike
- Wubbie
Firstly, vomiting green stuff fifteen feet is not impressive. At six
months, my little cousin could do it. Projectile vomiting will not
secure any sort of victory.
And secondly, sitting through a movie as bad as The Exorcist II
is not a sign of mental fortitude. Such self-destructive behavior is a
sign of deeply rooted emotional problems. Get help, Jeff.
- Emar, the Socially Maladjusted
- Toon Leader
- -- Whit
However, this doesn't give the edge to Carrie. In fact it gives the
definite edge to Regan.
Satan can load Regan up with demons like she's a Pez dispenser and
they will eventually tire Carrie out. The big guy (little guy?) may
even make an appearance himself to finish Carrie off.
This win has to go to Regan.
- Dac
ANyway, Carrie got a higher body count.
- Fade the Cat who doesn't watch that stuff
43-0 against NerdJerk from my high school is not an impressive record.
I'm gonna have to go with Carrie on this one.
- martinl
GRUDGE MATCH FOREVER!!
- Atreyu
1. This year saw the release of The Rage: Carrie II. That's
THE RAGE. Any questions?
2. This year saw the release of The Rage: Carrie II. No, I'm
not repeating myself needlessly. If somebody hasn't gotten some
Rage(TM) from all these inept King ripoff flicks,
there's something wrong with the Universe.
3. Stephen King's got Rage(TM) from being sent
halfway to the Bestseller List in the Sky by some idiot in a minivan,
plus he's going blind! Despite his impaired vision, he will say "I
came, I saw, I sledged her to death."
4. Pennywise will develop a major case of Rage(TM)
when he experiences a traumatic flashback to the horrifying
salon accident that sent him on the course of Evil. After they did
that to his hair (and turned his eyes yellow with a couple of errant
drops of shampoo), what choice did he have besides becoming an evil
clown?
5. Christine's got Rage(TM) because she didn't
get into the WWWF Road Rally.
6. King just released a book of short stories dealing with the Viet
Nam War. That brings in a lot of characters with Rage(TM)
. And belt-fed weapons, don't forget the belt-fed weapons.
I could go on, but I think you have the idea. Mr. Vidal's 3:30
appointment will have a Downeast accent.
- Mr. Silverback- I will give up my Rage(TM) when you pry it from my cold, dead, rotting hands.
- the king, rob
Three words: "Carrie: The Musical"
That stuff makes me puke up green pea soup, so you know what itll do
to her. The second Carrie starts singing anything from that POS,
Regans head will start spinning so fast, itll fly off like a top.
Score one more for the American musical theatre.
- Dope on a Rope
Carrie came just like any ordinary girl; in a car, with a little girl
in the front, and a dog sticking his head out the back window. Of
course, the girl's name is Charlie, the dog is a big St Bernard, which
looks like its been to Hell and back (or at least just had a grudge
match), and the car is a red and white '58 Plymouth Fury...
Regan showed up strapped to a bed. A flying bed. Who do we know who
flies a bed? Angela Lansbury (Bedknobs and Broomsticks) is the only
one I can think of - yes, Disney is a sub-contractor of Hell! (Okay,
we already knew that. So this is more proof.)
So, Carrie has Cujo, Christine, and Firestarter on her side. They're
too far from the Overlook to get any help there, its daylight so her
people in Salem's Lot won't be much help.
Regan has Disney, Microsoft, the overt and covert US governments, not
to mention all the good tunes on her side.
Sorry, it's Regan.
- Mick
What does that tell you?
It tells you that people like Turtles and Scotsmen, and dislike horror
movies. Either that, or Scream's "12-17 female" demographic doesn't
come to this site.
Maybe next year you could try "Simpsons' Halloween Specials" vs "Brady
Bunch Halloween Specials". It might get more interest.
- O.P.
There is no way Carrie could beat Regan MacNeil. Carrie's angry, yes,
but she's also scared, and essentially good.
Regan is evil.
And evil cheats.
- Danny Sichel
What more needs to be said?
Though if it was the Satan from the Omen(Tm) Carrie would go down
fast. Besides she is not to dangerous for Hell. I'll tell you who is
though the forgetton one himself:LOBO! They dared to cancel him! Damn
them! For such a sin the army of man-eating couches I descibed in the
last Grudge devours most of DC Comics before Superman finally puts
all of them down with his heat vision(applified with a giant
maginfing glass that fortiuously appeared).
