"Dude!" One guy says. "Did all that freaky stuff really happen here?"
"Yeah," says the Nerd (tm), "and it could all happen again."
"BOO!" One of the Really Cool Jocks (tm) startles one of the Pretty Cheerleaders (tm). "That's not funny, Trent!" "Relax, Steph, even if someone does try to kill us, I'll protect you."
"All that's garbage," says the Skeptic (tm). "After all, why would they be in the middle of renovating the place in order to reopen it next month if some crazed murderer was still around? The whole idea of leaving Springwood was to get away from that stuff, so let's just forget about it."
And with that, the teenagers proceed to: drink, smoke dope, couple up, have sex in bunk beds, not take notice of the dangerous construction equipment that's lying around, investigate noises to discover it was only a cat, etc. Basically, they're all begging to die.
So right on cue, here comes Jason Voorhees. He looks the crowd over and does a quick head count... 12. *Whew* That's quite a night, even for him, especially since he just got off that plane from Texas returning from his family reunion. So he decides to take a quick nap to rest up.
Jason, of course, begins to dream. In his dream, he is walking through those same woods, with the same kids in the same camp, when he is confronted with a disfigured man in a striped sweater and brown fedora. "What're you doing here, Jason?!" Freddy Krueger hisses. "These are Springwood kids, some of them even live on Elm Street, so they're mine! I don't think going after them should be one of your... goals! Get it?! Goals? Goalie?" [silence] "Oh, nevermind! Just die!"
And with that, the two go at. So Steve, which super-slasher succeeds in slicing the other to start a spree on some spry students?
And Freddy has a big advantage this time -- he's in Jason's dream. In the dream realm, Freddy is at home, and he is all-powerful. Jason is quite out of his element. All Jason knows are axes, chainsaws, and sharp farm implements. Freddy will laugh at these juvenile attempts to cause him harm. The only ways to kill Freddy seem to involve bizarre rituals and detailed knowledge of Freddy's past, neither of which Jason has any clue about. It's going to be a Freddy Field Day(tm) tonight, with 12 victims and 1 slashed up hockey mask.
BRIAN: Steve, Steve, Steve. Once again you go for the easy answer but fail to do your homework. There is one crucial factor that you're missing with your analysis: Freddy and Jason have met before. That's right: as we will learn in the upcoming-yet-constantly-being-moved-back Freddy vs. Jason movie, a camp counselor named Freddy Krueger was the one that pushed Jason into Crystal Lake [dead link -- probably dead rumor], held him under water and drowned him. So it's pretty clear that Jason has the most noble of motives in mind: Revenge.
After all, that's what made Freddy so great in his early days. He was out to get people. But that's pretty much been done, and now he's just doing it for kicks, cheap laughs, and a quick buck. Jason, OTOH, has been in training all these years, sharpening his skills and filling the time until Freddy finally returns. I can assure you that Jason will, in fact, be more than ready. He's kept up with Freddy's every move with anticipation, so it's all but guaranteed that he'll know everything about Freddy's past, and that he would have gone to great lengths to have attained whatever Hokie Dream World Artifact (tm) is necessary to "really" kill Freddy this time.
And I'm afraid you have twisted the history of the two maniacs, Steve. Freddy has had seven movies, only one of which was a "Final" movie. Jason, however, has had NINE movies, TWICE coming back from supposed "Final" chapters. That's gumption. And has Freddy ever taken an entire burrough of New York City? I thought not. Plus, if worse comes to worse, Jason can just call up the dead spirit of his sister, Erin Gray, who in turn can call up the dead (at least career wise) spirit of Rick "Don't call me Ricky" Schroder. If the sight of Rick trying to look cool isn't enough to implode Freddy's brain, it'll be enough to scare him all the way to the Stratford Inn.
With his undead-long mission completed, Jason decides to head to the camp and try to finish what he started that fateful summer: make some friends, drink his first beer, maybe get some tail. But when everybody starts screaming at the sight of a guy in a hockey mask holding a chainsaw, he butchers the lot of them just to shut them the hell up. But his heart just isn't in it anymore.
STEVE: Have you started getting your advice from the Psychic Friends Network (tm) or something? No? Well maybe you should -- it's undoubtedly better than this long-winded drivel you just finished spouting out. First of all, you bring up the fact that Freddy was one of the camp counselors responsible for Jason. Well he killed him once, and he'll do it again. No problem. And he'll do it a few more times if he has to. It's kind of like Germany invading France. It's an ass-kicking every time.
Since we're talking about who we can bring in to help, let's look at both sides of the story, shall we? Freddy can call in "Fab 5 Freddy" and Fred "Freddy" Savage. These two will easily cancel out Ricky "I'll call him Ricky if I want" Schroeder. Not to mention his buddies from the blockbuster hit C.H.U.D. II (shudder) and V. Throw in Fred MacMurray with the Disney Magic Factor (tm), and you have a formidable force to contend with.
Finally, we have to consider the Head Fashion Factor (tm). First, look at Freddy. He wears a stylish hat. Who else wears similar hats? Indiana Jones, Humphrey Bogart, and Michael Corleone to name a few. What do they all have in common? Success. The always achieve their goals. Freddy will do likewise. Jason, on the other hand, wears a hockey mask. Just going by hockey statistics alone, he has at best a 50% chance of victory since games must have a winner and a loser. I will ignore tie games for the purposes of this discussion.
The inevitable end result: In a frantic frenzy, Freddy fractures frail frightened Jason's joke-like jumbo jug in a jiffy.
BRIAN: Superfluous alliteration aside, how, exactly, is Fred Savage an asset to Freddy Krueger? Sure, he might be able to annoy Jason with episodes of his new suck show Working, but if you think that can ever come close to comparing to the powers of Rick "You call me Ricky, I kill ya" Schroder, then you apparently have a protective mental block going from your days of watching Silver Spoons.
And your assertion that Freddy is guaranteed victory because he killed Jason once is laughable! Freddy was a teenager and Jason was just a kid! They're both grown up now, so Freddy has no such size or hormonal advantage. And besides, how many times have we seen the youngster defeated, only to have him come back later as a wiser, smarter, and stronger man and claim vengeance? Don't make me bring up Rocky.
