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Deep in the recesses of the headquarters of the Amalgamated Comics Media Enterprise, a collection of humans, animals and other miscellaneous comic strip characters sit around a conference table. Chairman Jason Foxtrot stands at the head of the table and speaks. "We have an emergency situation. Garfield has been put to sleep!" "Garfield was... euthanized?" asks Ziggy. "No, nothing like that. Last week Garfield went on a lasagna binge and he's sleeping it off. Considering the amount of food he consumed, I estimate he should wake up sometime in 2006. In the meantime, we must setup a new star for the 'Garfield' feature." Jason smiles and looks in the direction of Odie, who is slobbering excitedly. "I have fed all the data into my computer system and the new star of the strip will be... Bill the Cat!" Odie looks to his left to see the feline sitting next to him. He starts slobbering menacingly.
"Yip! Yap!" barks Odie.
"Oop! Ack!" responds Bill the Cat. The dog and cat go into their attack postures but are restrained by Prince Valiant and Hagar the Horrible.
"GRR!"
"THPPT!" The dog and cat are escorted from the room. Obviously, this conflict will be settled in the strip. So, Mark, will the frazzled feline or the cross canine survive to be the star stand-in in the strip?
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MARK: Oh, I think it is obvious that the cross canine wins this contest. Aside from Bill the Cat being little more than Bill the Bobble-head doll, Odie can take care of himself. First, we have the slobber factor. Have you ever had dog slobber on you? Yeech! Just the thought of that image makes me nauseous. And the slobber is gross, too. Who wants to deal with that? Plus, Bill is none too stable as it is--imagine the tumble he'd take when he slips in a patented Odie Drool Pool. Oh, it'd be hilarious. But falling wouldn't be an effective fight mechanism. Odie is deceptively smart. Oh, he may not do well in the quack-psychology "throw blanket over his head and time how long it takes for him to get out (TM)" test, but he's good at engineering. He put a few household items together and built a back scratcher. Granted, anyone could do that, but very few dogs could. Odie could put together a trap or two for ol' Bill. Even if Bill made it past the Odie Obstacles (TM), he'd still have to beat Odie. Remember Lyman? He was Odie's original owner but disappeared. What happened? No one knows. No one dares ask. (Well, except for me as evident three sentences ago.) Have you seen Nermal lately? Didn't think so. There's only room for one cute character and Nermal ain't it. (And you thought he was sent to Abu Dhabi.) Remember Jimmy Hoffa? Well, he wasn't on the Garfield strip because he disappeared shortly before the Odie-featuring comic strip started (but enough time for Odie to lay low until things cooled off a little). Coincidence? Probably the Hoffa one. But the Lyman and Nermal files are pretty suspicious. You just don't cross Odie, my friend. I mean, unless you like cement shoes and fishies. Odie will win this dog-eat-cat match. PAUL: Mark, I see your slobber and raise you a hairball. Bill the Cat will turn Odie into puppy chow. Odie is smart? Please. Everyone knows that Odie is the dumbest thing on the planet. I quote the official Garfield web site: "It took Odie three years just to learn how to breathe. His IQ is so low, you can't test it; you have to dig for it. Of course, he was bred to be a working dog - specifically, a paperweight or a doorstop." Face it, all Odie knows how to do is slobber, stare into space and get his butt kicked (literally). The last skill will prove useful here. Odie lives a too isolated life. He is constantly defeated by Garfield, who is elderly, fat and lazy. How will he defeat Bill? Has Odie ever shot up the neighborhood? Bill has. Has Odie ever been a chainsaw assassin, taking his orders from the Lord of Evil himself, Michael Eisner? Bill has. Has Odie died and been brought back from the dead? Bill has (and Odie's brain deathness doesn't count). And if Bill wants to be really nasty, he can belt out a few "songs" from his days with the 80s Big Hair and Mascara Heavy Metal Band™ Billy and the Boingers. A gentle soul like Odie cannot tolerate the jarring sounds of "Guillotine Grandma" or "Let's Run Over Lionel Richie With a Tank". Considering that Bill's two musical idols are Ozzy and Julio Iglesias, Odie should be dead before the chorus. So facing certain death, Odie will have to use his vaunted brains to survive. Most likely, this will involve him staring into space until he is mercifully decapitated. However, he may just be able to coordinate his two brain cells and decide to run and find help. Since his owner Jon is useless, Odie will have to find allies on the funny pages. He will discover that, like himself, comic strip dogs are a bunch of neutered, in-touch-with-their-sensitive-side wussboys. Snoopy gets roughed up by the neighbor's cat and he's a stud compared to the likes of Fred Basset and Marmaduke. The only dog of value is Dogbert and he wouldn't waste his time with this Induhvidual. Whether it is Heathcliff or Hobbes or Bill, cats rule the comics. Bill rules, Odie drools (while he still has his tongue). MARK: Ozzy and Julio Iglesias? When did they get married and what happened to Harriet? This marriage would, however, explain Gunnar and Matthew. Back to business: If you had bothered to read further