But this match goes deeper than that. The CBUB will not be happy with
us for re-doing their match! This will cause the greatest class of
all time:Grudge Match VS CBUB!!!!
And we will throw all of them helluva far! Viva la Grudge Match!!!
- Captain Demento Throw them Throw them good!
Carrie had more blood in her movie.
Blood is funny! Carrie is the winner!
- Telperion
- Call me Shane
- McLdo(tm)
When all the blood and vomit is finally mopped up it's going to be
Carrie settling down under the hair dryer. Why? It's simple, while
theology teaches us that God may be a woman, the Devil is almost
certainly a man, and being a man he knows a couple of rules of dating
you guys have apparently forgotten.
1.) Redheads = Trouble.
2.) Don't Screw With The Psycho Bitch!
Carrie wins in a bloodbath 'Natch.
- Mike Jones
- Paul G. (what do you think is in the burgers?)
the rock says this jabroni:
it doesn't matter who's more deadly, it doesn't matter who's more
scary, and it doesn't matter what your candy asses think. what does
matter is that... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO WINS THIS MATCH. the rock says
know your damn role before the rock will layeth, the smacketh down on
your candy ass through the squared circle with the people's elbow,
the most electrifying move in the wwf. the rock's gonna take this
boot, buff it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and shove it
straight up your rudey poo ass.
you better stop this trailer park trash, "oh no! who's more scary
mommy?" THE ROCK'S MORE SCARY, if you SMELLLLLLLLLALALALA what the
rock.... *eyebrow up* is cookin!
- IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MY NAME IS
I haven't seen Carrie or Regan in any of their books or movies, so the
best prediction I can make is to extropolate from similar characters.
From my limited understanding, we are looking at a Demon-Who-
Possesses-People vs. a Gifted-but-Abused-Attractive-Female-Seeking-
Revenge. Let's look at these categories one at a time:
I. Demon-Who-Possesses-People:
Appearances: Gospel of Luke, "Fallen," "People of the Lie," others.
Historical Powers: Superhuman strength, body manipulation, body-to-
body transfering, temptation.
Objective: Spite God by ruining good people.
Mode of Operation: Occupies bodies and makes victims do awful things,
scares people, pulls strings to corrupt people.
II. Gifted-but-Abused-Attractive-Female-Seeking-Revenge
Appearances: "The Crush," "Superman II," "Bubblegum Crisis," "Thelma &
Louise," Demi Moore's "Disclosure" character, Lorena Bobbitt, Lyta
Alexander, Scarlett O'Hara, Morgana le Fay, and others too numerous to
mention, especially if one considers soap operas, talk-shows, and
network made-for-t.v.-movies ("based on a true story").
Historical Powers: varies. May include handgun/knife proficiency,
computer hacking, subtle social manipulation, telepathic abilities,
sorcery.
Motivation: retribution, either directed upon a specific person,
society in general, or anyone who gets in her way.
Mode of Operation: varies between frontal assaults (e.g. Bobbitt) and
Evil Plots(tm).
III. Hypothesis: This one's a battle of wills, and it's all Carrie's.
As a G.b.A.A.F.S.R., she gets all the advantages of that archetype: a
one-track mind, moral superiority, and fan support from the millions
of women who live vicariously by watching all those cookie-cutter
chick-flicks.
Regan's "guest," on the other hand, can't touch Carrie physically
(due to telekinetic defenses) or mentally (Carrie is already
corrupted, not virtuous).
Demons are defeated not by killing the host ("for our battle is
not against flesh and blood" -- St. Paul) but by faith, and the
determination of an adolescent psychotic is close enough here. Against
someone exhausted from trying to contaminate all creation, expect
Carrie to easily expel her foe into a suicidal herd of pigs (or, in a
pinch, telemarketers).
- Matt Bricker
No witty repartee from the Toddster this time.
Try to hide your disappointment, my loyal legion of Evilophiles.
I know, it's unfair.
But asking me to choose between my secret crush and my prom date is
just too much.
Do I ask you to choose between Samantha from Bewitched and that cute
girl-next-door? DO I?
*sigh*
- Todd Evil
The sequel to Carrie was called
Theme music is the name of the game here. Much like you're more
likely to speed if there's a great driving song like Radar Love on the
radio (OK, maybe I'm alone here with Radar Love), these girls will
administer the bitch slaps all the quicker if appropriate music is
synced in.