Plus, how is being like Humphrey Bogart a good thing? This isn't an Oscar Awards ceremony! Jason is the one with the Real Man's (tm) head gear! Aside from rugby and Australian Rules Football (tm), nobody is tougher than hockey players. "It's a compound fracture of your femur." "Oh, really. Well, just tape it up and get me back in there." And realize that he's wearing one of those no-padding, no-contour, no-give, all-they-really-do-is-prevent-the-puck-from-entering-your-brain facemasks, not one of those super-cushioned, air-bagged helmets that those pansies wear now. That's tough!
And, really, Steve, I'm having a hard time accepting your opinion on anything involving serial killers. Aren't you the same Steve that turned tail and ran the last time we discussed serial killers? Obviously, you have some kind of irrational fear of these guys (a condition I call "slashermanicphobia"), which is only demonstrated by your non-sensical discussion presented above. I don't think we can take anything you say seriously. For heaven's sake, you started talking about a rapper that got his name from a Blondie song. Seek help.
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At this stage, they will think themselves to be safe (after all, they come from Elm Street, they aren't used to dealing with much other than Freddy), and our Hockey Masked Champion of Gory bad taste will come crashing through a window to dispose of the last disposable teenager. Fortunately, our heroes will be able to rig a makeshift flamethrower (ala Ticks, a completely unrelated horror flick with the usual horror plot) out of pipes and the gasoline used to power the mill, and burn that Voorhees bastard back to hell where he belongs.
Then they'll stumble out of the burning mill just in time for the police to find them, and everything will be ginger peachy. Then, just before the credits, we'll see signs that both Krueger and Voorhees aren't permanently dead.
So it'll be Freddy 5, Voorhees 5, High School 2 (and winner by default, being the only team with players on the field).
- The Amazing Rallan
And boy oh boy, what a resourceful crop of adversaries he's SOMEHOW able to sneak up on (Corey Feldman, case in point). I guarantee if these tripe-headed dolts hadn't fell victim to the Ultimate Mama's Boy, they would've met their ends by walking into an open manhole.
- @
Also, it's worth noting that whatever horrible things Freddy does to people, he ultimately just scares them to death in their dreams. His victims "wake up" dead, of course, but the actual physical damage is puny, on the level of a really bad nose bleed. N ow Jason's a guy who's survived burning, drowning, gunshots, summer camp, and Manhattan. What's a fear-induced heart attack to a guy like that? Nothing! Give Jason an hour or two and he'll be gargling Freddy's blood while he contemplates whether to give t he place of honor on his Satanic Altar(TM) to Freddy's claws or his dead mother's soiled panties!
As a final reason, sufficient in and of itself, why Jason must win, both Jason and Freddy are devils! If the bible teaches us anything, it's that devils are into seniority! Well, okay, perhaps you got more from the bible than I did, but it's incontroverta ble that Jason predates Freddy, so he must be further up in the hierarchy, so the kids are Jason's meat. I'm sorry, Steve, but you just don't understand the netherworld.
- Delbert P. Sweeney
P.S. I STILL think Jason should meet the Scooby-Doo gang...
- Wonka
If Mr. Blonde makes Freddy Krueger run for cover, Jason can beat him by putting on sunglasses and singing "Stuck in the Middle with You".
Freddy can't compete with that kind of work ethic. Freddy has displayed in the past an inability to kill even teenagers once they cast off all other considerations and become truely motivated young people. How can this guy now stand against a seasoned g o-getter like Jason?
My vote goes to Jason in a bloodbath so violent it gets an NC-17 rating.
- Sam Walton
- Miss Mary Moo
Also, I think this one comes down to who has the best complexion. Freddy looks like Edward James Olmos on a good day. Jason looks like a skanky crackwhore, with all the open sores and such.
- Stephen Hawking "King of 4 wheelin"
Let's start with their abilities; how can Freddy kill you? Well, let's see... he can transport you instantly anywhere in space, time, or the imagination. He can change your shape or his own. He can change your size or his own. He can make you think you're dead, and you believe it! And it _works!_ He can make things come to life to kill you... need I go on?
What can Jason do?
Uh... he can pick up whatever tool's been left lying around and kill
you.
You comment that Jason's returned from final death twice...
Well, how quick did they kill him finally the first time? Two movies!
That's it! He was barely in his own first movie, and then he dies in
the third! Freddy didn't die finally until after six movies. And then, he came
back. Not only that, but he came back in a parallel dimension. Jason's never
done that! He's never been able to attack his own director, or his
worst enemy's (Tommy?) actor.
Freddy, if he can call on all the other Freds around, could get
Freddy Mercury back from the grave, and bring in the power of two
decades of rock'n'roll to bear. Or Freddy and the Dreamers.
Jason, well, can't.
And you make the point that Freddy never took Manhatten... Okay. Jason
never took L.A. Fair enough.
Freddy, by a razor.
"To Jason and Michael, because you'll always be second best."
- Michael Bennett
- X1
Star quarterback, after having sex with the pretty cheerleader...
Pretty cheerleader and nerd would not die, having found out the
pattern of killings: Whoever the girl sleeps with will be the next to
die. She then sleeps with the slasher, assuring his doom. (By the way,
she slept with the nerd after all the other men were dead. Way to go,
Arvid!)
Then you get into the thick of the match, pitting Jason Bateman vs.
Fred Savage. (Heck, why not make it a family tag team: Jason and
Justine vs. Fred and Ben?)
Shame on you...Jason Bateman turns into Teen Wolf II, and rips Randy
"Macho Man" Savage to shreds. The Undertaker then cleans the clock of
Shawn Micheals and becomes King of the Ring! Ooooh, YEAH!
Er, wait...This isn't Summerslam...
Ah, hell...Put me down for 20 bucks on the Edmonton Eskimos to win the
CFL Grey Cup...