down the "official Garfield web site", you would have seen where it reads, "...everybody loves Odie" (although some are partial to his big-lug-of-a-police-officer older brother). If Bill is part of the set "everybody" than it should mean that he loves Odie. Therefore, Bill would not harm Odie as Bill would not harm someone he loves. Odie is too adorable to be harmed by Bill. [*sigh*] Let me see, where else did you make arguments for me? Oh, yeah! The kicking thing. Did you ever stop to think that, maybe, Odie LETS Garfield kick him because Garfield isn't really a threat? "Oh no! I got kicked off of a table by a cat! Big deal!" Obviously, it hasn't harmed Odie physically (can you say that about Bill's adventures?). If Garfield gets his giggles by kicking things, who cares? No harm no foul. Let the baby have its bottle. Odie is so durable it doesn't even faze him. Garfield is no threat and Odie is the Jackie Chan of the funny pages. Plus, you still haven't proven that a burned-out Bill has the wherewithal to kick Odie. My guess is that when Bill rears back to kick, he tips over. Funny... but not effective. You can raise all the hairballs you want. It's no matter to me how many you cough up. A common method for cat obedience training is to squirt water at them when they are bad. I've never heard of someone training a dog by throwing hairballs at it. Have you? Two minutes with the walking Super-Soaker that is Odie will have Bill the Cat straightened up and flying right. You'll notice that Garfield does little more now than eating, sitting, and sleeping whereas before he was destroying furniture and hanging on screen windows and doors. Hair clogs. Water works! Moreover, as pointed out by the Garfield web page you mentioned, some of Odie's slobber is a product of his habit of drinking out of the toilet. Delicious! Like all dogs, Odie has, um, a leg up on his competition. So just sit back, relax, and enjoy a lasagna as Odie claims his rightful place as comic-strip superstar. As for Bill; well, he might as well stumble back to the drug-induced stupor that is presidential politics. It's about the only thing he's qualified to do. PAUL: Relax? Relax! I CAN'T RELAX, 'CUS I'M A BOINGER! Even if I grant that Bill does indeed love Odie, that's hardly protection. You see, Bill the Cat has absolutely no shame. Whether he is a Soviet spy or a greedy televangelist, the basis of his life is simply to offend EVERYONE. He chopped off the nose of Opus, his closest friend, just for the heck of it. The subtitle on his tell-all biography is the universally repulsive "Vegisexual – Nazi – Liberal". I can't think of a better way of topping that than to kill the most beloved thing on Earth. Anyway, Bill has clubbed the baby seals for fun; Odie is simply not adorable enough to stop his hand. Finally, even if Odie were to get the upper hand, he'll be betrayed by his owner. Jon Arbuckle is a loser. His whole life revolves around his pets. Not even ugly women are interested in him. He makes his living as a cartoonist, the people JOURNALISTS look down on. Enter Bill the Cat, who can supply him with a dozen hot groupies who will do anything he wants. Hey, they might even kiss him! One day drinking out of the toilet, Odie gets flushed, ironically drowning in his own slobber source. You just can't lick Bill the Cat. Not that you'd want to.
Current Match |
Related & Similar Matches
Odie or Bill? This will require some deduction, but, Sum Ergo Cogito, I am therefore I think, so here goes. One of the truths driven into me in parochial school is In Vino Veritas: "Truth comes under the influence of alcohol." The second truth, learned in college, is In Circensis Praesaepium, Sum Alter Vino : that the best place to find alcohol (and therefore truth) is a sports bar. The third truth, learned in a sports bar, is In Proprio Persona, In Proprio Cognitio Circensis: that sports knowledge is metaphoric to life knowledge. The validity of this finding is reinforced by the first truth and the second truth. The fourth truth, about sports knowledge, is Ped Globus Cognitionus Sum Superus Ceteroqui Cognitionus: that football knowledge is superior to all other knowledge. Football knowledge therefore becomes generally applicable through the first, second, and third truths. Therefore, I compared the win-loss-tie records in College Football games (since 1869) that featured teams with canine mascots and nicknames (Denomino Caninus) against teams with feline mascots and nicknames (Denomino Feles). This is an application of Legitimus Strictim Coniunctio, the law of superficial correlation. This knowledge is definitive, because, as Lord Kelvin observed, "if you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and inferior sort" (Superus Cognitionus Admodum, Inferum Cognitionus Absque Admodum). Expressed in numbers, in 1,228 meetings on the gridiron, Dogs have a record against Cats of 633-543-52 (that's a 52.1% winning percentage). Ergo, Ceteris Paribus, Caninus Superus. All things held equal, the answer is Odie. PS: Thanks to Stassen.com's Football Info page and James Howell's site for providing data for the exercise, and also to the Catholic Archive website at Notre Dame for checking my Latin (they didn't crack my knuckles with a ruler). - Dr. Stones, AKA Lapis Academicus
Bill The Cat will win this by a resounding popular vote. This cat possesses all the great qualities that we American's love in our leaders. Just take a look at this list.......
