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MISSING: Small, brown monkey. Extremely curious. Answers to name of George. $1000 reward. If found, return to the Man With the Yellow Hat, City Apartments. A round-headed boy in a zigzag-striped shirt finishes reading the flyer. "Gee, if I managed to find that lost monkey, I'd be a hero. I bet that little red-haired girl would finally notice me if I had my picture in the paper." He walks up to a doghouse. "Come here, Snoopy. We're going to look for a lost monkey." There are sounds of rummaging inside. Snoopy finally emerges, wearing a cape and deerstalker cap, and carrying a magnifying glass. Charlie Brown rolls his eyes. "Good grief!" Elsewhere ... Wallace is reading a flyer over breakfast of toast and jam. "There's something for us to do, Gromit," he tells his dog. "I don't know what a thousand dollars is in pounds, but it's sure to buy us a lot of cheese." He walks to his closet. "This'll be just the thing for that mechanical banana I invented last week." Gromit, looking bored, glances out the window, and jumps in surprise. Curious George is hanging from the windowframe, clutching a banana with odd metal attachments. Gromit frantically tugs Wallace's sleeve. "Steady on, Gromit. Just let me find it, and we'll be straight off. Now where could I have put it ...?" So, Mark, which classic cartoon characters capture the curious critter?
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MARK: First, let's get the hacking out of the way. Wallace, Gromit, and Curious George are in England. Charlie Brown and Snoopy are in the United States. Assuming they are in Minnesota (as creator Charles Schulz is from St. Paul), they would have about an hour to pack and get to the airport. Then it is probably about an hour to wait to board the airplane. Then about one half of an hour waiting in the airplane for it to take off. Then about eight hours to Amsterdam. Another hour wait before an hour-long flight to London. Then waiting for the luggage brings us to about a week after this match ends. Then they try to cross a London street and get run over by countless crazed British drivers. Wallace & Gromit have a history of apprehension success. They apprehended an evil penguin (I know, a redundancy) cleverly disguised as a chicken. They apprehended Preston, the evil sheep-rustling cyber-dog. They apprehended cheese from the moon--and that was on holiday! A monkey right outside their window should be no trouble for sleuths of their magnitude. Meanwhile, Snoopy keeps getting shot down by an imaginary Red Baron. He also had a bit of trouble with the cat next door--so he courageously, um, hid. Charlie Brown keeps getting tricked by football holding Lucy Van Pelt. Yet he keeps paying her for psychiatric help. Chuck and the Snoopster seem more ready for a trip to Maury Povich's couch than for a trip to catch a wayward monkey. Wallace and Gromit know the territory, have intelligence, and have actually seen Curious George. Charlie Brown has a dog that is afraid of a cat. Wallace and Gromit apprehend Curious George and trade him for $1000 from the man in the yellow hat. SHANE: I'll skip the customary posturing insults, Mark, and go directly to the irrefutable rebuttal. Your first mistake was invoking reality with these competitors, for as Bugs Bunny observed, "Anything can happen in an animated cartoon." Who in real life would distribute a missing animal flyer across two separate continents? And how would Curious George have gotten from America to England? For competitive purposes, our teams live effectively next door to each other. At first glance, the pairs seem eerily familiar: a good-natured but rather inept owner, and a brilliant and imaginative dog with occasional bipedal abilities. But there are three decisive factors which will lead Charlie and Snoopy right to our fugitive monkey: Allies -- Snoopy and Gromit can both fly, but Woodstock will double his team's aerial reconnaissance abilities, leading them to George first. Then let Schroeder lure the monkey in with a quick sonata (curiosity, remember?), so Charlie Brown's baseball team can surround him. In the end, Linus will bag him in his security blanket. Who do Wallace and Gromit have? Sheep? <pun>That's shear futility!</pun> Experience -- Fifty years. Eighteen thousand daily strips. Four feature films. Dozens of TV specials. A Saturday morning series. A flippin' Broadway play! Charlie Brown and Snoopy have done things W&G never dreamed of. Snoopy even went to the Moon twenty years before they did (though he did not radio back "The Beagle has landed."). All Wallace and Gromit have are three short subjects, collectively running the length of a Police Academy sequel--and their creator Nick Park's sell-out to Hollywood mega-giant Dreamworks SKG has guaranteed no more from them until at least 2004. Not even close. Diet -- Come on. You don't need me to tell you the medical effects of constant cheese consumption on Wallace. This time, Charlie Brown is a lovable winner. MARK: You consider Woodstock an asset? He's not a Thunderbird up there. Those loop-de-loops aren't intentional. If you're looking to study the medical effects of flying upside-down and in circles, Woodstock is your bird. Otherwise, Woodstock is just another lovable, but ineffective, Peanuts character. And what of Charlie Brown's other allies? In any of those thousands of daily strips, did Charlie Brown's baseball team ever win? I think maybe once or twice, but if this match ends like most of Charlie Brown's pitches, the final image will be of Charlie Brown sans much of his apparel. Even if they were able to use Wood "The Flying Detour" Stock's alleged reconnaissance abilities, one pooh fling from Curious George and the Peanuts posse is waiting for Charlie Brown to clean up and get dressed. Flinging fecal matter brings us to your health issue. Eating cheese does not necessarily make one unhealthy. In fact, a lot of non-PeTA people consider dairy products excellent sources of calcium and B12. However, it takes a special kind of health problem to make a ten-year-old kid go bald. If you're going to start scheduling medical check ups, you'd best start in your own camp. You recite what appears to be a litany of Charlie Brown sell-outs, call it experience, and then throw accusations at Nick Park? When they do to Gromit what St. Paul did to Snoopy, I'll agree that Park is the bigger sellout. Until then, any selling-out Nick Park does takes a back seat to the Broadway production of a newspaper comic strip. I'll put Wallace's inventions against Woodstock and Charlie Brown's baseball team o' lovable losers any day. Wallace's inventions work. Sure, they get taken over by evil-doers every once in a while. In the end, the invention is in the hands of good and the evil-doer is in the hands of justice. While Charlie Brown may have a lot of experience, Wallace and Gromit have successful experience. After this match, Curious George will be in the hands of the Man in the Yellow Hat and $1000 will be in the hands, and paws, of Wallace & Gromit! SHANE: You fatally underestimate Charlie Brown. That bald head shows a spiritual kinship with Kojak: tough yet kind, with superb detective abilites (the point of our match) and a fondness for lollipops. Wallace's most distinctive feature is his sweater vest, which puts him in league with Stuart Smalley. Really bad role model. And Charlie's reputation as a loser is undeserved. He has actually been kissed, by girls, more than once. Wallace's dalliance with Wendoline Ramsbottom, whose surname virtually guarantees romantic desperation, yielded him precisely zero sugar. Pathetic. And Charlie Brown's baseball team has won games, and even a championship on his own home run. His secret: in one of his last daily strips, he's seen working at emulating Joe Torre, who went from coaching laughable teams to bringing dynastic excellence back to the New York Yankees. The parallel is obvious. Snoopy's lead on Gromit is wider still. Snoopy flies biplanes, plays baseball, hockey, and tennis (with a McEnroe-like temperament), and even writes (after my own heart). He is Joe Cool, the standard by which even Mentos™ are measured. Gromit, on the other hand, can't even let himself out for walkies, needing Wallace or a faulty Techno-Trouser invention to do it for him. For those scoring at home, that's two contestants with evacuation difficulties. The clincher is teamwork. Charlie Brown and Snoopy are caring and loyal to each other, whereas Wallace's treatment of Gromit is marred by neglect. This is the man who drove Gromit from his room, and eventually his home, to house a criminal penguin; he's also the man who let Gromit get sent up the river for sheep rustling. That breeds resentment. Resentment breeds Rage™. Rage™ leads to a savage turning on one's master that leaves the walls spattered with clay. Charlie Brown and Snoopy recover Curious George and the thousand dollar reward. And that's not peanuts.