- Vlad the Wonder Flower Delivery Guy
Why, you ask? Well, if he was a REAL slasher, he wouldn't be so afraid
of his prey that he would have to stalk them in their dreams - he'd
get off his butt, knock down their doors, and gut them. But no, he
resorts to killing teens IN THEIR SLEEP! What kind of a sissy excuse
for a killer gets people in their sleep? A coward. Besides, Freddy's
never been up against a REAL foe, one that isn't afraid of his wrinkly
self. Freddy depends on his prey's fear to do them in. Jason has no
fear, PLUS he is stronger and uses bigger weapons. And neither of them
has enough emotion to muster any of THE RAGE, so that won't be a
factor here, no matter what silly stories Brian and Steve make up
(besides, I like my silly story better)
Two other factors against Freddy:
2) Freddy blatantly stole his "unique" weapon idea from Logan, aka
Wolverine. Wolvie has been tracking that sissy little advertisement
for Retin-A for months now, and has finally tracked him to Crystal
Lake. By the time Jason has taken two steps towards Freddy, Wolvie
will have struck, and Jason will happily plod off to shred some
pimply-faced idiots, thus cleansing the gene-pool.
- The Bunyip
Freddy in a roaring victory. Since it's been established that Jason
was killed by Freddy initially, perhaps it's possible that Jason was
Freddy's -first- kill. Now, this would give Freddy the ''Job
unfinished'' mindset, and this would equal out Jason's silly
'Revenge' thing.
-However- This may not be the INITIAL Jason Voorhees we're talking
about. This is the -replacement- Jason from one of the movies where
the original really did kick off. So this new Jason may not know
exactly who killed the first Jason, so the 'Revenge' thing may not be
a factor. Freddy would NOT know this wasn't the same Jason.
Now, aside from simply just motive, there is firepower. Let's look at
the implements of gameplay:
Jason: Sharp things, sharper things.
Attack techniques:
Style:
Competition:
Freddy has had a MUCH harder go at it, and if this IS the replacement
Jason, he won't have 9 movies worth of experience to back him up.
Sure, he might be posessed in part by the initial Jason's spirit, but
it's in a body that's just not used to the rigors of slasher movies.
As for size advantages, c'mon. It's a dream, Freddy has IMAGINATION,
Jason's toast. Freddy'll make himself just as big as Jason, and
dream up a hockey rink where Jason plays goal against a whole team of
Freddy Gretsky's, all armed with chainsaw hockey sticks. There will
be no penalties for high sticking.
- Datsun Q. Wanderer
Season's over. You can stop pitching me softballs now.
- Call me Shane
Jason wins by a beat down
- Up Close and Personal
- Jeff Keasler
1
At this point, Freddy, who will be screaming in pain, and possibly
swearing, will sit there and bleed. Jason will then take Freddy's arms
and beat Freddy with them. Freddy, who at this point decides that he
just ain't gonna win at a fair fight, turns into a bunch of snakes and
slithers away, arms and all.
Jason will then just stand there.
Then, from out of the sky, comes a giant bladed hand. It streaks
through the air and cuts Jason into a pile of guts. It looks like
Freddy wins. (And, normally he would.)
But, since Jason isn't exactly what you might call a genius, and the
fact that he kind of undead, this bloody scene just wakes him from his
sleep. Now aware that Freddy is around, he gets up and proceeds to
kill all the campers, one by one. And the campers, too worried about
being chased by a psycho with an axe (or chainsaw, or hatchet, or
butcher's knife, etc, etc, etc.) cannot fall asleep, so Freddy is
unable to kill any of them.
Except for the couple that found a nice cozy spot to make out, and
possibly have premarital sex. They, after doing whatever it is young
college kids do, as I have absolutely no idea, fall asleep. It is
there that Freddy finally gets to make his kills for the evening.
In the end though, regrettably, Jason wins.
- Quentin Trelane
In the real world, Jason breaks every bone in Freddy's body before
giving him a Ginsu enema.
But Neve Campbell could kick both their asses.
- Wanderer
Oh, pardon me, my head seems to have hit the keyboard when I fell
asleep. What were we discussing? Freddy vs. Jason? Bah. Any concern
the general populace might have had about either of these two has been
burned away by dozens of bad sequels. However...
Standard Bloodbath[TM], lots of running and
screaming and bleeding teenagers (yawn), everyone making a
racket, then...
"Yo, he-bitch! The one with the pointy fingers and bad
one-liners! Put a cork in it! I'm trying to sleep in this
Secluded Woodland Cabin[TM]!"
Freddy turns around, growling at this nuisance. "Who the hell are
you?"
"Name's Ash", Krueger's about to say something when his head is turned into a
fine red mist by a Winchester double-barreled 20-gauge, "S-Mart's Top
of the line. Shop smart, shop S-mart. YA GOT THAT YOU UGLY
NHL REJECT?"
Jason, looking down the wrong end of the blue-light special and
gazing at the chainsaw adorning the stump of the shooter's other arm,
soils himself. He grabs the nearest handsome jock[TM] and throws it at Ash, hoping it will keep him
occupied long enough for a quick getaway. Ash, of course, just chops
through the jock with his chainsaw and pursues the retard (really,
who else wears a hocket helmet all the time?. Jason is just about
to dive beneath the lake when Ash takes the chainsaw off his arm and
throws it at him, the whine of the engine growing a note higher as the
well-oiled blade glistens in the moonlight, then blooms red as it
lands right between Jason's shoulder blades.
Ash grabs the nearest bikini-clad babe[TM] in a
crushing embrace. "Hail to the king, baby."
Next stop: Michael Myer's house,
When Jason and Freddy go at it, they don't realize a black
leather-clad figure with long black hair climbing up behind them.
Alice has the amazing ability to change his personality four times,
change his musical style repeatedly and he has elicted much more
commotion from the Christian Coalition than either of the two noted
killers. Plus, he has a video and in the video he defeats them both,
along with Michael Meyers from "Halloween" and some asylum doctors.
Alice Cooper shows up and sends them both back to hell.
- An Alice Cooper Fanatic
- John
- The Commissioner of Debauchery
Hollywood Entertainment Lawyers will pop up in Jason's nightmare
(This is where all lawyers come from anyway, did you ever notice how
they just keep coming even after you've shot them a couple of times
and... sorry.)