Snorts Cocaine...... just like Dubya And last but certainly not least, the MUSIC, the HAIR, and the TOUNGE. Bill the Cat is the feline incarnation of Gene "The Demon" Simmons (tm)....... with the Legions of the KISS ARMY(tm) marching by his side he will crush all pretenders to the throne. Plus I have a really kool tattoo of Bill (I'll show you mine if you show me yours) - Milo Bloom
Goork! Bip! (TRANSLATION: Trouser waffle gerbil spam flying sandwich toaster! SPACE TACO MADDNESS!!!) damn... it is harder than I thought to make two random sound effects make a sentence. - DarkstormXalpha A.K.A. That guy with the cottage cheese.
It's Jason FOX not Foxtrot!!! Get it right, you fools!!! - Darth Jureel, Rabid Foxtrot fan Thanks, Garth, for point out our error. Usually our fact checker catches those mistakes. He's as good as fired. Rest assured that we will NEVER get Jackson Fox's name wrong again. -eds.
Let's take a look at allies here: Bill has as his ally (riffle through the ally pool) Sylvester the Cat. A cat that can't get the birdie if you spotted him the keys to the cage and put Tweety in handcuffs. Face it, Sylvester is incompetent. Odie has (another randon ally draw) Snoopy! AKA the WOrld War I Flying Ace. We're talking about someone so talented he can draw a square with a compass. He's a lawyer, a biker, a college Big Man on Campus, and who can forget Joe Cool? As Bill and Sylvester are trying to figure out which way is up, a Sopwith Camel will pulverize both of them. - mtk1701 This is yet another lopsided match. The winner here will be Bill the Cat. The main reason: Allies. Who does Odie have in his corner? Jon, his dimwitted owner and Nermal. There are also the local mice and maybe that big vicious dog in the neighborhood Garfield talks to every now and then. Of course, Garfield will still be sleeping off his lasagna binge and be unable to assist. Bill the Cat on the other hand has a larger, more talented, and more underhanded group as his backup. There is Oliver Wendell Jones, technology expert extraordinaire who once built a functioning long- range transporter (it beamed his father's car to the orbit of Pluto) as well as a space-based defense system whose sole purpose was to con money out of the government. Then, there is Steve Dallas, resident legal expert. Also, let's not forget Opus the Penguin, Milo, Binkley, Rosebud, Portnoy, Cutter John (science fiction buff), and a bunch of others. In addition to numerical and technological superiority, these characters are much edgier and far tougher than anything in the Garfield universe. Odie (as well as Team Garfield) would have a life expectancy of mere seconds against the full might of Team Bloom. But there is more. Team Bloom has a far larger Internet fan base than Team Garfield. According to the Google search engine, a search on "Bloom County" turns up about 11,900 results, many of them fan sites. A similar search using the terms "Garfield" and "Odie" yielded only about 6,500 results, most being reviews and merchandising. This only makes Odie's cause even weaker. The match will be over before Bill can go "Ack!". Either Oliver Wendell Jones will beam him into a solid object with his transporter or Cutter John will crush him by rolling over Odie in his wheelchair. Meanwhile, Jon will sit and stare stupidly at the carnage and wonder what happened. - The Demented Astronomer The match is a tie, as both Bill and Odie accidentally get tongue- tied (literally!) together, and drown in the resulting ocean of drool. - Jonah Falcon, soon to be in Rolling Stone (seriously) Odie's nose looks a lot like the one on Opus... - Gids I am reminded of one specific comic, a true classic showing us the side of Odie that none of us ever suspected, but when you consider it is undoubtedly true. The first panel shows Jon leaving the house, Odie is in the window looking as stupid as ever. As the second panel shows Garfield also leaving, (this was when he was still trying to get with Arlene) Odie is shown with a grin. We then flash to the living room, where Odie is shown in the armchair, War and Peace by his side, while the tv is saying and now join us for an Evening with Mozart. He is also in a robe and holding a pipe. What can we say about this comic? Well besides the obvious point, Odie is clearly British, the robe and pipe are a dead give-away. This implies connections to soccer hooligans, thereby ensuring his victory. Bill may be insane but he's not crazy enough to mess with the hooligans.