Katie recommends the UWF 2001 website [dead link].
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It's nice to see Grudge Match respecting Valentine's Day by having a Grudge Match without violence involving the lovable characters Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Wallace & Gromit. Though, Valentine's Day will be sad for me since my longtime girlfriend, Janet, has broken up with me. Yep, two days before Valentine's Day, she dumps me. Anyway, I see the match happening this way. Charlie Brown and Wallace will both find Curious George at the same time but as they rush to get George, they will be stabbed in the back by their respective dogs. But aren't dogs loyal? Sure they are, loyal just like Janet was loyal to me. But did she care about me when she slept with Jim? NO! Anyone you care about will stab you in the back and betray you! Charlie Brown will grab Snoopy by the neck and say, "Damn you, Janet! You whore! Oh, now you're not gonna give me my U2 and Dave Matthews CDs back? They're mine!" And Snoopy will say, "Well if you even noticed me sometimes I wouldn't have to sleep with every guy in town! Oh wait, I would because I never cared for you and faked all my orgasms with you! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Wallace will ignore the wound in his back, which isn't even close to the pain caused by the wound in his heart. He will grab the little chimp and say, "Fuck you, Curious Jim! You were curious to find out what my girlfriend was like? Let's see how curious you are when I kick your ass!" Jim will cry in pain and scream like the little gutless diaper wearing monkey he is. Meanwhile, that bitch Gromit will try to take everything out of the apartment that Janet and I shared. Everything I bought for her! Does she even think about anyone but herself? No! It's always what Gromit wants! High Maintenance Gromit thinks we should date other people. Was this before or after Gromit started playing "Hide The Salami" with Jim?!?!?! Huh? Tell me that you bitch!!!!!!!!!!! Then Charlie Brown will get really drunk with his college buddies at a strip club and call Snoopy at 3 AM and say, "Hey is Curious Jim with you? Well, he can have you cause I'm over you, Janet! You hear me! Who fucking needs you? You're gonna miss me! No one's ever gonna love you like me! And when you come crawling back to me, I'm gonna laugh cause I've moved on! That's right! I'll be banging some chick way better than you!" Then Charlie Brown will throw up. - The Admiral - Can you imagine if I was bitter?
Funny that the goal of all combatants is a rebellious primate called George. And that we've got an English team and an American team. And that the American team is hamstrung by being on the wrong side of the Atlantic. OK, this is a very subversive plot to recreate the American Revolution so the British win. Instead of George Washington, you've got a monkey. Instead of freedom from oppression (cue the Braveheart death scream), you have a paltry monetary reward. By watering down the fight, you want to see a largely American audience vote themselves as losers in this sick little game. Hands up, who did it? Dollars to donuts one of you Canadian bastards did it. - Kilgore Trout
You both left out the most important competetors of all. Scooby Doo and Shaggy! Let's compare. Past successes: Snoopy and Charlie Brown: They win one or two baseball games out of hundreds. NEXT! Wallace and Gromit: I never seen it, but based on the commentary, every once in a while. Scooby Doo and Shaggy: They always win! Sometimes it takes two episodes but they always get it done. Motivation: Snoopy and Charlie Brown: What are they going to do with a $1000? Wallace and Gromit: Cheese is a pretty strong motivation but nothing compared to... Scooby Doo and Shaggy: SCOOBY SNACKS!!! What haven't Scooby Doo and Shaggy done for a Scooby Snack. Even their worst fears can be overcome by two Scooby Snacks. Imagine how many Scooby Snacks $1000 could buy. How can they lose? (rhetorical question, nothing can make them lose) Scooby Doo and Shaggy kick some serious @$$ - Joel "lacking a nickname" Bennett
Wait a minute... We're looking for "Curious George" right? This is the guy who passed out from sniffing too much "ether", who once decided to wear the same hat as his father figure, and the guy who has the relative IQ of a monkey. I can solve your problem. He lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Give me my money! - TBA
I'm from Davis, and I have a story to tell you about.
In our town, there's a college. With a world-renowned veterinary facility. With animal testing being done on a regular basis.
One time, beagles were being treated for something by radiation. They escaped. The city had to put up signs, If you see a stray dog, DON'T PET IT. As my Spanish teacher best put it, "There were radioactive Snoopy-Dogs running around Davis."
Obviously, Snoopy was one of the lucky dogs that survived the horrible purge (I still have nightmares from the gunshots.)