Hey, Jeff, watch the French Canadian remarks. After all, what do you
think Regan/Reagan was spittin' up. Kind a makes you stop and think,
don't it? A word of advice to our neighbors to the south.......
I don't know how many people have told you guys this, but the CBUB
did this match already, ya puddin' heads! Carrie won over there, and
I think she can, and will, win this one.
What both of you guys missed was that Carrie is a creation of Stephen
King. And if we can learn anything from last Halloween's match,
King's don't do very good.
Anyone who has ever read a Stephen King novel knows that his main
characters can't survive to the end. Only on very rare occasions do
they live. That's what makes his stories so good, you can't count on
the characters to make it. Thus the reason for Carrie dying at all.
Let's face it, if this story were written by someone without the b*lls
to kill of the main character, Carrie would have survived and adjusted
to life and maybe even found the strength to forgive her mother. But I
digress...
Guys, guys, guys. The possession deal at Haloween again? Have you
learned nothing? *sigh*. Well, better set you straight again.
"...my pathetic little French Canadian, Montreal living, simply
ignoring the intervening sequel (that, despite being too pathetic for
words, still had valuable information) friend..." ???
Lacking a familiarity with both films, I was trying to find some way to figure out who would win. Then, it hit me. After years of playing computer fantasy role playing games, this bout can be recognized as a confrontation between a magic user (Carrie) and a demon (Regan).
Carrie has The RageTM while Satan *IS* The
RageTM. No contest here.
I picked Regan because the name sounds like Reagan, the scariest of
them all.
"carrie was raging, the girl from exorcist was just there to be a
bother and to kill old priests. the little girl was tough, but carrie
was pissed, my money goes on her."
Obviously, you've forgotten the precedence set by both the Gary Coleman V. Webster match and the Village People V. Spice Girls match!
Regan wins easily, She basically had the devil behind her, and
everyone knows how much pull the devil has. How else can you explain
the "success" of David Hasselhoff. Carrie basically had the same
power that Scott Baio had in "Zapped". so it really boils down to
the devil vs a scott baio apprentice. I rest my case
Carrie is the clear winner in this match of the PMS-B!tches-From-Hell.
Let me share with you exactly WHY she'll send Regan off to the
dermatologist...
Carrie has successfully immolated, murdered, and otherwise savagely
inconvenienced an entire building full of high school kids. ANYONE WHO
HAS BEEN THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL CAN TELL YOU THAT HIGH SCHOOLERS ARE
EVIL. Simply surviving high school is a test of one's mettle...not
only did she withstand endless torment by her peers, but she came back
and kicked their sorry butts!
Regan...or rather, the devil...succeeded against the former occupant
of Regan's body. Oh, and her mom. But a priest managed to cast her
out. A PRIEST. Anyone who would lose to the Pope is a bigtime wuss.
Carrie has never truly been duplicated...it's the quintessential story
of someone getting picked on in high school, only to come back and
whup some serious butt when they finally get pushed a bit too far.
The Exorcist has had sequels. Recent sequels. And as Jay Sherman of
The Critic fame once said, "If it's a remake of a classic, RENT THE
CLASSIC!"
Carrie has pyrokinesis, large-scale telekinesis, and The Rage (tm) in
abundance. High school carries with it a certain modicum of Rage, and
it's only gotten worse for our little prom queen.
Regan...can puke pea soup. And move furniture. Wow, that's almost
useful. Oh, did I mention that she's vulnerable to Christian faith?
Only a few HUNDRED MILLION people have that...
Carrie has blood in her hair. And guts. And it's soaked with water. Oh
yeah, probably some body parts too. And she probably smells like cheap
punch (you really think she didn't stop for a drink after she torched
her classmates?) A hair appointment will do her a world of good.
Satan doesn't give a rat's ass about his vessel. Good hair? Bad hair?
All he cares about is World Domination. And as anyone can tell you,
people who get fixated on that tend to forget about other things. I'm
surprised Regan even showed up.
Carrie has to win, remember the cardinal rule of movies. The Devil
always looses.
While the fight breaks out, the owner and premiere beautician of the
"Shear Ecstacy" salon comes out to investigate the commotion.