- thebaumbomb Whereas Bill might manage to do some superficial damage to Odie, those of you who have seen "Garfield's Nine Lives" should remember that at the end of it Odie managed to end up with nine more lives too. So, Odie just has to make it a battle of attrition, which Bill has no chance of winning. - Aux. Priest Wow, five to one, in Odie's favor. That's the earliest I've ever voted. But would you look at those odds? Obviously, Odie must come out on top. He can't do much, but it's gotta be more than what Bill puts out. First off, Odie's still in the business. The dog is 24 years old. In human years. Hell, I'm not that old. Odie's got some serious anti-death mojo working for him. Now, Bill's aforementioned rise from the grave may grant him some zombified powers, but I believe immortality trumps zombification in the hierarchy of supernatural. I mean, who do you want on your side: the guy who can't die, or the guy who wants to eat your brains? Secondly, I spent a summer perusing a bunch of Berke Breathed's books (I also pilfered some pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked. *ba-doom, CHING!*). Here's a question: How the hell did they know Bill was dead? Did he stop saying "ACK!" for an hour? The cat has less flexibility than an iron bar. Finally, going back to that zombie thought, if Bill is a zombie, what will he want? "Brains. BRAAAIINNSS!! ACK!" And what exactly will happen if Zombie Bill meets up with Odie? I think we've all seen the inside Odie's head, with its requisite cobweb and fluttering moth. It'll be like squeezing blood from a turnip. A dry, dessicated, drained turnip. Stuffed with sawdust. And left in the desert for a thousand years. You get the picture. On a final note: Odie was on the same Saturday morning cartoon as Garfield, who was voiced by Lorenzo Music, who was on Rhoda, featuring Julie Kavner, voice of Marge Simpson. Three degrees of separation from the Simpsons? In a Grudge Match? No contest. Odie bags the biscuit. - Tracer - This one's for you, Lorenzo! die HAS to win. He's Cute As A Button(tm). Of course, he's almost totally stupid, but what-the-hey, cute 'n' stupid has worked for almost everyone in the entertainment industry: Valerie Bertinelli, Kristy Swanson, Tom Cruise (never passed a mirror he didn't kiss, what an egocentric prick), Frankie Muniz, the Osmonds, LeAnn Rimes, Charlotte Church, Ryan Phillipe, Fred Savage, Christina "I've-Got-the-World's-Biggest-Head" Ricci, Cindy Margolis, Raven Symone, Ami Dolenz, the Olsen Twins, Jennifer Aniston, Lea Thompson (and, for that matter, Howard the Duck), Meg Tilly, Jennifer Tilly, Meg Ryan, Dominique Moceanu, Bridget Fonda, Katerina Witt, Winona Ryder, Sandra Buttock (I mean "Bullock"), Reese Witherspoon, n'Stinc (I mean, n'Sync), the Backstreet Boys, Haley Joel Osment. . . Oh, yeah, it's a definite trend. Cute 'n' Stupid runs Hollywood! Bill, on the other hand, looks like a furball that Ralph Steadman coughed up one morning. Not a chance in hell. - Deacon I have to admit, initially I was taken aback at the nature of this match: neither Bill nor Odie is exactly a well-toned fighting machine. But, as always, the parameters of the match are key. And this match will not be resolved in some post-apocalyptic cage of death, but within the "Garfield" strip itself. With that in mind, this has the feel of a week-long saga, and I see it going like this. Day 1: Jon informs Odie, "I have someone for you to meet. Say hello to Bill!" Odie looks perplexed, Bill looks incoherent, they drool for two panels. Days 2 through 4: Hijinks as Odie and Bill play pranks on each other. Neither gains any discernable advantage. Day 5: Now this is critical: nothing ever changes for any length of time in "Garfield". Even if, say, Odie gets neutered, his nuts grow back by Day 5. Things will always return to the status quo, we have decades of evidence on this point. And so, it MUST turn out that Jon gives Bill away to a good home (probably some chick that he stands no chance of scoring with); immediately thereafter Garfield wakes up, and makes a funny about how he needs a snack to tide him over while he's busy digesting lasagna. It's the only way a "Garfield" saga can end. What a shame, though: I would have liked to see the post-apocalyptic cage of death. - Lou the Inscrutable Bill hangs out with a penguin named Opus. (proof: Bloom County) All penguins are loyal subjects of The Penguin (proof: Batman Returns) Therefore, Bill the Cat has a connection to Batman...and not only Batman, but a previous Grudge Match-winning Batman, Michael Keaton. Bye, Odie. - Scotty J. [before commentary pray]Dear God, if the WWWF puts this commentary on the site I won't call the blood of Christ wine.