He has since learned to control his radioactivity and can call upon it when needed. When Wallace and Gromit attack, he'll just let loose an atomic fireball and kill them both. - Rainwoman Whoa, a G-rated match on the XXX-rated Grudge Match. Are you guys okay? Lemme see what you're smoking.... - Katrover Swatroad Wallace and Gromit are made of clay. Snoopy is holding a magnifying glass. It is a pretty hot day in England. Things aren't going to be pretty. - Shawn This is certainly one of the better matchups that we have seen here for a good long time, and there is no better way to choose this by the Tried and True Points Method... Worst Work: W&G: None, all three of the shorts I must say are good. CB&S: "It's the Pied Piper Charlie Brown" I am reasonably sure this is what killed Charles M. Schulz. I admit I cried when the man died, unfortunately I cried more when I bought this. For some reason they thought that putting 20 minutes of commercials before the main event would some how prepare us for the culture shock. It starts with 5 minutes of Snoopy playing the concertina, then continues with 10 minutes of mice doing crazy things. In other words, W&G win this round. W&G:1 CB&S:-1 Intelligence: W&G: Somehow got outsmarted by a penguin wearing a glove on his head. Not exactly the brightest crayon in the box. CB&S: Reasonably intelligent. Remember, Charlie got to be a national spelling bee finalist. That round head has brains in there. Snoopy, as we know already, is a master of chemistry, helicoptering, sports, magic, violin, theater. A dog of all trades if you will. CB&S: 0 W&G:1 Time Travel: CB & S Somehow they must've gotten the ability to time travel, given the "This is America Charlie Brown series," added onto the fact that 50 years in the comics could show that according to the Quantum Leap theory, they can change what happened within that time. CB&S:1 W&G:1 US beats UK... Always CB&S:2 W&G:1 Religion: Peanuts has seen both to be a Christian Metaphor (The Gospel According to Peanuts) and a Communist Metaphor (Article is reprinted in "20 years of Peanuts") When you have heavy lifting from both sides of the political spectrum, you're gonna win. If divine right doesn't help, then the guy from Rocky IV can come in and kick the ass of Wallace CB&S:4 W&G:1
and now A line of the word "COWS" Just for the hell of it... Now that I've gotten your attention back... Claymation Factor: All Charlie has to do is get a heat lamp, and bam Wallace and Gromit are melted into sub-atomic particles. To beat Mr. Brown and Co., you'd need Fire, scissors, getting rid of an entire merchandise empire, destroying Dolly Madison and Met Life CB&S: 5 W&G:0 Snoopy has been in Bloom County. CB&S: 5 W&G:0 Seems pretty clear to me... - Peanuts"Influenced my signing name Godammit!"Pat Charlie Brown: Always fails despite his best efforts. Wallace: Always succeeds despite his best efforts. Sorry, Charlie. - }:-p I know Charlie Brown and Snoopy, but who are Wallace and Gromit? And what is wrong with Wallace? Look at the size of those hands... the last time extremeties got that big, it was Ken Griffey Jr.'s gigantism from Mr. Burns's brain tonic. And he's supposed to be an inventor? Not with that kind of manual dexterity he ain't. Instead of messing with bananas maybe Wallace should concoct a suppository for that horrible case of constipation he's got (a guy only grins/grunts like that when he's trying to "busta move" on the john). And Gromit: I can accept Snoopy walking on two legs, but how can Gromit walk, much less run after George, when he's dragging his stomach? Poor pooch's gone soft... is that the price of selling out to Dreamworks SKG? So you've got a constipated, crippled "inventor" and his overweight dog, versus a round-headed 10-year old with inferiority complex and a beagle with all the traits of multiple personality and schizophrenia. But there's one wild card that will furiously entangle this merry chase: the quarry of the hunt, Curious George. A monkey. A French monkey! Which should tilt the odds significantly in favor of English-bred Wallace and Gromit. And if that were simply the case, Wallace and Gromit would win... except for one other detail. Curious George was created by two Germans! And we don't even need the Royal Guardsmen to remind us of Snoopy's track record against Kaiser's finest: That Bloody Red Baron was in a fixSnoopy will be more than enough on his own to pique a French-German monkey's curiosity. Charlie Brown brings Linus's blanket down on George, and he and Snoopy deliver the bounty to the Man in the Yellow Hat. Things don't wind up bad for Wallace and Gromit, as Wallace runs for Parliament, becoming Prime Minister after Tony Blair gets crushed at the polls. Gromit is last seen during a PBS pledge drive aiding Inspector Crimp solve murder most heinous on "Masterpiece Theater". And for his efforts, Charlie Brown gets pecked by the little red- haired girl :-) - Chris 'Jedi' Knight Of course Snoopy shot down the Red Baron... I'm a historian, trust me! I have to go with Charlie and Snoopy on this one. Wallace and Gromit may have experience defeating "evil penguins" and such, but they have no experience against "good guys." Curious George isn't trying to take over the world, he is just trying to see the world. There is a huge difference between the two. And it is a difference that Snoopy can relate to. Snoopy has been everywhere and seen everything. He knows all of the curious hot spots that might attract a curious monkey, no matter what continent it is on. Charlie Brown and Snoopy will have Curious George in the bag in no time, and they will get the prize money and get their pictures in the paper. Of course, it will be a bad picture on page 85 of a 115 page paper, so nobody will notice it, and certainly not the little red haired girl, but that is irrevelant to the matchup. - Corfy A Brit? Versus an American? On this AMERICAN website? Oh, come on. See James Bond vs Indiana Jones, where an unusually hard Archaeologist beats a man who regularly outruns nuclear bombs after torture. A guy trained in digging beats a guy trained in infiltration, assassination, martial arts and beating the crap out of everyone in sight (see all the early Connery ones). The inventor would beat the... hell, he doesn't even have a label. But you bloody yanks (no offence, southerners) will tip the vote. Oh yeah, and I voted for Snoopy, 'cause he's cool. - Will First off, messing with Snoopy is like picking a fight with Bugs Bunny; both have such fierce powers of imagination that they can simply steamroll whatever's in their path (if it is his imagination to begin with; Snoopy's "imagination" is apparently capable of wielding a .50 caliber machine gun). Gromit's powers are mighty, but he can't and shouldn't mess with the Original Gangsta TM of the superintelligent canine set. Second, Charlie Brown is sensible and determined, and is easily the Peanut most likely to solve such a mystery; Linus comes close, but Linus has too readily exploitable an Achilles' heel. Wallace is a smart guy, but he's got the investigative powers of a Penny-less Inspector Gadget. The human factor in this match is solidly bent towards Charlie Brown. However, this is the Grudge Match, and if there is one factor that has shown the way to victory again and again, it is, quite simply, the RAGETM. The reason I bring this up is simple. It is because one of our competitors has years of setbacks, humiliations, petty insults, and losses to avenge, and this match presents an opportunity. The reason for the RAGETM is this: Wallace's head looks a damn lot like a football. Point, Charlie Brown. Point, and game. Well, this is a fine kettle of fish, gentlemen. You've forced me to choose between the two most beloved characters of the late, great Charles Schultz, and Nick Park's kooky Claymation superstar creations. You guys are evil little gits. Anyway... Shane, you speak of Wallace's obession with cheese as if its' a bad thing. If you haven't seen those Dairy Board commercials proclaiming "Behold, the Power of Cheese!