"mmm--hmmmm!" he moans and murmers as he steps out into the waiting
room, clad in leather belts and clicking his scissors-for-hands
together. (Yes, that's right, the owner of this salon is Edward
Scissorhands!)
"What's... going... on?" he manages to say in a faltering voice,
before slipping on a huge puddle of blood and green goo. Reflexively
putting his scissorhands out in front of his face, Edward flies across
the floor right into Regan and Carrie, splattering them all over the
room like sushi.
I noticed something in Jeff's opening argument (don't I sound like a
lawyer): "Look Satan is the wellspring of evil. No one can stop him:
not the Justice Department,not Netscape,not Sun Microsystems-no one."
My question is:"What about Bill Gates?" Oh...wait.....he IS
Satan.
Let's put this into some context and perspective. Both Carrie
and The Exorcist came out in the Seventies, at the height of
the "liberated woman's" movement (characterized by the National
Organization for Women or as Rush Limbaugh calls them, the "National
Association of Gals" or N.A.G. for short). I think that both Regan
and Carrie are metaphors for this 70's-era "empowered femininity"
while at the same time, there's the psychological acknowledgement
that they are the weaker sex. I mean, let's face it... without Satan
helping them out, they're nothing! The sad side-effect of this "I am
woman"-hood is that the traditional male role as provider and
guardian has been torn asunder in a flood of "inner childhood",
"feminine side" and every other bit of nonsense. I don't know
what to make of this... I mean, I thought Iron John was about
a die-cast metal toilet seat.
Date: October 31, 1999
Time: 3:25
Okay, let's wash off the pea soup and coloured corn syrup off these two battlin' bitches and take a closer look, huh?
My boss is named White.
Carrie is scary and Stephen King. It also has the power of being an
as un yet SEQUALISED (R) movie. WE all know the rules abou the law of
diminishing returns for sequels. ALien-->Aliens -->Alien 3 ---> Alien
four.
Alien
Aliens
Alien 4
Alien 3.
The real question here is not who is stronger but who would you
rather see do a nude scene--- Sissy Spacik or Linda Blair. I'm sure
Linda Blair is starting to sag by now but Sissy was never much to
look at even in her prime. Also Linda Blair has done a lot of nude
scenes while Kevin Spacek has done more than Sissy. So winner by babe
factor is Regan.
Payon from The Hand that Rocks the Cradle can take them both
out!! Sure, they have demonic/psycotic powress, but she has the
RAGE(TM)! Yes, I know that the RAGE(TM) is used too much, but......
I almost voted for Carrie, but upon further review (and cheesy
halloween specials) I remembered that Regan also played a possessed
girl in Repossessed, starring none other than Leslie Nielson....
"And woe to those who shall stand up against Leslie, for he is a
power of great silliness. And those who challenge his power, shall
be, and is not limited to, being smacked around with various utensils
of silliness, being stretched in a cartoon-like manner, and being
derided with words of incoherency" -Nielsonian Phrophesy(tm)
You see, Carrie was doomed from the start. Besides, have you heard
his rendition of "Devil with a Blue Dress"?
Bottom line: When you mess with two people who can spit pea soup in
volume, you're better off going somewhere else to get your hair done.
The unending Secret Truths of Life[TM] bestowed upon us by those
pottymouthed little bastards in Colorado never ends. In South Park:
Bigger Longer and Uncut we learned that Satan is actually a
rear-ending fruitcake with dibs on egomaniac Sadam (Sodom?) Hussein,
the most evil man in Arabia. What is Regan MacNeil? Satan in a chick
body. What is Carrie White? A pyromaniac and the most evil girl in
California.
C'mon people! We all know the Power O' Puke, but Carie has every
cent of my bet. Her opposition: You've got a young a girl who, alebit
possesed, has a normal temprament of a member of the brady bunch. So
she's got a great spewing prowes and has been banned from the Louve
Museum for life? Is that anything compared to a girl with such an
attitude that, when confronted with a suck-ass prom, livens it up with
a flame thrower a la telekenetic, kills her mother for some family
entertainment, and barbacues the cheerleaders for a Viking Roast
afterwards? No! Carie would get that glazed over look in her eyes. The
spewing wonder would begin to tremble, frantically wondering where the
hell she left the pigs blood she usually carries in her purse. The
devil will rush to her side, trying desprately to help his favorite
minnion. He spots Carrie, and is overcome with love. Any girl that
can survive that many bitchy cheerleaders and still be up for a
telekenitic romp has won his heart. Plus, Sadamhas been wanting to try
a threesome, and Carrie is perfect. In the devil's lapse in
conctration, Carie siezes a blowdrier, industrial strength. She heats
hair gel to the temprature of hot oil and pours it on her opponents
head. Drinking in the scream., she takes out the curlers and hurls
them at lightening speed, leaving dents. A few combs and bobby pins
stick the youngster to a wall, where she is promply strangeled by
killer toupes, hurled curtosy of Ms. White. Satan yowls happily, and
escorts the winner to an active house party with him and Sadam in
Hades. All are happy, except our poor hair piece strangled twelve year
old Brady wanna be. As it should be.