These Professional Slashers (TM) will then proceed to file a Notice
of Motion to Cease and Desist aforementioned and anticipated Grudge
Match, until such time as previously mentioned Jason vs. Freddy (to be
referred to forthwith as "JvF") is released into general market, with
all rights and priveleges thereof.
Jason and Freddy, realizing that the true Masters of Evil (tm) have
spoken, will remember that sequels are the true source of their
immortality. They will then bow before the greater might and disappear
until the premier of JvF(tm).
But since we need an outcome to make everybody happy:
- Budo
Freddy has STAR POWER (TM). Freddy has killed or fought more celebrities than Jason.
For example, Freddy killed Johnnie Depp and fought Patricia Arquette (he might have killed her too, I can't recall).
The only thing resembling a star that Jason fought is Dudley from Different Strokes. You can argue that Dudley knew Willis Jackson (who as we know, did hard time), but that's not gonna help Jason at all.
Freddy also had creativity--
In one movie, he asked a girl if she wanted to suck face, and then continued to suck all of the air out of her body. That was cool. Jason's art was limited to only yard tools and kitchen knives.
However, if we were to look at the players based on nudity content, Jason would win by a landslide. There was a naked girl in almost every movie while Freddy was breast-free.
- Sartoman
You also forgot Jason's fave team: The Mighty Ducks (tm). You try
putting up with all that infernal quack-quack-quacking. Besides, all
those innocent(?) little Disney kids skating circles around Freddy
would be like dangling the proverbial side of beef in front of the
hounds as a diversion until the Ducks' #1 Fan gets the dirty deed
done.
Sorry, Freddy, go back to chomping on mice with your lizard friends.
Sweet Dreams!
- The Genius Formerly (and Still) Known as Eddie
F: Loved your last movie; what was it like working with Cher?
Violence is the reparte of the uncomprehensible; Jason goes beserk
with unvocalised frustration, but it gets him nowhere against the
regenrative Freddy. Jason eventually stumbles away, tears of
impotent rage streaming from his mask
- John Hunter
- James Bond - 007
#1: Never say, "I'll be right back", because you won't.
#2: You Can Never Drink or Do Drugs.
#3: You can never have sex.
Freddy gets up after a blood-soaked struggle and says, "Boy, am I
glad I'm a virgin!" Then he proceeds to hack up the stereotyped
high school victims.
- Some Dork
- Jess
- Adam B.
1. Quality of Victims-- no one's murder victims beg to die more than
Jason's, hell, i'd kill them if i could...i dream of killing them
nightly...is this bad? Think about it.
- The Wily Akhamed
- Pat G
As Freddy prepares to release a snappy one-liner (TM) he hears a
meowing somewhere beind him. He turns to see what it is and is
promptly cut in half by Jason's sharp impliment of the movie (TM), leaving Jason the victor.
- El Taco Grande Benovelent Leader of the Taco People TO HELL WITH TACO BELL!!!
- The Edge
Gentlemen, this is a no-brainer. Freddy will end up a pile of
chainsaw-shredded meat, and Jason will go on to do what he does
best. Let's compare our distinguished competitors: In summation: Freddy amuses himself by running Jason through a
series of elaborate deathtraps, the psychological signifigance of
which are completely lost on Jason. Each time, after being elaborately
smashed, stabbed, hacked, or otherwise creatively mutilated, Jason gets
up, re-starts his chain saw and keeps coming. After a while (about an
hour and forty minutes, I'd say) he finally gets close enough to get a
swing in, and (to coin a phrase) tha- tha- tha- that's all, folks.
Mr. Krueger's scarred-up behind winds up on the cutting room floor, on
his way to become the Mystery Meat in your next Blue Plate
Special. (Besides, I'm sure even Robert Englund has far too much self
respect to submit himself to such an indignity. I mean starring in
this film, of course, not losing to Jason.)
- Mr. Helljet
1) Brains--Freddy is clearly the more intelligent serial killer. He
takes the time to get into his victims dreams and actively pursues at
least some specific targets. Jason, on the other hand, really has no
idea why or how he kills. He just looks for a victim who happens to
handily near an instrument of mass destruction. There is no
forethought, rhyme or reason to his methods. Freddy will simply
outthink him
2) Speed--haven't you noticed how incredibly SLOW Jason is? I mean
he plods through the forest and can only kill people because they are
stupid enough to run into a dead-end house or to be caught having sex.
Freddy can actually move and chase people. He will run Jason down.
- freddy wins
- Rick
First, it seems obvious that both series are kind of "the strike back of the revenge II". So if Freddy killed Jason, Jason will kill Freddy, period.
Second, as a French, I have to strongly oppose the historically erroneous "Germany ass-kickingly invading France" statement: this only happened in the last match (1940)! The previous match (1914) was arguably a bloody draw, and one of the previous ones wa
s an clear ass-kicking french victory of Napoleon up to Moscow!
Such a bad argument from Steve could only reveal Jason's victory!
- Cyril, ass-kicking french. ;-)
Guys, guys, you're forgetting something very important: the Ugliness Quotient. Sure, Freddy and Jason are both mean dudes, but let's look at what scares them. In all of their movies, all the people they see are either pretty boys or ho
t chicks. Obviously, neither of them can face ugliness without being repulsed.
On that account, Jason obviously wins the fight. Sure, Freddy's one homely-lookin' dude, with a face only his momma could love. I'm not saying Jason won't be scared. But let's face it: if you have to go through life wearing a hockey mask, you must b
e hiding one ugly mug. All Jason has to do is whip off that mask to send Freddy off draggin' his claws and cryin' home to momma. That is, if Freddy doesn't just curl up into a ball, whimpering in fear, soon to become chainsaw food.
- Ken Fair
Best case scenario for Freddy is that he beats Jason and finds the
other one (Jason's mom) went and killed all the kids during the fight.
Worst case scenario is Freddy has to fight two Jasons. And that's just
not healthy.
The best part about this is that under normal circumstances, the two
Jason's would go at each other's throats (like the two Darrens)
but since they're mother and son, we know they'll put forth a united
front of serial killers. This one's in the bag.