™", you must have been hiding under a rock for the last several years or something. As for the digestive problems, all Wallace has to do is break wind and make a bad joke about it, and like any red-blooded grade-school American kid (and his dog), Charlie Brown and Snoopy will be rolling on the ground with laughter, powerless before the might of Juvenille Gross- Out Humor™. While the two are thus distracted, Wallace and Gromit distract George with the Techno Trousers and lead him back to the Man In The Yellow Hat™. A happy ending for Wallace and Grommmit, and another embarassing loss for poor, luckless, "Good Ol' Wishy-Washy" Charlie Brown. - Andy the Anarchist Of Course Snoopy will win - Dogs and Pounds don't mix. - Hurricane Andrew I'm giving this one to the Brits because Chuck is the archetypical loser, but the truth is, nobody would win. Unlike other cartoon characters, they have five fingers on each hand, resulting in appendages which Walt Disney noted "look like a bunch of bananas". If this foursome makes a grab for the wayward ape the resulting tangle will look like an octopi's orgy. George will gracefull leap from this gridlocked jam of digits into the friendly arms of Lisa Simpson, tempting the the anthropoid with a banana held between in her perfectly formed three fingers and one thumb. --John Hunter All right, two dynamic dog-human duos. Luckily, the commentary alone provides all the needed answers At first glance, the pairs seem eerily familiar: a good-natured but rather inept owner, and a brilliant and imaginative dog with occasional bipedal abilities. - Shane Translation: The dogs are smarter than the humans. There are sounds of rummaging inside. Snoopy finally emerges, wearing a cape and deerstalker cap, and carrying a magnifying glass. Charlie Brown rolls his eyes. "Good grief!" Translation: Charlie Brown follows Snoopy's lead. Gromit, looking bored, glances out the window, and jumps in surprise. Curious George is hanging from the windowframe, clutching a banana with odd metal attachments. Gromit frantically tugs Wallace's sleeve. "Steady on, Gromit. Just let me find it, and we'll be straight off. Now where could I have put it ...?" Translation: Wallace ignores Gromit. Do the math. It's so easy, even Brendan can handle it! Peanuts in five minutes. - Devin The Mental Hospital Escapee Charlie Brown and Snoopy, obviously, would jump off to an early lead due to the fact that Snoopy's legs are the fastest-moving appendages in the universe. (Watch that dog's legs when he dances. Exactly: You can't.) However, the two teams we're discussing wouldn't be the only ones attracted by the promise of money for being the fastest to reach a specified target. And that's where our third team, consisting of Dick Dastardly and Muttley, comes in. Charlie Brown and Snoopy will be well on their way to locating Curious George until a sign reading "MONKEY (arrow)" leads them into a sewer. Distracted by the giant alligators, mutant rats, and Shroeder's piano, Charlie and Snoopy will be held captive until of course the plan screws up and Dick Dastardly's genius backfires on him, flushing him into the river or something like that. By this time, the odd shape of Gromit's peanut-like body will have attracted George's curiosity, and Britain's eighteenth-greatest exports will be on their way to the Currency Exchange Booth. Poor Dick Dastardly. Why can't he ever win? - James Howard, the MultiMediocre Knight Fact: Charlie Brown is from Hometown USA: they don't get more American than Charlie Brown and Snoopy. Fact: Wallace has been quoted saying "Cracking toast, Gromit!" Regardless of accent, this man is obviously British (among other things). Fact: Americans are better than Canadians.... wait... I'm sorry, that belongs in another argument. Fact: Americans are better than Britons. Bottom Line: We rule, they suck. Even the lowliest of us, the Less-Than-Mighty(tm) Charlie Brown could beat any Brit in any way at any time. Except in Soccer Hooliganry, but I digress.... PS- Those Britons who wish to challenge my assertions are welcome to come to my house and observe the mighty "Yellow Streak" himself in action. =D - Saru-Kun "Peanuts" is currently a retired comic strip, placing it in the same category as the legendary "Bloom County", "The Far Side", and, of course, "Calvin & Hobbes". Even though it is retired, it remains the most syndicated comic strip in the world, and is the first comic strip to appear in reruns. Wallace & Gromit have been featured in three theatrical shorts, later released on video. One of them, "The Wrong Trousers", beat out Mickey Mouse for an Oscar a few years back. They are claymation, placing them in the same category as "Gumby", "Mr. Bill", and the other Nick Park creation, "Chicken Run". They are also Brirish comedy, much like Monty Python and Benny Hill. So who has the edge? What it comes down to is that there are about 70 kids in the Peanuts gang, as opposed to the two-man show that is Wallace & Gromit. And that includes the unkown Peanuts like Shermy and Roy. Plus, there's the theme music factor (tm). Who can forget the classic Peanuts piano piece, as opposed to that weird little trumpet thing Wallace & Gromit have got going? May Charles Schulz rest in peace. - Michael Brzeski, the Toon Leader Hmm. Close one. Let's examine the competitors: Charlie Brown: massive inferiority complex. Few real friends who rarely if ever give him any help in anything. Bald. Snoopy: dependent on Charlie Brown (cannot seem to feed self). Creative and imaginative, but rarely does anything in real life. Wallace: creative mechanical genius. Bumbling, naive idiot with an ungodly amount of good luck. Bald. Gromit: independent (can not only feed self, but feed and dress master). Has no illusions about master's intelligence, but loyal to Wallace nonetheless. I predict this match ending thusly: Wallace (unable to find his banana) builds a monkey-catching contraption which then breaks loose, goes berserk, and destroys most of suburban London. A half-hour search of the town (with stops in all the cheese shops) ensues, and finally Curious George is caught when the berserk monkey-catching machine knocks onto him