Let's see, I voted for Carrie because she's "a natural witch. Her
power comes from inside." But I don't suppose it really matters
because Abigail Wiliams is bound to show up any minute and accuse
them both.
You know what? No matter how many times these two meet Ms. White will always have Ms. Regans' number. The hair sallon will be a lot differant then a house; all the sharp objects and flamable liqids for Carries telekinesis to play with. I don't think little miss possesed will be identifiable as a human being when this fight is over. Maybe Satan should look els where when looking for host bodies to posses.
I voted for Carrie only because I fell a kinship toward her given the
chance I would have liked to kill most of the people at my prom too.
What exactly can a possessed kid do to Carrie that's gonna phase her?
Puke on her? Puke pales in comparison to a bucket of pig blood. Talk
smack about Carrie's mother? Let's just say that Carrie and her mom
aren't exactly on the best terms. Hell, Carrie even hates stepmoms, as
she wasted Betty Buckley in the gym (Abby on Eight is Enough) without
thinking twice.
* Benson (fought a possessed baby on "Soap" and won)
* The Fonz (defeated Beelzebub who tried to abscond with the souls of
Potsie and Ralph Malph)
* Mr. Roark (defeated the Devil [Roddy McDowell] and uttered the
phrase "Your rules do not apply on my island, Saaaaatan")
For this special Halloween edition, I present to you, the first ever
'Burma-Shave advertisement'-inspired response:
Drenched in blood
On her special night
Now she's crazy
So vote Carrie White!
The OutcomeTM of this fight all depends on which
CarrieTM it is. If it's the wimpy little
CarrieTM from The MovieTM, then it's going to be
a tie. However, the CarrieTM from The BookTM
destroyed half the town before even leaving the PromTM. All
Regan can do is puke on people.
OK, finally a match that I just can't decide on. So in keeping with
the Halloween spirit, let's just mangle and kill 'em both (assuming
they haven't done the dirty deeds themselves already). I tried
pitting them against each other with and without their powers and
still came up roughly even.
Don't be silly. The only woman who could possibly win is Linda from
"Army of Darkness."
Ash: yeah, but you got REAAAAL ugly.
I was going to ask why there wasn't a "Both Mutilated and Killed"
button but I realised that further mutilation would only improve
their looks, and they both look pretty dead to me.
Carrie wins the gore... err, gold on this one for two reasons. First
off, as the shy nerd type she is required by movie convention to
undergo a radical makeover after which she catches the man of her
dreams and lives happily ever after (granted, one wonders what man a
homicidal telekinetic dreams of, but that's another issue). Therefore
she has the full weight of Hollywood Cliche on her side, which has
alas proven to be far more powerful than the Exorcist's Classic Cinema
power judging by the general crap that dominates in movie theatres.
Second, Regan's powers depend completely on the Devil's support. Now I
don't know about you, but I'd be hesistant to trust my fate in the
hands of someone slippery enough that he's called the Father of Lies.
Besides, the upcoming "End of Days" indicates he's A. already dumped
Regan for another woman and B. is going to have his hands full dealing
with Arnold Schwarzenegger anyway, so I think it's a safe bet Regan's
"ally" isn't going to be around to help her. Look for Carrie to
levitate the little demon brat into orbit to give her a valuable
lesson in just how hard hard vacuum can be...
Pea soup is green. Pigs' blood is red. Green and red make brown. So
Charlie Brown's sister Sally wins.
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...
I don't watch scary movies, so I don't know who Carrie & Regan are.
Since I don't know who they are, I don't care who wins. I decided that
I might as well vote (I don't have anything better to do in my dull
life). I went with Regan because her picture makes her look like an
evil-possesed-demon-person. That picture is gonna give me nightmares.