- Mike Smith
- Dave C.
EVIDENCE:
1. Jason, despite his appearance, is really just an eleven-year-old boy. Freddy is a psychotic murderer that kills children for a living. Do I have to diagram it for you?
2. Jason wears a hockey mask. This was all fine and good when the first movie was released in 1980. Back in those days, players could be identified by the hair flowing from their unprotected heads, hockey games had to be stopped to pick up all the teeth
from the ice and a team like the Philadelphia Flyers could dominate the NHL by attempted murder. But this is the nineties with fines, helmets, endorsements and goons that actually have skills. By now, Jason probably mellowed out, has a degree from DeVr
y Technical Institute, a career in welding and a condo in the suburbs. Freddy on the other hand always wears that Sesame Street shirt that he bought from the Ernie and Bert yard sale. No matter what decade you're in, you have to be one tough SOB to wear
a shirt like that.
3. While I'm on appearance, consider the only other person that wears only one glove, has a strange complexion, dresses funny and engages in spooky fantasies with children. Last I checked he has enough money to buy South America. They're so alike, they
probably hang out together. With some Moonwalker power on his side, Jason is going to get crotch grabbed to death. Hee! Hee!
4. If all else fails, Freddy can always call in his secret weapon - his singing. I happen to be the proud owner of Freddy's Greatest Hits (RIC Records 1987) and damn does it ever suck. Freddy and the Elm Street Group (they are not even a BAND for goodne
ss sake) are so bad, it hurts just to listen to them. This is the kind of music that would make Yoko Ono's head explode. I figure that Jason will survive "Do the Freddy" and "Dance or Else" before taking his own life so he doesn't have to listen to the r
emake of "Wooly Bully." These are the last words he is ever going to hear (NOTE: Notice Jason's scream in the background).
CONCLUSION: Freddy breakdances on Jason's shallow grave in 4.3 minutes.
- Paul Gooolba
Also, Freddy's been running out of "cool-ways-to-murder-people" ideas
lately (eg. Roach Motel, "Sucking Face") while all Jason has to do is
pick up the nearest blunt object and pummel away.
My vote goes to Jason.
- Luis "Bucefalus" Arri
Jason's victim's however, can never quite seem to finish him (uhh,
leaf chipper/shredder, anyone?) and they have the intelligence of a
gnat. Example: (Can't remember which sequel it was, but it had the
telekinetic girl in it) Some guy, while sitting on an outhouse toilet,
taking a dump, comments: "Fuck! This shitbox stinks!" just before
(thankfully for the audience) getting disembowled by Jason. How hard
is it to kill idiot characters like that? Jason simply hasn't had the
same level of competition as Freddy, and therefore, is unable to be any
sort of match at all.
- "Fuck! This shitbox stinks" or "Why Jason has it easy"
I vote Jason: Freddy introduces his poster-boy-for-fire-safety self
into my nightmares and I'm human sushi(tm) from oversized fingernails!
I vote Freddy: Jason comes out of the one place I expect him to be,
but don't bother to look there, and I'm in pieces somewhere in the
bottom of a lake in Minnesota!
I'll take my chances on Satan himself, if you don't mind!
- The Weeze
Jason:
Hmmm. seem like a toss-up to me.
- Dan
2) In school, who was the guy with the best one-liners and the
quickest wit? That's right: the guy who couldn't fight worth a crap
and had to talk his way out of every confrontation. Gee, which guy
is that in this match?
Jason in two "deaths," assuming best-of-three.
- Phil
Danny Bonaduce then comes along and says, "I'll give you $20 for your
can of Jooky (tm), to which both horror villains agree and then split the
20-spot 50/50. They turn around to the ice cream shop behind them and
Jason orders a double-scoop of fudge ripple on a chocolate-dipped waffle
cone covered in sprinkles that resemble worms. He's disgusted but eats it
anyway as a result of his bizarre dream logic (tm). Freddy, however,
orders a cardboard standup of Billy Barty and instead gets the Statue of
Liberty. He complains, but Luke Skywalker (who's working the counter)
tells him it's out of his hands and that he'll have to go to the Dalai
Lama if he wants a refund. Jason laughs at Freddy's misfortune, at which
point Jason wakes up with that bizarre dream timing (tm). Strangely, he
sees next to himself a cardboard standup of Billy Barty....
- Nick Zachariasen
- Donald
Freddy, on the other hand, is great at terrifying large breasted
teenagers with twisted dream sequences, but what good is that against
Jason? This is a guy who has been drowned, stabbed, shot,
incinerated, impaled on farm machinery, run over, gassed, and
autopsied. Exactly what is Freddy going to dream up that Jason hasn't
already lived through? Trying to scare Jason is like smacking Cujo on
the nose with a rolled up newspaper and telling him that he's been a
bad doggie. You're just going to tick him off, and somebody's going
to lose an arm.
The judges give Freddy high marks for his increasingly disturbing
visions, particularly the "Pauly Shore signs a five picture deal with
Universal Studios" sequence. But, in the end, Jason's string of
thiry-five unanswered decapitations carries the night.
- Dr. Dave
- Da Bear
2: Who has more annoying one-liners? Obviously Freddy. Look at it this way, Jason comes on, brandishing a chainsaw, and Freddy says "Wow, I SAW that one coming!"
3: The MACHO FACTOR (tm) which of them takes more punishment? Hmmm..
Freddy: Banished to his Mother's Womb, or hell (depending on if the sequel is odd or even numbered (ooohh..)
Jason: Face chopped with a boat propeller, set on fire, blown up with a hand grenade, drowned in toxic waste, blown up with a tactical nuke, etc.
Advantage: Jason
- Evil Clown
1) Killing people is hard work, and the old-fashioned masks were
simply too damn hot. The new masks provide better ventillation to the
modern slasher, allowing us to remain cool and comfortable when the
blood starts to splatter and cops come knocking.
2) Slashers are artists, man. Jason would be so much more productive
and creative if he simply had a better view of the finished work. With
a better view of your victim, you can put your sushi chef skills to
good use and create a corpse that would make Martha Stewart jealous.