[/before commentary pray] Anyway... Odie does NOT just get his drool from toilet water. He also gets it from toxic waste, as he and Lyman have lived near a nuclear power plant, mutating them. Odie's drool can strip the flesh off Bill's bones in seconds (the reason it doesn't effect Garfield is because he's eaten so much that he developed a coat of toxic drool-proof blubber) Next, once Garfield put Odie's nose in a pencil sharpener. My point is that Odie has a point. With a pointy nose he could stab Bill. And as for you Paul, cartoonists actually have developed power. It is because of cartoonists that Michelangelo could eat, that Robert Ripley got his career, and that there are the SIMPSONS, the constant winners at Grudge Match. And journalists don't look down on cartoonists, it was from a cartoon that the phrase "Yellow Journalism" got it's name. Jim Davis will come and draw Odie Anti- Bill armor and a "laser" on his back. Odie just fires the "laser" and it's over. And of course, when a Grudge Match fan gets three commentaries rejected in a row (having got my commentaries rejected for Taco Bell Chihuahua vs. Speedy, Chef vs. Swedish Chef, and Bender vs. Johnny Five), then in the person's fourth commentary, the great Grudge Match Genie (tm) appears! The great Grudge Match Genie will grant one wish to each competitor. Before Bill can even say his wish Odie will ask for his greatest desire. A BONE THE SIZE OF CANADA. Odie will simply want to lick and bury the bone, but the bone will squash Bill. Finally, since the winner of Grudge Match depends on the voters' opinion, and "everybody loves Odie", then that's who they'll vote for! RESULT: Bill is dissolved, stabbed, shot by a "laser", and/or squashed by a bone. And the Grudge Match Genie(tm) works part-time - Psycho Kirby The battle in the strip begins. Odie bares his teeth, ready to attack Bill - then stops and sticks his tongue out. In the 10 minutes he had before the fight, Bill has eaten 20 kilos of lasagne - his new weight and lasagne breath makes Odie believe he is Garfield! Now that Odie has been stopped in his tracks, Bill deploys his secret weapon. He has tied up the unconsious Garfield, who is now hanging from a tree. It is simply a matter of positioning this incredibly heavy cat above Odie, and letting go of the rope... POW! Landing on Odie's rock solid head, Garfield's ribs shatter and he dies instantly. Odie simply stands there, drooling. Sighing, Bill just picks up Odie and drops him in a pond. Since Odie has survived without breathing for three years, he should survive here for a while, but at least he won't be moving anywhere, too distracted by the nice shiny fish. Having disposed of Odie, Bill smashes Jon over the head with his baby seal club, mails a letter bomb to Nermal in Abu Dhabi, and makes himself the supreme star of the strip. Nobody argues - he looks like Garfield, and does a lot more than Garfield. - Richard Okay, I just read the scenerio and commentary and I now know you guys are not true comic fans. 1. Hagar could not restrain anyone. Odie can just lick Bill to death. 2. If Bill is indeed dead, why is he here? 3. Berke Breathed STOPPED Bloom County. Jim Davis is STILL doing Garfield. Odie has more endurance. 4. Why can't Krazy Kat (inspiration for Calvin & Hobbes) replace Garfield? 5. Bill was once Donald Trump. NO ONE likes DOnald Trump (especially Ivana). 6. Just how can you guys understand what they're saying? 7. Odie has withsood so much punishment from Garfield, othing Bill can do will even phaze him. 8. Official web sites mean nothing. 9. The only good cartoon dog is Dogbert.
10. If all comics are here, then what about the online comics?
Everyone from
Okay, sot his lacks cohesion, but so does the rest of this site.
- Rainwoman
But, that was years ago. Bill has spent the last few years sitting
around in his briefs, staring around vacantly. He is now the only
member of the original gang who stayed in Outland. The rest have
moved on, but he's loafing around like that wastrel brother-in-law we
all have at one time or another. He's a vegetable.
Odie, on the other paw, is a survivor. Remember those animated
specials? In the Halloween one, he rescued Garfield from drowning. In
the camping one, he faced a savage panther. In the island one, he
survived driving a car into an active volcano! This dog is
indestructable! Even in the strip Odie has bounced back from having
his nose pulled off, his tongue yanked out, and his face smashed
between the pages of a book.
Given that Bill will do little more than sit and stare at Odie, the
dog can simply prance off as a '59 Cadillac smashes down on
Bill, "hammerin' his spinal column into his buttocks". Even if the
hubcap flies loose and hits Odie in the head, he'll simply shrug it
off.
Everybody will be singing: Odie is a good name... Odie stands for
freedom...
- Oxymoron ("Odie vs. Mr. T in TOC VIII? Can't Wait!")
So in this fight I guess I'm the loser.
- Charge Man - Mourning my loss of "Doonesbury"
Bill and Odie face off in Jon's kitchen and immediately begin arming
themselves in classic cartoon fashion: pulling armaments from just
out of view.
Bill decks himself out in a Patton helmet, ATF bullet proof, an M16A2
assault rifle with an integral grenade launcher, a SIG .44 caliber
pistol, and plenty of ammo. He finishes up with a bowie knife in his
boots.
Odie, not as dumb as he looks, decks himself out in a SWAT
counterterrorism get up, including level IIIA body armor complete
with a trauma shockplate. Armed with Tomb Raideresque twin .50 cal
Desert Eagles, and a Barret .50 cal sniper rifle, Odie also comes
decked with ammo. He one-ups Bill's knife with a Samurai sword!
As Odie dives to fortify himself under the table, Bill opens with a
burst of .2230 from his rifle. Bullets rip across Odie's chest,
driving him to the ground, but his BPV protects him.
Odie returns the favor with his pistols in a hail of bullets that
tear into the poor cat. With his old-fashioned vest, the heavy
rounds shred him but he isn't dead yet. He unloads a 44mm
fragmentation grenade into the poor poochies chest in an explosion
that shatters the kitchen.
Their armor protects them both, but Odie is shell shocked. Bill
walks up and guts him with the knife.
This isnt the end of the story, but its the end of Odie. Bill wins.