Carrie just looks like someone who fell down a few flights of stairs.
What the f*ck did Regan actually DO? She stuffed a cross in her box,
puked, and gave an old guy a heart attack. Big deal! My sister does
that every Saturday night, and I could kick her ass with one hand tied
behind my back. Besides, anyone who can obliterate an entire prom
deserves to have FABULOUS hair. You go, Vidal! Tease it! Make me
beautiful!
Okay, guys? One thing is all important here....Regan was not
possessed by Satan, but by Legion. A few someones sent by Satan to
carry out his work.
I never actually saw either movie, but I did read 'Carrie'. Anyone
who can make it hail actual rocks before she was old enough to read
gets my vote. I mean, what's the other one know for? Spitting and
doing funny things with body angles? I mean, that's what toddlers
do. And while I won't underestimate the destructive power of the
terrible twos, she's outgrown by now any possible advantage that
could have given her.
Hmmm - a teen outcast with "special powers" vs. Satan. Why does this
sound familiar? Oh, yes - this is a high school munchkin D&D game.
Heck, I knew one guy in my school who claimed to have killed Satan
playing D&D; 43 times. He seemed to think I should have heard of him.
Maybe the previous record was 42 or something.
In the CBUB, Carrie won this fight. So I voted for Regan. Not
because I want things to be even, but because I have some serious
problems with certain CBUB results--If the X-men can beat the JLA,
the Avengers should be able to do it with thier eyes closed!
Last year I predicted that Regan would be bagged, tagged and buried
face down (Stephen King will not allow a loss to the cheesy
Exorcist franchise), and it's only gotten worse. This year
Carrie has gained not only The Rage(TM), but
multiple Rage Factors(TM). Observe:
the exorcist girl was taken down by a wimpy priest. did anyone ever
beat carrie?? point proven.
This is a very easy win for Carrie. The devil can do all the
possessing he wants, but it cant equal Carries secret weapon.
Okay, let's look back a couple of minutes, and see how the two girls
showed up for the match.
Well, well. Almost the end of voting, and only around 600 votes in.
Compare that to the day of "Turtles v Power Rangers" or "Willy v William Wallace".
sigh
Sometimes, you have to vote against your favourites.
Satan couldn't even beat South Park! The sequel to Carrie was titled:
THE RAGE!!!!!!!!
No, the most important lesson learned from South Park is, "Never
trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
There's a little-known trivia item involving the film "Carrie". The
title role originally belonged to Carrie Fisher, in one of those
casting stunts Hollywood so dearly loves. Sissy Spacek was attached
to a less promising film -- titled "Star Wars". In a decision whose
effects still ring through history, they switched roles.
Now, what would you rather be: one of the lasting cultural icons of
the 20th century, or a scrawny actress covered in fake pig's blood?
(In general, that is: what you do for fun in your own home is not
within the scope of this response.)
Now, if you got the short end of that stick, how mad would you be?
Mad enough to shred anyone in your path like billing records at the
Rose Law Firm? Darn straight you would be.
Carrie won't even need telekinesis to win this one, but the beauty
parlor will have to break out the wet-vac to clean up the mess she
leaves behind.
Regan will win because she has an unstoppable force on her side. No-
not Satan, Leslie Nielsen! Betcha weren't expecting that. In '90
they made a movie called Reposessed(tm), a spoof/sequel to the
Exorsist(tm), starring Leslie Nielsen, and Linda Blair. No Teleketic
Prom Queen(tm) can hold out against the King of Sight Gags(tm). All
Carrie could do is hit herself in the face with a pie while Nielsen
plugs her up with the Big Gun out of Nowhere(tm) and Regan mixes
pig's blood, pea soup, and shampoo to create Super-Boom(tm) resulting
in Carrie flying out of the building to land on Bill Clinton's desk.
Dear Boys,
I predict that this conflict ends peacefully. Otherwise, where else
could they get the infinite supply of pea soup and pig blood necessary
to make the McDonald's(tm) secret sauce?
Sorry.
Stephen King once wrote:
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy - in a jar on my desk."
Gotta go with Carrie.
- Daddy Doma
If you liked this match, check out these other past
matches:
Jason v. Freddy
Chucky v. Toy Story
Martha Stewart v. Kathie Lee Gifford
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