a big metal cage that the guy three floors up just happened to be keeping chickens in (how conveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenient!) Wallace recieves the thousand dollars and spends it on cheese. Meanwhile, Charlie Brown has not yet left the house, having needed to get Snoopy his food, convince Linus to leave his blanket when he goes searching, and get kicked in the nads repeatedly when he tried to convince Lucy to help him search. Fin. - The Hydra Ahhh- Mark....There is not an iota of shame in losing to the top fighter ace of WWI. And since Snoopy's doghouse actually sustained damage in these encounters (as indicated by the bulletholes and smoke billowing out), these daring escapades against the Baron were no mere imagination. In fact, simply facing the Red Baron would indicate a level of courage and perhaps even hidden RAGE(TM) that would only guarantee victory for the round-head kid and his loyal beagle anyday. Also, Snoopy did NOT always get beaten by the Red Baron. In fact, in one now famous encounter, they parted in a draw and in good spirits. Granted, this was Christmas, but any beagle who received the respect and such courtesy from the tiger of the air must be one extraordinary combatant! - Richthofen As soon as the round-head kid figures out that Wallace is actually MR. POTATO-HEAD, he will disassemble him and it is all over for the over-grown spud. - joseph This match comes down to one thing: Curious George. Keep in mind that this monkey can't resist going to things that he doesn't understand. Now, consider Snoopy and Woodstock. They are, without a doubt, the most unusual dog and bird duo there is. Snoopy's done magic, rides motorcycles, dogfights with the Red Baron, the list goes on. Woodstock, while not as odd, definitely has his own strange features (such as being the only "adult" bird to still visit his mother on Mother's Day.) These unique qualities will be enough to magnetically draw Curious George to Snoopy and the rest of the Peanuts gang. - Affy5 Well, first consider that the Curious George books occur in the United States (look at spellings of various words). Therefore, the monkey seen by Wallace and Gromit, must be the wrong monkey. They will spend a long time figuring this out (about the length of one of their movies)--wheras Charlie Brown and Snoopy will successfully terminate this storyline (by bringing in the truant simian) within a week's comic strips--a mere 15 panels. How long does it take to read 15 panels? Surely less than any Wallace and Gromit movie (except, maybe, for Forrest Gump). Charlie Brown uses his share of the $1000 to go to a baseball clinic, and his team finally starts winning. Snoopy spends his $500 on rootbeers in a "French café" with his brother from the trenches (I forget the name) while the latter is on leave. - James Is everyone here an idiot? Don't you see? Bald, melancholy/upbeat loser who's a slave to routine, a hyper-intelligent dog NAMED AFTER FOOTWEAR who controls the owner's life...! These are the same people! We've never learned Wallace's last name, 'cuz it's Brown! When he grows up and Snoopy dies, he replaces him with a similar floppy-eared beagle. And Wallace is just a little TOO stereotypically British to be anything other than a Yank thinking he's sophisticated because he calls them crisps instead of chips. So if Bad Bad Charlie Brown and Mr. "Time for Walkies" are both looking for a monkey -- or anything -- then the adult has to be the one who finds it, otherwise if the kid found it the adult wouldn't be looking anymore. Seriously, this is basic time-travel science. - Wubbie (Wondering if the Braveheart Jihad (there is no Jihad) will claim Wallace as a descedant) Well I picked Charlie Brown by default but really it doesn't matter who you pick, they'll never find Curious George. You see he stumbled into the arms of a Greenpeace activist who decided he needed to be returned to his native habitat. Not realizing that this monkey grew up in the city and does not possess the survival instincts to live out in the jungle, George after a few days becomes a nice snack for a passing tiger, who he approached cause his curiosity got the better of him. - BK The fact that Wallace was desperate enough to love Ms. Ramsbottom is not as telling as the fact that he gave up after learning she hates cheese. Charlie Brown NEVER gave up...he never WON, but he keeps trying. He will wind up having to spend all the money to pay off the bills he racks up, and will have his name misspelled on the certificate, but he WILL catch George. - Michael Moon Oh, come on! You've got Charlie Brown and Snoopy, who have been around for half a century, and Wallace and Gromit. Three shorts in the last decade. There might've been four, but the creator decided to work on the travesty known only as Chicken Run. Now, Woodstock's going to make a great ally, but the mistake is that you don't realize that Charlie/Snoopy can call on many allies! Soon, Linus, Lucy, Franklin, Violet, Schroeder, Pigpen, Rerun, and a needless amount of others will be there. The most Wallace/Gromit can hope to muster are those annoying Chickens, Snoopy's mortal enemy, the Red Baron, and some sheep. Big whoop. Both teams go out in search of Curious George. The chickens are summarily caught by angry cows whose kind has been slaughtered due to their commercials, and sent to Burger King. "Save the chickens" indeed. Soon, everyone runs into each other somewhere near the Man in the Yellow Hat's place, and they see a boy and a stuffed tiger skipping away with $1000. Yes, Calvin and Hobbes, who were on vacation, got the $1000, and plan to use it to install anarchy and take over the planet during the confusion. ... Heh heh, kids these days. - Carnagefreak Isn't it obvious from the start? Even if they are on diffrent continents, Charlie and Snoopy will win. Snoops will bring out the old bi-plane, where he is an ace pilot, and fly them to England. There goes all that time. Where is Wallace during this? Ignoring his dog while looking for the banana. By the time he turns around, Snoopy has done a fly-by where Charlie snags the monkey, falls out of the plane, and then Snoop comes back around, catching CB. End of story. - Hahaha This normally wouldn't be much of a problem, but as Charles M. Schultz is now (sniff) dead, he shouldn't pose much of a threat. After all, dead people aren't incredibly tough competition, unless you count Senator Mel Carnahan of Missouri. I mean, I hate Ashcroft, too, but losing to a dead guy? It must be pretty bad to hear that they would rather have a corpse in office than you. But, as usual, I'm rambling. Wallace: Look, Gromit! There it is! But wait, what's that strange-looking dog doing there? Snoopy: (Oh, I can almost reach it!) Suddenly, the animator has a heart attack and dies. (Hurk!) Wallace: Oh, wonderful, Gromit! Now we can catch that monkey for ourselves! Curious George scrambles down from the roof and leaps into Gromit's arms (paws). Suddenly, he reaches over and presses the large red button on the machine next to Wallace. Both Wallace and Gromit are squashed in a hideous