- Ripper
- Don "King" Milliken
- Kommandant Beowulf
Odie (with a little help from his friends) in five.
- The Big Cheese (aka Kari)
Jon: Were is my lasagna?
Then we have our little oddie (sorry for the bad joke) Bill. Bill
lived in a so mentally deranged comic like Bloom Country. And if we
bring in Outland, that isn't that good but much stranger than Bloom
Country, it gets relly scary:
Steve Dallas: What's up?
So Odie will try something normal (like peeing on the floor) but
politically correct (er... did I say pee... I barking) while Bill is
sending a mercenary-killerwhale who just happend to be out of cash.
- LJSLarsson
- GUTSDOZER
- They Might Be Matt
However, Odie's bad luck continues when the next replacements are not
only from the comics, but also bought in from movies and politics -
Mr. Bigglesworth, Socks the Cat, and a Far Side cow.
- Mixmaster Flibble - Oh bugger, Paul commentated, and I mentioned cows.
Sorry.
1. Bill's idol is Ozzy, but the Lord of Darkness really can't help
him. And from the picture you guys posted of Bill, he seems to have
followed his idol very well, because he looks just as doped up as the
Dark Lord himself.
2. The other reason Odie will win was brought to my attention in the
commentary. The idea of allies, so it now becomes a 3 on 3 between
Odie, Marmaduke, and Snoopy vs. Bill, Hobbes, and Heathcliff. Now
break it down-
Snoopy vs. Heathcliff- Heathcliff doesn't stand a chance. Not only
did Snoopy shoot down the Red Baron, but he has a never ending army
of Woodstocks. And to top it off he is Joe Cool, which goes beyond
Mentos Level Coolness(TM), He has Fonzie Level Coolness(TM).
Marmaduke vs. Hobbes- Marm is a great dane, thats a big friggin dog.
Hobbes may have all the cool powers and be a savage beast, but when
Calvin's not around, he's just a stuffed animal, Marmaduke has a new
chew toy.
Odie vs. Bill- Like I said Bill is stoned out of his mind, so he is
just going to sit there like he usually does. Remember, Odie
occasionaly gets Garfield, and he is the Cat God in comics. This is
a no brianer for Odie, and the dogs will reign supreme in the comic
book universe.
- Evil Homer
Bill, like Mr. T, was a Star during the 80s. He drove fast cars,
fondled women, did drugs, died, was the lead tongue player for two
bands, Deathtongue and Billy and the Boingers.
He was a dead rock star, like Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, John Lennon
and Keith Richards. And like Mr. Richards, was brought back from the
dead.
He's been a presidential candidate, _twice_. Only the tough fight
that fight.
He's been occupied by Donald Trump, and had the fortitude to deal with
Ivana.
He's been a televangelist, The Hour of Glower broadcast nationwide,
and taught millions the evils of Penguin Lust.
He was a spy for the Soviets during the cold war, and lived to tell
about it.
He's been a movie stars, doing Tarzan movies, love scenes, and slasher
films.
And he was first brought in as a joke, something so despicable that
his drooling, pimpled faced would send people fleeing from stores at
the sight of Bill The Cat merchandise: The anti-Garfield.
Yet he succeeded.
This is the face of a true champion.
- BitPoet
Now, I finally have a reason to make a clean, permanent separation
from this time-waster. The reason has nothing to do with the writers
and webmasters of the Grudge Match, who work hard to keep the site
going, and cannot be blamed for the debacle that now plagues the site.
No, the reason that this is my final visit to this page is that I
finally have proof that most of the people voting here are the kind
of people that I would rather pummel than tolerate.
For what other kinds of people would be so mind-numbingly... aw hell,
STUPID to prefer the execrable works of Jim Davis to the inspired
humor of Berkely Breathed? I would have thought such a thing
impossible of netizens, but right now Odie is soundly beating Bill
the Cat in the polls, 2-1. What in the name of the Stark Fist is
wrong with you people?
However, the results have cleared up a few mysteries. Now I don't
have to wonder why my local newspaper won't carry "Fox Trot", "This
Modern World", "Tom the Dancing Bug" or "The Boondocks" but WILL
carry such tripe as "Mallard Fillmore." For the love of Pete, people,
George Schulz was a talented guy, but he is NOT WITH US ANYMORE,
while there are dozens and dozens of talented cartoonists who can't
get a break because we are supposed to love "Peanuts." Jim Davis
stopped being funny years ago, too.
After seeing the current results, though, I can stop wondering who is
keeping those pitiful comics alive at the expense of smarter, wittier
artists. You are HERE.
I no longer will be. As for the door hitting me on the way out -
better that than to continue to associate with people who actually
LIKE Jim Davis' pitiful scribblings. Odie is Barney with a better
publicist, for goodness' sake.
That is all.
- The Bunyip
Fact
Fact
Conclusion
We have a situation where a politician, rockstar, and evangelist (all
as the same cat) is trying to invade the dojo against a lone
apprentice while the master is gone.
If ninja movies teach us anything its never to mess with a ninja
defending his dojo.