Besides, Freddy wears a striped shirt, just like Charlie Brown, and we
all know what a loser he is. Good grief!
- HotBranch!
2. Jason - Many actors have played Jason, but the one who's played him the
most, and arguabley the best, is Kane Hodder. Kane is a HUGE, HUGE, man. He
shops in the HUGE MONSTEROUS OUTLET, a place who's customers have included
the late Andre the Gaint and Tor Johnson.
Give me all your talk about the supernatural powers of Freddy, talk about
Jason's stupidity, but the bottem line is that in real life Kane Hodder could
tear Robert Englund in half.
- kARMACIDE
If you liked this match, check out these other past
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© 1997, WWWF Grudge Match; © 2000, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC
- dedication in "The Nightmare Never Ends"
In the last Nightmare on Elm Street movie, Freddy came through "the movie world" and into "real life" and killed people. While Jason's been to Hell and back, and swept away by raw sewage, my money's on Freddy. Tranversing to planes of exisitance like the
movie world and real life in my book, takes the win over coming back from Hell, which many would say, is Hollywood anyway.
Oh, you guys really let me down. Here I was, thinking the match would
be to see which stereotype would be killed first:
Freddy will be shredded because, at heart, he is a punk-a$$ coward.
1) He's Robert Englund. Robert Englund? Man, I wanna know who decided
that pencil neck little dweeb was scary! Sheesh, I'd be more afraid to
be stalked by Pee Wee Herman, especially after what Pee Wee did to
Gilligan in that past match!
First, let me say this is the -ultimate- grudge. There were actual
fights involving flying desks at my school when this came up, no
exaggeration. (So I went to reform school, your point?)
Freddy: Sharp things, 40' long tongues, shapeshifting ability.
Jason: Lumbering around a camp breaking through windows, flimsy
barns, and sneaking around corners.
Freddy: Standing right in front of his victim and teasing them until
they run straight into a patented 'Mola Ram'(tm) chest punch.
Jason: Lumbering, hacking, slashing, staying mute.
Freddy: Prancing, ranting, raving, teasing, and having -fun- with his
work.
Jason: Summer camp weenies just trying to get laid and drunk, before
finding another head in the shower.
Freddy: An mage, a strongman, a ninja, and a variety of other
troubled Elm Street teens with killing Freddy as an objective.
The movie title says it all: "Freddy vs. Jason". Whenever you have
a 'versus' in the title, the first character is the guaranteed victor.
It holds for all the classics of world cinema: "Godzilla vs.
Mothra", "Joe vs. The Volcano", "Kramer vs. Kramer". Therefore,
Freddy beats Jason between the legs in sudden death.
Seeing as how neither use projectile weapons (guns, ninja stars, Street Fighter fireballs), The two will be fighting eachother close up. Obviously using a knife, axe, etc. on either is as useful as using mace on the Rancor (tm). This will be a fist figh
t. Now look at the bodies of the two. Freddy's stringy body is nothing to Jason. After impalement by finger knives, Jason uses his hockey expertise. He starts slugging Freddy in the stomach madly and pulling up his sweater.
This is a false dilema guys. It's like an unstoppable object meeting an
immovable force. If they really have to kill each other before they can
start on those kids, then they will be trapped in an eternal battle. If those
campers had that box from Hellraiser, THEN it could get really interesting.
Freddy rushes at Jason, with his blades glinting in the moonlight.
Jason looks at this madman calmly, like he looks at everything. Freddy
brings his hand back and proceeds to put five bloody slashes through
the blue dirt-stained jumpsuit. Jason grunts and looks down. Now he's
mad. As Freddy recovers from his downswing, Jason takes one massive
arm and grabs the slashing hand, and lifts the striped man off his
feet. While Freddy is violently squirming about, Jason will grab
Fred's other hand and pull Freddy's arms out of his sockets.
In the dream world, Freddy, being omnipotent and all, kills Jason six
or seven times before getting serious.
I think you all have it wrong. There was one person who survived BOTH
Freddy and Jason: ALICE COOPER. (He survived a John Carpenter
flick, too!) "Welcome to MY nightmare!"
What does this fight, or any fight for that matter, really come down
to? Fighting is about adapting and overcoming (just ask the Marines
(tm)) Sure Freddy is gonna be comfortable with the Home Court
Advantage,(tm) but look at the tremendous ability of Jason to adapt
his killing method. Freddy spent an entire series of films killing
folks using predominantly that candy-ass glove which, while clever and
maybe even novel, lacks the motivation behind being forced to punch a
guys head off. When the fight boils down to brass tacks relying on a
glove to create flesh wounds on a guy with what one might refer to as
a "high threshold for pain" is probably not a good idea. Whereas
Jason can draw upon a large assortment of commercial weed wackers and
harpoon guns to amuse himself for what will ultimately be a turkey
shoot. This one goes to Jason in a drawn out ('cause that's how he
likes it) 90. min.
Anyone who can turn their fingers into syringes full of heroin and shoot someone up while uttering the ever-descriptive "What a rush" has got my vote. Freddy in a no-doubter.
NEITHER will win this battle, and here's why...
The nerd (who else?) will turn on the radio, which just happens to
be playing a Spice Girls(tm) "song." Jason and Freddy, sensing
something more horrifying than themselves, will flee from the
antichrists known as the Spice Girls.
I have to go with Freddy. Allow me to explain:
It is said (and is very much a proven fact) that "pride goeth before
destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall." That's King James
for "the bigger they are, the harder they fall." Granted, Freddy is
100% at-ti-tude, but that'll kill him. Jason is the smooth, silent,
serial-killer type. He doesn't waste time coming up with cheap one-
liners...Jason gets the job done.
Freddy has cool puns. Jason is practically mute.
J: ---!
F: Sorry, wrong film. I mean, what was it like working with Jim Carey?
J: ------!
Jason better be sure his hockey mask has a psionic block mechanism.
Freddy is gonna enter his mind and have shredded brains with a nice
kiante.
A genuinely tough match, here. And since this is going to be a movie,
I think we have to look at Randy's Rules for Surviving a Scary Movie
to see who will emerge victorious.