explosion of clay. George laughs, and jumps out the window to catch the next flight to the Amazon. Wallace and Gromit win technically, but their bodies won't need that much cheese anymore. Not even Wensleydale. - Zaphod Beeblebrox (who else?) Shane points out that Charlie has had successes in the past, such as being kissed by girls. The fact that he does not mention is that these sparse successes come as a DIRECT RESULT of his failures. He got kissed by the red-headed girl because he LOST the big game. And that kiss was one win in the midst of a thousand losses. If you really looked at it, Peanuts was one of the most depressing strips of all time. Charlie Brown was never happy, EVER. You rarely saw Charlie Brown with a smile on his face, and when he did, you could tell he was savoring it because he knew it would be a long time before the Bluebird of HappinessTM visited him again. I'm surprised Charlie Brown didn't commit suicide during those 50 years. And Snoopy? Snoopy doesn't care. He cares about fighting the Red Baron, and about getting a publishing deal, and about eating on time, but not once has he shown the least bit of concern towards Charlie Brown. He cares so little about his owner he might as well be a cat. Let's face it, the clay duo have this one in the bag. - Infraggable Krunk For cryin out loud you forgot the most important bits! Shane, you are becoming senile in your old age. The RAGE (tm) THE RAGE (tm)!!! Charlie Brown has been slammed on his back by the exact same person FIFTY TIMES!! All he has to do is visualise Lucy's face on Wallace and the clay is gonna fly! And Snoopy? He has been shot down by that Red Baron our detractors have seen so fit to bring up more than fifty times! Even an incompetent like Linus can put pilots glasses on Gromit, and this match is wrapped up, classic grudge-match style, by annihilation! - The Amazing (Red-Faced) Jew There's one little thing no one mentioned, and it bears pointing out: At the time of Charles Schulz's death, Peanuts hadn't been funny for 19 years. I mean, let's face it; Peanuts got the choice #1 spot right at the top of the comics page, it was the first thing we read, and it never made us laugh since almost before we could remember. We yawned and moved on to our Garfield, our Calvin and Hobbes, our FoxTrot, and later, our Dilbert. I mean, after forty years there's only so many good jokes left, and Mr. Schulz had run out. Charlie Brown's constant bad luck stopped being funny and started being just sad, and Snoopy sold out so he could make Met Life Insurance commercials. And no one dared to stop its downward decline of mediocrity, because who's goingto kick Peanuts off their comics page, honestly? Wallace and Gromit haven't gone stale yet, and they should easily kick Charlie Brown's tired, despairing butt back to the psychiatrist's bench. - My name is Kenny I think poor ol' Chuck will be too despondent from finding his mailbox devoid of valentines to put up much of a fight, and Wallace's hands will be full keeping Grommet away from his equally dorky neighbor Jon's orange pet cat. Hence, the match will go to ubernerd Dilbert and his devious pet dog, Dogbert. On a side note, after little George's adventure takes him to the lady chimp at the zoo... let's just say Curious Geroge won't be Curious any longer. - Monkeydog, who wonders why Charlie Brown is the only lovable nerd here with a last name. Oh damn, of course the nerdy little white boy is gonna kick some claymation ass. It's always the quiet "nice guy" who ends up feeding granny to the dogs! - Gus the Dog Wallace and Gromit took out an evil penguin. And this wasn't one of your average, ordinary evil penguins, this sucker was a jewel thief who pulled a gun on Gromit. He was a badass. And Wallace and Gromit shut him down. Has Charlie Brown ever layed the Smackdown(TM) on something like that? I didn't think so. That said, Wallace and Gromit better wear protective goggles when they go to bring in George. I sense a poop fight coming on. - J.R. the Poopmaster hmmm, i wanna vote for snoopy and gromit. snoopy's cute - i like beagles, and i also like men with english accents. besides, on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog... oh shoot... - masha [woof!] No sooner do they start out on their mission than Charlie Brown and Snoopy receive a letter, brought by a courier from Ransom Notes Ltd (Formerly Kickass Kidnapper Kommunications Inc). It reads: If you want Curious George alive, meet us at the Abandoned Warehouse (tm) at high noon, or, if that's not convenient, low noon. Yours with love and kisses, Curious George's kidnappers. P.S. Don't try any tricks or George will be sold to a French chef for appetizers ("Le Singe A La Sauce"). Charlie Brown and Snoopy soon reach the darkened warehouse. While Charlie Brown searches the building for the valuable monkey, Snoopy imagines himself to be in the Brig for daring to criticize General Pershing's haircut. Suddenly, out of the darkness emerges a brilliant flash of red. Upon adjusting their eyes to the glare, Charlie Brown and his dog realize that it emanates from a once-familiar head of Naturally Curly Hair (tm). "Remember me, Charlie Brown?" says Frieda, stopping a few feet away from the intrepid pair of monkey-seekers. "And what's more, do you remember--THEM?" She snaps her fingers, and the warehouse is flooded with light, revealing a group of childish figures, wearing menacing scowls and brandishing what appear to be miniature bludgeons. "My--golly!" gasps Charlie Brown, while Snoopy pretends to be an ostrich and tries to bury his head in the concrete floor. "Shermy! Violet! Patty!" "The original Patty, not that butch 'Peppermint' impostor." "And Pig-Pen! And 5!" Frieda interrupts, holding up a drooping, apparently spineless cat: "And don't forget my precious cat Faron. Yes, Charlie Brown, we're all here-- all the characters in the strip who were pushed to the sidelines by the out-of- control popularity-- not to mention merchandising-- of your incredibly annoying little dog. Today is the day of our REVENGE (tm)! We faked that Curious George disappearance notice so as to lure you into our trap! And now you have two choices. Deliver Snoopy into our hands, or die a horrible death, or get us back into the strip, along with all the subtle observational humor that flew out the window when Snoopy flew on the roof of his doghouse. Three choices," she amends. "You have three choices." "But I can't get you back into the strip," Charlie Brown explains. "The strip already ended." "Then you can give us Snoopy, or die." As Vince Guaraldi's little-known "ominous gorefest theme" plays, Charlie Brown ponders the situation. On the one hand, he can die; on the other hand, he can give up his dog, who can't even remember his name, who doesn't notice when he's gone, who stole the spotlight from him and displaced him as the star of the comic strip... hm... Ten minutes later, Snoopy is being placed in a burning-hot makeshift oven. His last thoughts are: "Here's the world- famous Foreign Legionnaire walking across the scalding Sahara sands..." "One more thing," says