- D.Merzel
For anyone who remembers the 1984 presidential election, Bill headed the
American Meadow party ticket (with Opus, of course). Partway through, for
reasons known only to himself, Bill ran off to follow a religious cult. I
suspect that the same thing is happening here.
Right now, you know that Bill the Cat is in the process of becoming Bill
al-Ack, head of the anti-Hollywood Jihad (there is no Jihad) being run in
the shadows by Osama bin Laden.
And I hope Berke Breathed doesn't sue me, because I somehow just know he was
already thinking along similar lines.
- 32_Footsteps, the Eve of Destruction
- Jason
Grudge-Match Synopsis of this match: Odie waits forever to get a
chance to be the main character in the strip. Odie gets chance and
fights cat for three panels. Finally, he wins. After he has pureed
Bill, Garfield smells the Cat Casserolle, and wakes up to eat, so Odie
is right back where he started.
See kids? Classic crappy literature can be fun!
- Peter Tutham
- Logicus
I have to vote for a cat that looks like he's sprouting a pair of
hooters on his face...
- Keeper of the Light ©2002
- The Mad Josher
I've known dogs that, lacking a human master of sufficient
intelligence, instead become attached to the household cat. These
are the most pathetic creatures ever to walk the planet. If they
could speak, their dialogue might sound something like this:
Dog: Heyheyhey, Fluffy, let's go chase the ball or go for a walk or
rummage through the garbage or...
In other words - cats rule and dogs drool.
- The Jester - drool as a weapon works only with fan-boys and lust crazed
groupies
- Noman
- sPeciAL eD
- --BIGMRG74 *the swedes shall rise again!!!!!!*
- Lo-Q-tus
- JLB-8 (for the few Melonpool fans out there!)
These tongues are almost constantly hanging out.
During the fight it is inevitable that their tongues will get tangled
together.
Since they have so few brains cells, it is inevitable that each will
try get free by pulling as hard as he can.
It is invevitable that as a result their faces will be slammed
together.
It will sound like this:
boooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnggggg-WhapWhapWhapWhapWhapWhapWhapWhapWhap!!
They will be found comatose, faces beaten beyond recognition, tongues
still joined in a knot resembling a sheep-shank.
Rosebud the Basselope will be brought in to sub for Garfield and Odie.
- Mr. Silverback- Supports using stealthy Cruise Basselopes against Saddam.
- Anonymous
Allow me to relate his two most important skills.
1. As heard in the TV Series, Odie can lick fourty-two people at
ONCE... and
2. He is a master of Tongue-fu.
Makes sense, doesn't it? His tongue is huge, almost life-like even.
Anyone who has seen Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist knows the power of the
Giant Mucked Up Tongue! The dreaded Tongue of Chosen One destroyed
the ENTIRE invading alien battle fleet of the Dreaded...COUNCIL. His
tongue allowed him to defeat the dreaded Betty, (Also known
as "Master Pain") a man who could be whacked repeatedly by a dozen
guys armed with sticks and take NO damage...this said tongue of the
chosen one, could extend to incredible distances to strike opponents.
And Odie's is, as shown, ENORMOUS...extendable...
It is my belief that Odie is The Chosen One in disguise...the minute
the battle starts, Bob will be licked and forced to swim in the
slobber...with da fishies...
- David, Master of Disaster
- kzero
- Kannyn
Yes, Bill's band was "Billy and the Boingers" but they were also known
by another name... "Deathtöngue"
This is important. Bill, as "Wild" Bill Catt, was the singer and LEAD
TONGUE for Deathtöngue. Bill's tongue is long, slobbery, and musical.
Odie's tongue is merely long and slobbery. He lacks the fine tongue
control that Bill possesses. In fact, Odie is a mere "stupid" cartoon
animal. He's not anthropomorphic at all. He lacks the ability to walk
erect, speak English, or commit mail fraud. He is just a dog.
Bill, on the other hand, with his finite tongue control, IS
anthropomorphic. He exhibits humanoid traits. He walks on two legs. He
has opposable thumbs. He speaks English (although rarely). Bill has
even been fairly successfully involved in politics!
With all this in mind, we have to use the GOOFY V. PLUTO argument.
Pluto is a "dumb" cartoon dog (barks, slobbers, walks on all fours)
while Goofy is an anthropomorphic, sentient cartoon dog. The GOOFY V.
PLUTO argument states that if they are both of the same basic species,
yet one is "dumb" and the other is fully sentient, that their
relationship must be similar to that of humans and their lesser
primate cousins, monkeys. In short, Goofy is an "evolved" form of dog
(or MAN), and Pluto is the unevolved form (or MONKEY).
How does this figure into the Bill versus Odie fight? Simple. Goofy
has been shown to hold a job, be sneaky, drive a car, and have
political ambitions- JUST LIKE BILL (though in a more G-rated manner).
Therefore, Bill = Goofy. Bill the the anthropomorph in this conflict.