I don't think we have a problem here, no one is going to be going
anywere.
Jason: 0, Freddy: 0
I don't know about drinking, but I think it's a safe bet to say that
both of these guys are stoners.
Jason: -1, Freddy: -1
Oh, man, did you see that picture of Freddy??!?! There is no way
anybody would do it with him willingly. If one of these guys is a
virgin, I'd put my money on Freddy.
Jason: -1, Freddy: 0
I have to go with Freddy on this one. Simply because he can do
supernatural things besides just coming back from the dead. Jason can
do that, sure, but can he transform himself into a giant bloodthirsty
snake? Can he stick his tongue out until it is almost 6 feet long and
wrap it around and around the lithe body of Heather Langenkamp(tm)? I
don't think so. I don't even know if he's got a tongue. He never
talks. Maybe it rotted off during one of those long periods of time
he spends dead, e.g. the time he was dissolved by toxic waste at the
end of part VIII. Freddy always bounces back quickly from death,
looking exactly the same and possessing a whole new Bag O Tricks(tm)
with which to torture unsuspecting youth. Jason- well, farm
implements. And the biggest Oedipus complex I've ever seen (consult
Part II). There's no contest here. Freddy rules, Jason drools (or
oozes. Or both).
Sorry guys, but neither Jason or Freddy are going to be standing after
this one. Now, we know that this is taking place in Freddy's house,
the Dream Realm. And this is what will cause the downfall of BOTH of
these horror movie stars. As you both well know, when good little
kids have dreams, they tend to be nightmares, filled with death,
blood, destruction, and cheesy horror movie effects. So going by this
logic, when evil horror movie stars dream, they dream of pretty little
things, like unicorns and Care Bears (tm). Freddy, not expecting this
in his personal realm, is totally shocked, and before he can whip out
his Lorena Bobbit (tm) Autographed Slicers, he is overwhelmed by a
large group of cheery, colorful, fluffy cuteness, and the "Care Bear
Stare!" (tm). His evilness cannot compare to the love and happiness
of the Stare (tm), and he dies. Jason, confused by his new
dream-realm surroundings, thinks he is back in Crystal Lake, and sees
a Unicorn standing by a car. Thinking that it's a young couple "doing
the nasty" (tm), he wanders over and attempts to kill the two
lovelies. After whacking away at the impenetrable hide of the
mythical beast (it's all just a dream, so that doesn't matter), the
peaceful unicorn turns ugly, with steam rising out of the nostrils,
the eyes turning bright red and all that other stuff. In a split
second, Jason is speared through the face by a large pointy horn,
leaving the unicorn and the Care Bears (tm) to battle for peaceful
supremacy.
I had to go with Jason here for a few reasons:
2. Difficulty of Victims-- Freddy's victims were all a joke, corny
"Dream Powers" or no Dream Powers...i dreamed i was a hermaphrodite
chicken once...but will that really help me here? Jason's victims at
least ran away
3. Weapons-- Jason's got them all. Any means of hacking and slashing
Jason is the master of but id like to see him thwart Freddy using a
good ol Machete. Freddy has long fingernails. BAH! Long
fingernails=femininity and you know who is the terror of the Crystal
Lake female population is dont you. C'mon he's got the eye thing
going here....I digress
4. Ease in Destruction-- Freddy dies in the corniest, most cliche
fashions in every movie. "Evil shall see itself and it shall die"
indeed...Freddy's going to catch his reflection in Jason's machete
and perish without the big guy even touching him.
5. Dependence on Souls-- Freddy's strength is derived from the souls
of those he's killed in this incarnation...no souls no strength.
6. Physical Stats--
Jason Freddy
6'8" height 5'6"
300lbs. weight 175lbs.
24" neck 16"
80" reach 66"
they just dont add up.
7. Superpowers-- Freddy invariably becomes something corny...he has no
creativity no finesse...if you were the "Dream Master" would you not
do more than turn people into bugs or jumping out of a plane w/ no
parachute? Jason just appears out of nowhere hack hack slash next
movie
Particularly good graphics. Quite festive and in the mood of the
season. OK, really they were gory and gross but I did like the dancing
skeletons.
Jason is a genius. This is shown by
his ability to place things, like cats, in certian places that
distract his victims at a critical moment. Someone who can figure
out how to do this is obviously a tactician of Napolianic calliber...
After ninety minutes of chainsaws and claws, along with the required
buildup of moronic children's nursery rhymes, well placed screams from
young nubile women, and hypnotic theme music, Jason and Freddy will
have built up some rivalrous respect. Then one would speak up (it
would be Freddy). "Wait! We're getting nowhere here. Twelve teens are
too much for either of us, lets divvy them up! We can both be the Big
Cheese El Muerto." Stunned by this revelation, the two turn on the
idiot savants that didn't leave the scene during the distraction,
choosing instead to fight amongst themselves for prime real estate
near the cabin windows where they could watch the battle with the same
morbid fascination that has the world wondering which way Clinton
bends. Almost two hours of primer for a good three minutes of hack and
slash. And at the very end, a twist. In an act of friendship, Jason
hands over his mask. Freddy looks at Jason in shock. His twin brother.
United at last. There is no greater institution than family, and no
worse pastime than watching this. Complain and get your money back.
Hello?! Are we really even having this debate? This is absolutely no
contest. The only possible advantage Jason has over Freddy is that
he's too stupid to know when he's overmatched. Freddy has so many
advantages that I only have time and space to list a few:
Freddy needs his victim to be terrified in order for him to kill someone. (hence the name Nightmare on Elm St, instead of, say, Wet Dream on Elm St, or Powernap on Elm St.) Jason won't be scared, just P.O.ed. Also, Jason's failure to laugh at Freddy's jok
es (funny as they are) will result in Freddy feeling major insecurity, resulting in him reverting to an age-old nail biting habit. He forgets which hand is gloved, and slices his mouth severely. This causes Jason to laugh until he wets the bed. Both group
s get so embarrassed they agree to leave each other alone as long as they never, ever, speak of their individual shame again, resulting in a draw. No one gets to kill the victims, however, because Crystal Lake has long been filled with raw sewage. When th
e prerequisite Skinny-Dipping scene comes along, the couple contract a bizarre disease and give it to the rest of the kids. They are all dead by morning.