Charlie Brown as they watch the conflagration. "What happened to Wallace and Gromit?" Frieda smiles. "Did you notice that this is a clay oven?" she says. "Well, where do you think we got the clay?" - Captain Corcoran Sorry, but Charlie Brown only wins when it'll teach kids some kind of inspirational lesson (e.g. "Keep trying and you'll succeed!"). Also, Joe Cool is not the standard by which Mentos are judged. They are the Freshmaker, not the Dumbass Beaglemaker. Frankly, after George's discovery of acid, ain't nobody bringin' him in! - the Maniac Clown Hmmmmm. An inept , but lovable, owner and brillant biped dog teams? Charlie Brown/Snoopy and Wallace/Gromit? Nah! I'd say they both can't find the monkey and leave the field to the PREMIER bumbling owner/smart dog team... Inspector Gadget and Brain!! - Lucy Argument 1: What are Wallace & Gromit made of? Clay. (All right, plasticine, but no matter.) What is clay? A type of ground-up rock. What are Charlie Brown & Snoopy made of? Discounting the Broadway show, they're a little ink and a lot of paper. Now, who won the GM where Rock went tete-a-tete with Paper? That's right, Rock. By more than 40%, no less. Argument 2: Charlie & mutt are two-dimensional. Wallace and Gromit are three- dimensional. Now, admittedly, George is 2D as well, but we know from innumerable science fiction stories that when beings from higher dimensions visit lower dimensions, they are invariably much more powerful if not omnipotent. I suspect that, at bare minimum, W&G would have the ability to move instantly from place to place (a low- dimensional tesseract), which should be invaluable in tailing a prodigal simian. - DClayH I've never seen any of the Wallace and Gromit shorts (I've seen Chicken Run, but that doesn't really count I guess . . .) but I understand that those two possess a fearsome technological edge. Once our two pairs of animated man . . . er . . . monkeyhunters corner Curious G, he'll respond as any monkey would and start flingin' poo. In the face of this fecal bombardment, Wallace and Gromit will be able stride forward with confidence, protected behind some sort of hi- tech anti-shit shield, and capture their prey. Charlie Brown and Snoopy will be forced to run for cover. Besides, what in hell would Charlie Brown do with a thousand bucks anyway? - Don "King" Milliken The opponents in this bout are very evenly matched - both teams consist of characters that I don't really care much about. How to decide a winner? Perhaps considering several factors might help. The Creators: Wallace and Gromit were created by some British animator whose name escapes my memory. As far as I know, this man's only major achievement is perfecting claymation (actually foamation) and setting up the technology used to create "Chicken Run". On the other hand, Charlie Brown and Snoopy sprang from the mind of the late Charles Schulz. Schulz's most impressive achievement, aside from creating "Peanuts" was his continued popularity and success for decades after his comic ceased to be funny. That takes a special kind of charisma. Then, it should also be remembered that Schulz was a veteran of the European Theater of World War II. This makes him part of what Tom Brokaw described as "The Greatest Generation". Advantage: Team Peanuts Popularity: No contest. Charlie Brown and Snoopy are far more popular than Wallace and Gromit. Where is all the Wallace and Gromit merchandise? "Peanuts" merchandise can be found everywhere. The comics and TV specials are still being rerun even after the man who created them died. Even though the man who created Wallace and his dog is still very much alive, who remembers the characters? The people who follow animation, the Grudge Match, and the people who do the "CLOPS" sketch on "Mad TV". Advantage: Team Peanuts. Luck: This is the only category where Wallace and Gromit lead. True, they wind up in sticky situations, but they manage to win in the end. As for Charlie Brown, while he manages to avoid real trouble (you never see him doing anything really bad), but he somehow manages to wind up a loser in the end. Advantage: Team Gromit. The way I see it, Snoopy and Charlie Brown will find Curious George. Then, Wallace and Gromit show up. Curious George, seeing this strange group coming after him, will run away and return to the man with the yellow hat on his own. So, while Curious George will be reunited with his master, the two teams cancel each other out and none get the money. - The Demented Astronomer I voted for Chuck Brown 'cause I too am a bald ten-year-old with this white beagle that does the most gnarly things. In fact, the dog is typing this letter while I'm on the floor passed out.Wallace and Gromit are British with funky gadgets. So was Q, who's dead and shared his name with the Star Trek Q. That Sucks. Ever tried their Fish 'n' Chips? That Sucks. And their Teeth? SUCKS. So it's CB&S +1 and W&G -3. In my semi-lucid state, that works for me. If it doesn't work for you, I need to stop taking my pills. - DUDE. Since like all grudge matches this one is fought on the web the critical factor will be speed. Wallace and Gromet are 3D annimations Snoopy and Charlie Brown are 2D. Since 3D annimations with lots of colors produce bigger file sizes W & G will loose due to download time. Peanuts could even be rendered using the web 216 palette of colors. Besides both Curious George and the Peanuts gang are members of the AARP, Wallace & Groment are generation X they will have no clue where to look. Age and Treachery beats youth and enthusiasm every time. - Claymore the incoherent I hate you, Grudge Match. Truly and Deeply. To be reminded of my disasterous, and emotionally traumatizing childhood is enough to drive me over the edge. Only the thought of seeing Steve and Brian in a Ground Zero (TM) Mud Wrestling (TM) Grudge Match was enough to keep me from having Edward Scissorhands give me a cavity search. I have never watched "Wallace and Gromit" before, but I do know that the same makers of this cartoon series also created that fantastic movie "Chicken Run" (also known as the "Great Eggscape"(TM)). So therefore "Wallace and Gromit" should be a funny cartoon which would brighten up anybody's day of the week. But what about Charlie Brown? The "bald headed blockhead" (TM) is a representation of the typical geek who is pushed around, pushed up, pushed down, pushed left and right, beat up, teased on, spat on, verbally (and physically) abused, by not only everyone else, but his GODDAMN DOG TOO, scorned, rejected by the Red headed girl, made to feel worse than garbage (heck, even the GARBAGE would reject him), made to do a term paper while everyone else celebrated Christmas and New year, gets blamed on for each and every single loss, football or baseball, made to feel incompetent, does all the work for everybody with only scorn in return, singled out for practical jokes, subjected to all the whoopie cushion gags, and so on and so on. Sound familiar? Well, you're looking at the physical representation of Charlie Brown. And that is...... ME!!!That's because I was pushed around, pushed up, pushed