Odie and Pluto share many traits, though one could argue that Pluto is
a smarter "dumb" cartoon dog than Odie. Either way, Odie = Pluto.
So, if we apply the GOOFY V. PLUTO argument, we can look at behavior
and history...
Simply put: Goofy throws sticks and Pluto fetches them. Pluto might
have a bite, but Goofy has a nine iron, and a hunting rifle, and a
variety of other tools that only sentient, opposable-thumb-owning
anthropomorphic cartoon characters may possess and wield successfully.
So under this ruling, we must surmise that Bill, being the
anthropomorph in this equation, would also have access to weapons and
the thumbs to use them. Not only that, but Bill can use a remote
control, open doors, and dial a telephone.
It's that last bit that's VERY, VERY important: Dial a telephone.
You see- Even if Bill were out-slobbered, and bitten viciously by an
antognistic Odie (as if that's even possible), would have the
wherwithall, the ability, and the cold decision-making skills to
simply pick up a phone and call the dog catcher.
10 minutes later, a dumbfounded Odie faces being euthanized if
somebody doesn't rescue him. . . And Bill ain't telling anybody where
Odie's at.
Bill wins, hands (and opposable thumbs) down.
- ZeroCorpse
It would appear that many GrudgestersTM have a gaping flaw
in their educations, for they do not know of "Bloom County."
If they did, they would not be voting for Odie in such numbers. They
would not trifle with Bill the Cat, who is not only an alcoholic,
gun-wielding psychopath, and not only a political and social
opportunist that makes the average politician look like a child trying
to squid more cookies, but a creature who refuses--utterly
refuses--to stay dead. They would realize that Bill the Cat was
the standard-bearer for the aggressively twisted side of Bloom County,
a strip that has influenced, at last count, every webcomic there
is. They would note from both facts that not only is Bill heavily
strapped going into this fight, thanks to various shady political
contributions, but should he somehow begin to falter, he could call
upon no less than Bun-Bun as backup.
That's okay, though. Bill doesn't need any of that. Odie will be dead before the fight starts.
Bill has one thing in his corner that more or less guarantees his
victory: a force that no man, no dog, no god would think to
trifle with, an engine of destruction left over from the coldest
moments of the Cold War.
Jeane Fitzpatrick will let no one stand in her lover's way. No one.
First of all, Bill the cat is a hardened, world traveled veteran.
Odie, on the other hand, has barely been outside the house except to
visit the vet or to piddle on the neighbors sign post.
Secondly, Bill the cat has died, and come back crazy as ever. Not
only that, but his sweat is a vital part of a miracle hair restoration
formula. ($10,000 a bottle)
So why is this important? Well, Jon Arbuckle is getting up in his
years, and he must have a bald spot developing by now. So what better
motivation is there to Jon than regrowing that eventual bald spot with
a free bottle of premium hair restorer, and slightly improving his
chances with the ladies.
I honestly cannot think of anything that Odie has in his favor in
overcoming Bill the cat.
- LKefka
Upon hearing this, and simultaneously smelling the nasty garlic
breath from John's mouth, Bill will speed outta there like Garfield
lunging towards Lasagna. Now, if Bill misses the door and slams into the wall by mistake,
then it's a T.K.O. for Odie. Otherwise, Odie wins by default, and
gets to be the star until Heathcliff challenges for the
title.
- sizzler
- Avenging Disco Godfather
Look... We all know Bill the Cat has some issues... Not very
coordinated... But he doesn't have to be... All he needs to do is
find a corner to prop himself down on... Odie comes bounding in and,
in typical dog fasion, begins to lick the crap out of Bill,
literally... Unfortunately, Odie didn't factor in the hairball
factor, and before he can stop, Odie is choking on a huge mass of
bill's matted fur.
Bill wins by Technical-Hairball-Knockout in the first round.
- ACK!
- Delores (who left you for an albatross on hormones)
- Optibeam
Take a cursory look at Bill. Blatantly presented as a mass-
merchandising cash-cow in "Bloom County," he has Garfield's
coloration, outwardly feline characteristics, and deviousness, but
Odie's muteness, general body shape, vacant stares, and everpresent
drooling tongue. He is obviously the final result of Oliver's
genetically splicing the pair together "out of scientific curiosity"
(read: for kicks one week when his Banana Jr. was in the shop). With
the demise of "Outland" and the greeting-card division dying down,
Breathed is liquidating his stock; Oliver's previous attempt was
bought up by Nickelodeon (and can now be seen in the "CatDog"
cartoon), and Bill has arrived at Davis' desk to replace Garfield as
the strip's new-and-less-expensive star, with the fat-feline-wanting-
fat-paycheck going the way of Lyman.
- Matt Bricker ("Don't Blame Me - I Voted for Bill 'n' Opus.")
Cat
So as you can see, Odie is just too far down on the scale to have any
chance what so ever.
- The Almighty Erik
- Inspektah Mac
- Dawn
Um, Garfield binged on lasagna? You mean he OD(ie)ed?
- Mr. Floppy - the undisputed king of late night
If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:
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