Steve involuntarily got me on his opposite side when saying that if Freddy once killed Jason, he could do it again and again "kind of like Germany invading France. It's an ass-kicking every time".
Oh, come on people! This one's easy. There's two Jasons, remember?
At least with Jason no one has to know which actor played him in the
movies. Freddy, on the other hand, has combined with the evil forces
of Leeza and Tesh on numerous occasions to create Satanic "interviews"
on Robert Englund's alleged "acting skills" as applied to his latest
project. Hopefully by now the folks from the Friday the 13th TV
show have tracked down all extant footage of those interviews and
stored them in the Big Vault O' Evil(TM) next to Brent Spiner's
Broadway showtunes. Freddy's PR Agent is definitely the greater
evil.
HYPOTHESIS: Freddy wins the Battle of Halloween.
For the love of God. This is a no-brainer. Jason would open up the
biggest can of whoop-ass Freddy's ever seen. Take into consideration
what Freddy does before EVERY kill. He has to spew out a one liner.
Now think back to what Jason does before every kill....NOTHING!!! He
just kills. While Freddy is planning how to incorporate a humorous
hockey reference (my personal favorites would be "There's a
hat-trick" or "GLOVE SAVE!!"), Jason would be cleaving him into a
million little chunks of Freddy-goo.
I ignored the entire history of the characters while making this
analysis, and decided who was more powerful(and therefore would win)
by figuring out which of the two has had more difficult characters to
kill. On this basis, I'd have to go with Freddy, because the
protagonists in his movies always have to either: 1) Do an amount of
research on Freddy's past equivalent to that of a Pysch major doing
his Masters thesis on 11th century studies of cattle neurosis, or 2)
Think or create some nifty contraption to obliterate him.
Yeah, right! I'm supposed to vote for one of these two?
Freddy:
-the school janitor thing (need I say more?)
-the fedora
-manicure by Garden Weasel
-the one-liners
-killing Johnny Depp *Double bonus points!* (in the first movie)
-the one-liners (enough already!)
-ugh! soundtrack by Dokken (the third movie)
-The fourth movie sucked
-the fifth movie sucked
-the sixth movie really sucked
-ripped off the "killer in dreams" concept from that movie with Dennis
Quaid
-The goalie mask *Triple bonus points!*
-ummm, the most ludicrous methods of being revived
-appearance on the Arsenio Hall show (Kane Hodder, in character...)
-ripped off the "silent unstoppable masked killing machine" concept
from Halloween
-movies 3 through 9 sucked
Doesn't matter. The movie will still suck.
Two points:
1) During the run of "Friday..." movies, Jason was killed repeatedly
and yet grew bigger and stronger, starting as a boy and ending as the
bulked-up Kane Hodder. Clearly, Jason has stumbled onto some sort of
"Resurrection Fitness Program." If he puts out a workout tape, the
World Wrestling Federation can stop distributing steroids to the
talent. Freddy, on the other hand, was played by Robert Englund the
whole time. Entertaining actor, but still a scrawny wuss after all
these films. Jason is trained and primed for this match (and if the
Jason/Freddy script is right, he has THE RAGE (TM)). Freddy is the
Crispy Critter he's always been.
As Jason raises his axe to attack Freddy, it turns into a 6 foot long
knockwurst, as per the Freudian bizarrity of dreams (tm). Freddy, in his
paisley tutu, then asks Jason, "What are you gonna do- put some MEAT on my
bones?", and follows with his affected laughter (tm). Freddy then cuts
Jason with his razor glove, only for Jaosn to have the Spam jelly (tm)
ooze out of his wound.
I think both you guys seemed to forget one factor in the teen-dweeb(tm) weapons catagory...Jason was actually KILLED by Corey
Feldman in Friday the 13th part 4. Meanwhile it's usually the teen-babe(tm) that ends up defeating Freddy (with the exception
of Nightmare part 2). Considering that since Freddy psychically is "made up of" the souls of all his victims, I think there
are enough teen age pimple faced brats inside him to equal at least one of the ultra-dweeb(tm) Corey Feldman. Freddy, by virtue of
the teen-dweeb factor, wins.
After going the full fifteen rounds, Jason is awarded the decision by
referee Micheal Meyers. Neither fighter has what it takes to score
the knockout. Jason is a nice kid, but he's not exactly the sharpest
machete' in the drawer. There's no way in hell (trust me, he's been
there) that he's going to be able to pull off whatever rituals are
necessary to kill Freddy.
I have to go with Jason here for this one. I base my opinion mostly
on body count. Jason routinely kills in the double digits in his
movies. With Jason's knack for numbers and his EIGHT movies (first
one doesn't count for those of you who blew the big question in
Scream), his total body count is over 100. Freddy, on the other hand,
has fallen into the trap of yakking it up with his victims before
hacking them up, lowering his average to something like 3.5 per
cinematic outing. He is inefficient, and at only 7 movies thus far,
he's at a disadvantage against the workman-like Jason. (side-note:
This summer while working at the Peanut Factory I had plenty of time
to ponder this very question, and I in fact came up with fairly
accurate body count totals based on my memories of having seen all of
the movies in both series. But I've forgotten those numbers, along
with most everything else I'd ever known, due to the mind-numbing
repetitiveness of that job.) Jason wins on sheer experience.
1: Who would win in a fight? Humphrey Bogart or the Philidelphia Flyers?
advantage=Jason
Jason cuts him in half.
Speaking as one of one of those pansies who wears one of those
super-cushioned, air-bagged helmets, I can state with certainty that
Jason will emerge victorious. The reason we abandoned the
"prevent-the-puck-from-entering-your-brain" (tm) facemasks is twofold:
1 Freddy - Robert Englund, a fine actor but he's not very intimidating with
out his make up on.
Chucky v. Toy Story
Cujo v. A Disgruntled Postal Worker
Regan MacNeil v. Carrie White
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