down, pushed left and right, beat up, teased on, spat on, verbally (and physically) abused, by not only everyone else, but my GODDAMN GOLDFISH TOO, scorned, rejected by ALL GIRLS, made to feel worse than garbage (heck, even the GARBAGE would reject me), gets blamed on for each and every single loss, football or baseball, made to feel incompetent, does all the work for everybody with only scorn in return, singled out for practical jokes, subjected to all the whoopie cushion gags, and so on and so on. Thank you, Grudge Match. Truly. I'll be crying my brains out for the next few days. - Tahna Los I voted for Claymation™ over Animation™, because Play Doh™ tastes better than paint. Mmm. Salty. Like pretzels. - Obscured Underlord, also considering that no beagle ever did me any favors, but at least grommets help when I assemble a tent. Charlie Brown and Snoopy comprise a dramatic duo, the yin and yang of each other's existence. Charlie Brown, who is the down-trodden everyman, and Snoopy, who, although lower in the species hierarchy, has grand adventures. Yet despite their differences, the bond between the two is strong, far stronger than a typical Master-dog relationship. Wallace and Gromit are made of clay. The only thing clay is good for is collecting dust and animal dander. Keep away from an open flame... Conclusion: The pre-pubescent Peanut and his pooch pal put the Play-Doh pretenders in purgatory. Permanently. (Wow. Deep analysis *and* alliteration! What more could you want?) - 1/2 Nelson This is a toughie, so I ended up doing the problem by starting with the solution and working backwards. Where is Curious George? Like any other cute wild animal today, he is biting the Crocodile Hunter in a tender area, in a not-so-subtle hint that he doesn't want to be fondled. [For the moment, we will assume that those rumors about the Man in the Yellow Hat are just rumors, or at the very least that George is faithful.] Now that we know where George is, who will find him first? Obviously, the more modern, savvy, up with pop culture team. Crocodile Hunter is as pop-culture as it gets. Here is where we hit a big snag. Both teams are pop-clueless on a scale normally limited to shuffleboard players. Peanuts may be firmly connected to pop culture - but it's 50s pop culture. [Admittedly, Peanuts is also connected to timeless pop culture, but it's not like that will help either.] Wallace and Gromit are even worse off - being from England, they have been infected with that most insideous trait - *real culture*. There is little in the Universe that is more distanced from pop culture than real culture. It looks like neither side has a chance, and some other, more savvy team, will get the reward. (Timmy and Lassie, or perhaps the TV Funhouse Animals.) However, there's a light at the end of the tunnel: the internet. The internet is a source of pop culture unequaled in history. A indisputable steaming porcelain vat of pop-culture chunder, in fact. The Curious George appearance on CH will be leaked across the oblate spheroid five months before the show even airs. So which team is more net-savvy? That is easy to answer - Gromit is the only one on the whole list who has a chance. Wallace and Charlie Brown are both equally hopeless, frequently stymied by such simple devices as kites and toasters, while Snoopy is firmly entrenched in the antiquated print media. Wallace, on the other paw, is both techno-savvy and smart enough to make Wallace's inventions work; he'll browse over to Google and find out what he needs to know in two shakes of his own tail. It's a good thing that on the internet, no one knows you're a dog. - martinl Mr. Schulz was a theologian, and intended Charlie Brown to represent humanity. (Don´t believe me? Next time you watch the Christmas special, read the tree as Jesus.) The round-headed kid has good intentions, but outside forces, his own blunders, or plain bad luck cause him to continually lose. True, once in a rare while he wins (his baseball team won when the opponents didn´t show up; Snoopy turned him invisible in "It´s Magic, Charlie Brown!", allowing him to finally punt Lucy´s ball), but usually even when he wins, he REALLY loses. (Examples: He was assigned to be the red-headed-girl´s lab partner and was honored with the position of crossing-guard, then got hit by a car. "Re-run" joined the team, and the small pre-schooler got so many walks that they won a game, until the commissioner made Chuck forfeit the game and busted them for gambling. He won a trip to compete in a spelling bee in front of an audience of thousands, but misspelled the breed of his own dog.) Other than that he has managed to remain a moral person, Charlie Brown´s life has little to envy. People read him for two reasons: to take consolence that a) some people are even bigger losers than we are (see also: Jerry Springer) or b) bad things can and do happen even to good people (such as the reader, of course). This job would leave him looking even more of a monkey than Curious George. Snoopy is slightly more promising, but is the comic-strip equivalent of Tolkien´s Tom Bombadil. Enigmatic as a unique entity, he has great capabilities but is playful and refuses to take the really big issues seriously. Worse, the canine´s loyalty to his owner is questionable; as Charlie Brown´s shortstop and key player, he bet against his own team! (See above.) From my limited exposure to Wallace & Gromit, the former is gullible and absent-minded but the latter is highly competent (though ignored). So, chalk this one up for the Brits. Charlie Brown's best chance is to share the assignment with a female duo: Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Combining tomboy bravado with bookish intelligence, this pair covers all bases in an animal-catching expedition or anything else, and is the true force to be reckoned with here. - Matt Bricker Yeah, Charlie Brown beats Wallace and Gromit to the missing monkey, but only long enough for Snoopy to put him in the trunk of the Mach 5, so Curious George can rescue Speed Racer from some guy named Zartan. And this is how Speed gets the Red-haired Girl. (ARGH!!!) - Mike Leung Jesus Christ himself approved of Charlie Brown and Snoopy's work. (Source: Robert Smigel, SNL.) Wallace and Gromit have more to worry about than being called a Blockhead (TM). Namely, eternal damnation! - Todd "Even I'm not evil enough to besmirch the Big Guy" Evil Charlie Brown has a whole team ready to help him out. Besides the hated Lucy there is the team of lesbians, Peppermint Patty and Marcie. The repressed gay Linus. And of course the one and only PigPen! The cloud of dust he generates will no doubt irritate the sensitive and feminine sinus's of the English Wallace and Gromit landing them on a trip to the hospital while Charlie Brown and Snoopy bring in the gold. No doubt it will be a landslide on the part of the Peanuts Gang! And then I hope George goes Outbreak on them and gives em all the Ebola Virus. - Kenneth E, Carper
We really need a button for "Mr. T and a Rottweiler".
- Lou the Inscrutible
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